A Strategy for Raising Children
by Darrell W. Johns
Atlanta West Pentecostal Church (Lithia Springs, GA)
Kind: teaching
Scripture: Luke 2:52, Malachi 2:15, Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:1-4, Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Psalms 78:9, Psalms 78:10, Joshua 1:8, Hosea 7:8, Isaiah 53:6, 2 Peter 2, Proverbs 13:24

Source: https://acts238.life/repository/sermons/darrell-w-johns--a-strategy-for-raising-children
Published by Acts 2:38 Life from the sermon transcript on that page.
Free to copy and share with attribution.

------------------------------------------------------------
amen Luke 252 speaking of Jesus's development in Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man this I believe will be a two-part series uh in parenting the first will be focused on raising children kind of up to the Adolescent years and next week Lord willing Parenting teenagers that could be like a 25-week series right I appreciate brother jury's excellent message last Wednesday night I listened to that on Ephesians 5 on parenting and uh all of our messages because we deal with it you can applaud that thank you brother jury great work amen um there's overlap because there are so many passages that deal with parenting so there'll be a little bit of that tonight you may be seated I want to speak to you about strategy for raising children amen well there is a purpose in parenting uh that's found in Malachi 215 when the Lord spoke about divorce and how God hates divorce but he he spoke about husbands and wives he made you one with your wife and body and spirit you're his and what does he want he wants Godly children from your union he wants Godly Parents to nurture to raise up Godly children that was the goals and we know that parents have a scriptural obligation to train up children in the way that they should go you may look at that verse Proverbs 22 6 brother Dre read it last week train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it I've studied this verse many times through the years some people say it may be conformable to his way you try to understand the nature of the child but in the way that he should go that doesn't just mean that you bring them to church on Sunday and make sure they get a good Sunday school lesson and you go to church but this training process every day of who you are and what you do in the home we are according to Ephesians 6 and this is what Brother jury focused on last week I'm going to read through this again children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live out long on the earth and you fathers provoke not your children to anger but to wrath rather but bring them up in the nurture and the ammunition of the Lord and the training of the Lord Deuteronomy 6 4 hear o Israel the Lord our God is one Lord Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart and with all thine soul with all thy might and these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart so if you're going to parent children that's where this verse will go you have to know who God is love him with all of your heart soul mind and strength and if you love God with your whole being then your children are going to see your faith live doubt it's not just going to be lip service or church attendance it's going to be who you are and then he says if it's in you if you know who I am and if a love for me is in you you love me with your whole being then the words that are in your heart verse 7 teach them diligently unto thy children now teaching is somewhat formal right so you teach them there has to be a teaching moment it's impossible for a church to try to compensate for a lack of godliness six days a week by an hour and a half in a Sunday School classroom or a chip service or a Wednesday night that we try to do our best but when a church and a home cooperate a tremendous amount of good can be done in the life of a child teach them diligently unto thy children and thou shalt talk of them so this is going to be common every day talk not a formal lesson not just a drill sergeant message but you're going to talk about it when you sit in your house when you walk by the way when you lie down and when you rise up recently when I was teaching about that Valley of Craftsmen about your legacy I thought a lot about religion is culture I didn't really have time to get into this on that Sunday nor will I tonight but the Jewish religion was more than synagogue on Saturday it was a way of life it was who they were it was a nation and a religion it was all of their life together and and by and large they've maintained that culture through the centuries because it was more than just something that happened on a rare occasion on a weekly basis talk about it all the time verse 8 buying it for a sign upon thine hand and they shall be as frontless between nine eyes Thou shalt write them on thy post of thy house and on thy Gates that's the posters that are going to be on your kids walls will be the Commandments and loving God and something that reminds them of the Lord more than a sports figure a movie star or a singer a musician your God is God is going to be everywhere in their life amen there are a lot of consequences for neglecting the spiritual education of our children was thinking about what Psalm 78 said about people whose Hearts were not right with God he said they were still stubborn and Rebellion generation they did not have a heart that was set right with God their Spirit was not steadfast with God and then there's this verse it's not on the screens but Psalm 78 9 the children of Ephraim the men of Ephraim being armed and carrying Buzz turned back in the day of battle they had everything they needed to be successful except a courageous heart something was missing on the inside although they had all the equipment on the outside Psalm 78 10 they kept not the Covenant of God and refused to walk in his law so we cannot just give lip service to religion we can't just put carnal weapons in the hands of our kids we've got to get Faith in their hearts we've got to bring them up to love the Lord by loving the Lord ourselves and What flows out of us will affect him this is later in my nose but they say when a person preaches they're seen they are heard and their spirit is felt it's the ethos the logos the pathos so when a parent says something to their children if it is not in their heart it comes through if I'm just giving a talk tonight and it's not a conviction of my soul that bleeds through if I say hear o Israel the Lord our God is one Lord but don't really believe it it bleeds through what you believe what you live is a conviction comes through amen and it affects our children so we have to give our kids more than an education mental growth more than nutrition physical health more than social graces and skills physical skills sports and work and talents amen we've got to give them the equipment of the heart that helps him love God to be a success in life training must build character so our children do not turn back in the day of battle amen so I want to go through this development of Jesus Christ and then give some uh some hopefully some help and Training Up smaller children uh by the way I'm not an expert I am a parent and a grandparent I used to be an expert but then I became a parent Luke 2 52 and Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and a favor with God and man there are four things here now first of all I want to say that he increased he was God in flesh but as a man there was the development of him and these four areas that Luke 2 52 talks about he was a boy that grew into a man and maturing is the maturation process is not automatic it needs assistance there has to be some input from parents when Jesus is in the temple at age 12 he was sound in Doctrine he just became crowd age and he confounded theologians in the temple amen learning to grow should be a lifelong Pursuit and I know that for kids diet and rest are really important so their physical growth is not stunted but attitudes and the tone of a home is also important so that there can be spiritual emotional mental health that is not stunted as well amen this is where it's in my notes about and when you preach you are seen you're heard your spirit is felt I credit my wife for setting the tone of our home Was A Home of Peace she's not frantic frazzled or exasperated in general I'm not saying that a husband and three boys never made her feel that way one of our sisters-in-law who stayed with us for a day or two has come you know as they pass through town just said to to my wife and me your home has such peace in that your home is so peaceful but I say that is because of my wife who according to the scriptures guided our home and created an atmosphere of Peace there Amen in our lives there should never be a time when we quit learning and growing and I'm focusing now on this idea that Jesus increased in wisdom stature favor with God and man he had a mother who pondered and prayed who knew the Bible if you hear her song of Praise that is sometimes called The Magnificat of Mary Mary knew the Bible and his stepfather Joseph certainly would have also his textbook would have been the Old Testament and he would have learned it primarily at home he increased in wisdoms stature favor with God and man so let's talk about wisdom first Luke 252 you'll see it every time we come to one of these four ideas Jesus grew intellectually as I mentioned the Old Testament was his main textbook for Life the word of God was in his school and his home was a humble home that included the teaching of the word of God little boys and girls learn the Bible in their homes now I recognize we have homeschools private schools public schools and I recognize that in the public school system the Bible has been taken out so you parents who have children in the public school system need first of all to introduce by the Bible more than some Godly or biblically based homeschool or Christian School curriculums if your children go to a Christian school that is trinitarian then you may have to make sure that you count counteract trinitarian teaching that is given in those schools because they're hearing it from people they consider to be Christians but that Doctrine is erroneous I'm not knocking that school I'm just saying in the same way that a parent who has their children in public school has to address secular humanism and everything that goes with that if your children are in a non-apostolic Christian School you need to do the same the Bible has to be the primary textbook now I want you to think about what the Lord told Joshua through Moses and Joshua 1 and 8. he said to Joshua a military leader in general this book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth but Thou shalt meditate therein day and night that thou mayest observe to do all that is written therein and then the Lord said and then when you have this word of God in your heart when you meditate on it day and night then you shall make your way prosperous and then you shall have good success I believe that that scripture applies to every one of us no matter what you do if you're a butcher a baker a Candlestick maker if you're a preacher a plumber a pediatrician it doesn't matter the Bible is the basis for a successful life at every level not just financial success or academic success but true success emotionally spiritually physically in every way the Bible is the core book it's the textbook for a successful life Jesus increased in wisdom this has to do with the mental acuity of Jesus Christ this is how he grew wisdom knowledge those theologians that he could answer we know that his father taught him an honest trade to be a carpenter amen so I recognize that some people emphasize education uh Above All Else and I think that is good to emphasize education but I just want to say to those of you who are anti-education that there is no honor in ignorance we should try to encourage our children to get a great education to be the very best they can in school whatever that is I don't think we should overdrive them to be a whatever it may be a straight A student in our context my context if that's not their intellectual ability but certainly not below their very best I believe that is a witness for them I also want to make a plug for Bible reading Bible memorization and Bible quizzing I've had the privilege of being involved in Bible quizzing when I worked in the youth division for six years and knowing hundreds and hundreds of Bible quizzers some of the brightest and most successful adults I know came up through Bible quizzing so I thank God for that Ministry it is probably the best thing we do to challenge the brightest girls and boys Among Us and also those who can become brighter by Bible quizzing now wisdom is more than just wrong knowledge wisdom is seeing life from God's point of view and Jesus grew in wisdom so this is not just intellectual growth but it is the ability to integrate knowledge in life he saw life from God's point of view Jesus increased in wisdom now if you go in Luke 2 this is where this passage is I just wanted to rehearse it with you remember Jesus is missing for three full days his parents find him in the temple and he is there sitting in the midst of these doctors that's what the King James says theologians and he was hearing them and asking them questions he was listening and he was asking a curious mind and a listening mind and all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers now I know he was God in flesh and of course he wanted to be about his father's business but the Bible says that he increased in wisdom he learned and he grew in our children should grow in wisdom and it should be age appropriate but it should be continuous the second thing is the Bible said in Luke 2 52 that Jesus increased in stature now it's always fascinating to think of the mediator between God and Men the man Jesus Christ of him as an infant as a toddler a little boy there's some apocryphal books that tell stories of Jesus supposedly taking a rock or whatever and making a bird fly away all of that is untrue we know from the Bible that he worked his first miracle at the age of 30 at the marriage of Canada of Galilee but here the Bible said that he grew physically now we would expect that right and I just want to say this to you parents that you need to think about how to help your children grow physically to their full potential now in our family genetics probably got the best of us that you know we didn't grow as tall as your kids might have grown but my mom he was mostly a stay-at-home mom and later babysat children always made sure that we had really good meals my dad never earned a lot of money but my mom made sure we ate well and I think it's important you know I I want you to go to heaven but I don't want you to go sooner than you should so even though pastoring is more about Spirit I'm here talking about parenting and part of that is Jesus grew physically it's a part of our nature and it is also partly nurture that you make sure your kids have physical growth nutrition sleep right he grew in stature but this also has to do with the maturation process Jesus somewhere around 12 years of age and this is a lot of what I'll talk about next week Lord willing enter puberty early adolescence just like every other boy and if he would have been a girl like every girl does but Jesus had a healthy understanding of his gender I'm not going to talk about that a lot tonight but his parents affirmed who he was that he was a boy I think they dressed him like a boy treated them like a boy let him be a little boy that grew up around a dad who was a carpenter I think it's important that there is a fitness component to physical growth now boys and girls should we should try to raise them to be physically fit for boys to be nurtured into Godly men for girls to be nurtured into Godly women exercise and prep play strength and stamina for rigorous work I've often had a great admiration for for doctors not just because they're smart not just because they're disciplined in education but because of their physical stamina to be able to go through a residency and maybe work 90 hours a week just to be able to do that take some stamina so I think that's a part of Jesus increasing in stature I think our children need to know that their body is the Temple of the Holy Ghost that they are to maintain their moral purity our the goals of one of my brothers and I talked about this is that we wanted our kids to be somewhat balanced they may not like everything but we wanted to give them an opportunity to try different things in our family it might be different kinds of sports and might be hunting or fishing it may be all kinds of other things but to be balanced not just to be one thing and they're going to gravitate toward an area of interest but we wanted them to have an opportunity this may shocking be shocking to you but the first child in our home to get a musical instrument was brother Joel we bought him a guitar but he's the only one in our family that doesn't play the guitar of our children but he had a chance right to do that I think there are some basic skills there's some really interesting books now I I we raise boys so if I if I don't hit the nail on the head about you that are raising girls or raised girls just forgive me I'm trying to learn from daughters-in-law and granddaughters a little more about that so I'm more balanced you know as a person but but basically how to relate how to grow up how to conduct yourself amen manners and just growing up physiologically balanced multi-faceted some basic skills in life I was going to say there's some there's a book or several books about skills that every man needs to know guys need to know and and this may not be something you're interested in but you know I know how to tie a hook on a line and I know how to do a lot of those kinds of things because my dad taught me that but I think I also know how to do other things that I've learned in life and I'm not here to talk about myself I certainly have a lot of deficits but to be as well-rounded as possible and then to gravitate to your areas of strength amen and I want to just mention this this is in my notes it says a bonus point about wisdom and stature and balance you know all of us have a little bit of moodiness and some people more than others I'm a pretty you know kind of normal guy I don't get real high get real low I bring evangelists in that are a lot more powerful than me that can get you know but I don't get that low either I've seen people that's their nature what goes up must come down but I've also seen people who never learned to address their moodiness foreign and make excuses for the way they interact with people it's all about them now nude swings are somewhat physiological I understand a little bit about all that but learning to deal with your moves if your children growing up if you always make an excuse for them throwing a fit are acting out there's a time and place to address this right but you need to help them deal with their moods so that they are fit for Ministry and work and school and marriage and life and interactions so I just want to throw in here conquering moodiness and instability amen Jose 7 8 talks about the people of Ephraim now this has to do with their spiritual worthlessness they said Ephraim has missed mixed himself among the people he is a cake not turned think of for us would be like a pancake the New Living Translation as worthless as a half baked cake so not in an oven but on a stove done on one side and doughy on the other gross right he wants to eat that but this was the imagery that the Lord had for Ephraim that he is like a cake that wasn't flipped over he's real nice on one side but the other side of him is not good at all again I recognize this is talking about the spiritual worthlessness of Ephraim you've mingled himself with with pagan people so he's got a little bit of religion but then he's got a side of him that's not good at all we want our children to grow up to kind of be done on both sides if I could say it like that to not just be good secularly but losers spiritually we want them to be as balanced as possible Jesus grew in stature the next thing Luke 2 52 he grew in favor with God yeah isn't that important right now grow in favor with God now I know you know all these things about growing in favor with God but to me that means from an early age the nature of God the thing in our family you've heard us say before how many gods are there one what's his name Jesus what can he do anything when I held our grandchildren I think this was with our boys too but it's been a while I make sure I quote over them Acts 2 38 Deuteronomy 6 4 I want them to know there's one God I want them to know how to be saved not just the isolated Acts 2 38 verse but the context of God and flesh saving us I would like for them to have sincerity and Truth to have spirit and truth the life of prayer and fasting for them to be biblically literate biblically literate today uh Camden was telling me the story of Jonah and the whale and he told me a little bit about Noah and the Ark just in just kind of randomly I wasn't like hey Canton I'm going to be teaching tonight I need you to pretend like you know the Bible so I can go tell our people that you know parents are your parents or Sunday school teachers are teaching you the Bible it was just pretty random but it was just a little conversation with my grandson you want your kids to know the stories of the Bible so Picture Bible story Bibles don't dive too deep when they're little kids bring them up according to their way and their season of life I want our kids to grow up worshiping God I thank the Lord that in our children's ministry that we have you know fun stuff and educational but also the presence of God that they feel I want our kids to be fully Apostolic Oneness Pentecostal through and through understanding the message of separation from the world and biblical Holiness that we are separated to God Amen we want them to grow up in favor with God amen so back to the beginning you have to believe it and live it if you're going to teach it they detected duplicity in your life they're certainly not going to turn out different than you it's it's a possibility not easy now I have this in my notes and I'm I'm watching the clock and I'm probably already in trouble time but I just wanted to say to everyone in our church who teaches and everyone who supervises anyone who teaches that anyone the hot one of the highest values your character is so important but anyone who teaches in this church anywhere must believe the apostolic message no matter where it is or when it is or what age level it is sound and Doctrine and if you do not believe what is taught and preached from this pulpit and everywhere else is taught across this campus and in homes it will bleed through in the classroom and in a kind way we don't want you teaching our kids if you don't believe what has taught him preached and you may not be super familiar with the United Pentecostal Church articles of Faith so when I say that when someone comes and meets The District board for license but the jury sits on that board now I sat on that board for nine years we want to know that they're fully Apostolic if someone is only a part of this church because they like this or that whether it's programs or singing or children's ministry but they don't love our Doctrine this is not the place for them we will patiently give them time to fall in love with Jesus and truth but by the grace of God as much as humanly we can know we would never entrust anyone to teach anybody else that doesn't really believe this favor with God it is imperative it is essential amen remember the man of the Bible the withered hand he was whole everywhere except in his hand Jesus healed him but I don't want our kids to be you know smart educated successful on the job all of that and have a withered soul have a Wither spiritual life that is not success if they're the best athlete in the school if they're the most successful child in school the smartest kid they graduate valedictorian if they make the most money of anybody in the city but their soul is lost that is not an acceptable loss amen and we know you can have this and that we don't have to make that choice of whether they're going to be saved or successful they can be both if they will not compromise amen favor with men Luke 2 52 last phrase Jesus Christ increased with favor in favor with man now this is pretty cool because this is about relationships I know he was despised and rejected of men I know he was hated by hypocrites but in general Jesus was likable lovable a leprous man who was a social outcast walked up to him because he felt Mercy a woman taken in the act of adultery can receive forgiveness from him I believe Jesus according to the Bible and according to the stories he had wonderful human relationships he cared about his mother brother Dre what a great job talking about taking care of Aging parents I wanted our boys to really hear that you know I'm not sure that they were all in here but that was very good excellent tremendous I I make notes in my notes and media would attest to this I felt the presence of God as I was reviewing this point about relationships that we should be good with people I know that some of you are shy some of you grew up in a dysfunctional home but I believe we can be complete in Jesus Christ amen we may not be you know the most gregarious person it may not be you know like a social butterfly but we can be genuinely interested in other people and not so full of ourselves that we're not good with people someone said it like this it is much better to be interested than interesting interested in other people not so much wanting other people to be interested in you Jesus was good at relationships and we want our kids to be good at relationships I recently preached the six of the Ten Commandments given by God are about human relationships Jesus was good at that our children should be humble yet confident they should be modest yet bold and as I here it is in my nose to be interested in other people you can't jerked a kid out of its Nate his nature or her nature that's what nurturing and teaching and talking and time is all about I've shared this in times past and I don't want to embarrass Ryan but when when Ryan was a little boy he was the most shy kid I think I'd ever had it dealt with and not had he was our first kid a child but I was a youth pastor I was a youth pastor and I had some shy kids in our youth group and my wife and I made it a practice to try to help Tammy was one of those young girls extremely shy she died of Hodgkin's Disease as a young adult she came to General Conference one year with a friend that she had won to the Lord and she said brother sister John's I just want to tell you because you helped me overcome my shyness I was able to win my friend to the Lord it was an amazing compliment but it takes patience like that so you have to know the nature of your child but I understood that that shyness that Ryan had would have been a prison to him and we could tell you know I could tell stories like we traveled a lot he wouldn't want to go to a Sunday school class and different things but but gently you encourage that in finding a place for him that he can serve in Ministry where he loves other people and I'm not trying to brag or neither am I trying to you know make Ryan feel uncomfortable but my point is you have to know your child and help them be successful with people because what really matters in life is relationships you can't take anything to heaven but people and if our kids don't love other people if they can't reach other people with the gospel then what else are they going to do with their lives Jesus increased in favor with man amen now parenting is a very heavy responsibility it starts when they're born and doesn't end until you or they pass away parenting burden and joys never end but the better you do from the beginning the easier your job will get as time goes on so I believe that spending time with your children when they're young having fun quality time and quantity time if you're a parent don't forget about the one minute manager don't try to be the one minute parent be the one hour parent okay spending time having fun teaching the Bible building relationships has a compounding effect as time goes by as they grow older I don't have time to tell this whole story but when when Ryan was very little he and I were playing in the living room and I got a phone call that seemed urgent to the other person was not a real emergency but it was in that moment for them I paused to talk to them but I hung up the phone this was back in the days of land lines only that I will not let anybody Rob the relationships that are primary in my life God my marriage and my family now we give ourselves to Ministry a lot but I want to make sure that my kids know their dad and they have time with me and it has to start early so this is this is part of this lesson about early on when a child is little their greatest need is for character development they're born with a strong self-will Brother jury quoted it foolishness is bound in the heart of a child Isaiah 53 talk about we are all go to our own way we are like sheep have gone astray we've turned everyone to our own way inherent in US born with a sin nature is that very early in our life self-will will will emerge and will be the king there's an old old book by Earl jabay called the kingdom of self that we are the kings of and queens of our own lives and if parents will let you be that you will be that so a parent's job is to Dethrone that king or queen pretty early on selfishness does not need to be taught it's inherent James Dobson wrote about the strong-willed Child I think if there is a revised version when it came out everybody thought that was their kid he wrote it for them you should educate yourself by the way with reading Godly things so Rebellion Rebellion is a very serious thing and it can start early on and if a parent does not address self-will early on and self-will is allowed to Reign then the child becomes the parent the parent becomes the child and the child becomes worthless because they are serving as The Sovereign of their own life instead of the Lord Jesus Christ second Peter 2 talks about people who are self-willed they are not afraid to speak against dignitaries they they are disrespectful people so parents need to try to develop this Godly character foolishness is bound in the heart of a child and I think the character is taught by a Cooperative effort between the parent the child and the Lord we cannot do this without the guidance of God but it is not just the Lord is going to speak to you every time through a gift to the spirit it is you reading the Book of Proverbs reading the Bible reading good books that will help you as a parent to try to educate yourself and not just repeat the good and the bad that you learn growing up in the home in which you were raised I've learned that children are eager for leadership I got kind of this awareness as our boys got in their teenage years that when you're when the kids are little you know dad comes home mom comes home oh it's such a great event when they got a little older it wasn't such a great event you know so enjoy that great event when they're little admiration is shown by imitation and while they're young before they know any better they are much like you forget or bad hopefully for good right so when they're young it's a scary thought that they want to be like you amen my if you knew my dad I look a lot like my dad my mannerisms my gestures probably a lot about me if I did a side-by-side video of my dad and me at the same age through life it would be much the same because if you admire someone you're going to imitate them subconsciously now children are characterized by a lot of irresponsibility they leave stuff laying around like some adults do they forget where they put stuff but I learned from James Dobson many years ago to try to distinguish between childish irresponsibility and willful Disobedience that willful Disobedience needs to be met with a strong firm authoritative hand but you don't need to overly correct for a child being a kid doesn't know that when they put their coat on that their sleeve extends past their arm when they knock that heirloom vase off the coffee table so you don't beat the Daylights out of them ever and especially because of that but when there is Defiance someone needs to be in charge and it doesn't need to be the child at times the Board of Education must be applied to the seat of understanding when sorry for all the Ryan stories tonight but he's the first kid you remember them better I know Justin wishes I would tell a few Justin stories tonight brother Joel's out of town um we we got in a car a new car and it was that Toyota Corona lift back not a Corona a car Toyota Corona and he had this little tractor and he as far as he could reach he drove it up the hood of our car and I was kind of happy about that car you know and I was pretty mad about him driving that tractor up the hood and I was more upset about the Damage Done to the car than I was about what he did and all I have to say I probably could have done a little better in the way I reacted and I learned from Brother Kraft and I think I've gotten better as I've gotten older that things don't really matter I don't like anybody intentionally breaking things I don't like intentionally wasting money but some things happen that are just irresponsibility James Dobson tells a story of a family at a basketball game and some church thing or whatever and and he told the child to not cross the line and the little child walked across the line and stood around turned around and looked back at his parent as if to say what are you going to do about it all I want to tell you right now is you need to do something about that right now not tomorrow right now when there is Defiance it is self-will it is the essence of sin we have turned everyone to our own way and that must be addressed in little children I think you need to be the boss and they're not now I'm going to tell you about teenagers next week and it's different it starts changing because you want them eventually to be adults and not have to call you every time they're going to make a decision but when they're little children they need to learn how to obey immediately how to follow instructions they are not in charge they want to be in charge stop on a dime obey now I have a lot of scriptures in my notes right now about Corporal correction I'll just read the first Proverbs 13 24. he who spares the rod hates his son but he who loves him disciplines improperly so there's a lot in that verse right according to the Bible if you love your child you will discipline them it is not always about spanking but it's not always about timeouts I have one two three four five six verses in my notes about Corporal correction recently I spoke about some of these verses in a message all I'm going to say is that I'll say a lot but God made us he knows us he knows what we need and he knows a child early on needs appropriate Corporal correction because the blueness of the wound cleanses a spirit I believe that spanking should be measured it should not be like a maniac I believe the rod of Correction makes more sense than flesh how hard you have to spank to try to inflict the right amount of pain to cause a broken spirit and regret to not want to do that again I was such a great kid when I was growing up I didn't get a lot of spankings but I remember one from my dad and I remember telling myself as a child I don't want that to ever happen again I I clearly remember after my dad spanked me with the belt that I didn't want not want my dad to spank me again Dobson says after about two years of age I don't think he spank a little infant parents have to figure this out with their children it should be appropriate we don't shake our children we don't abuse them when I read stories in the news of kids that have been beaten and you know that shaken infant that is nope there's no place for that in the church for physical abuse it does not belong at all in any form [Applause] nor should husbands do that to their wives or should wives do that to their husbands you try to raise them according to their nature not yours if you've been affected by a non-biblical view you need to get back to the Bible put the Bible First every time you hear anything about anything in life an idea of philosophy you should hold that up to the Bible don't interpret the Bible in the light of some culture some psychologist some psychiatrists there's a lot of wonderful things that men and women learn in life but if it contradicts the Bible it is wrong it's destroying our culture because it's wrong [Applause] okay so when you spank you should demonstrate love not anger show them love hug them hold them pray for them point is to be strong and have loving discipline and parents even if you don't agree Mom and Dad I'm talking about now in homeware homes where there is a mom and dad I know that's not every home you may not agree with the way your husband or wife discipline and that particular instance but more damage is done by parents disagreeing than the discipline that was rendered to the child and I'll throw this in more damage is done to your child when you disagree with the church when we're operating by the Bible then thinking that you're smarter than the pastor which you probably are but you're not smarter than the Bible parents be together be unified in the discipline of your children amen scrolling through my notes now my mom was a pretty strong lady good lady my dad too but parents somehow think that if they yell that they get their kids to act again James Dobson he's a lot of amazing things he does a Continuum about anger action what happens is a parent gets more and more frustrated and angry finally when they get mad enough then they do something about it and the child responds because you took action well the parent we're not that smart and we think it was the emotion that got to responds but it wasn't the emotion it's the action so if you can keep your cool and take action when it is needed I'm not saying always that's a spanking but whatever that action is don't let your emotions get out of control now we're not perfect and you're going to get emotional as a parent you're going to get upset but try to keep your emotion in check when you get angry you typically lose when you lose control you lose and so you should take action and not freak out is that a good word phrase to say don't lose not lose control because that does not help and I believe that this obedient response of your kids you should be considerate of them if it's Meal Time bath time Church time bedtime give your kids a little time to respond they're in the middle of a game they're in the middle of something going on and all of a sudden just like bam like the Rapture in the twinkling of an eye you're going to have them stop and they're going to be in the bathtub and bad to the table you need to you need to that's not probably the best time to be instant you know in what you're demanding of them maybe give them a little warning give them some time to get ready for that set a timer you've got five more minutes and I know they're always going to be in the middle of something we were never ready to come in from playing outside to eat dinner never ever and so you've got to draw a line but be considered about that so it doesn't seem rigid and harsh but at the same time you know don't let it be a negotiating tool for your child now in my notes for many years I've taught this session here in 2005 but I fully revised it quite a bit and I've taught it in marriage things across the country 2016 in the Colorado District and I've talked then about you know this this thing about counting and this is not doctrinal but this is my opinion somewhat based I think on a principle that if I say you've got three one two three one one and a half two two and a half three two and a quarter you know um that that I I was trying to find where that is and I found more websites against that than for it so I'm not saying this is a Doctrine but but here's what I do want to say when is it that you want your child to respond now or later so I think it's better to just say when I tell you to pick up your toys that means right now and delayed obedience is disobedience and if a child is now negotiating with the parent then I don't necessarily think that's healthy now the parent is the one who's having to acquiesce to the little child I'm not talking about your 15 year old talking about your little kid and you should not use it and be frustrating so maybe there's some ways that that works for you I'm not telling you to not do it but I don't think he would say do not run out in the street one two three or three two one come here one why would I even need to do that stop choking the dog three two I mean there was a time for that but maybe that's not that often okay we want to instill values in our children and help them be Godly