Should Christians Honor Unsaved Parents?
by David K. Bernard
Podcast recording (no venue stated in the delivered transcript)
Kind: teaching
Scripture: Mark 7, Psalm 27:10

Source: https://acts238.life/repository/sermons/david-k-bernard--should-christians-honor-unsaved-parents
Published by Acts 2:38 Life from the sermon transcript on that page.
Free to copy and share with attribution.

------------------------------------------------------------
Well, let's talk about some principles. First of all, there is a principle of authority. So, I think uh the ten commandments and then there are other passages of scripture such as the epistles of Paul that talk about children obey your parents. So, the in an ideal situation if you have godly parents who are doing the will of God then children are to obey their parents. And there's a little principle of management that I often cite. Authority equals responsibility. So if parents have the responsibility to care for their children, provide for them, protect them, nurture them, train them, which they do, then they have a corresponding authority from God so they can get their job done.

But another principle is that no authority is absolute except God's authority. So all human authority is imperfect, infallible. So let's take the best case. If you have godly parents who want to do what's right, then under normal circumstances, children at home who are minors should obey them because they're trying to these parents are trying to do their job. Um, what what happens if the parents are not Christians or not godly? Well, they still may be good people and they still may have human wisdom and experience. they still probably know their child's personality. So even if they're not say, but they're basically good parents, uh the the real rule is basically the same.

A child that that's at home either is immature in their uh development uh mentally or even if they're adults, but they're living at home dependent upon their parents. Then if those parents are not Christians, but they're still basically have good intentions, again, there should be a high degree of difference because presumably these parents do know best based on life experience and knowledge of that children, the church children. But then the case, what if they're evil? What if they're abusive? What if they're uh opposed to God? Well, I don't think their their authority is subject to God's authority, given God under God's authority. So, if they're now violating God's authority, then they can't claim to exercise that same authority.

Now, I do think still even so, at the minimum uh and I think this is what the Ten Commandments would would require. At the minimum, a a child in that situation owes a level of respect. These are the people who gave me life. Even if I can't respect their life choices, even if they're abusive to me and I I don't have to submit myself to that, I need to respect that they're the ones who gave me life. So that would mean at minimum not to hate them, not to retaliate, not to seek to hurt them, not to have malice towards them. But depending on the circumstances, if they're trying to get you to sin, well, no, you cannot sin.

If they're being physically abusive or extremely emotionally abusive, you may need to turn them in to the proper authorities or you may need to find a way to extricate yourself from that situation. I don't think the Lord asks you to submit to abuse. Um, and of course, if they're living an evil life, you don't follow their example. And so, when a able, you're able when you have the ability to make a choice, you make a different choice. Now, what about when you're an adult? you're not dependent on your parents. You're not living at home. Well, if they're godly parents or even if they're not Christians, but they're good parents, I still think you owe deference.

You owe respect. Not that they can command you and you're forced to do it, but I think you owe careful consideration for their life advice. Just because you're an adult or just because you're not living at home, you shouldn't just cut them off and say, "I have nothing. I don't need to listen to them." I think you still have responsibility to listen respectfully, consider respectfully, but you also have the freedom to make your own life choices. That's certainly true again when it comes to serving God. But even in everyday life, you're not bound to obey. If you're an adult and you're not at home, you're not bound to obey your parents.

Even if they're giving giving good advice, you still have a choice in your personal life. And if they're evil parents, then you know, still I think you owe respect for the fact that they gave you life. But what kind of relationship you will have will be on what they their uh what their decisions and actions allow. In other words, again, you don't have to subject yourself to an abusive relationship. You can set guidelines. You can set boundaries. You can say, "I will have a relationship if you're willing to respect me in return. But if you're not, then I don't want to subject myself, and I'm not under an obligation to subject myself." Now, there's another aspect.

Mark chapter 7 talks about how the Jews of Christ's day, many of them, they disregard the word of God in favor of their traditions. And so Jesus gave this example of the Ten Commandments. You're supposed to honor your parents. But some people would dedicate an offering to God and say, "Well, it's dedicated to God, so I don't have any money left over to help my parents." And Jesus used that as a negative example of you're trying to evade the commandment of God by your own human traditions. So there's the implication that honoring your parents means supporting them in their old age. And if you think about it, in in ancient times, there was no social security and Medicare as we know it.

people depended upon their adult children to support them. And the Bible also talks about in First Thessalonians, if you don't support your own household, you're worse than an infidel. And also Paul explained in Timothy that we're to support widows in the church. That's part of our obligation. But they need to be widows indeed. And and and first of all, we want their family to support them. But if their family can't, then the church should find a way. So that indicates that one of the re ways we respect our parents for giving us us life is then when they get into old age and can't support themselves we have some obligation to help them.

Now again we have social services the church may have provision uh so in U the US we have social security Medicare Medicaid um they may have a retirement plan through their employment but I do think we have some obligation and again it would depend on the circumstances to try to make sure that our parents are supported in their uh senior years that they're not in poverty or destitute hungry lacking food and shelter, but at least they have some basic care. And so that is a practical way. Again, even if they're not godly and they haven't treated you right, you're not reciprocating, well, you didn't raise me right, so therefore I can abuse you or I can ignore you.

But as Christians, we repay evil with good. And by the way, in this case of unsaved parents, by still maintaining respect and uh maybe having to draw lines and set boundaries and choosing to obey God's word and not obey what your parents want, but still respecting them, refusing to be harsh, hateful, mean, refusing to retaliate, even helping them when they're in time of need, even though they don't deserve it, even though they didn't help you. If we can find the ways ways to do that, it may be the means of their salvation. So there is the practical side of we're supposed to obey the command, but there's also the practical side of this could be a way of saving them.

And at minimum, we don't want to see them lost. Even if they've been very evil or abusive, we don't want to see them go to hell. We want to see them to repent. We want them to confess and acknowledge their wrong, but we want to find a way of restoration and salvation. And that can only come as we minister the grace of God. If we treat them the way they treated us, then there there's probably no hope that they're going to be saved. But if we can find a way to let the grace of God and the love of God flow into their lives, even though they don't deserve it, well, isn't that what love is all about?

Isn't that what grace is all about? God loving the undeserving. And if we can try to manifest that love, we can change that terrible situation. And and I've had so I would not say that an adult child has to submit to a relationship to an abusive parent. You can distance yourself. You can set boundaries. But if there's a way to maintain a level of kindness, uh that could be and I have seen examples of miraculous stories that in later years even an abusive or neglectful or absent parent has recognized they're wrong and there's been a measure of reconciliation. That's also very practical because even though adults can be strong and well adjusted and saved and walking in the spirit, there's something undone if you don't have the approval of your parent.

Now, you can overcome that. You can move forward. God can replace that with family in the church and when my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. Uh the psalmist says and and the church can be closer than natural family. You can have spiritual fathers and mothers, but there is something that's very meaningful if there's a way to have a reconciliation in at least in some measure with your natural parents. It's not always possible, but when it happens, it can be a great blessing. So, uh, in the specific case that you described of sinful or ungodly or abusive parents, no, I don't think we owe obedience and submission.

Certainly not anything contrary to God's will, but I think we do owe a measure of respect for having given us life. And if they're in great need, we should do what we can to make sure they get the the assistance that they need.