"Parenting: Tough Love"
by Kenneth Carpenter
First Apostolic Church of Maryville (Maryville, TN)
Kind: sermon

Source: https://acts238.life/repository/sermons/pastor-kenneth-carpenter--parenting-tough-love
Published by Acts 2:38 Life from the sermon transcript on that page.
Free to copy and share with attribution.

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okay how many times you've heard it this is a false statement you are a born leader that person is a natural-born leader that is a false statement no one is born a leader in order to become a leader it takes a process of training in order to become a leader that's why I've got good news for everybody today is that being a leader isn't some kind of trait that you were born with or not born with being a leader we all every man woman boy and girl under the sound of my voice and those watching by the webcast all of us have within us the ability to be trained to be a leader all we have to do is to see the need and to allow our lives to be trained as a matter of fact the spiritual success of your family father the spiritual success of your family mother is that you learn how to lead your children you learn how to lead your children that's why that's why parents come first if it is because we are the leaders that's why we come first is because we are the leaders and the spiritual success of my children greatly hinge upon me mentoring my children my job is to mentor my children that's right to mentor them because the only way that the church will reach the world and I'm bouncing back and forth between our family and the church but how goes the family goes the church if the family is intact the church is intact always remember this that God had a family before he had a church don't get them confused God had a family in the garden before God had a church and what messed up humanity was that the family and so my job my ministry my wife's ministry your job father your job your ministry father is that you can mentor your children so that when they get out on their own they just simply duplicate what you have put in them by mentoring them as a matter of fact the church multiplies only when we mentor people to go out and do exactly what they have been taught to do can you say men now growing up there was a game that all of us play maybe some of us still play it I don't know probably with the grandchildren I would assume but the bet the bet that that the game is follow-the-leader you've played that game follow the leader it's a really simple little game isn't it what do you do you follow the leader if the leader marches you march if the leader runs you run and then you go in that kind of dovetails into another little game we play called Simon Says anybody I played Simon Says come on admit it today Simon Says Simon Says raise your hand Simon Says you keep on doing it until you do something that Simon didn't say and then then you're out don't you wish that becoming a leader was as easy as the game follow the leader don't you just wish that when you got those kids and they were born that you could just lead them and say clean up after yourself and that's they did don't you wish it was just that easy to say be on time don't you wish it was that easy to say one time take out the garbage you know Simon Says take out the garbage mama says make up your bed mama says don't part behind the Camus whatever moment don't you just wish and don't you wish that you know that they just did it you know you're just just one time you one time you bent down and showed the two-year-old how to tie shoes and you got up and you never had to show them how to tie the shoes again well you know that's it that's a fallacy in order to be a leader in order to be a leader you have to continually and continually go back over and over and over and over again Jim General Douglas MacArthur once said these words he said a true leader has confidence to stand alone that that sink in a true leader has the confidence to stand alone we will never lead our families if we lack the confidence that what we are doing is worth standing alone regardless of who agrees or disagrees he said a true leader has the confidence to stand alone the courage to make tough decisions and the compassion to listen to the needs of others I would if you're writing this down a true leader because you need to know how if you're fitting the mold of a true leader can you stand alone are you confident in what you're telling your children or what you're telling those that you lead are you confident in what you're saying so confident that you're willing to stand absolutely alone if it takes it are you a person are you a person that you have that confidence inside of you are you a person that can make tough decisions tough decisions you know many children today are children suffer from abuse today it is not physical abuse they suffer from it is not verbal abuse they suffer from it is they suffer from the lack of a parent willing to give what is called tough love tough love I applaud all the parents that have discovered that their children or their son or their daughter had things on their computer that was getting ready to bomb a school or shoot up a school I applaud any mother or father that had tough love enough to pick up the phone and call the authorities and say there's something going on back in here that's not a parent that doesn't love their child that's opposite that is a parent that loves their children but you can't listen you can't lead your children trying to be their best friend you cannot lead people trying to be their best friend as a parent you cannot lead people trying to be their best you cannot lead your children trying to be their best friend it just doesn't work let being a friend be on down the list a little bit but first be a mentor first be a parent because there's no one that loves that child the way that you love that child there's no one that cares about that child and let me say this if that's not so with you you need to pray in the altar until you get a natural love because it is not natural not to love your children it is unnatural not to have a love for your children and if you have children that's right if you have children today if you have children today and you've tuned out and it's just kind of it's just kind of like you know I must be missing something you are missing something you need to get in an altar and you need to pray and you need to specifically sell God that you don't have the natural love for your child as you should have because you should have a love that nobody says oh I'm getting them to the church because brother carpenter really loves them look up here at me today look up here at this five foot seven inch green eyed preacher today I do not love your children like you love your children the schoolteacher brother Hammond brother Eriksson none of us we don't love your children like you love your children and in order sometimes to be a leader to your children you have to have the courage to stand alone you have to have the courage you you have to have the courage to make tough decisions when they are whining and crying and my world is going to come to an end and I had planned Friday night mom to go out with all the youth and and on and on and on but i disobeyed you and i didn't do something on thursday that i should have done when will that child ever learn that there's consequences to their behavior there's rewards when they do right and there's consequences when they do wrong if they never if they never do that then their transgression you all may be seated today then their transgressions is going to only grow and grow and grow and grow over time so sometimes mom has to have tough love when the daughter slams the bedroom door and she shouldn't slam the bedroom door either but sometimes that mama has to have tough love when she hears the girl whimpering in her room because tough decisions are things that leaders have to make you think it's easy you think it's easy when I when someone disqualifies themselves from leadership in the church you think it's easy brother Lee do you think it's really easy brother Bishop croucher when I when somebody through the history of the church 35 years of pastoring there have been people that have disqualified their lives from leadership and people that would not be honorable enough to remove themselves from that position so what it took it took a trip to the office you think it was easy for me to sit down and look at people and ask for the keys to the building you think that I really enjoyed that you think I got a good night rest the night before knowing that I'm going to meet a man or meet a woman I meet a woman and I've had my wife with me you think you can up that when he and all y'all in training I snuck that one in all right you think you see you think I just sister Gina do you think I just slept peacefully and had a big breakfast through the through the that morning and come over here and on my way to do something no no no it's a tough decision but you know if I leave that person in that position number one it's not good for them they'll never realize the era of their way being left in that position when will they ever be ministered to they don't need to be in a sunday-school room they don't they don't need to be outside of this wall while this is going on right here this is the only thing that can change their life no it's been a tough decision has families left the church throughout the years absolutely I've had to do tough decisions and it's just the way it is I've had I've had to remove people from leadership because of sin I've had to I've had to say you've disqualified your life I didn't go in like an old police officer and and go in like I'm be holy Joe no it broke my heart I cried but I knew what's best for this individual that they've got to be removed they've got they've got to be set down they've got to go they've got not put out of the church I didn't say put out of the church sit down so that they can be ministered to has families left the church over throughout the years yes will families leave the church that would be left up to them but more than likely don't be surprised but if you try to lead a church based on how many people you can keep you are just developing a country-club you are not developing a Church of the Living God and if you are raising your children and you are afraid of your children if you are raising your children and it just tears you up it just ends your day to have to discipline them and really our hearts are deceitful our hearts are deceitful because sometimes parents will not discipline their children not because they don't want to inflict pain upon them but because they don't want to spoil their day don't you know this is spoiling my day to have to put you in some time to a pain it's a my it's going to spoil my day but moms and dads moms and dads today in order to be a good leader we have to have the courage to stand all alone we have to know that what we're doing is right and to be good leaders we have to be able sometimes to make tough decisions and yes the Sunday School attendant attendance plummets for a little bit and yes there can be some empty seats for a little bit but again you have to make decisions not people-pleasing but you have to make decisions what's best for the church as a whole you make decisions with your children I spanked them today and I know that there's politically correct people here that that are just having a heart attack right now I spanked them I spanked my children today in order to correct their behavior tomorrow right I spanked them today I take the car keys away today I tell them they cannot go out to eat today because I'm trying to correct their behavior tomorrow because as sorry as that little blue-eyed darling wants to tell you and as sorry and big crocodile tears that they want to drip down and tell you why they did what they did you have to look beyond the Bible even says spare not for their tears you have to even go on and say well the reason you're not going out tonight is next week you will be faced with the same temptation and when you're faced with the same temptation next week I want you to feel I want you to understand that there were consequences and I want that to help you to overcome your temptation and I want to mentor you son into making the right decisions because I may walk you hand-in-hand to the first grade I may walk you hand-in-hand to the second grade but like sister carpenter teaches as a pair we are continually working ourselves out of a job that's a successful parent is to work yourself out of a job in other words when they get 18 and they can go out on their own they going to get their apartment across town they can do what they want to do you have mentored them in the right way to where you look around on Sunday morning and here they come in you didn't have to holler up the steps and get them you didn't have to get them out of bed because you have mentored them in the way that they should go and would you give the Lord a hand to praise right now