5 Keys to a Successful Marriage | Pastor Raymond Woodward | FACMR25
by Raymond Woodward
First Apostolic Church of Maryville (Maryville, TN)
Kind: sermon
Scripture: Ephesians 6:12, Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:25, Ephesians 6:1, Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 4:6, Ephesians 4:29, Ecclesiastes 3:1, Hebrews 12:11, Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 4:9

Source: https://acts238.life/repository/sermons/raymond-woodward--5-keys-to-a-successful-marriage-pastor-raymond-woodward-facmr25
Published by Acts 2:38 Life from the sermon transcript on that page.
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for your family fight for your marriage number one fight on the same side you don't have to put this but in Jesus name fight on the same side Ephesians 6 vers2 for we wrestle not against flesh and blood you are not fighting against other people as you live for god um I I like to say it this way other people are the casualties of spiritual warfare they are not the cause of spiritual warfare stop thinking that everybody's got some Insidious agenda against you if they do it's because they're a victim of spiritual warfare we're not fighting Flesh and Blood we're fighting for them we're not fighting against them and how much more true is that in your home you're not fighting your spouse you're fighting for your spouse you're not fighting your kids or your parents you're fighting for them that's different in the church Church our real battle is against principalities and powers and rulers of the darkness of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places and I have to drop a bomb right here what you feel and what is real are not the same would you stop living by your stupid I'm sorry Beverly says no you know what she said enough up here this morning I'm just going to say that's just stupid stop living by your feelings your feelings are not Dependable they can be impacted by how much pizza you had last night your feelings can be influenced by all kinds of chemical reactions taking place in your body or your brain your feelings are just feelings feelings yeah that's that's all they are nothing more than feelings I'm going to sing a special stop living by your feelings they're not always real and what you feel about your spouse at any given moment may not even be real it's just your feeling which is a response to something they said or did the reality is God put you together stop entertaining any other notion that it was a mistake or whatever God put you together and you can live for God if two Apostolic people can't have a successful marriage we've missed the boat and the whole Bible on so Pastor and sister Carpenter mentioned it in Ephesians uh Paul he unloads a truckload of instruction here Ephesians 5:22 wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord and it's already been said here so I won't be labor it but submission is the Bible word that everybody loves to hate because submission is like submarine submarine is under the water sub mission is putting your mission under somebody else's Mission and so that's submission and and and and it was said well this morning you can't submit when you agree uh if you agree that's agreement agreement's good where two or three agree but submission that's a whole different thing when you don't agree and you still cheerfully cooperate but here's my point that's verse 22 Ephesians 5 and verse 25 three verses later husbands love your wife even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it so this submission is reciprocal you say well no the husband's way up here Jesus's way up no Jesus submitted himself he humbled himself he emptied himself so he's the perfect Jesus didn't Lord it over the church he humbled himself and he emptied himself for the sake of the church so that's the model for husbands so this submission is quite reciprocal submission is not some tear uh that that you know I'm on tier two and I'm on tier one and submission is mutual it's like a a web that we all work together and we all submit one to another uh and and Paul does the same thing about parents and kids Ephesians 6 and one children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right some of you parents you have that verse taped on your refrigerator uh but there's another verse three verses later verse four in Ephesians 6 you fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord so uh children you need to obey your parents that's true but it's mutual submission and mutual accountability and if your precious little kids see a monster at home and a deacon at church there's something drastically wrong with your spiritual life yes yes yes yes and and it doesn't stop there but I don't have time Paul goes on to talk about Masters which today would be employers and servants which would be employees uh Masters you treat your uh employer you uh let's bring it modern employers you treat your employees that are in the faith like brothers in Christ but employees uh you you need to serve that Master and do your job as unto the Lord and then he winds it all up before he ever starts any of this he said yay all of you be submitted one to another so it's a web of accountability that we have especially in the family um so if you are going to win the battle against the devil for your family you've got to fight on the same side you've got to get together and when bad things happen and there's you know some episode with the kids which there's always going to be an episode with the kids as soon as you start having kids it's just one episode after another after another after another and then you have grandkids and they're perfect so I don't know how that works but it works it's amazing so um uh you know our kids they're brutal with their children it's just awful um you know we're always like you know no he didn't mean that it's our job it's our calling now Bishop's with me and some other old guy back there's with me so okay fight on the same side life is going to be full of all all kinds of ups and downs and in and outs and listen listen children are their emotions are raw all the time because their emotions are forming teenagers they take raw to a whole new level and you are the parents I have counseled families where the children were the mature ones and the parents were the immature ones don't let that be you you need to maintain an even Keel and an even balance um I I don't want to ramble too much here but husbands and wives uh don't bring what happens at work home and just let it pollute your whole evening or your whole weekend uh work especially if you're in secular work uh and you've got unsaved fellow employees and co- labors and bosses and subordinates uh it's going to be bad half the time because they don't have Jesus news flash you you do have Jesus so Let Jesus help you negotiate that and don't bring that home and make your whole family suffer through your mood because you had a bad day at work the word mood is not in the Bible throw it out okay let's carry on meddling now there was a spirit of meddling came over Beverly when she was up here did you notice that you know yeah she was joyful all right but she was meddling too it was joyful meddling yeah mhm okay let me joyfully meddle here for a bit so number one if you're going to fight for your family fight on the same side number two and this is a very practical thing and you can do this at home and I hope you will number two learn a second language learn a second language some of you thinking no no I'm not talking about that here's the language I'm talking about learn a second language Colossians 4:6 let your speech be always with Grace seasoned with salt that ye may know how you ought to answer every man and then this one I love this verse Ephesians 4 and 29 let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but only what is good to the use of edifying that it may Minister Grace unto the hearers so we don't need to spend a long time here because I can direct you to a wonderful brilliant resource some of you have run across it if you never have it is worth your time uh it's called it's it was a a famous well-known best-selling book The Five Love Languages and you need to learn to speak the love language of your loved ones I'm not just talking about your spouse but even your kids here's how it works different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways I I've said this before uh how many of you you married somebody and you got married to them and you found out that they were very different in personality once you married them would you lift your hand there's not an altar call okay Lift Your Hand high so some of you even some of the men are going like how many of your spouse is different than you in personality would you lift your hand okay yeah it's a majority a vast majority and it's supposed to be that way and you know the saying opets attract until a week after the honeymoon then offsets attack and that's the rest of your life one likes to get up early in the morning one likes to stay up late at night one likes to oh my goodness let's not go here um one likes to just enjoy life and and receive every good gift from the Lord the other wants to eat healthy um joyfully meddling so but here here's the truth by learning to recognize that you've got totally different preferences in yourself and your loved ones your spouse your children you can learn to identify some of the root of your conflicts because a lot of your conflicts are not really over anything that's so consequential it's just that you see things different ways and you prefer things different ways and you are going to be and I have oh I have a degree in dumbness here um you are going to be dumb enough to power up on your preference and give your life a bad day or your wife a bad day that's just dumb don't power up on your preference learn to speak somebody else's language um if you go to uh the website is um five number five L languages.com you can go there you can take a quick survey it's actually quite enlightening uh it's it's not anything to it please don't do it right now but you can do it later all the perfectionist people are like I'm going to get this tackled right now I see you I know who you are I'm one of you number five love languages.com um and it will tell you which uh category you fit into some people speak the the love language of Acts of service when somebody does something kind for them they they're just filled with appreciation that's their love language other people it's receiving gifts they literally love to receive gifts it doesn't have to be expensive gifts they just love the thoughtfulness of somebody giving them a gift other people it's spending quality time together uh they don't need gifts they want to spend time with you and you're out leaving them at the house while you're looking for the perfect gift and they're saying where is he it'll help you I promise five love languages. come other people it's words of affirmation they don't need gifts uh they just really light up it lights up their world when somebody speaks words of affirmation to them I I think now I can't prove this uh but I think a lot of men fit in this category and their wives are are trying to do a whole lot of other things for them and if she would just affirm him once in a while that he's doing a good job leading their home and she proud of him for doing this I think that will help but I think a great number of women are in that category too guys that that you know you're knocking yourself out trying to hit every holiday and Valentine's Day and Mother's Day and grandmother's day and spouse's day and executive assistance day and you got it all but but she just would like it if you'd say that was a delicious wonderful meal that you prepared tonight um you know and and that doesn't cost you anything uh to to do some of these things um and you know if if if she misses once in a while and it's not so great that's a Biblical meal uh it's either a a burnt offering or B or B it's Mana you know mana mana it means what is it that's what it means in Hebrew that's what they said when it all fell from the sky what is it well not going to go any further okay uh for other people fifth love language is physical touch uh you can talk to them forever but you heard the clap there okay so uh if you're going to fight for your family I hope we're having some fun number one fight on the same side number two learn a second language learn your spouse's language learn your kids' language number three this one's so important um number three if you're going to fight for your family embrace all the ages and stages embrace all the ages and stages Ecclesiastes chapter 3 and verse one Solomon said to everything there is a season and there's a time to every purpose under heaven so I'm going to hone in and zero in right now on a subsection of this wonderful audience of couples I'm going to hone in on the child raising years for a few minutes um now this will help you regardless because you're either uh pre- raising children or you're in the middle of raising children or you're now uh negotiating helping your kids or watching your kids raise their children so um I think this will be helpful to everybody but I want to hone in on those of you that are in those child rearing child raising years raising children is a season that ends far too quickly and turns into memories let me say to all you parents that are so busy right now and I know it's stressful sometimes the days sometimes feel long but the years are short enjoy every moment of those Seasons uh this isn't original with me but it's very very good actually most of the stuff that's not original with me is very very good um from zero let's let's break this up this is child uh raising years from zero to five 0er to five we call these the discipline years the discipline years zero to five and your job as a parent as a mom or dad during these years are to teach the consequences of their actions good consequences and bad consequences that's your job to teach them the consequences of their actions that you know if if if you do this uh there's going to be punishment uh if if you do this we're going to be happy that's your job and you are a reflection to them your face your response your reaction so you should never be a tyrant during those years you're not trying to terrify them into doing good you should be a coach and an affirmer and and and lead them that way so so discipline must be consistent during those years um don't ever discipline based on your mood at the moment uh I don't care how embarrassed you were that you're toddler through a tantrum uh if they throw a tantrum in the middle of Walmart that's actually refreshing because there's so many weirdos that walk through Walmart today it's refreshing to see a normal kid throwing a tantrum it's like you go buddy uh I don't know ah there's a spirit of meddling up here okay so um okay so discipline needs to be consistent it shouldn't be like guns blazing one week and then the next week you're busy so you overlook it your job in the zero to five years is to uh disciplined consistently and secondly I'll say that consequences need to be immediate a three-year-old does not understand now you remember what you did six months and two days ago they don't get that they get right now that's all they get they wake up in a new world every day so you can't discipline them three weeks from now by taking something away from them you just ruined two days you ruined the day that they made their mess up and their mistake and you ruined another today because you're trying to discipline them later discipline must be consistent and consequences need to be immediate because they they're learning in their little brains to associate this consequence with this uh Behavior discipline is not a bad word brothers and sisters uh discipline is not a bad word moms and dads we are disciples that's the same root as the word discipline discipline needs to teach them as much about how rewarded they are when they do well it needs to teach them that too so that's the discipline years then from uh age five to age 12 5 to 12 we call these the training years the training years and so there's one major difference between those first five years and these next seven years roughly um the training years you do the very same things you still discipline you still uh show them consequences but now you you explain the why behind the rules uh toddlers can't understand the why behind very much at all um so so now you start to add the why here's what you're doing you train while you explain that's that's what you're doing in these years so these are the The Young School years uh you're trying to accomplish a couple of goals here uh Apostolic parents we need to teach our kids it already get mentioned by Pastor this morning I I think um we need to teach them to honor other people we need to teach them to honor teachers and pastors and leaders and and everything uh we teach our children to honor those that are in Authority uh we teach our children to uh honor those uh that that come into their lives I I'll tell you now my dad was a high school principal so this was like on steroids in our home but if I had a problem with a teacher at school I had a problem with my parents at home that was just the way it was um and they taught me to respect other people um and here's another thing you're trying to do during the training years you've got to start taming selfishness because your little bundle of joy they are selfish they are self-centered oh my goodness they are awful now grandkids not so much but kids oh they're selfish and self-centered you've got to train that out of them that they are not the center of the universe you want to start teaching them when they're young so the discipline year 0 to five the training years the the big difference there is you're training while you explain 5 to 12 and then uh 12 to 18 so the teenage years uh 12 to 18 these are the coaching years the coaching years and this is so important for those of you parents that are here and you've got teenagers right now messing up your house um you know I no I won't say that okay so yeah it's just you guys um every child is different um in the coaching years you're still teaching them you're still but here's what you got to do in those teenage years especially um parents please hear me connect more than you correct connect more than you correct you're trying to cultivate conversations now conversations with a teenagers usually sound like this but try okay try um cultivate those conversations um in the teenage years this is your those of you that have teenagers this is your last chance to do something very important let them learn the lessons of failure while the consequences are still manageable don't wait till they get 35 and you've protected them it said this morning you've protected them all that time and and then all of a sudden you know the consequences they end up in jail because they were never taught any restraint or discipline or respect or anything else so this is your last chance in these coaching years get into life with them uh you're not smothering them don't do that but you're interested in what they're interested in that is going to tax your brain because some of the stuff that teenagers are interested in is inan it'll bend your brain but if they're interested in it you're trying to connect with them it's not about whether you're interested in that stop trying to make your teenagers a clone and a carbon copy of your interest when you were their age uh you lived in a different era and your teenagers are not interested in horse and Buggies they're like they're not stop that you say horse and buggy they're not interested in your old albums of the old whatever gospel groups they're not interested um this is fun for me I hope you're doing okay um so so but but get in their life and connect with them um Matt has been a wonderful son Emily's been a beautiful daughter we had one spot with Matt and it surprised us it shocked us he just went into this little season it was only a few months not even very many months but it was like all of a sudden we didn't recognize our boy he just hit this situation and um Matt and I took a road trip and um I was not getting off that road trip before we got to the bottom of it all and I said to him as we were driving I think we were driving through Tennessee at that time um I said Matt you are more important to me than my job you are more important to me than any position I hold if I need to put a bunch of stuff on pause and just get in your life for a little bit and help you I will and uh he struggled for a few months but uh he's working for the Lord now we're so proud of him and so proud of Emily is his sister but those are the years when it's your last stand it's your last chance to jump in there do it prayerfully do it kindly but do it in Jesus name go after them don't don't don't be like the world they let their kids run off to school they let their kids run off to college they never kind of follow up at all it's just like they they put them in these places and they just they don't supervise their friends they don't supervise their activities um you you you can't be a helicopter parent that just dive bombs every time there's a little issue but neither can you put their lives on remote control and just hope for the best stop that they're too important that's an eternal soul and that's your child and your responsibility uh so the discipline years 0 to 5 the training years 5 to 12 the coaching years 12 to 18 and then 18 and Beyond the Friendship years your goal as a parent is to raise kids that still like you that enjoy your company when they don't have to be around you that's your goal you want to raise kids so that you can engage together as adults who simply enjoy each other's company so I need to say a couple of things here um unsolicited advice to your adult children always feels like criticism if you've got adult children you please hear me I'm trying to help you not hurt you your unsolicited advice on everything under the sun to your adult children feels like criticism because they didn't ask for your advice they know that your advice is good that you raise them so when they need your advice or want your advice they will come to you and ask for your advice sometimes we meet parents that are just vicariously trying to live their unsatisfied desires and dreams through their children they want their children to do this or that or whatever because they didn't get the chance to stop doing that you want them to live their own life the big thing is if they're living for God that's 100% win right there that's that's it so to every parent and to every couple uh whether you're in these years or not but I I just really wanted to zoom in on you for a minute your relationship with your children and your spouse is determined by the law of the Harvest and the law of the Harvest says you need to sew now if you're going to reap later you've got to seow good seed now if you're going to reap later and parents later is longer so discipline with the end in mind not today in mind would you stop freaking out like the world does but Junior doesn't like me he's not supposed to like you he's 13 he's supposed to hate you right now cuz you told him no would you stop trying to be your child's buddy they don't need you to be their buddy they need you to be their dad they need you to be their mom they've got friends they don't need you to be their best friend you embarrass them when you try to be their best friend be their parent and parents set boundaries and if you set them consisteny consistently and with love they're going to love you later and later is longer Hebrews chapter 12 if you don't believe me I'll go to the Bible then I'll prove it Hebrews 12: 11 now no chastening no discipline for the present seems to be joyous it seems to be Grievous you hate me no I don't Junior but get in your room it seems to be Grievous nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the Peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby the fruit comes later when you sow seed now later is longer especially with your kids what gets rewarded gets repeated Beverly meddled all over the place so I'm just going to do it for a minute uh stop stop taking your kids out of church when they're little to play in the lobby I just felt the thin ice crack under my feet right there I don't care I'm not a pastor anymore so hey you're teaching them if I go mom's going to take me out and I can run and knock over the old people in the foyer you've got to teach them what you want to see repeated what gets rewarded gets repeated and so make sure you reward good things my goodness when our grandkids go up to the Altar and pray we talk about that we were so proud of you up there uh one of them sang at Christian School the other day we're so proud of you up there singing we're so proud of you up there praying for the Holy Ghost we're so proud of you you got baptized what gets rewarded gets repeated make sure that you are doing that as you raise your kids uh final thing and and and and we'll go quicker on the last uh bit of this if your child backslides it will break your heart do not let it break your relationship don't let it break your relationship um you don't have to defend everything that's happening in your kids' lives to all the rest of us we get it we know we've all been part of family relationships where there's a backslider somebody that strayed from the faith rejected the faith walked away from the faith you don't have to defend to us what you're doing when you hang out with your own children just because they're not serving God go and be with your kids and enjoy what you can and don't don't use a family vacation to talk about how you wish they'd come back to church just go and be with them and live your Godly life in front of them and pray for them my goodness we just hit a vein of the Holy Ghost there I don't even know who I'm talking to you do not have to impress us with how you are handling that you do not have to be super Saint or super parent at that moment it hurts when your kids walk away from the faith so would you stop worrying about your reputation with all the rest of us because we don't need the performance we're praying with you for that child to come back home so you don't need to pretend you got it all in control and you certainly don't need to ostracize them because they're not dressing right looking right acting right talking right you don't need to ostracize them to impress us we know you're in a war for your family and we we're praying with you that that turns around so it'll break your heart do not let it break your relationship now that's easy to say when all they did was they started dressing non Apostolic it's a lot harder when they chose a lifestyle that's sinful and harmful and hurtful you hear me the same thing applies absolutely the same thing applies just because sin broke you in a different place than it broke me doesn't mean that I get to look down on you and judge you and so um my goodness there's a a rich vein of the Holy Ghost we just tapped into here would you take your spouse's hand and especially if there's a backslider in your siblings or maybe maybe your kids I want you to pray lift up your voice right now and pray for a minute just just pray in Jesus name Jesus name in Jesus name my goodness and prayer Works prayer Works um I I was at a conference a few weeks ago and preached a message that had to do with backsliders and um a young pastor friend of mine from Texas he called on his his birthday he was in the car with his sweet little wife he said my mother in-law just called us this morning and here's what she said I am done with the world she's been backl for years I am done with the world I am coming back home and I am going to embrace this Apostolic lifestyle with all of my heart they were celebrating on his birthday prayer Works brothers and sisters prayer works um so number one if you're going to fight for your family fight on the same side number two learn a second language number three embrace all the ages and stages don't get in a rush it goes by too fast don't get in a rush and number four um I want you to write this down very specifically forgive one another period repeat period forgive one another repeat the most brilliant mind in all of American Marketing is the guy that put the word repeat on the shampoo bottle and the conditioner bottle wash hair rinse lather repeat he just doubled purchases right there you're going to need that word repeat in your marriage forgive one another and repeat already read this verse Ephesians 4:32 and be ye kind one to another tenderhearted forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you the more years you live the more you will have to forgive and the more you will need forgiveness from somebody else so I I I won't bear down here I've talked with uh you about forgiveness in in years past but let me say marriage is a covenant it is not a contract in the world marriage is a contract it can be easily broken it'll be expensive but it can be easily broken but before God marriage is a covenant here's the difference contracts say I will if you will I will give you this money if you build me that house I will give you this money if you give me that car contracts say I will if you will Covenant said I will even if you won't even if you don't even if you can't that right there would save a whole lot of marriages right there I will even if you don't even if you won't even if you can't but aren't you glad that when God made a covenant with us that's the kind of Covenant he made when we were yet sinners Christ died for us he made a covenant with us that even when we couldn't even when we didn't even when we wouldn't he made a covenant with us and so I don't know about you I've just determined in my life since Jesus made a covenant that he would even when I didn't and couldn't and wouldn't that I've made that same kind of Covenant with him I will even if I don't understand him I will even if he doesn't bless me ever again I've had enough blessings in my life I will even if he won't I will even if he doesn't I will well he can do anything so marriage is a covenant not a contract it takes two to fight my grandmother used to say it takes two to tango well I think that's probably pretty obvious I've never Tangoed so then it morphed into it takes two to tangle but let's just say it plainly it takes two to fight it only takes one to forgive you be that one but you don't know what they see there you go that's not forgiveness that that that's restitution I'm G to give you back whatever you gave me I'm I'm G to get restitution you're not after restitution you're after reconciliation and and so it only takes one to forgive in our church there's a couple saw them on Wednesday night I was teaching Bible study shook hands with both of them after service she had an affair that lasted for almost a decade I saw it coming um and I I I tried to intervene I knew there was something inappropriate about her relationship with another man that was in our church at that time and I hauled them both into the office and I said this is going on and it's wrong and they vly denied they were indignant that Pastor would accuse us of whatever but there was an affair already happening eventually it came out and then two marriages broke up one marriage ended in a divorce but this marriage the husband he just said I love her she was uh not living at home uh she had taken their girls and gone off by herself and she was openly carrying on this inappropriate relationship with this other man and his friends and even some ministers said it's been three years you need to just write this off like you need to go on with your life but I love her it's been four years it's been six years but I love her we did a renovation at CC several years back one of many we've been in renovations for 25 years um we did a renovation and we rebuilt this the platform the stage in the sanctuary and so it was all plywood one night and we had the church family on a Sunday night we had service looked pretty rough we invited everybody we bought some of those big thick black Sharpie markers and invited everybody to come up and write the name of somebody they were praying for especially backsliders and lost family members and so they came up and they covered that plywood I've got pictures all these different names and whatever one of their daughters came up on the stage that night and right over here she wrote her mom's name and her dad's name and she put it in her heart the next morning Monday morning the carpet layers came in and we carpeted over the platform but not before me and a whole bunch of other people took just a raft of pictures that Affair kept going on for couple more years it was kind of off and on by now but it was just and the marriage was not restored and finally came the day um when out of the blue seemingly that couple got back together one of the treasures from 20 years of pastoring that church is a Christmas card I got from them the two of them together with their girls again and a Christmas card that they sent and after almost 10 years their marriage was completely restored and they're together now finally came the time we believe like you do that uh you know you know when people mess up so publicly and and they do things that are against the word of God they need discipline like children need discipline she had been on our praise team and so she was off the praise team for a decade pretty much but then came the day when she went back on the praise team she's an alto she came to me after that service and she said I didn't have anything to do with where they put me on the stage she said but when we lined up this morning they put me right on top of that heart that my daughter put our names in and put that heart around and prayed over us I'm just telling you I know there are all kinds of situations that's why you've got wonderful pastors that are wise in the word and they can help you but don't give up on your marriage over something that is so so temporary and so so dumb because some people go through major crisis and they still have their marriage intact you do not have to be a statistic it is my strong conviction and I'll move on to my last point we'll get you out of here thank you for your kind attention so number four forgive one another repeat and number five and my last point for you this morning what an honor that teach you all be the hero of your story be the hero of your story most people think that successful marriages are about finding the right person no they're about becoming the right person because if you're focused on you becoming the right person in God's sight and your spouse is focused on becoming the right person in God's sight you're going to have a wonderful marriage so in your home and in your marriage and with your kids you are three things to them number one you are a mirror you're a mirror your family sees their reflection in you let that be a happy reflection husbands if you leave for work and you leave a precious little lady with tears running down her face in the doorway as you leave for work with all respect my brother you're doing this wrong you need a trip to the Altar and you need to turn that around be AER let your family see a good wonderful happy reflection let your little kids see that you take Delight in them and not that you're frustrated with them all the time be a mirror secondly you're not just a mirror you're a thermostat in your family you set the temperature in your home um Beverly and I are um we're we're old or young that's what we are I finally figured that out we're old or young because if I'm left to my own devices I just say we're old so she doesn't let me do that anymore so we're old or young it it strikes me that our grandkids when we're there and we kind of get acting goofy cuz Grand parents do this we have a degree in goofy now and when we when we do something crazy or goofy or I grab Beverly and we this is not a mental image you need but uh we dance around the living room singing a crazy song or something they get so thrilled about that can I just be transparent for a moment it strikes me that we never really did a lot of that when our kids were little and that wasn't her that was me I was busy and distracted and trying to lead a church and trying to do all kinds of work and back then pay all kinds of bills and that wasn't her that that was me uh we would have been better to be a little bit more goofy back then and you would do better to just enjoy life with those kids don't be so serious all the time don't be so serious all the time someday when we all get really really close and we're really really good friends much closer than we are now I'll share with you a video that I have on my phone Beverly was just doing what she does she's she's not just a worshipper in church she's a worshipper at home she was worshiping the Lord and I was sitting on the this the coach just working on my laptop minding my own business having a really good time and she was determined she was going to get me up it was Christmas time just before Christmas one year she was determined she was going to get me up and moveing you know she's always trying to do that for a number of reasons and so she was she had this real like Lively wonderful Apostolic Pentecostal choir music on I don't remember the song she was just juking and Jing and praising God around and she was encouraging me to get up you know like this come on come on Raymond I got video of all of that and it was coming up to Christmas time and I thought it would make a wonderful tribute to her to her I went down to my office later that night and I took a song that I think probably came out of Tennessee and I would speed her dancing up a little bit and then slow it down and it per fits perfectly with the music and you have never seen a better rendition of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer in your life someday when we're really close I'll show that to you it'll probably be one of those trips that she's scared to fly and doesn't come in your home you're a mirror they see their reflection in you you're a thermostat you set the temperature in your home and finally you're a compass you set the direction for your home if you're not angled toward the word of God if you're not fixed on the word of God your kids are not going to feel that way they're not going to have that um it is not possible to have a better marriage it is not possible to have a better family until you have a better heart it starts in here and that it impacts out there uh last verse Philippians 4 and verse 9 Paul said those things which you have both learned and received and heard watch and seen in me