Our Imperfect Family | Student Pastors Zach and Lauren Hammond
by Zach Hammond, Lauren Hammond
First Apostolic Church of Maryville (Maryville, TN)
Kind: teaching
Scripture: Genesis 2:18, Genesis 8:13, Luke 17:32

Source: https://acts238.life/repository/sermons/zach-hammond--our-imperfect-family-3
Published by Acts 2:38 Life from the sermon transcript on that page.
Free to copy and share with attribution.

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but, u I'm excited to uh carry on. Pastor was actually going to do this part and um and his schedule uh changed a little bit. So, we're excited to be able to uh talk together. Um and I I'm going to try my best to limit my words tonight and let you hear u from my wife. I'm excited that she's up here with me, my better half. Um, and so I I know Pastor Sister Ericson, I I watched and was able to see uh we were out during their session and obviously I heard pastor uh last week and we've heard such great content already to try to help us better our families. I think one of the most powerful concepts was what pastor Cecen talked about and that is being a first generation uh apostolic to be um able to sit in that first chair and not find ourselves having to hear the stories of someone else and it getting to where um it is just something that you hear about. But you have your own story of God's glory in your life, right? Amen. So, we've heard some things. Pastor talked about the family of God so powerfully last week and I'm thankful to be a part of the church. you're thankful to be a part of the church. Amen. >> And so, um, we we've come to this point and I kind of want to open, um, with just maybe asking you a question, then I'm going to pass this to, uh, my wife and just let her talk all that she wants to. It's going to be, um, I'm just going to sit and listen tonight. >> Um, but the imperfect family, that's the title of the series we're supposed to kind of tap into tonight. And so, I guess my question is this, what would you call perfection? If if we're all leaning into the idea that is it is okay to not be perfect, right? We all have to agree in that. Nobody in here is, right? Um if you are, um congratulations and I'd like to meet you. But it's a nobody in here is perfect and and there's definitely not one perfect and definitely not two that we put together that would be perfect, right? So it's it makes it even a little bit more difficult to coexist. So, it's a thing where if if it's about the imperfect family, we have to see what is it that we're striving. What is the benchmark that we're looking to achieve? Maybe it's not yearly, maybe it's monthly. For some of you, you might be dialed in. It might be, you know, it's it's first part of the year. You've got your New Year's resolutions. It might be weekly or daily, right? But what is the thing that you're trying to achieve? What is the perfection? All right. Um, are you going by something that you've read in the Bible, something that you've set uh for this year? Maybe some of you saw something on social media. Um maybe some of you have your bar of perfection is set based upon how you were raised and what you don't want to do, right? Um you're saying, "I'm going to do anything but this." And so based upon how you were raised and based upon where you're at in life, this could mean different things to different people. And so we're all in different seasons. We're all trying to adapt. Some of you are not parents, your grandparents. some of you um you're you're you're in different seasons of life obviously. And so what we want to try to do tonight is not just speak to um speak to one thing but try to address them all in attempting to do so. Um it may feel like we kind of jump around but we have a limited amount of time and want to try to accomplish as much as we can. And you're in for a treat next week in the fact that brother Nolan will be up here with his two sisters. Um, fight >> God only knows if he will survive next Wednesday night. You don't want to miss that. Um, so let let me uh let's let's start off with this. I want to start off with the the beginning of what the family is, and that is that you have a husband and you have a wife. You have Adam and Eve that were created. God says in Genesis chapter 2 and verse number 18, the Lord said, "It is not good that man should be alone. I will make for him a a help meat." That is one of uh those two words in scripture that we don't do a very good job um translating. Um it is it is a a word that word help meat is actually negette neg and it it means this equal beneficial adversary. What a uh what a definition. Equal. We don't like that, right? Some of us are like, you know, you're trying to, you know, be this or be that, trying to, you know, one up somebody. But then the other part is what I love. Beneficial adversary. In other words, the worst thing you can have in a spouse is somebody who agrees with you all the time. You worry about that. >> It's a beneficial adversary. So, let me introduce you to my beneficial adversary tonight. >> Hello. We were married a few years and he enlightened me on this revelation that he had and told me what I am to him, beneficial adversary. And I'm like, pause. Let me Google it. Let me get the let me get the meaning here. But I proudly wear that title and I um I nail it. I'm just telling you. I'm aware that I'm very blessed to be married to a man that allows me to be that for him. Um we very rarely agree 100% on topics. I'm just going to be honest. Our imperfect family. We are polar opposites in every way. >> And I feel like that benefits us. It it balances. We're a perfect balance for each other. Um when I am being his beneficial adversary, when we're confront when I'm confronting something, um I try not to turn on each other. Okay? And this is something I've had to learn. It's not me versus you, it's us versus the problem. >> Amen. >> Okay? Uh since he's named me this, I think it's okay if I tell one of the things that I get to be his beneficial adversary on. um he has a tendency we're gonna call it a tendency uh to be extremely hard on himself uh negative selft talk harsh self- judgment okay and I am intentionally not about to let that go unchecked in our house okay um I'll be honest I'm not always as gentle as I should be but being an adversary that's not a very soft thing you know especially for me I'm a very blunt person >> but when the negative talk starts and I can see it. It's a fate. It's a it's a series of things like very quiet. me when I get upset or I'm feeling heavy about something I'm just like he's the opposite you know no words finally when it you know starts to come out and I'm thinking you know he starts with the negative selft talk and I'll say things like you know that's not true you're you're better than that boy you better than that you know and then there's a line that I go to that normally ends it and I remind him that we are one and you speak poorly about yourself you're talking about Okay. And that normally stops the conversation nail and coffin. That's it. We're done. We're done with it and we move on. Okay. But I feel like that's something that I, you know, I take full credit for that. Sure. Building you up. That's my responsibility. You know that I protect that. Um, >> it's it's definitely a thing where you see it in when you when you look at the definition of that, you then begin to look at your marriage or your relationships of husband and spouse or how you know, however whatever season you're in and see that when you have two people that are always agreeing, you find this >> Yeah. >> out of balance situation. Their decisions are out of balance. They're they're always leaning one way or the other. And so, um, I need it. We all need it for somebody to say, "Hey, you're not right." >> Um, that that's that's not a good thought process. And so, um, I appreciate it. >> Yeah. >> And I'm not right sometimes, too. You're allowed to say that. It's >> rarely. Rarely. >> Oh, good. >> Count on one hand, for sure. >> Oh, yeah. For sure. But I know you've heard it said that women, we are the atmosphere setters. We bring the the weather. We we make the atmosphere in the room. Um see if you can finish this. If mama ain't happy, how sad is that? Okay, that that phrase is common lingo today. Okay, uh by the help of God, I don't want that to be true about me, right? I I don't want that to be true about me. Um that I'm an emotional basket case that I'm so reactive to everything that's going on that I can turn my whole house upside down in one mood swing. Okay, we're better than that. I don't want my husband or my boys to have to guess what version of me they're going to get when they come walking through the door at the end of the day. Okay, we can raise them the best church, the best school, but if the environment of our home is not balanced and consistent, we can't be surprised when we start seeing signs of unhealthy, unbalanced children. Um, and tonight when we're talking about this, we're learning this. We've only been parents for 10 years and so this is very fresh to us and these are things that we're we're in the trenches of learning. >> Six has been very different. Six of those years have been very different >> trying, teaching, learning. Six of those, those of you that know our family, this those six years reduction there >> with a individual. >> Uh we are not responsible as mothers. We are not responsible for results as much as we are the atmosphere and the environment in our home. Uh children, they don't grow by themselves. They don't grow in isolation. and they grow in the atmosphere that they're in. They're a product of their environment. A good child placed in a chaotic, anxious, emotionally unsafe environment will eventually reflect those things. And just the opposite is true. A child that struggles that's placed in a steady, loving environment can heal, can regulate, and can thrive. >> That's something that you have to you have to remember. And and we I hear a lot of podcasts and people talking and um professors talking and teachers, coaches complaining about this generation and how they think and how they operate, what's going on and like why do they do this, why they do that, they're so lazy, they're so this. And I just always have to remind them that you raised them, right? >> Yeah. >> And so we set the atmosphere of what the next generation's going to be. What one generation does in moderation, the next generation will do in excess. It's kind of like driving a trailer, right? Whatever you're going to do, the thing behind you is going to swing out a little bit further. That's the best way kind of to describe it. So, what you allow to go on, the next generation will do. >> Yeah. >> In excess. And so, um, we are trying to set the atmosphere. >> Yeah. >> Um, to to make sure that that generation is what we want them to be. >> So, I think environment comes first and then the results will follow. Uh whether we like it or not, we often set the emotional temperature of our home, our tone, our reactions, our mamas, our unresolved issues. We all have them. These things quietly become the air that our children breathe. When we are overwhelmed, disconnected, emotionally absent, the entire household fills it. Most homes are not undone by one dramatic failure. They come apart slowly when the most unhealthy person is allowed to define the emotional climate of the home. >> That's a big thing. Sorry, I keep interrupting. >> You're okay. You go right ahead. >> What why why would we allow the most unhealthy person in the room to create the environment of what is going on? You you you're probably thinking of a family gathering right now. They walk in and everything that was going one way is now tight. Everybody's kind of like they just changed the whole they made one snappy comment in the kitchen. They come in with a mood. They come in with an ind. So the most unhealthy person, the most, you know, imbalanced person is the one who sadly sets the atmosphere. So how do you change that? You have to have a conversation, right? It might be a a kid that's going through a season as a teenager that's ruining every family dinner. You're going to have a conversation with them. It could be, you've dealt with it on on the level of classrooms. What is it? That one kid that keeps interrupting and causing all the issues is disrupting the entire class. It's no different in a workplace, in a family, whatever the situation may be. You can't allow the most unhealthy person, the most rebellious person to control what is going to be happening within your house, within your job, within your friendships, whatever the case may be. >> Yes. And God forbid that be us as mothers, uh, or a child allowed to control the whole house. As a parent, there's nothing worse than seeing parts of yourself we have tried to fix or hide appear in our children. our impatience, our anxiety, our avoidance, our fear. Our children reveal what needs to be fixed in us. Absent fathers matter and their absence can leave real scars. But maternal absence, physical or emotional, can be equally destructive. A mother can be present in body and absent in spirit, distracted, exhausted, shut down, or emotionally unavailable. Nurturing isn't an automatic response, okay? It must be protected in practice. Scripture shows us this reality over and over throughout the Bible. When mothers are missing, the consequences ripple through our generation. >> Yeah. Let me I know some of you are thinking this is a little bit different. Let me give you all all of you that are just like you you want some Bible and some scripture. Let me give you a little bit of a unique um thing that I think takes us all the way back to the beginning. When when man committed a sin, he he sacrificed an animal, blood was shed and he covered them with the coats of sk, you know, the coats of the animal um the skin of the animal. It it's a powerful thing and this is something that that not many people realize or know because we all went to Sunday school and Noah's arc, you know, has been depicted the saving of the family. The eight souls are saved by water. um you know, you got you got the little windows and like the giraffe's head sticking out, you know, and the birds right there and then you got the door that's up on the side and it's depicted and you know, some of you have even went up to, you know, the ark encounter and you've seen all the things. Um there's there's a one major missing piece that you know, you're always thinking there's eight people that got on. How did Noah build this? You know, where did he get the gopher wood? How how did how did all these things happen? And you know, he obviously could have had help from his sons, but there was four women and four men. And many scholars, archaeolog 13. You might want to write that down. Jot it down. It'll change the picture of Noah's ark for you. And it gives the woman's role not only in all of the Bible, but it also gives a a the woman's role in the playing of the saving of the family. And that is when Noah comes out and sees dry ground. It says that he removed the covering from the ark. The covering on the ark was skins of animals that were sewn together that the women sewed to create the covering for the ark. That's what all studies would reveal and reveal this in in Genesis 8:13. So the women play a part in the covering of the family just as they do in 2 Corinthians just as they do all throughout. She mentions the word covering. So, I I know it kind of sounds like we're hitting the women pretty hard, but I think often times, you know, I I know that the father, you know, it's it's it's you see all the statistics. There's, you know, terrible sales on Father's Day cards and all the statistics that come out that the father is the issue and this is, but the woman plays a part, too. All right? And so it it is it is beneficial adversaries who come together to make each other one that both play a part in the covering, the structure, the building of what's going to save going to save our families. I >> I I think that's just a an important thing that the woman has to see that is you are the covering. You are the defensive mechanism. You are what resists and what restrains things from being able to come to come into your house. >> Amen. God treats the mother's role not as secondary but as formative shaping their identity, our kids security and how they view God. Motherhood is not about perfection. It's about recognizing that we cannot control who our children become, but we can shape the environment in which they're becoming. As we prepared for this lesson, I kept searching for resources u motherless home resources for kids from motherless homes. And my Google search every time would like pop up. Nothing would come up. Pop up with suggestion suggestion. Did you mean resources for fatherless homes? So, it's not even something that is talked about at all. Um on Sunday night, Dr. Hughes mentioned the prodical son story. We both looked at each other like, "Oh my goodness, he's about to talk about we're going to talk about." Thankfully, he didn't. He just touched on it. Uh the prodical son story in the gospels featuring a loving perfect father in a home where a mother is never mentioned. Okay, there are many examples of a ripple of that ripple effect of an absent mother in scripture. And Jesus makes this statement in just three words talking about the end times. In Luke 17:32, Jesus gives a command. Remember Lot's wife. She is remembered for not what she did forward, but for what she did looking back. Her heart lingered on what God was pulling her family away from. And in that moment of divided loyalty, she was lost. No doubt that pillar of salt was a sign of what would be missing for generations to come. There would be an absence of stability without a mother. What follows in that story is so sobering. Now with their mother gone, the two daughters step into a role that their mother should be in. In in the absence of their mother, they become the ones navigating fear, survival, and moral confusion. When Lot becomes drunk, it is his daughter who act in desperation. Scripture doesn't record this to shame a family, but to show the cost of an absent mother. A missing mother, whether physically gone or emotionally divided, creates a void, which causes which causes children to step into roles they were never meant to carry. They will make adult decisions without adult wisdom. They will try to preserve the family without the maturity to do so. Jesus warning isn't random. Remembers Lot. He could have said so many different names in this, but he said, "Remember Lot's wife is a call for us as women for presence, to wholeheartedness, to not parent while looking backwards, grieving the past, obsessed with our traumas, clinging to who we were before we had babies, are longing for what God has already told us to leave behind." Healthy homes require present mothers, not perfect ones, but present, engaged, forward-facing women who choose to stay in the story even when obedience cost is our comfort. We cannot build healthy families while mothers are missing physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Because when a mother disappears, children do not just feel the loss, but they try and replace it with something else. And that weight was never meant to be carried by them. >> Wow. That's that's extremely powerful. Obviously, and the emphasis there on the absence of a mother, the same would be so with with a father figure, different feelings, different emotions, different leadership, but it takes both. And what you will see in that that statement of of like she said, it's You find kids trying to step into roles they're not supposed to be in. You find young men who find themselves 16, 17, 18, foregoing high school to try to go get a job to supply for the family because there's a father who is absent. Maybe not physically absent, but they're absent in their role. And so what we want to do is is by talking about this and having a series is anytime we have a conversation or we preach or teach anything we don't we want to promote conversation within the church right we want to sharpen iron sharpenth iron that's way we want that's what the church is all about that hey what is it that that I'm struggling with we have to ask ourselves honest questions tonight how can I be a better father how can I be a better mother some of you students in here. How can I be uh better at honoring my par parents? How can I be more submitted? How can I uh do the things that God's called me to do? And so the the sad thing is is our natural tendencies in our flesh is wherever we have dysfunction, there is like this built-in dysfunction magnet in all of us. We want to find somebody else who's dysfunctional. I had a friend that growing up um I tried to kind of he was actually kin to me. I tried to help him in different ways. He just seemed to always make the wrong decisions because he was around the wrong people. I took him to youth camps with me for an entire summer one year and it was one of those things where um you know it was a little different. He traveled with me all summer. Brother Clayurn, we got done with the last youth camp. Happened to be Strong Tower. I was there as a student, as a kid. you were one of the security guards, you know, driving the the the the golf cart, chasing us around campus, and >> we were always doing what we were supposed to be doing. I don't know why you were chasing us, but but >> we got back on Friday and Brother Ericson, he was in jail on Saturday. >> Yeah. >> I had to call, what's what's going on? You know, he had stole toilet paper and some other random items from Walmart with a group of three dysfunctional, for lack of a better word, foolish people. And it's like, man, I I promise I could put you in Neand Stadium with a 100,000 good people and one dysfunctional person and you'd find them. It's like a dysfunctional magnet. So, just pull them together. We've seen it. I've been around youth groups long enough, all the teachers in the room, all the you you name it. You you get you put 600 kids in this room and the two kids who are going through mess, got dysfunctional homes, addicted to this, addicted to that. All of a sudden, here they go walking together out the back door and we're thinking, "Oh, God." Because there's like this this magnet. It it draws them together. So, you have to we have to fight that. We have to fight trying to find people that feel the same way we do and try to find somebody that's been through what we've been through that can help us, that can sharpen us, that can make us better. Like I want to find somebody who's already accomplished thing. I find myself calling people that are older than me. >> Like I and I love older ministers. I I'm I'm I'm going to call a a JH Osborne or a Dr. Hughes and listen to a Raymond Woodward and and you know that might be why I don't have a lot of friends my age because I just always call the old guys but they're they're they're valuable to me. Why? Because they they're already been through some stuff. They're not where I'm at, right? And so we want to find people that are not dysfunctional. Now I I want to tell you a story in the Bible and this will kind of be your biblical portion of of of some scriptural context tonight. Let's say it that way. I I found this in reading and I think this is so powerful and I'm going to read through some of this and I want you to study this. If there's any homework, study this on your own, but Boaz and Ruth are dysfunctional magnets. They aren't isolated figures in the Bible, this biblical narrative. They're people with a complex, very jacked up history. In fact, either one comes in the room for church tonight, you're probably going to pull the kids a little close to you. Alert security. Hey, these folks are here type thing, you know. But I mean, that's the way the whole Bible is. But I mean, he used Moses and he killed somebody, you know. Hopefully there's no murderers here tonight. Maybe. I mean at least you know recent or anything but it's um it dysfunction meets dysfunction here in this very very very two complex families. Boaz is a descendant of Judah and Tamar which makes him a man with a very messed up past. Genesis 38 tells us that Tamar was Judah was Judah's daughter-in-law who deceived Judah, her father-in-law, by pretending she was a prostitute and conceived a child with him whose name was Farz. Ruth's passed a little bit better. But as a Moabitete, she's a descendant of our previous story, Lot, which makes her a product of a similar encounter to Judah and Tamar. According to Genesis 19, Lot, who fled from Sodom and Gomorrah, had a drunken incestuous relationship with his two daughters. Again, where his wife should have been, >> his wife is absent, where she should have been a pillar, she's now a memorial to what not to do in Jesus's words in Luke. But he says that he con they conceived and gave birth to the nations of Amnan and Moab. So nations that are still at at at odds with God. Let's say it that way. Ruth and Boaz live parallel lives through the pages of scripture. Their two histories are remarkably sim similar but extremely imperfect. Ex extremely dysfunctional. Two men made terrible decisions in the middle of the night. The parallel how however doesn't end there either. Uh Naomi Ruth's mother-in-law ties them together by having simil similar stories as well. Na Naomi's husband left Bethlehem for Moab during a drought in hopes to find substance and instead Naomi's husband died in Moab. Then had two sons who married Moabitete women and both of their sons died. There's a ton of similarities and again I won't go through all of them, but the two son Lot's two son-in-laws refused to leave Sodom and perished in God's judgment. They're literally walking the same story of dysfunction. Judah's two sons, Aaron and Onan, were wicked and died under God's punishment. Naomi's two sons, died in Moab. Lot gets drunk and sleeps with his daughters to produce Ammon and uh Ammon and Moab. Judah is deceived by Tamar and conceives Phah. Naomi, like Tamar, is a childless widow. So when we we we bring all all of this junk together, it's no coincidence she didn't just stumble in his field. >> There is this magnetic force that's in all of us of dysfunction. He's birthed in the same mess that she's birthed in. It could have been anybody in the field. It could have been that young person, but no, Ruth walks in and Ruth could have found this one or that. No, she gonna find Boaz. Why? Because Boaz was born in the same nasty, messed up lifestyle that she was. It was this dysfunctional magnet that pulls them together. So, so here we go. Naomi has informed Bo, informed her that Boaz is her kinsman redeemer, which means she could marry him, raise her children with her. He could uh you could claim his properties, possessions, and and and and Naomi's family would play a part in this. She becomes aware. And Boaz is asleep. Study the story. Boaz is asleep from being drunk. >> Sound familiar? It's like deja vu. This is how it all started. This is how I begotten my dysfunction. Boaz is asleep and he's drunk. So what will Ruth and Boaz do at this moment? This become the becomes a question that I think really emphasizes the series. What does Ruth and Boaz do in their midnight situation when he's drunk just like Judah and just like Lot? Will Ruth be like her Moabitete forebears? Will Boaz take advantage of Ruth? Will Ruth deceive Boaz like Tamar deceived Judah? No. Ruth comes in and a decision is made that changes all the dysfunction of their imperfect families and she lays down at his feet. All the odds are stacked up against these two dysfunctional magnets. >> They're just forced to one another. I'm just I mean you and I both know it's I I watch it with some people, some young people, they have no excuse in the world not to serve God. Great parents, great upbringing. And then you see people that come in and they serve God in in in direct uh that just that they're directly opposite of how their families are. God bless people that are able to come in and make a decision that goes against their dysfunction. >> Yes. >> Says, "I'm not going to be who my parents were. I'm not going to be who my past was." And I I think this is a powerful powerful story that although the odds are stacked against them through the pages of scripture. The last encounter between a Moabitete woman and Israelite man found in Numbers 25 didn't go very well. But here are two people who have just every they have every reason in the world to act like heathens. They have every reason in the world people would just say, "Hey, it's just a it's just another generation. It's just another generation." But what happens? Instead of falling in the same old sinridden cycle their families fell into, they write the wrong of their past. I I want to speak to somebody in this place where this family series to you is a little bit like nails on a chalkboard because you don't come from a great family. And let's just be honest, even those who have a great family or a perfect family, >> right? Yeah. aren't perfect. >> Yeah. >> Dad and mom have had words that hurt every child that's ever been born. Why? Because they're human. We all have had some form of dysfunction in our family. I walked in to do jail ministry, my first time to do jail ministry, and my cousin come walking out of the cell. Didn't know he was there. Dysfunction. Every family has it, no matter how how nice and prim and proper it looks. So, uh, Boaz and Ruth have this opportunity to either continue in the dysfunction of their past, or they can write the wrong of everything that's been done before them. So, instead of falling into that same cycle, Boaz calls Ruth a virtuous woman. And Ruth gladly awaits Boaz's decision to redeem her as her wife. Because every person has a choice to write the wrong of your past. >> So no matter how dysfunction, no matter how dysfunctional your family is, your family was, you can make a decision starting tonight to write the wrong of every wrong past decision. Everything that's ever happened to you, we're talking about some of the worst storylines in the Bible were all made right by two people. And and I I I think I'm going to have to pass this along or I'm going to keep going. >> Keep going. >> But we we paint this redeemer story up like it's just this powerful she stumbled into his field and he left a little stuff behind and all of a sudden it's just like this perfect little Disney story that ended all. No, these people come from some jacked up situations. I don't know what these kids look like. There's a lot of families sleeping with families. Let's just be honest. This is weird looking stuff going on. I mean, this is jacked up. These are the people that are off limits for your kids to date. You know what I'm saying? Like, no, we're not getting in the branches of that family tree. >> Not happening. Like, they they're they're on some kind of list somewhere. These are some jacked up people. So, when you hear the story and it gets preached, your kinsman redeemer, look at the things that he writed. that were all wrong >> with one decision. One decision that says, "Hey, I'm not going to be what my past was." One decision can change everything. It's one decision at a time. Change is not an event. It's a process. You can start by making the difference in your family with just simply one decision. Sorry, >> man. >> Sorry. Back to you. >> No, you you're good. You keep going. That was good. >> Thank you. One decision can change everything. Okay. What are the things you know in your family that needs to be fixed? We all know. And if we're honest, we're thinking about the one thing. Okay. Can we be just transparent? Just like family talk. I need to mute it. No, I'm just kidding. I've always wanted to do that. Be like, "Can you take us off the air real quick?" And my dad would be like gasping for air. Don't do it. I'm just kidding. But just be honest for a minute. We asked each other today. I asked him and he asked me, you know, what are those things that we want to change? What was yours? >> Structure. >> Structure. >> Being more organized. >> Yeah. >> That's that's my fault. I I can I can live in the flow of just half-hazardly, you know. I can eat anytime, >> you know. >> Yeah. >> Eat at 5 and eat again at 9:00, you know. I mean, we got to do dinner twice. Not at all. >> I'm terrible. Like, if pastor calls like, "Hey, you guys want to eat dinner?" We'll drop everything. Go eat dinner. Yes, we will. >> I didn't realize she'd cook something like, you know, I committed to love it all. >> So, that that's my downfall. I I definitely don't um >> don't do well. So, I I I think we could be more productive and intentional if it was more structured. >> Yes. Okay. And I said I wanted to slow down, stop being in a rush. Not everything's an emergency. Um just to be more present in the moment. >> That's a beneficial adversary, too. I think you're kind of pointing that at me. Well, you know, you know, >> you're never really in a hurry. I'm always in a hurry. >> I'm never in a hurry. He's always Well, he'll we'll be rushing out the door for church. I'll get here and we're 20 minutes early. I'm like, you know what I could have done in 20 minutes? Are you kidding me? Anyways, it's all right. It's all right. It's okay. Uh, but I truly just to slow down to be in the moment. That's the hardest thing I think in the day and age we live in is just to be present. When they come in the door for school, I like want to hug them for 30 seconds a piece. And it's like they have all these things they want to just like they've had a great day, but when they see me, it like activates this like I don't even know, whining like and it's just like, okay, hold on. I just want to hug you for 30 seconds. You know, hug them tight. And you can literally feel their bodies just, you know, kind of like calm down and regulate. Um, one of the best pieces of advice my mom gave me when we started having kids, um, she said, "Make the first and the last moments of the day matter." In other words, uh, don't let correction be the first thing they hear when they wake up in the morning or the last thing that they carry into sleep. Those moments shape how children see themselves and how safe that they feel. Instead, pour into them at the start of the day and cover them again at the end. Speak life, give affection, offer reassurance. Let mornings begin with connection and nights close with peace. Discipline it has its place, but the book ends of the day should be filled with love. Those are the moments that linger. This was not advice that she gave me, but this is truly how she raised us. Very intentional. She used to come sit at the end of my bed when the day was, you know, quietened down, when everything seems to pause. You know, all the lights are off in the house, no TVs are going. Oh, we didn't have Oh, we did have TVs. I'm not even going to lie about it. Um, you know, I mean, like, what? I don't even know. This is why I have to stick to these notes right here. Um, you know what I'm talking about? but everybody's asleep and the dishwasher's going and she's blown out all the candles. She'd come upstairs, you know, and everything was quiet. She would ask me about my day and for reasons that I could not explain. Those were the moments where I would open. I was a tough cookie to crack. Nolan and Fallon, they'd come in and they'd tell all their news, all everything they done. I remember you were going to spank me when we got home. I'm thinking, you are so dumb. Why would you tell them that? next week. Telling you, next week you want to be here for next week. >> You gonna have to find out what I did. >> Be here. >> Be here for next week. They'll all have a mic. It'll be wonderful. >> Wonderful. >> It's that middle child thing. I'm like, if you're going if I'm going to be in trouble, it's going to be >> like our imperfect family. Unfiltered. >> Unfiltered. >> Next week. >> Uh but she would come in at the end of the day and there was just something about that that I was just so open to her and she'd sit there and talk. My dad come upstairs. Well, my lord, where you been? you know, and she's like, "Go down, back down to bed. I'm talking to her." You know, but I would open up to her in those moments, and that's when she poured into me things, and I'm not going to cry talking about it. But looking back now, I can honestly say those are the moments that helped me go from childhood to teenage into adulthood. I was a little bit older when I left home, and those talks at the end of my bed truly shaped who who I was. And at the time it felt random like she just happened to come upstairs and like put clothes away or check on something. But knowing what I know now, I know that those were God moments in my life. They were pro prompted by prayer. They were fruit of having a mother who prayed and had a prayer life and they changed me and I am who I am because of those quiet intentional moments. And I want to be that for my children. But I can't be that if I'm distracted, okay? I can't be fully present if I'm emotionally weighed down by everything, by every breaking news headline, every deep dive, internet deep dive, every heavy story, every lost grandma. I can't take it. Okay? Every file, I can't look at it. Okay? Don't ask me. Don't show me. I don't want to know. Okay? In this season of life, and this is the God honest truth, and this is something that I've had to Are you laughing at me? >> No. >> Don't laugh at me while I'm talking. >> I'm laughing with them. Hey, our our drama don't have to be scripted because we can get the drama right here. Okay. But I can't I can't I can't handle it. I I not I can't I can handle it. >> No one can. >> But it it just we're not built to carry all of that. Okay. And I hope they find that little woman. Um I do. It breaks my heart. And y'all probably know something I don't know. So just don't tell me. Okay? Or if she gets found, tell me, okay? But in this season of my life, I've had to acknowledge that there's just some things not meant for me to carry. >> Nolan will let you know. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Exactly. We're gonna talk about him next week. Trust me, I can be that mama's sleuth. I can get on there and find, oh, you know, this person's connected to this per like I can figure it out, but I've I've learned I just that's I got to draw a personal boundary and truly protect protect my peace. And the same is true with social media. And I know you're thinking, "Oh, we thought we were gonna get through the night without the two of them talking about social media." No, you're not. Um, gotcha. Um, >> she writes the sermons. >> Yeah, it's me. I'm like, talk about Facebook. No, I'm just kidding. But honestly, you know how it is. I look forward to that time of the day where everyone's asleep, including him, or I can sit over there, you know, but we can get so caught up in that. And I don't feel good after I do that. I buy things I don't need. And you know what I'm talking about. Don't you laugh because you do it, too. Okay. We buy things we don't need and we don't feel better about ourselves. We don't. We don't. We were never meant to measure oursel against influencers. It's not real. Okay? I don't care. I don't care what they say. It's not real. No matter how relatable they are. It's staged. It's filmed. It's edited. It's sponsored. It's altered. It's nipped. It's tucked. I mean, come on. We were not meant to measure oursel by that. That's not real life. >> It's not But we get so caught up in that that we forget the following that's happening in our house. The following that's underneath our feet. We can get I mean we'll get on get to looking at something responding to a text and they're asking me questions and I'm like this that's not God's will for my children's life. Okay? And I'm talking to myself and and I know it's not all bad. All social media is not bad. I love a good cooking hack. I love a good outfit thing. Um, but it has to have its place and its limits. And um, our presence requires protection. We got to set some boundaries, mamas. We got to set some limits on there. I know we're at the young people all the time, but we need it. I need it more than they need it. Okay. Um, if I want to be the kind of mother who shows up in the end of the day moments, I've got to guard my attention, my emotions, and my peace because the quiet moments, the ones that seem small, are often the ones that God is to shape a life. >> It's you're definitely shaping a life and that's um parenting is a privilege. Know pastor Sister Erikson talked about generations obviously talking about you having uh kids a gift. It's a gift from God to have a child. Then pastor talked about the family of God last week. Both of those play a huge part. So, some of you that may maybe you don't have kids or you your kids are grown, you're playing a part in the role of of the the entire body of Christ in doing all the things that we're talking about of being present, being a friend, being someone there's there's young people all through this church that don't have anybody. >> Amen. >> Um that and if they do have somebody there, they may not even be in favor of them being here. >> Yeah. And I've seen so many times the body of Christ be so perfect in how it works that it it embraces that young person. It brings them in and they they get up and they give their speeches at the end of their senior year and they give this this, you know, this this heart uh puncturing speech about how somebody was that for them that they didn't have it. And so, um there's so many different ways that that can be um that can be fulfilled. parenting. From the parenting standpoint, um I know again like she says, we're speaking at a at a very um somewhat, you know, ignorant. It's not like we have a ton of experience. We have 10 years of experience with um great uh three three great young men or young boys, however you want to call them. But in in the process of trying to raise um some of your kids, >> um let's say it that way, and I hope that don't sound wrong, but it's just reality. Some of them come and talk and and we've had conversations and um watching kids come, watching kids go and watching kids leave the faith and some be grounded and some of the most difficult things that I've seen is being a part of a young person's life and them turn their back on God. I think if I could leave anything with you and just watching how students have behaved um through my privileged time of working with them is is if we could work more on worship realignment rather than just character management >> and and I I if I could explain that more like there there needs to be an awe of God in every young person's life. You can call it the fear of God, >> but I like to call it the awe of God. Like that that that they're they're acknowledging who God is, and they're acknowledging the presence of God. Let me let me read this to you. I think this is powerful. And I pulled this from an article. At the age of 12, a kid is already starting to develop intellectual resistance if they can't answer hard questions about their faith. It's a fairy tale if you're only giving them stories and it's actually leaving them defenseless. The moment a skeptic or a professor ask, "How do you know the Bible is true?" Their faith scatters because it has no roots. It's like a house built on sand. We see children children's faith literally begin to shut down when it meets challenges. It wasn't trained. Here's how you know a kid can you you I've heard them I've heard them do it. I've seen it in Bible class. They maybe can recite a verse. They perhaps can tell a story. But you get that blank uncomfortable stare when you ask them, "How do you know that Jesus Christ rose from the dead?" >> Yeah. >> How do you know that the Bible is true? How do you know that the earth was created and it wasn't from a big bang? All of a sudden, they start looking at you. And this isn't just David and Goliath and Jonah in the well. You know what I'm saying? >> And so you can see if there's not that curiosity of the all of God as in a young person that we have the ability to create that atmosphere and to ask those questions that it's sad to say, but I'm seeing that one smart YouTube video can dismantle 10 years of Sunday school in 30 seconds and all of a sudden people are on their way out. This is this is something I'm speaking to you from my heart because it's burdened me and I'm working on curriculum to try to fix it. But we can't just tell them stories. We've got to give them deeprooted answers apologetically being able to explain who God is, what sin is, what is salvation, how was the earth created. It's the things they're being asked. And so as parents, we have to make sure that deep doubts cannot stay hidden. and grow. So, how do how do I fix that conversations? I'm asking the question. We have to ask the question. And it can't just be at the school. It's got to be at the tables. It's got to be in places where we are intentional about the the the health and and again, we're raising adults. We're trying to get them to a place where um where they're going to they're going to make it when they walk into whatever field or whatever work or whatever college classroom they walk into. So it it's it's something I want to be more intentional about. I encourage you as parents to be more intentional about that. We ask them questions. We help build their faith. We help them answer the questions as a young person and create keep that curiosity of wanting more of God, desiring God and awe of God. I want to know him more. I wanted to and that all comes and it's from us. Do we do we take time to discuss and talk about those things? I think that's good. No matter what age you are. >> Yeah. And no matter if you got kids in the house or not, having conversations about God, asking yourself hard questions. Can you give an answer to someone? And you'll realize that if the more answers you have, the more comfortable you are sharing your faith as well and carrying out the great commission. But we have our our world has an adversary who is after our kids. >> He's after us. He's after our families, but he's after our kids. the adversary, whether you look at it as the devil or our carnal flesh and the culture we live in, both are working together to try to devour our families, tear our families apart, and to try to to to steal our our next generation. Um, so I figured this would be fun tonight and and I I've got just a couple more things and we'll start wrapping this up. But I went to uh AI and I asked AI, "If you were the devil, what would you do?" All right. Some of you may have seen this. Um, but I I've I've did a little bit. I don't know if you're a chat GBT or if you're a Grock or whatever AI system you use, but I I asked the question and this is what I got. And they got these tiles. So, you can you can read this and this is pretty eye opening. Um, if you were the devil, what would you do? And I mean, let's be honest. That's like it's the antichrist. I can see some of you you're convinced you read some conspiracy. But this is what it says. I wouldn't waste my time trying to get you to worship me. I just convince you not to worship God at all. I'd tell you that truth is relative. Your truth, my truth, until nobody knows which way is up. I'd whisper, "As long as you're happy, it's right." >> I'd keep you busy. Too busy for prayer. too busy for church, too busy to ask eternal questions. I'd fill your hands with a phone so you'd never have time to fold them in prayer. I'd break families, get fathers and mothers absent, marriages bitter, and kids confused. If I can fracture the home, then I can fracture the future. I divide the church with petty arguments, comparison, offense, celebrity culture. If I can get Christians fighting each other, they'll never fight me. >> So true. >> I'd desensitize you. I'd glamorize sin in movies, normalize it in music, laugh at it in comedy, and celebrated in culture until what once shocked you now entertains you. >> I'd attack your identity. I'd make you question who you are, where you belong, and whether you even matter. I'd whisper shame so loud that you can't hear God's voice of love. And through it all, I wouldn't even try to prove I exist. My greatest trick is to convince you I'm not real. Because if you don't believe in me, you'll never resist. Too many of us walk around as if the devil and our flesh is not against us. It's it's it's crazy. Be careful today what you're measuring yourself by. Go back to where we started. Imperfection is something that that you will never remove. And there's there's there's there's you're going to always have imperfection. You're going to always have temptation. You're always going to have a devil. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my >> You can't take his seat away from the table. He's always going to be there. pain, trouble, your flesh, it's always going to be there that you we're trying to remove. One of the top selling books about five years ago was erasing hell. I just want to get rid of it. Just want to remove it. There's things that you and I need to stop trying to get rid of and realize that it's about placement, not about removal. Me, let me explain that to you. There are certain things you cannot remove. You can't remove your flesh. You, you know, you, he says you can enter into heaven without an eye, but probably be better if you had both of them, you know? Be better for you to enter into heaven without a leg, but I mean, it'd be nice to be able to walk in instead of, you know, stumble in, right? But there's certain parts of you that you you can't do away with. I mean, you can't Your heart's deceitfully wicked, but you can't just cut it out and get rid of it or you're not going to live, right? There's certain things you can't remove, but you have to put it in its proper place. And the scripture that this is scripturally true, and it's logically just through the the theology of of of the Bible. And so, I want to make sure that we understand this. There's too many times that we want to remove things that'll never be removed and we get frustrated because it's still there. Our flesh, the adversary. It's like we get one win today and you're frustrated because he shows back up tomorrow. You you you went to the gym today, but your flesh doesn't want to tomorrow. You prayed today, but you didn't today tomorrow. Does that make sense? This just like this this let me let me explain it to you this way. Let's use a real hot topic. Anxiety. You'll never remove it. It's in every one of us. >> Every single person in this room is anxious about the fact that you are not eternal. >> You're going to die. Sorry. standing ovation in each one of us. There's this little bit of anxiousness that's inside of our finitude that we are not going to live forever. So what what do we do with that? You can't you can't you can't act like that it's not there. It's as human beings there's a constant awareness of us possibly not being anymore or not being alive, dying, right? So, we're going to die. There's a threat of death. There's also a threat of hell. And our resistance to it is unavoidable. We don't want to go there. We don't want to experience death. Nobody in here is going to volunteer. As much as you may feel good about your chances to die tonight, it's just sitting there and within you as you know that one sickness, one diagnosis, see that's awful morbid. It's real. That is a form of anxiousness. And so what in the world do I do with that? Because I see some people, they're like, "Hey, if you're sick, don't get anywhere near me." Right? Some of you are going to go jump out of a plane. Some of you are not. Some of you are going to go handle a snake. Some of you are not. You're more aware of it in certain areas. But all of us have a a a sense of anxiousness that says, "I do not want to die." >> But guess what? You're going to and it's there. So, it's not about removal because you can't remove it. I mean, there's only one way to and it I wouldn't recommend it. You'd be dead, right? I don't know that I'm getting this across, but you you can't you can't remove that anxiousness, but yet that word is such a hot topic and we just want to get rid of that. >> Yeah. >> It's like getting rid of fear. You can't get rid of fear because if it's like, oh, I'm going to get rid of fear and have faith. No, faith is the the is there because fear is there. >> You would if you didn't have any fear, you wouldn't need faith. It's not about replacing. I mean, it's not about removal. It's about the placement. I'm going to have faith that's greater than fear. So, what's the solution to my anxiousness? There ain't but one option. It's placement. You put it under the gospel. >> Yeah. >> Are you with me? >> So, there's too many things that we as Christians are getting frustrated with because we're trying to just remove them, get rid of them. And especially in the apostolic movement, we think our holiness is all about getting rid of things. It's not about getting rid of things. It's about putting things under our feet because we already have victory over them. >> Amen. >> And the lines and the standards that we draw are preventing us for allowing those things to get in a place they were never supposed to be. >> Right? >> So by by by the idea of removing them, people backslide because they can't just get the devil away from them. They backslide because this thing of Christianity isn't what they thought it would be. >> It's it's not about removal. It's about placement. And so with our with our our kids and our lives as parents, in our lives as individuals, no matter what season of life you're in, if you're a parent, if you're a student, if you're a trends setter tonight, we have to make sure if we're going to live a life that's pleasing to God in covenant with God and covenant with one another, we have to put the right things in the right place. And one of the biggest factors causing us to have the wrong things in order when it comes to serving God is social media. What we're looking at, what's the benchmark of what we feel like is what we should be doing. Many of us are discontent because what we scroll through on Facebook. I had a conversation with two two amazing men and I would even say men of God this week and we got into this discussion and it it blew my mind and I feel like it was a God moment. I'll share it with you right now is it's it's a it's a thing right now that ministers are wanting to get into the business world and businessmen are wanting to get into the ministry world. And we were having this conversation because they were wanting to do that because you just always are kind of get people that are are are pushing the mark. They're always wanting to get into something and get their hands and try to do something where their gifting is obvious in certain areas and they'll meander into other things. And there's there's this sense of just because you scroll through social media and you saw something and you think, I could do that. I could start doing that. I could get a little side gig going. I could start another business. I could start doing this. I could start doing that. All of a sudden, before you know it, you've convinced yourself and you've got all these things in your hands and you're not doing anything. You're juggling all the things that you thought because you were so discontent that now you're distracted and you're not present and people and relationships are suffering because of it. And so putting things in the right place, placement is everything. There's nothing that's going to take this time of prayer. There's nothing that's going to take this time of Bible reading. There's nothing that's going to replace these certain things because it's about placement. And obviously there's things that you want to remove, but you you can't always remove them. You've got to put them in the right place. So I say that about social media because I see many people that are pushing things to the side and and and I think this would be interesting for us to look at tonight in closing. And I Is there anything else you want to say? >> No. >> Those things turned off so I have no clue what time it is. My watch is broke. So you might have to help me tonight. Is uh Yeah, we're we're over time. This is closing tonight. You ready? If you were reading the book of Acts on social media, this is what you would have read today. It would be about a fictional church. If you read it on certain outlets today, this is what it would look like. Acts chapter 1, a fallen minister needs to be replaced named Judas. I'm just being straight with you. If some of you are reading certain Facebook pages and allowing you to that inform your version of what church is. Acts two says there's mockery going on in the church. Acts three, a crippled man has laid at the door of the church down the street and nobody's willing to help him. Acts four, there's persecution in the church. In Acts five, a couple lied to the pastor and holds back their part of the offering. Acts chapter 6, there's murmuring in the church because widows are being overlooked. Acts 7, there's a murder in the church and now they're having a funeral in the same building. There's coveting in Acts 8 over ministries and spiritual gifts and me not getting to do this and you get to do that. In Acts 9, people are being judgmental in the church. And then Acts 10, racism enters the church. Acts 11, there's doctrinal confusion in the church. In Acts 12, martyrdom in the church and the preacher is in prison. Acts 13, there's unbelief in the church. In Acts 14, people worshiping their favorite celebrity preachers. In Acts 15, legalism and dissensions in the church. In Acts 16, uh, preaching was forbidden and the congregation has come against the preacher and has dis has moved him from his responsibilities. Acts 18, the preacher does not know all the fullness of truth. Apollos is is all of a sudden left the truth. In Acts 19, people are being baptized incorrectly. That's what you would have read on the social med media outlet or perhaps your news outlet that you flipped through if you would have been reading and being informed by the wrong social media outlet for the book of Acts. >> Yeah. >> All at the same time, Jesus did not build some fictional church or some fairy tale church. He's built a powerful church on weak, imperfect people. Because at the same time in Acts one, someone new is being ordained in ministry. In Acts two, 120 people show up for a prayer meeting and God pours out his spirit and 3,000 are added to the church. A lame man's healed in Acts three and the church is refilled with the Holy Ghost in a prayer meeting. In Acts four, signs, wonders, and miracles are happening in the church. Uh Peter's shadow is healing people in Acts five. Now, now that that's where we're at in Acts 5, you could be talking about the couple that lied to the pastor and stopped attending and the dissension that's going on or Peter's literally walking by people and his shadows healing people. Based upon what you're scrolling through, the two things are happening simultaneously. >> Yes. >> Acts six, the word of God continues to increase and new volunteers who are full of the Holy Ghost start working in the church. The word of God preached by one of the newly ordained volunteers named Steven. He ministers a great word in Acts 7. Acts 8, Samaritans get converted and the churches are planted. Then Acts nine, the greatest persecutor of the church is converted and becomes the greatest mission that missionary the church has ever had. >> Wow. >> What news are you reading? Gentiles are converted. In Acts 10, racial issues begin to be healed. In Acts 11, a prayer meeting is going uh that the pastor did not schedule in Acts 12. Acts 13, Paul and Barnabas begin their missionary work. Acts 14, elders are appointed. Acts 15, a general conference is called and doctrinal issues are corrected. >> Devils are cast out as and a Filipinia Filipinia a phil jeller is converted. Let's leave it there. The church spreads across all of Asia, Europe, and Near East in Acts 17-20. But you would never know that. >> Yeah. Amen. >> If you were listening to the Pharisees. Sadducees and all the different outlets that are out there. Social media can not only create you a fictional family, but it'll create a fictional church. And many people today, you say, "Not me. Watch the wrong thing a few days in a row." And all of a sudden, you'll find yourself trying to measure up and compare people and your relationships to the wrong things. You say it's not true. There's people leaving churches, leaving the faith, turning their back on God, turning their back on their mates. Number one issue, Facebook. It's the number one statistic in divorce today in the United States. You have to be aware of what is challenging and coming against your marriage, your family, what's after your kids. I want you to stand to your feet. I want to pray. I pray that somehow someway that what we've said tonight has been helpful to you. I I don't want to be a part of anything anything that God has not has not ordained and God created obviously. And I I believe that the family and the church are two of the most powerful things. Obviously, he created the family, but he purchased you'll hear us say this, Pastor Ericson said it, Pastor Kartner said it. We heard it this weekend multiple times. He purchased the church with his blood. Both are essential for life. Not only the family that it brings physical life, but the church is is is what helps us be able to live in covenant with God and with one another. So, I want you to lift both your hands tonight. And let's close this evening in prayer and just ask God to help us. Lord, let us be one, God. You've you've you've ministered to us for weeks now, God, as we've come through this series, we've come through our marriage retreat, God, and we've seen you work in such a powerful way, God, in different lives. I pray that tonight that if there's anything, Lord, in our lives that we need to fix, Lord, that you would help us to see it. Lord, I know that there's dysfunction within all of us, but just as Ruth and Boaz did, Lord, we can make a decision tonight. Lord, we can make a decision that changes our future that changes our our children, that changes our churches, that changes everything that will come in the future. Lord, help us, God. Give us wisdom to make the right decisions. Lord, we want to be a church in this city that's set up on a hill, Lord, that shares, God, your word and who, God, you've called us to be with every person that we come in contact with. In Jesus name we pray. Everybody said, "Amen."