Transcript of a published conference session by Brooke Pamer, transcribed from YouTube. An attributed primary source — not Acts 2:38 Life doctrine text.
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Summary
Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.
Summary
- Brooke Pamer, who with her husband Paul serves as senior pastor of Apostolic Church in Barberton, Ohio, preaches her own family's story as a message: her daughter Grayson is dying, and the thorn of that pain is where God has pitched His tent of power over them. (The message stands entire as captioned — no introduction is captioned in this cut, and nothing is seamed out at either end — packet.md.)
- **The diagnosis.** At a routine twenty-week ultrasound, her daughter's brain appeared to have almost no brain matter at all; the specialist named the condition hydrocephalus — water on the brain, its pressure pushing the brain matter to the margins. For nine weeks she and her husband walked into weekly ultrasounds hoping to hear that all was well; week after week the news got worse, the pressure increased, and at twenty-eight weeks they could wait no longer.
- **The birth and the early struggle.** Grayson Yale Pamer — "amazing Grayson" — was born the same day her parents, on a previously arranged schedule, began serving as senior pastors in Barberton: their journey of pastoring and of parenting a special-needs child started on one day. On her second day of life Grayson had her first brain surgery, a shunt to relieve the pressure, and the early MRI held out hope of a fairly normal life — a prognosis her mother flatly refused: none of her children would be fairly normal; they would be exceptional, with God on their side. On Easter Sunday, several weeks later, Grayson had her first seizure during the church service, and the day after came the verdict that her brain was severely malformed.
- **Managing the medical challenges.** Three brain surgeries in the first year; escalating epilepsy and emergency rooms; two years of weekly therapy that ended with the therapist's judgment that nothing more could be done; a child whose development, outside of a miracle, will never surpass three months; constant infections, sleeping up to twenty hours a day, body temperature dropping into hypothermia, severe sleep apnea; a daughter who could pass away at any time but could also live to be ten. In 2015 the vomiting began — months of it, an hour to feed a bottle and start again — until the answer came: she was aspirating, and would need a surgery she might not survive. They spent the first part of a summer preparing to say goodbye to their little girl, and the second half learning to live with a child who has a feeding tube. "These are all facts."
- **The emotional weight.** She can give the facts but feels ill-equipped to give the feelings: the terrifying moment of a baby's blood-curdling scream and a body bucking out of control, medicating a seizure at home with tears running down her face, then looking into her eight-year-old's eyes and telling her it is really okay — because it is Sunday morning and you have to sing, teach, smile, and shake hands; you have to see past your own pain and see someone else's. The daily sound of a daughter who stops breathing and has to be patted on the chest to start again. The constant guilt of not doing enough for the kingdom while staying out in front of the wave. Prayers that swing between "heal her" and "take her peacefully," for a God who must make sense of them. And the heroism of her husband, who goes into Grayson's bedroom every morning before he leaves — not only to check on her, but because if she is gone, he wants to find her first.
- **Finding joy amidst pain.** How to paint Grayson's portrait in mere words — her strength, her endurance, her sweet nature, the explosive joy every time she smiles or laughs. A recording of her laughter is played in the message itself (her mother's own telling, the child's own voice standing in it — packet.md): she started laughing last month; she had never done that. A heart can be shattered again and again and still laugh, still hope, still believe. "I know two things: I know that my daughter is dying, but I know that my God is faithful."
- **Faith and the human condition.** They have not been singled out. At creation Adam and Eve were undefiled, unblemished, unspoiled — flawless inhabitants of a garden without pain — until one bite let sin slither in, and in the punishment the ground was cursed and the thorns-and-thistles wording was declared to man. Paradise lost, the narrative shifted: humanity must face adversity; we can be broken, scraped raw, shattered; now we need a Saviour. Thorns are part of the human condition. She turns to her text — the apostle's thorn in the flesh, prayed over and not removed, and the answer he received: my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness — and his response, to glory in his infirmities so that the power of Christ may rest on him. That word "rest," she teaches, means to take possession of, to literally fix a tent over: when we glory in our infirmities, God pitches a tent of power over us.
- **God's covering of power.** She proves it with the people God sent: Chuck and Patty Hunter, "Grayson's angels," who began attending the church almost a year before Grayson was born and were brought, they now say, in part to care for her — the only hands in which her mother does not worry. Parents, aunts, and siblings carry them through medications, feeding pumps, stomas, and hospital waiting rooms. Their older daughter — never named, only treasured — sat in the ICU after Grayson's latest surgery and said that God must have known they were a special family, because He gave them a baby who would need special love. In church she takes stock of the faces that were not there three years ago, lives touched in the middle of their pain. And she declares her intent plainly: the next time God's healing power moves, she will pick that baby girl up, walk her to the front, and petition God for a new brain — "I still believe in a God that heals, even if He doesn't heal for me."
- **Promises in the thicket.** She is not any different from the house: everyone has a season of pain, a different face on the same condition — scraped, broken, dropped, shattered — and still we go on and strive to do the work. But your pain can deliver your promise. Abraham scaled Mount Moriah with the thorns scraping at his heels, not knowing the thorns were holding his miracle; Abraham's pain became Abraham's promise. The thorns seeded in Eden to bring pain brought promise when they were crushed into the Saviour's brow — the soldiers thought the crown a weapon of convenience, but Jesus was our ram in the thicket, our spotless lamb; there is no pain He has not felt (the borne-our-griefs wording is voiced here without a locator — noted in place, not indexed; packet.md). She sings out David's song — the Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him and He helped me — and turns it into the appeal: whoever you are today, whatever you walked in carrying that nobody else knows about — damaged, depressed, scraped or broken, hurt by a backslidden child, shattered by sickness — there is a promise waiting for you in the thicket. He sent her today to tell them God wants to pitch a tent of power over them. As the house walks to the table of communion, hands lifted from side to side and front to back, she presses the close: don't leave this moment without letting Him cover you — "there is a promise waiting for you in the midst of your pain."
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Psalm 28:7
Scripture index: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Psalm 28:7.
Transcript
foreign my daughter is dying that is my unfarnished truth that is the pain we carry with us every moment of every day on Friday September 28 2013 our world fractured a routine ultrasound done at 20 weeks revealed that at first glance our daughter's brain appeared to have no brain matter at all after further review a specialist informed us that she had a condition called hydrocephalus more simply termed she had water on her brain the pressure from The increased amount of cerebral spinal fluid in her brain had pushed almost all of her brain matter to the margins and for nine weeks every week my husband and I walked into an ultrasound and looked at our baby's brain waiting with baited breath for the technician to say wait wait all is well your child has been healed I can't explain it but but it's all gonna be okay but weak after a week after week the news got worse the pressure on her brain increased and finally at 28 weeks we could wait no longer and so on January 7 2013 our deepest pain and our greatest gift came wrapped in the same package Grayson Yale pamer amazing Grayson she entered our world and I can truly tell you it will never be the same her arrival overshadowed our other life-changing event that happened that day you see on January 7 2013 according to a previously arranged schedule we also begin serving as the senior pastor of Apostolic Church in Barberton Ohio we began our journey of pastoring and parenting a special needs child on the same day on January 8th her second day of life Grayson had her first brain surgery a shunt was placed in her brain to relieve the pressure in the early MRI results indicated that her brain like a sponge would begin to expand and to borrow the neurologist's words she could lead a fairly normal life I got mad when he said that none of my children were going to be fairly normal we were going to be exceptional we were going to beat the odds after all we have God on our side but on Easter Sunday just several weeks later Grayson had her first seizure during the church service and family pictures from that day her hand is Black from where she gripped it so tight as her body began seizing just one day later April 1st 2013. our world truly shattered into a million pieces that was the day that a doctor looked at us and told us that our daughter's brain was severely malformed my mind raced with the things that she might never do and looking back the list seems comical you see I I went straight past the she'll never walk and she'll
never talk I I I got caught up on my baby girl's never gonna get married she's never gonna drive a car she's ever going to graduate college she's never going to know what it feels like to be filled with the spirit of God I'm never going to see her go down the water and be baptized and she it seems silly but but my healthy daughter died that day and I left her behind in that emergency room Grayson had three brain surgeries that first year her epilepsy escalated and we found ourselves in the emergency room often with a baby who had been seizing for hours we have seasons where the right cocktail of meds control the seizures but eventually a new one manifests in the cycle begins again outside of a miracle Grayson's development will never surpass three months for two years we took her to therapy every single week and at the end of two years she had made very little if any progress and the therapist looked at us and said I don't think you should bring her anymore there's really not anything we can do for you she hears very well but her brain does not allow her to process Vision correctly we aren't sure what she sees it seems that lately she almost always has an ear infection or a sinus infection it has become common for her to sleep up to 20 hours a day she's not able to control her body temperature she will frequently drop below 85 Degrees putting her in a hypothermic State she suffers from severe sleep apnea we are told that she could pass away at any time but that she could also live to be as old as 10. and no one can really narrow that Spectrum for us in 2015 she began vomiting and for four months she vomited several times a day and it would often take us over an hour to feed her a bottle and then she would vomit and we would start again and every doctor had a different diagnosis but we eventually learned that she was aspirating and reflexing she was going to require a surgery that we were not sure she would make it through and we spent the first part of our summer in a hospital preparing ourselves to say goodbye to our little girl and we spent the second half of our summer learning how to live with a child who has a feeding tube these are all facts I can give you the facts but I feel ill-equipped to give you my feelings my pain you see how can I transport you to that terrifying moment when your baby lets out a blood curling scream in your heart drops into your stomach as you watch her body buck and contort uncontrollably and somehow with tears running down your face you have to keep it together enough to medicate her so that you can stop the seizure at home and after you look in the eyes of your eight-year-old and tell her baby it's really okay you all get dressed and go to church because it's Sunday morning and you have to sing and teach and smile and shake hands you have to help someone you have to see past your own pain and see someone else's how can I depict the sinking feeling I feel in my stomach every time I get in my car and drive to the hospital or how can I tell you how it feels on a daily basis when I listen to my daughter stop breathing and I have to Pat her on the chest to remind her to start again how can I measure for you the level of frustration I feel when I ask someone to do something at church and they tell me they're too busy how can I capture for you the constant guilt that plagues me that I'm not doing enough for the kingdom of God because I'm so busy trying to stay out in front of the wave that I feel like is constantly in danger of swallowing us whole can you understand my fear that God can't make sense of my prayers I pray for him to heal her
and then I pray for his wheel well I pray for him to heal her and then I pray God take her peacefully to pray for God to God because it's better than having to watch her suffer what would you have said when your seven-year-old daughter asked you why her baby sister doesn't walk or talk like other kids siblings do how can I capture for you the heroism of my husband who I know goes into Grayson's bedroom every morning before he leaves not just because he wants to check on her but because if she's gone he wants to find her first how can I paint the portrait of Grayson with mere words her strength her endurance her sweet nature how can I get you to feel the explosive joy that we feel every time she smiles or laughs I started laughing last month we are so sweet she's never done that all is right with our world when Grayson laughs how can I explain to you that your heart can be shattered again and again and again and sometimes somehow you can still laugh somehow you can still hope somehow you can still believe I know two things I know that my daughter is dying but I know that my God is faithful I said I know that my God is faithful we haven't been singled out we are not unique at the point of their creation Adam and Eve were undefiled by any Evil unblemished by any disease or defect unspoiled by any imperfection together they were very literally the Flawless examples of male and female Excellence they were inhabitants of God's Garden where trees sprung up that were pleasant to cite and good for food Rivers flowed for the sole purpose of just keeping everything hydrated God's creative prowess was on display Adam and Eve first man and first woman living in a world without pain but with one bite sin slithers its way under the door of paradise destroying innocence and Humanity holds its breath awaiting God's verdict and it is in his punishment to Adam that God curses the ground and declares to man thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to thee Man Has Fallen Paradise is lost sin shifted The Narrative and now Humanity must face adversity now we must feel pain we haven't been singled out Thorns are a part of our Human Condition we can be broken now we can be scraped raw we can be shattered now we need a savior in second Corinthians 12 Paul prayed for his Thorn In the Flesh to depart from him and God said this my grace is sufficient for thee for my strength is made perfect in weakness most gladly therefore Paul said will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ May rest upon me that word rest means to take possession of or
to literally fix a tent over when we glory in our infirmities God pitches a tent of power over us I said when we glory in our infirmities God pitches a tent of power over us I'll prove it to you meet Chuck and Patty Hunter God calls them Grayson's angels and I must admit I often expect there to be a halo over their head the hunters began attending our church almost a year before Grayson was born and they will now tell you that they feel God brought them in part to care for Grayson and they do and when I leave her in their care it is very literally the only time I do not worry God sent them to us before we even knew we needed them because God pitches a tent of power over us taking care of your granddaughter or your niece is not supposed to include administering medications or operating feeding pumps cleaning stomas or spending hours in hospital waiting rooms but God gifted Paul and I with parents and aunts and siblings that carry us Cooks God covers Us with a tent of of power he pitches a tent of power over us our eight-year-old daughter who is the perfect blend of SASS and joy has never had one moment of bitterness or jealousy sitting in the ICU this summer after Grayson's latest surgery she said Mom God must have known we were a special family because he gave us a baby who he knew would need special love and all I know is that in the storms of sickness God covers me with a tent of power a week doesn't go by that we don't get stopped in the aisle get a card in the mail a text message from a precious saint of God wanting to know how our baby is doing wanting us to know we are covered in prayer when I sit in church on Sunday I look around and take stock of the faces that weren't there three years ago lives that God has touched and changed in the middle of our pain because no matter how life storms no matter the lightning and the Thunder God covers Us with a tent of power I want you to hear me when I say that the very next time I hit my knees I will ask God to heal my baby the very next time I'm in a service and God's healing power begins to move I want you to know that I will make my way back to that back pew and I will pick that baby girl up and I will walk her to the front and we will pray for her and we will lay hands on her and we will petition God for a new brain because I still believe in a God that heals even if he doesn't heal for me I still believe and that's because God has covered us with a tent of power the truth is I'm not any different than you we all have our seasons pain your pain may have a different face than my pain but we can all be scraped and broken we can all be dropped and shattered and yet still we go on we strive to do the work for which he has called us Thorns are a part of the human condition but hear me when I tell you your pain can deliver your promise
your pain can deliver your promise as Abraham scaled Mount Moriah and those Thorns surely scraped at his heels little did he know that if he could just reach the top of that mountain those Thorns were holding his miracle Abraham's pain became Abraham's promise and so it is for us those very Thorns that were seated in Eden to bring us pain brought us promise when they were crushed into the brow of a savior that fateful day in history when Jesus was nailed to a cross those Brash Roman soldiers laughed as they crafted that crown of thorns and crushed it into our savior's brow they they thought that the Thorns were just a weapon of convenience but they missed the savior's message our pain in him always becomes our Jesus was our Ram in the thicket our spotless lamb there is no pain he has not felt surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows David said the Lord is my strength and my shield my heart trusted in him and he helped me therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song will I Praise Him David said nobody's going to get me down I'm gonna glory in my infirmities I'm gonna Rejoice I'm gonna sing because there's a tent of power that is available to me that God will place over my life I don't know who you are today I don't know what you're facing maybe you walked in here with something that nobody else even knows about I don't know how damaged you are I don't know how depressed you are I don't know if you're scraped or broken if you've been hurt by a backslidden child if you've been Shattered by sickness are you disappointed or discouraged there's a promise for you it's waiting in the thicket and if you can just keep climbing up that mountain if you can just take to him your thorns he promises is sufficient for thee if you will glory in your infirmities I will pitch a tent of power over you I don't know if you're hurting I don't know if your faith has been shaken I don't know if you came in here thinking God is not going to move in my situation I don't know if you're sick of praying over and over and over again for something that God just seems not interested in doing for you I don't know I don't know where you are but I know this he sent me today to tell you that God wants to pitch a tent of power over you so if you're hurting if you're broken if you're shattered today I think it would be okay as we walk to the table of communion if from side to side and front to back we just lifted our hands and let God overshadow Us in this place if you're hurting don't leave this moment without letting God do for you what he has promised don't leave this moment without letting God come and hover over you in the storm of life he wants to be your shield no matter how hard it's raining no matter how hard the pain is hurting God wants to cover you today he wants to overshadow you today oh he wants to be your shield and your strength oh he wants to come in and lay himself over
you and Infuse you with power and strengthen you and increase your faith and give you hope and bolster your belief that anything is possible in him oh don't leave this moment without letting him do what you want him to do in your life for this is your moment this is your realm in the thicket moment there is a promise waiting for you there is a promise waiting for you in the midst of your pain
Scripture references as spoken: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Psalm 28:7.