Begin Series, Week 3: Communication

We are continuing tonight in our Begin series, following up last Wednesday. Pastor spoke to us on the subject of relationships in a somewhat of a similar vein. Tonight we're going to look at the subject of communication. Now that's a vast subject and we could even draw from the scripture and talk about communication with prayer but I am going to endeavor to leave that untouched pastor shock. We'll do that in a couple weeks and so tonight our objective is to consider the more narrow parameters of communication within the context of relationships. Good communication is an important part of all relationships. It is essential to all human interaction that includes marriages, that includes families, friendships, business dealings, and so much more. Regular and clear communication is necessary to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, confusion, and even division. And so we see the value of this. If you sit here tonight and you are married, there's application here for you. If you are a

parent or you are a child, there's application here for you. If you work, if you have co-workers, if you have employers that you are submitted to or employees that you lead, there will be application here for you. If you don't do any of that and you just talk to the lady at the grocery market, I promise you there will be application for you. This is something that is applicable to every human interaction. And while there are many resources that offer insightful and practical guidance on the subject of communication, it is important that the scriptures speak first in all things, including this. So we're going to look at the handout and work through some scriptures tonight and consider what does the scripture speak to us. Now we could come up with a long, long list of scripture. There are literally hundreds of verses in the Bible that we could pull from to draw instruction and application on the subject of communication. We just

don't have time tonight to do all of that. And with, I believe, the leading of the Holy Ghost, I have a few for our consideration tonight. Some, no doubt, will be familiar such as this first one in Proverbs 18 and 21. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. How many no words are powerful? But when the writer speaks of the power of the tongue, this does not simply speak to the words you use. It includes what we say and how we say it. There is a big difference between saying, yeah, and yes, please. There is a big difference between when a waitress brings a cup to your table and says, die, Dr. Pepper, you going, yeah, and saying, yes, ma'am, thank you. Now I know that the outcome appears to be the same, but the words we use and how we use them are very, very important. If we

neglect the what, now the what is communication itself. It is to say something. So if we neglect the what, which means we just don't say anything, we have no relationship at all. Now I know, you may call yourself husband and wife. You may have made a vow, but I promise you, if you have no communication, you don't have a very healthy relationship, and you may biologically be father to a child in your house or biologically be mother to a child in your house, but if you have no what, if you have no communication, you don't have much of a relationship. There has to be communication. Now this is the what. These are the words we use. It's the exchanging of feeling and information for the purpose of achieving something, achieving understanding, conveying information, facilitating some exchange, but it's not just the what, it's the how. And so to focus on what in neglect of the how results in people being crushed in relationships

being broken. So you can do the what, you can offer words, you can communicate, but if you don't take into consideration the how, inevitably your tone, your lack of consideration of others, not considering the how of the tongue is going to result in you offering a what that can be damaging to that individual and damaging to that relationship. And so when proverb speaks to us of death and life and the power of the tongue, it's not simply saying that there are good words and there are bad words, but you must take into consideration how you use those words. The goal in our communication, whether it's as spouses, as parents, as children, the goal of all communication is not simply to share information or to make an exchange, but is to do so in a manner that honors one another and builds the relationship. I know you think, well, does it really matter? Do I need to be this meticulous about my communication? How

much of a relationship am I going to have with the waitress at Monaco's Pizza? Well, I would hope to God that you might eat there again and just maybe, just maybe there might be an opportunity for your conversation to become a witness, the Bible, and we'll look at some of that here in a little bit. The Bible does speak specifically to the how of our conversation in the context of witnessing. Now, you may not have much of a relationship on your first visit, but I promise you, if you speak in a way that is honorable and builds that person up, then the next time you show up, they're going to remember you because you talk different than everybody else who talked to them. You didn't get rude when your food was a little bit cold. You didn't refuse to tip. You weren't dismissive and demeaning because she wasn't the best waitress you ever had. You continued to communicate in a manner that was

honorable and built them up. You showed care and compassion. Our words are powerful, so powerful that Matthew 12 says this. But I say unto you that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give an account thereof in the day of judgment, for by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. I know when we when we come to the concept of judgment and God ruling things, there can be some hesitancy that rises within us. This is a powerful concept. Jesus is telling us that our words have the ability to justify, to equip, to make us innocent or to condemn us. How? Because he says every idle word that men shall speak, they're going to give an account of in the day of judgment. The word idle in this verse by definition means to be free from labor. It's to shun labor or responsibility. To me, this denotes a carelessness of speech. It is to say

that you speak words and with tones that do not pass through the filter of careful consideration. Your words lack intention. And I would submit to us tonight that behind a careless mouth is a careless mind. And if we speak without thinking, we too often display the fruit of thinking without God. So an idle word is a word that you have spoken freely without the restraint of God. You have left no room for the scripture to be a filter to your mind or your mouth. It's words that are spoken carelessly, recklessly, cast out without consideration of how this may impact the hear or impact the speaker. They're idle words. Words from a lazy mind, a lazy tongue. It lacks the self control that the scripture would speak to us of. And it's in this vein of teaching that the writer of Proverbs would say in 12 and 18 that the words of the reckless pierce like swords but the tongue of the wise brings

healing. The words of the reckless, the one who spoke idly, the one who spoke carelessly, who didn't carefully consider what they were saying and how they were saying it. Now, I know we've all been guilty of this. I've been guilty of this in a moment of emotion. It gets the better of you and you say something that you probably shouldn't have said. Now, the words themselves may not have been cursed words, but they may have been idle words recklessly cast out in a tone that injures that relationship and demeans that individual. Now, thankfully, we have other words and other tones that that you can use to repair that. You can apologize. You can demonstrate humility. You can come seeking forgiveness, acknowledging the error of what you did. What did you do wrong? You spoke carelessly. You didn't calculate, you didn't take the time to measure out your feelings and to consider what am I going to say? How am I going to say

it? Is this going to impact them positively or negatively? Will this be detrimental to them as a person or to the health of our relationship? I'm not so naive tonight to think that every time we speak that we have time to stop and gather our thoughts and methodically work through this list of questions, but I would submit to us tonight that we can reach a place where we cultivate a certain culture of mind, a culture of communication internally, self communication. Now, I know we may not like to admit it, but science tells us that over 90 percent of people talk to themselves. Only 26 percent actually do it out loud, and I think the 4 percent that said they don't talk to themselves just weren't willing to admit it. Listen, you're in good company. The Bible says that God counsels against his own will. David spoke to himself and said, why is my soul cast down? He looked inward and had a self

dialogue about his life, so it's okay to talk to yourself. Now, if you start hearing voices back, there's people we can connect you with. The first is Jesus, but we all have this internal dialogue, and as we cultivate this healthy culture of self dialogue and a healthy culture of communication within the relationships that the Lord grants us, then we're not having to stop and methodically work through this list of questions every time we speak. It becomes this subconscious filter that's cultivated by the culture we have created, but I would tell us tonight it would do well on a regular basis to have a little checkup and evaluate our communication. How often do we speak recklessly? How many of our words are idle words? A good friend of mine many years ago, we were traveling together somewhere, and we had just met, and years later he had commented, he said, when I first met you, I thought you were a depressed person. I said,

well, why is that? He said, well, we were in the car for four hours and you hardly talked. I said, well, I didn't have anything to say. Now, I understand when there's a wide range of personality here, and God has made each of us unique, but now sometimes my wife would be the first to tell you this, sometimes I've got to make myself speak, not for my sake, but for hers. That's communication. So I can admit that there's some areas of growth that I must give myself to, but could I challenge us on the other side of the spectrum tonight, too, and say sometimes we can talk too much. Where our words become idle words, we're speaking without calculated intention about what we're saying and how we're saying it. The idle word that we will give account for is the word that is spoken from a lazy mind that has neglected its responsibility to exercise self-control. In Ephesians four and verse 29,

the apostle Paul begins, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers, which pardon me, and grieve not the Holy Spirit of God whereby you are sealed under the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you. There is a lot to unpack in these few verses. So let's start at the beginning. Let no corrupt communication. Communication is simply this, it's what we say. It's how we speak. And so Paul says, understanding, now he's writing to this church at Ephesus that's full of human interaction. And so he tells them that you can have no corrupt communication coming out of your mouth. The word corrupt means to be rotten, putrified, to be

of poor quality or unfit for use. It draws on the image of spoiled grapes or fruit that has gone bad. Now I know, I know it's a joyful thing to pull that fresh apple off the tree in the middle of the harvest season and it's lush and juicy when you bite into it, but if you show up three months after the harvest and pull that apple off the off the ground and bite into that rotten fruit, I promise you it will not be a pleasant experience. And so what what Paul is trying to tell us is that your words when used correctly, it's like that sweet fruit. So good to enjoy, great to experience, it tastes good, it blesses you. But corrupt communication, he draws on the imagery of that rotten fruit because it's unfit, it's no good. Don't let it proceed out of your mouth, but he says you should be speaking that which is good to the use of edifying. It

simply means to build up. So our communication, one with another, whether we're talking about husband and wife, parents and children, coworkers, employers, the family of God, our communication should build up. The words we use, the tone we speak with should build up the individual we are engaged in communication with. Paul said you're doing this that you may minister grace unto the hearers. Your words, the words you choose, how you frame a sentence, the tone you speak with, do it in a manner so when it's heard by that individual, it shouldn't it shouldn't be to their ear and to their emotion like rotten fruit. Instead, it should be joyful for them to hear. They should delight in dialoguing with you. They should walk away from this encounter and this exchange of communication with the feeling that they are better. Now sometimes being better means being challenged. So there is a way to speak hard truth and we'll get there in a minute, we'll get

practical here in a little bit, but the parameters of godly communication are given here by Paul and it's so unique to me that in the context of these few verses on the subject of how we communicate, Paul just throws in this phrase, oh and grieve not the Holy Spirit of God. This tells me that you can talk in tongues on Sunday but grieve the Spirit by your conversation on Monday. I know we can think of a vast list of grotesque sins that in our mind would stop revival and stop growth, but right here in the middle of how we communicate Paul just throws in this statement about hey and don't grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Many continues, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking put it away from you. Leave no space for this kind of stuff in your life with all malice and be kind one to another. Now this word evil speaking I know to

us it is two words and the Greek it is one. It means to slander, to detract, to speak injurious or to tear down another's good name because he's already given us the parameters. The goal of communication is to build up, so to speak evil. Now I know we don't associate the word evil with this kind of communication but the Bible does. The Bible says to speak in a manner that slanders or detracts from the honor that has been given to somebody to tear down another's good name is to be an evil speaker and to this Paul said put it away from you. Make no room for this in your communication with all malice. Now he's causing us not just to simply consider the words we speak or the tone we use but he causes us to look inward because he's bringing into light the motive of our communication. Malice it simply means ill will it causes us to ponder this question why are

we saying it. It's one thing to think of what we're saying it's another thing to consider how we're saying it but now we must also consider why am I saying is my motive to build up as Paul has instructed me or is my motive to build myself up. Is my motive to make them feel inferior or less or is my motive to build up as the scripture admonish me. So we see we are not free to speak idle words because the Bible is full of scripture that give us godly wisdom that set the parameters of healthy communication. To neglect this is to have a lazy mind and to have a lazy mouth. It's to speak carelessly and we've already read the proverbs the words of the reckless pierce like swords. The same sword that has the power to do good the same sharp edge that could be used by a surgeon to heal a body can also kill. What is the difference it's

not the words themselves but it is how they were used and why they were used. So we are not free tonight to live with idle minds and idle mouths. We must submit ourselves to the government of scripture in order to have a godly mind and godly communication. I've already told you there are hundreds of scriptures I could give you tonight on the subject of communication. I believe I bring to you scriptures at this juncture in this moment at the direction of the spirit and Paul would write in Ephesians 5 among behaviors that he said have no place among God's people in verse 4 nor should there be obscenity foolish talk or coarse joking which are out of place but rather Thanksgiving. If I could tonight I would like to particularly emphasize this verse to the young adults and teenagers in this house. I've been where you are I know the disposition of culture I know the means and measure of communication that is

propagated among the youth culture and it is so present in forms of social media but we live within the parameters of scripture and among this house and these families the family of God there are some things that have no place nor should there be obscenity foolish talk or coarse joking they're out of place they don't have a place among the godly mind and the godly mouth and the godly home and a godly church. Now I know this this word foolish talk might seem like a vast subject and Paul condemns it clearly now the Greek word is a combination of two words moros m o r o s and lego moros is actually the root of the English word moron and it simply means to be stupid or godless lego simply means speaking so Paul simply says there should be no place forgive me I'm not probably not supposed to use this in the pulpit but it was in strong's concordance there is no

place for stupid or more accurately because how do you define stupid godless there is no place for godless speaking among god's people how can you claim to serve a god that you don't let be god of your mouth you you can't worship a god one day a week that that you don't let be god of your mind every day of the week and so Paul says I'm trying you see the church at that emphasis because there were human interactions had some communication issue Paul didn't cast them out Paul didn't write them off he said we've just got to bring our minds and our mouths back into the parameters of godly communication and some of the areas that we've got out of balance is is the vulgarity that we permit in our conversation listen I've even been we're some of the adults and I've worked construction I know what the lingos like I've worked corporate jobs is not just guys with hammers and tool

belts I've walked into corporate offices where they were suits and dress shirts I know how the world talks but the people that we interact with should look at us and realize because of the godly nature that we are striving for just it was just a couple years after I received the Holy Ghost and I was out of my hometown I had moved home and there was a young man I had grown up with through my teenage years and we hadn't talked for years but you know when you have a life change and you have a total new circle of friends and you don't go where it used to go and talk to the people used to talk people kind of figure out well he must be different I was home and I went through the car wash one day he was managing the car wash and he saw me and was excited to greet me and somewhere in the course of the conversation

he said some words that I would not advocate we use as soon as he said he go oh I'm sorry you're like a minister now or something aren't you I said well yeah I'm studying to be one I'm sorry even in his worldly state he had a recognition that because you associate with God there's there's a difference in how you communicate and I communicate listen I don't get why the church struggles with this if the world already hasn't figured out there should be no obscenity or godless foolish talk or course joking pastor shock and I were in a conversation years ago and we were talking about something and he said Dan, I'm just gonna tell you he said I have no patience for vulgarity among the minister which I stand by that but but Paul didn't draw the line and just the ministry Paul drew the line around the church there's no place for foolish talk course joking there's no place for vulgarity

and I know listen I told a young man this recently we tolerate a lot of things in the name of humor that we ought not tolerate humor is communication in fact it's a very effective form of communication we tolerate a lot of things that come through the disguise of a laugh that we ought not tolerate unfollow block mute better just delete unfriend don't answer the text don't call back there's no room for this he said Paul's idea seemed to be the talk which was godless blatantly meaningless without purpose again it's the idle word the idle word is the word that doesn't pass through the filter of godly parameters it neglects the counsel of scripture and it gives place to speak without God now that's that's behaviors that Paul said have no place among the people but as I've already said referencing a waitress at Monacles as an example the Bible also speaks to us of our communication in the context with unbelievers Colossians

4 and 6 I know we may read this and just apply it to any communication I think that's fair but the context here Paul's talking about the unbeliever those that are not in the light or in the truth let your speech be always with grace seasoned with salt that you may know you ought to answer every man let your speech always be with grace and I love this terminology of scripture just just season a little salt with it so when you get upset that your food wasn't as hot as you liked or they brought you the wrong meal before you let your emotion cast your witness out the door and give God a bad name and the church a bad name get your mind in your mouth back in the parameters of godly communication get a little salt get a little salt in there I was watching a little bit of because the times online and brother man get up and told everybody

hey look when you when you're in this city everyone knows who you are and who we are so listen at minimum tip 20% at really I think you should tip 30 why is he doing that because he recognizes that that what we do is a witness to those people of of this house of this man of this god listen we could do something in one moment one moment one reckless word one idle word one careless comment could tear down 24 and a half years of effective witness so before we just think we can say whatever you can't say whatever you want you're a child of God I'll come back to this in a little bit let's let's move on before I I get too fired up here so this I've offered you a few scriptures tonight of what the scripture speaks to us let's continue in this practical vein now of how the scripture shapes us because what the scripture speaks to

us shapes how we speak to others wholesome communication begins with a whole self if you are unhealthy if your mind is unhealthy inevitably your words will be unhealthy your tone will be unhealthy your motive will be unhealthy so it begins with a whole self so before we look outward it is wise to look inward our inward dialogue shapes our disposition it gives direction to our outward conversation Matthew 12 and 34 it said for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks so you can't consider the words or the tone without considering the heart now I know we are inclined to focus on the outward because it's what we hear it's it's what we see but what's coming out is simply the overflow of what's being cultivated inside so this is why what paul says is of such pressing concern because if there is vulgarity if there is godless language if there is coarse joking you know it's just a joke it's

not just a joke it's something you're cultivating in your heart and you're carving out this space in your heart that you don't let god in and it just starts as an inch and then it becomes three inches and six inches and and soon your whole heart is void of god paul said it's got no place because you don't just it's not just the words but it's the heart from which they come so we've got to look inward tonight we've got to ask ourselves these questions what am i saying what words am i using how am crafting them what tone do i speak with why am i saying this what is my motive and i know every time you speak you're not going to stop and ask what how and why but as you do this more and more and more you can cultivate a culture of healthy internal dialogue and healthy communication in your marriage and your home and the family of god

and this is what we're striving for so let's consider some practical considerations for communicating with others there's a host of scriptures here i've put in your handout i will not read them all tonight for the sake of time but i would encourage you over the next week the scriptures that are listed here look them up in your bible read them study them underline them highlight them journal your reflections because again there are hundreds of scriptures we could consider tonight i'm offering sincerely what i felt directed of the lord so some practical considerations for communicating with others measure your motive proverb 16 and 2 says that the ways of a man are right in his own eyes but god weighs the spirits most modern translations when you look at that will actually replace the word spirits with motives for this was its meaning god weighs the motives we look at our self and we so easily self justify what we do what we say

and how we live and we dismiss this and the way of a man is right in his own eyes but god weighs the motive the influence god sees the what is influencing my heart to speak these words i would step out on a limb tonight and say i really don't think even most young people here tonight most young adult i don't think we're ill-willed malicious people i would submit the greater struggle among this younger demographic is peer pressure you're afraid that if you don't laugh what will those who do laugh say about you but you know what peer pressure is not just a teenage problem you'll face peer pressure at work as a 30 year old man and a 40 year old man and a 50 year old professional peer pressure never dies and god weighs the motive he measures the influences that are moving upon the human heart to cause you to communicate the way you are so we've got to

measure our motive we've got to look inward and ask god lord show me the truth about myself creating me a clean heart renewing me a right spirit let me be pure before you go we've got to be humble again i'm talking about this in the context of communication paul says that we are to prefer one another prefer our brother honor one another in love peter said that we're to be clothed in humility what is the defining attribute of you now i'm not looking for an answer but some self-reflection or not what when someone thinks of you what what is that defining attribute now they may be able to be say man he's gifted he's you know she can sing they're really they're they're talented what a skilled business person and all of that may be good and well and it may be true but if they can say all that stuff without somewhere acknowledging the meekness through which those gifts are exhibited

we're on a dangerous road peter said this was the garment of the christian it was humility we may be bold we may have the truth we we may be right we can stand in the face of of cultural issues and we can speak biblical truth and we can live upright and righteous in a very wicked world but we can do it with humility and so as we engage in communication one with another we've got to be humble there's got to be a meekness about us as we engage in dialogue that that we are considering that other person not just ourselves how will my words affect them are these words that build up or words that tear down i'm not entering into a conversation just considering myself and what i want and is this going to benefit me humility is is the humbling of self the humiliation of myself the denial of myself in the interest in the preference of that other person which

leads us to the next point listen first and speak second james said that we should be quick to hear and slow to speak which i think is why god gave us as i'm sure if you're a parent in this house you have emphasized your children two years in one mouth because you were supposed to listen twice as much as you were supposed to speak maybe that was just what my parents told me but here's the thing going back to the friend who thought i was depressed you can learn a lot by listening i don't really feel the need to speak all the time and another friend of mine who's similar personality to me we were joking about this one day and he said you know someone asked me one time why are you so quiet and he said well because if i speak i know what i know but if i listen i know what i know and what you know we're talking

about communication now now you you may have a question but you may not need to ask that question if you just take a moment and listen there i've been around the local church a long time there there's a lot of things that could be prevented if we just listen there's a lot of phone calls and appointments if we just listen you could pick up the culture of the church and of the kingdom real quick if you just listen now listening does not simply mean to hear it means to hear and obey it's one thing to hear the word it's another thing to apply the word and so when the scripture speaks to us of being quick to hear it's not just saying okay i you use these syllables this is the word you said this is the tone you know it's taking the words and applying the instruction to my life communication we've got to practice empathy first peter three admonishes us to

have compassion one towards another empathy just means i'm considering the feelings of that other person these are the things that flow out of that humility i was talking about i'm not entering into dialogue just considering myself what i want what i think i'm not going to walk into this conversation inserting my opinion and my thoughts and make it all about me i've got to practice empathy i've got to consider the other person i've got to consider their feeling and the beauty of this is this this yields respect and it will build trust and trust is social currency now i know you go you want to go to callers after church and buy yourself a cheeseburger you're going to need money but if we're talking about relationships and communication you're going to need trust because there's a whole lot of relationships and marriages and families that have more money than they know what to do with but they don't have godly healthy communication and

there's no trust and everything's falling apart so if we're talking about relationships and communication it's not dollars now thank god for provision you got to pay your bills give to the kingdom thank god but i'm talking about communication now social currency the ability to exchange in a relationship takes trust and you know where trust comes from from practicing empathy when they realize they can trust you with their vulnerability and their weakness they can communicate with you about their frustrations and their feelings and they can confide in you with their struggles and their questions because you've shown by the words you use and the tone you speak with and how you communicate i care about you this last one i heard this years ago and i've never forgot it it was in the context of marriage but i think the application reaches far beyond it we've got to consider timing and tone in fact i i think i read it in a book years

ago my wife would say you probably still need to work on it every now and then we're all human that was a joke that went bad but in all seriousness here's some marriage advice women typically need to work on timing men typically need to work on tone it can be a great idea it can be of god the sister if you if you don't get him at the right time i'm sorry it's just not going to go over the timing wasn't right now on the same token a man is more inclined to speak with a tone that would be dismissive or demeaning or disrespectful to his wife and his wife would become hurt by that this this is just male and female instinct now it's not either or it's not like you need to change and come to my side or you need to change and come to my we're talking about godly communication so we're both working to meet in the middle

we're working together because this is about relationships that's what communication is about so we're acknowledging what we are inclined to struggle with so we can individually become better so we can be collectively healthier and so proverbs talks about 15 and 23 25 and 11 it talks about speaking a word in due season or a word that is fitly spoken well if there's such thing as a word in due season there is a word that's not in due season and if there is a word that is fitly spoken there's also a word that is unfitly spoken he's speaking to us about the time listen in the context of ministry how i function in the kingdom i have had the Lord give me words that i've had to carry in my spirit for a long time you say well you know shouldn't you just get up in the pulpit and preach it that sunday or shouldn't you call so and so and tell them right

then no because there may be a circumstance or a situation in that person's life or in that church that would cause them to not be receptive so i may have a word from god it may it may be a word but that word has to come into alignment with the time to do season now this is true in the ministry but it's also true in your home you know if if if your if your husband's you know in the middle of repainting the living room you know that's probably not the best time to suggest to him the next project we've got a witness over here but sir that doesn't give you permission to let the agitation manipulate your tone to become demeaning so when we have a word we have to consider the timing of it we also must consider the tone proverbs 15 ones that a soft answer turns away wrath soft is not weak it's tender it's the tone and so

we must consider tone manager emotions proverbs 17 talks about being even tempered a man of understanding none of us are void of the reality of human emotion and human emotion has a way of corrupting human communication that's why the scripture said be angry and sin not you have scriptural precedent to to feel that way but you've got to deal with that feeling before you speak or act out of that feeling you've got to recognize okay i'm wrestling with the emotion whether it's anger it's fear if i feel anxious if i feel okay i acknowledge it but i'm not going to allow that to cause me to have a godless space in my heart and in my mind and in my mouth where i'm speaking careless and idle words so you've got to manage your emotion when you're going into a communication conversation with somebody if you can feel that emotional turmoil working inside of you this is what wisdom would tell you to

do delay that conversation and there's a way to do that respectfully you know what i just i need a little bit of time there's some things i'm working through would you be all right if we just talk about that tonight would you would it be okay if we wait until the kids go to bed and i have a little bit of time to process this and then we can talk about it or you know what brother could you call me this afternoon give me a call at three o'clock because you know you need a couple hours just to kind of process this let that emotion settle so you can have a reasonable healthy conversation you've got to show kindness simple things polite greetings smiling being considerate asking how are you give honor roman's 12 10 admonishes as this to respect to esteem others we are to speak the truth in love Ephesians 4 15 it is possible to say hard things but

to say them in a tone that causes them to be received even if they do not receive what you say they may still respect you in spite of what you say because of how you said it no there is no more beautiful picture of this truth than than jesus grace and truth this is what we're striving for if we're talking about christlike communication yet we need to speak truth and sometime truth it can be confrontational it can correct it can be it can confront you and challenge you and it can be uncomfortable and not all communication is easy that's why it takes work that's why in the wisdom of god there are many scriptures that admonish us how to do this but if we're communicating we must always communicate the truth i don't simply mean this tonight as in absolute truth scriptural truth but we have to be people of truth we speak with honesty with integrity and we do it in love

this next and last point in this section is to be aware of body language scientific research varies but the consensus is that over 50 percent of communication is non-verbal at minimum it happens via facial expressions posture and gestures and because of this there's there's a variety of materials and insights that are offered by by professionals on this field on how to equip people for effective non-verbal communication one is called slant slant sit up straight listen answer and ask questions not to show interest and track the speaker that means when i'm sitting in class at life academy i'm not just staring at my desk and not looking at the ceiling tiles that my eyes are looking at the teacher and when the teacher walks from this side of the room to this side of the room my head goes from here to here they will what's that have to do with communication a lot because your willingness to be indifferent i know

it wasn't words but your your body the tone of your posture the the indifference the carelessness of your demeanor communicates to that teacher i don't really care what you have to say i don't really respect you praise god let me go back to honor for a second i read this this morning i thought good night this is too good not to put in here do you know in 2016 the united states government department of defense have a document called the law of war manual in 2016 it was updated and one of the six categorical updates was to explain that honor is integral to the law of war the most important update was said and i quote the update clarified honor as a way to distinguish the united states from its adversaries oh this is good because in the context of armed conflict honor means that even the most just causes do not justify dishonorable conduct so honor as a foundational principle for the

law of war hear this places limits on waging war and if the war is wicked then honor in its prioritization of human humanity and dignity may exist in the most difficult circumstances and under the harshest conditions so if the united states government says that we're going to define honor as a means of putting parameters on our conduct at war how much more should the church recognize the need of honor in communication if honor if the principle of honor puts barriers of conduct on the most powerful army on the face of the planet in the middle of a war how much more should the principle of honor put some guardrails and some some boundaries on our communication in the kingdom god help us to be a people of honor let our communication honor one another let it honor the church the name of the church let it honor our pastor in his family let it let it honor the witness of this church and

our god in this city let all that we say how we say it and why we say it be honoring and now to take a hard right turn i want to jump from practical to spiritual before we leave tonight daniel 10 and 12 when daniel has sought the lord finally after 21 days the angel of god comes and says fear not daniel for from the first day that you did set your heart to understand and to chasing thyself before god thy words were heard and i am come for thy words daniel god heard you the first day you prayed i know it took 21 days he would go on to say it's because the prince of persia withstood me he said there was something in the spirit world that opposed god's word and god's answer getting through to you but but you kept praying daniel you kept persisting and now i'm here and i'm mar this this statement is powerful i am come

for thy words i'm not here because you had a need i didn't come because you cried i didn't come because there was pain and prison or persecution i'm here because of your words so your words aren't just powerful in the relationship you have with your husband your wife your kids or your co-workers or the body of christ your words have power in the spirit world but i've got a caution you tonight that is both positive and negative because in numbers 12 it's not on your handout but the scripture says miriam and arian spoke against moses i want you to catch that they didn't talk to moses they spoke against him and i'm marvel because what they said is true they said hath the lord indeed spoken only by moses hath he not spoken also by us the fact is that was true god had spoken through them so what they're saying is factually true but why they're saying it is a grievous

error they're speaking against god's authority in the very next statement says the lord heard it friend he he did not just hear the words they use but he heard the attitude from which they spoke and because of that god kindle that ignited the indignation of god and miriam is struck with leprosy and she is separated from the community of the people you see this her speech her words though factually accurate from an attitude of rebellion troubled something in the spirit and now her speech her words have isolated her from the people of god and brought unnecessary affliction to her own life the words we say and the attitude from which we speak directly impacts the spiritual activity in our lives so i'm asking us to consider this tonight what sort of spiritual activity does my communication attract when you get up from this house tonight and you make your way home and you sit down at the dinner table or you sit down

in your living room and you begin to exchange and dialogue or you pick up your phone and start texting your friends or you make a phone call to somebody on the other side of the country and you engage in communication listen maybe nobody else is going to be in the room to hear it nobody else is is staring at the screen on your phone over your shoulder but i promise you the spirit world is listening in every word we say in the tone from which we speak and the motive behind it is either attracting good things in the spirit or bad things in the spirit you say i'll preach that's just a bunch of mysticism no it's not just a bunch of mysticism we started in proverbs 18 and 21 death and life are in the power of the tongue and so it's because of this james would say so speak ye and so do as they that shall be judged by the

law of liberty he's saying you've got to speak and act as somebody who knows that you will be judged by the law of liberty what is the law of liberty it's the law that sets you free there was an old covenant there was an old law but now there is a law of liberty the gospel of jesus christ because he died and he was buried and heroes again there is a law that does not condemn but there is a law that brings freedom and your words in your actions are judged by that law of liberty god help us to get this right now so you are not free to speak from the disposition of your anger because the law of liberty sets you free from anger you don't have permission to just say whatever you want to say and speak out of your frustration and your despair and your discouragement and your hopelessness and your fear and your anxiety and your frustration and

your bitterness and resentment you know why because the law of liberty sets you free from that and so now god says i have to judge you on the basis that i made you free so why are you still talking like you live under pharaoh system i brought you into the kingdom of a good father a heavenly father a loving father i taught you that you could trust me and i showed you that i want to trust you so we're not in liberty to speak from these unhealthy states and unhealthy emotions and god help us to recognize that when we do there's trouble listen israel had had a problem in their communication they complained about the leader they complained about the food they complained about what there was to drink they complained about the journey the fact is they would just complain about everything so the issue was not so much where they were or what they had the issue was this right here

complaint was rooted in their heart not in their scenery but that law of liberty sets you free you know what sets you free from all that junk you know what it gives you what paul told you in galatians five the spirit it gives you love and joy and peace gives you forbearance and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control against such there is no law there's no limit on these things god has as much of it as you need so if you're upbringing if your personality has you disposition to be lacking in one of these areas i've got great news for you tonight you come to the right place because this gospel and this jesus had this perfect law of liberty frees us from that bondage and now you know what he says hey the tone of your conversation has lacked a little bit of love but that's okay because by my spirit i'm going to give you the love

you need you know what your communication one with another has not been peaceable or you have not been forbearing you have been too quick to cut them off and dismiss them you've not shown them kindness but you know it it's okay because this perfect law of liberty it sets you free from your old ways it sets you free from that bondage and now my spirit is going to give you everything you need all those deficiencies you have all those shortcomings maybe you weren't raised in a healthy home maybe you grew up in a broken environment but you were brought into this kingdom and this kingdom operates by a different set of parameters there's a different culture and everything you lack by upbringing everything that the world took out of you and everything that sin robbed you of he says by my spirit i make up that's what grace is it's fulfilling the deficiencies so we can have godly communication let's stand together we

have to communicate the relationship with no communication is no relationship at all and so we have to god help us to do it in a way that is within the parameters of scripture that honors and builds up one another this house and this kingdom would you just lift your hands to the lord help us jesus i pray lord the spirit would turn over in our hearts now till up that ground that this seed would find good soil i pray revelation would come to minds and hearts right now that words of instruction would come to us by the holy ghost of changes to implement and our marriages and our families our workplaces we're going to carve out space and our conversation and our heart for you give us godly minds give us godly mouths i pray let us speak words that build up let us speak words that honor let us speak words that attract the angels of god in the glory of the

lord let our words capture the attention of heaven let our words build up the body of christ let it be healing for the broken home let our words be strength to the troubled marriage let our words be wisdom to the young and the growing help us jesus i pray in jesus name in jesus name amen would you just say i receive it amen the lord bless you we'll see you this sunday thank you for being in the house of god