How Do We Raise Children Who Stay in the Church?

You know that's an important question and I want to underscore some things you said. First of all whatever I say uh we really do understand each person as they become an adult they have an ability to choose and no matter how wonderful the parents or no matter how wonderful the training we cannot guarantee that a child is going to grow up and serve the Lord. Uh we want them to we believe we can increase the odds tremendously. We can give them every advantage but in the end they have to make a choice. So God had two kids to start with. Adam and Eve, they both sinned.

Adam and Eve had uh multiple children, but we know the ones we know uh Cain, Abel, and Seth, onethird of those became an evil person. Um Jesus had 12 apostles and he lost one of them for sure. All the others seemed to fall short. um ran away from the cross except for apparently John uh Peter denied him. So at least temporarily he had a very poor track record but eventually one you know back 11 of the 12. So even under the best circumstances you can't guarantee unlimited success. So my wife and I are now at the stage of life all of our kids are grown.

They're married. They all have children and they're all serving God, which is that was our highest goal. As an unexpected bonus, uh they've all been called to the pastoral ministry and counting my uh have two sons, a daughter, and and I have then two daughters-in-law and a son-in-law, which we consider our kids, too. So, five of those six kids have ministerial credentials with the UPCI, and they're mature ministers in their own right. So I'm extremely thankful, but I realize that I could not have guaranteed that or made that happen by my ability. I also reflect my parents on my mother's side. She was a first generation convert, but they had the same testimony.

So, you know, I have eight grandkids as I speak. uh some of them are are are babies too young to receive the Holy Spirit. But I could say that all of them that you would expect to have received the Holy Ghost, let's say uh seven years and up have all been baptized in Jesus' name and receive the Holy Ghost. So hopefully that's continuing in the next generation. And and so in my mother's family, they were all first generation converts. And we had that same testimony of three generations. everybody old enough to be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost was baptized and received the Holy Ghost.

So, that's a wonderful track record that I hope to continue and perpetuate. Um, in my book, The Apostolic Church in the 21st century, I actually did a chapter looking at the first 16 years of the church that we started in Austin. I tried to track every child that came into the church at least for one year. So, that's a low bar. was baptized in Jesus name, filled with the Holy Ghost, and then they grew up, turned 18. What happened to them? Did they remain in church or did they leave the church? And of course, that would include people who weren't in church very long, but I just wanted for the sake of um research.

It's not a scientific survey, but just one experience. The total I counted was 86. And here's what I found. 63% of them were faithful members of the church as adults. Another 15 were at least attending. Although I wouldn't necessarily consider that they fulfilled everything we wished. Still, they're coming and hopefully will make consecrations or renew consecrations. Well, that's 78%. Uh that's a pretty high percentage. But I looked at why were I tried to categorize why did I think they dropped out and I was surprised at this 94% I attribute it primarily to family issues. So here's what I found. Um here are the key factors and so this directly addresses your question to maximize children staying in church after they're adults.

Number one, faithfulness in church attendance and support. Number two, consistency in following the teachings of the church and supporting the leadership. So you know what the church teaches for everybody to follow. And there might be some issues where you say, "Well, I I disagree with that interpretation or I agree with that application." But if you just continue if you say, "But I'm going to follow what the church says. I'm going to follow what the leadership says." this cooperative, faithful attitude. Um, number three, maintaining a good marriage, a good good communication in the home. So, if they see inconsistency in the marriage, divorce or uh emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, or constant fighting, that's a detriment.

Number four, maintaining loving, firm, and consistent discipline of children. So, I saw people that were faithful in church, but they let their children do whatever they want. They were faithful, but it seemed like they were saying, you know, if you don't want to follow what the pastor says, don't worry about it. Or if you don't feel like coming to church, don't come. Or um you know, not being not not training the child to take responsibility. Uh or if there's a conflict, always in the church, always jumping to defend their kid right or wrong. Uh and then number five, maintaining self-discipline goals and a strong work ethic in their personal lives.

I'm talking about the parents. So if the parents were hopping from job to job and inconsistent in their own um decisions or own commitments or just negligent in general, um then that seemed to breed that same kind of um negligence or lack of discipline in spiritual things. So even though the parents stayed in church, their very inconsistent uh life um lack of discipline in their life translate to spiritual lack of discipline in the children. So let me go through those again. Faithful listened to churches and it support. So I I would include obviously a strong relationship with God that people have to the kids have to see that at home.

Number two, consistency and following the teachings of the church supporting its leadership. And you know there I I had some leaders that were seen to be good leaders but I later learned they're very critical of different church members or their kids picked up on that spirit and what the parents were able to maybe adjust in their thinking their kids couldn't. You know sometimes parents would gripe at the teachings of the church but they would settle down and follow it. Well, the kids followed the spirit or of the parents griping about other people in the church they didn't like or leaders they didn't like or decisions of the pastor they didn't like.

But that yes, they settled down and followed it. But the kids picked up on that spirit said, "Well, why should I have to?" You know, my parents are critical. They just didn't they weren't strong enough to do anything about it, but I'm going to do something about it. So, um, number three, maintain a good marriage, good communication in the home. Number four, maintaining loving, firm, and consistent disciplined children. Number five, maintaining their own self-disciplined goals and a strong work ethic in their personal lives. So, here's the positive things. So, even if the youth lived in a single parent home or a two parent home where only one member attended church, they still had about the same success as when both parents attended church.

So it just seemed like as if at least one parent was very strong and consistent in the things that I mentioned and you might expect that because 1 Corinthians 7 talks about if you have an unbelieving spouse should you leave them and basically no if they're willing to remain remain u because you'll you can sanctify the children. So I think that's one example. Not that the children are automatically saved, but but you can you might win your unsaved spouse, but in the meantime, you're also sanctifying your children. You're giving a good, solid, godly environment so that your children can be saved even if your spouse is not saved.

So I do think um so much depends on parents being faithful and consistent. And if parents do have struggles and criticisms as much as possible, deal with that separate apart from anything the kids can see. And there's a lot to be said for, you know, being a consistent example. So whatever your own inward struggles are, they remain inward. But your behavior is what's going to ultimately and and your when I say behavior, your speech, your conversation. um if you're a hypocrite, you're going to sabotage your kids. So, you have to actually be the kind of Christian that you profess to be and that you want your kids to be.

So, I think the good news is even in a very worldly atmosphere, uh we can raise up kids who serve the Lord. Now, I would also add having a strong church and having a strong attention to their education. So, if they're in public school, you have to constantly be monitoring what they're learning and discussing with them what they're learning. So, you need to have a good relationship with your kids where they can talk to you about anything. Um, and maybe even volunteering at the school just to see what's going on. And in our days, sometimes the school systems are so whirly that we should really consider a private Christian school, even if it's not apostolic or maybe homeschool or a homeschool co-op.

So although uh my oldest son went through public school uh my other two children the environment was so difficult that in that in middle school we we were able to find a Christian school and today I think my grandkids are are mostly if not all homeschooled. Um so I think that would be secondary considerations that is paying close attention to proper education and then a good communication that's one thing uh about it that my wife and I both tried to have personal time with kids individually collectively as a family. We had a Monday night was our night of family devotions and also family activities. We tried to have supper every night unless I was out of town together where we talked.

Um that communication is so important. So that relationship is going to be very valuable.