How Should Christian Parents Approach Sex Education?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

Whose job, and when — the parents, before puberty, age-appropriate

• The question posed (in the host's frame): a concerned parent wrote to you, asking for your thoughts, on a biblical approach to sex education. This person noted that apostolics, and other conservative believers (as the frame styles them), frequently object to public school sex education programs — often because the messages communicated, in those programs, contradict biblical morality. The other concern, of course, is that young children are not mature enough, to fully understand the ramifications, of the subject. You have experience, both as a pastor, and a parent. So what advice do you have, based on that experience, for apostolic parents (as named), who want to discuss the subject of sex, with their children, but to do so in a biblical manner? How old do you feel like a child needs to be, before you can address that subject with them? And what approach do you recommend? The answer: this is certainly a very important, but yet sometimes challenging, topic. I do think we have to talk about it, today. And I think it's number one: the parents' responsibility. And I would certainly say: parents should have the appropriate discussion — usually the mother with the daughter, and the father with the son — before puberty. But I think you have to consider the maturity, of the child. You have to consider the influences, of the child — the family, the extended family, the school, the neighborhood. And it should be age-appropriate. But I think we have to start early, with at least some concepts. Because as much as we try to protect, and insulate, our kids: they're going to hear lots of things — from secular society, from friends, from unsafe family members, or even perhaps some who are in church, who have different perspectives, or different understandings. No matter how much we try to guard the media — internet, television — you know, they're going to be exposed. Probably more than we think. And behind our back. And so I do believe that we probably have to start earlier, than we might have considered, years ago. But it still needs to be age-appropriate. And it needs to be — generally speaking, even when the church needs to conduct it, the more detailed discussion: we should separate the boys, and the girls. Or parents: it should be individual. And it should be age-appropriate, and sex appropriate. And it depends on the maturity of the child, the background of the child. There's so many factors. I think you have to leave it, to the parents, to make the appropriate decision.

The church's partnership — and the resources he commends

• I do believe the church has a role. But there should be a partnership, between the pastor, and the parents — so they both know what's going on. And there needs to be some conversations, in children's ministry, and youth ministry, and pastoral team, and parents. I do believe the church has a role: to teach on this subject, to support the parents, and to supplement. Because again: not all kids come from strong Christian homes. So somehow, sometimes, the church may be the primary voice. And so, certainly with the teens, the youth group: there should be some plan, from the church standpoint. One that we use — it's upci's (as named) — is called worth the wait (the program as named in the text). It's a classic program, that's been updated, the last few years. It's sold by pentecostalpublishing.com. Authored by Tyler Whaley, and Ken Gurley. So worth the wait, I think, is certainly a curriculum, that every youth group should consider. And then, from a more apologetic nature — which would be more suitable for teens, and young adults: my book anchor points (as named) has a chapter, on biblical sexuality. And what I try to do there — of course, I do talk about the biblical teaching. But I try to explain how that is best suited, for human nature, and human society — using a lot of secular, and other Christian, resources. To show that things such as fornication, adultery, divorce, homosexual behavior, transgenderism ('transgender transgenderism', as heard), are contrary to God's design. But also contrary to human nature, human biology ('humanit biology', as heard), and are destructive to human society. So it's: God's plan is actually the best plan, for us. And that might be very helpful, to young adults, who are bombarded by secular teaching. Also, for the biblical discussion, in a frank way, of what's right, and what's wrong: my book in search of Holiness (as named) goes through the scriptural teaching, step by step. And tries to explain, in a candid, but Christian, way — in contrast to secular sexual education. I don't think we have to go into graphic detail. Some things can be handled individually, by parents. Some things can be handled by medical doctor, as needed. Some things can be handled in book form — or a Christian book, that does talk about the marriage relationship. Years ago, there was a book by Tim and Beverly lahaye (as heard), specifically for newlyweds, called the act of marriage (as named). So some things don't have to be taught orally, but can be handled in an appropriate Christian, but yet frank, publication — for engaged, or young married people ('mere young married people', as heard), when it's appropriate for them, to discuss. So all those things have to be judgment calls.

Caution on secular programs — and the marriage learned in a lifetime

• I would be highly cautious — especially today — of sex education, in a secular setting, such as a public school. I would carefully monitor, investigate. Depending on the community. Depending on the school. But even so: we're getting to the point where you can't trust any secular source. And so, maybe: you either have a relationship, with a teacher, that you know what the curriculum is — you know how the teacher will approach the curriculum — and you feel like it will at least be consistent with Christian values, or not attacking Christian values. If you don't have that confidence, then you should consider opting out, and providing Christian alternatives. I do believe that we do have to teach our children. Because if we don't — if the church doesn't speak, and the family doesn't speak — we're leaving secular voices. And they will speak. And they will be heard. So somehow, we have to make sure the biblical, and moral, message comes across clearly, to our children, and our youth. And of course, all this must be mixed, with prayer. And I think we also have to have an understanding: in our secular society, it maximizes physical pleasure, and it often emphasizes technique. You have to know this detail, and that detail, and this, and that, and all these choices and options. But God has created the marriage relationship, to be sacred, and private. There's some things, that should only be discussed, between husband and wife. There are times, when you need medical treatment, medical advice, or professional counseling advice. But most of the time, you know: if you're committed, to a lifelong relationship, you don't have to get everything perfect, all the time, or all at once. But you have a lifetime to learn. A lifetime to explore. And the marriage relationship is unique, between two complex human beings. No two human beings are alike. And so, just trying to learn techniques, or learn information — or much less, having experiences — that's actually detrimental. Because it's not like something, just some technique, that you learn, and practice to perfection ('practice to Perfection', as heard). But two human beings are learning, how to become one. And that is not only physical, but that's emotional, that's spiritual. As I said, no two people are alike. And so you're exploring, and learning, about the other person. And that takes a lifetime, to learn. So it's unlike anything you ever learn. You have plenty of time. It's unique. It's sacred. It's personal, to you. And so the best education is: to wait. I mean, I think you need some basic education, to help you prepare for marriage, and to help you understand biblical values, as a contrast to worldly values. But when you get into a lot of the specifics — the details, and the intimate aspects — you will learn, as you grow together, in your marriage. So I think maybe you can give relief, to young people, who are contemplating marriage. You don't have to know everything. You don't have to learn everything. You don't have to keep up, with your peers. You don't have to go online, and learn, and watch all kind of explicit things. That's what you do, as a young married couple, together. Just you. Sacred relationship, in the sight of God.