Should Apostolics Attend a Gay Wedding?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

The frame scenario, and the foundation: God's plan for marriage

• The frame sets the situation many apostolic believers face with the prevalence of homosexuality in america: a homosexual family member announces they plan to marry their same-sex partner, and the entire family is invited to attend the ceremony. The apostolic believer knows what the bible says about homosexuality and marriage, but also loves their family member and doesn't want to hurt their feelings — and not attending may threaten a rift with family members who are not apostolic. The question posed: what should an apostolic pentecostal do in this situation?
• First, a general foundation, then the specific application — because there could be many similar questions about different activities. We must be very clear: the bible teaches that god's plan for marriage is one man and one woman who make a commitment for life; and the sexual relationship within marriage is wholesome, god-ordained, god-given — but outside marriage, it's sin. That's where we start. That means homosexual conduct is contrary to god's word, and same-sex marriage is contrary to god's word.

Attraction is a temptation, not an identity

• The world talks about people being born homosexual, having a homosexual orientation — this is who you are. We do not believe humans should be labeled in such ways. Someone may have a same-sex attraction, which is a temptation; but if they resist that temptation and live for god — whether they live celibate, or whether they also develop an opposite-sex attraction and marry in an opposite-sex relationship — regardless of their struggle, their orientation, their temptation, their past, or their past identity, if they are fulfilling god's plan we do not regard them as homosexual. Everyone can fulfill god's plan, no matter their temptation: some people have heterosexual temptations; others, a minority, will have homosexual temptations; both are temptations, both need to be overcome. All of us need to learn how to submit our own lust to the will of god and live a godly life according to god's word — we're all the same that way.

All are welcome at church

• When somebody comes to our church — if they identify as a homosexual, or if they have those temptations or struggles — we welcome them to come to church. We welcome all people to come to church: just like sick people need to go to the hospital, sinners need to go to church — and we're all sinners outside the grace of god; we're born again, we can live a holy life, but we're all the same in that regard. We don't discriminate against anybody, we don't hate anybody, we're not bigoted against anybody: all are welcome; all are welcome to become part of the church — of course, you must be born again — and all are welcome to participate in the church; of course, there are guidelines for leadership and public ministry that must correspond to biblical teaching.

Acceptance versus approval in the family

• What happens when a close friend or family member announces they're going to be involved in a homosexual relationship or marriage? First, we must make a distinction between acceptance and approval: i can accept you as a person; that doesn't mean i approve of your choice or your lifestyle. I love you as a family member; i respect your rights as an american citizen; i believe you should have the same freedoms everybody else has. Almost every family will have someone: they may not be dealing with a homosexual life, but they're probably dealing with fornication, or adultery, or divorce contrary to god's will. What do we do? We don't ostracize them; we don't exclude them; they still come to family dinner; they still participate in family events — because we're accepting them. However, that does not mean we approve of their life. We don't have to preach at them every time — we probably would have a conversation at some point, if they don't already know it, about what we believe. It needs to be clear: we love you and we accept you as a person; anything we can do to affirm you as a person, as a friend or family member, and open the door for influence, we want to do; but anything that might indicate we approve of your sinful life, we don't want to do.

The line at participation — and the posture to keep

• Having them at a family dinner: we invite everyone — maybe they're living in sin with a girlfriend or boyfriend, maybe it's heterosexual, maybe it's homosexual, maybe we don't even want to investigate or know; we try to welcome them. That's acceptance. But if we're asked to participate in an activity that would indicate our endorsement, we have to say no. I would draw the line at a marriage: i would say, i love you, i respect you, thank you for the invitation — however, i think if i were to go, that would indicate that i approve of something i believe is contrary to god's word, so i'm sorry, but respectfully i'm not going to be there. And if that causes them to reject me, there's nothing i can do about that. What i would do is pray for them; at appropriate times send them a card or letter, or an invitation to something i feel is neutral; i would still keep the door open.
• There could be many other situations, and it's up to each person to decide what they're going to do. But personally, what he would urge: pray for your loved one; continue to show love for your loved one; do not show hatred, bitterness, harshness, or judgmentalism — by which he means: we're not saying they're right, but we're not trying to be the one who condemns them; that's not our role. Jesus didn't come to condemn the world, but to save the world — so we're offering grace. But anything that would indicate we approve of your sin, we have to say: no, i'm sorry, i can't participate.