What Does the Bible Say about Divorce?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

Matthew 19 read whole — God's plan from the beginning

• The question posed (in the host's frame): does the bible offer any justification for divorce? If so, what are the circumstances? If a Christian is divorced, is it okay for them to remarry? (The episode also carries an invitation, in Bernard's own voice, to the gathering it names — which stands verbatim-only, as episode furniture, not as part of the answer.) The host's question: Jesus and Paul addressed the topic of marriage and divorce, and their words were challenging, for their initial audience. And their words are still challenging, to readers and listeners, today. In fact, in Matthew chapter 19 — at the verse the question names — Jesus's disciples responded to his teaching on divorce and marriage, by saying: if this is the case of a man with his wife ('if this is the case with of a man with his wife', as the letters stand), it's better not to marry. Is divorce, from a Biblical point of view, ever Justified? And if so, what would you say the circumstances are, for that justification? And if a person is divorced, does the bible ever sanction remarriage? And if so, under what circumstances? The answer: this is one of the most difficult questions that we Face — especially as a pastor. It's probably the most difficult issue. So let's try to look at it, from a Biblical perspective. There are many different opinions: some believe there should be no divorce. Some believe there can be divorce, but no remarriage ('but no remarry assembly', as heard — some believe). Some believe there can be divorce and remarriage. And then people differ, on what the grounds are. So: you mentioned Matthew 19. Probably we should take a look, at what Jesus said there, to give us a fuller context. So I'm going to read from Matthew chapter 19, starting in verse 3, and to read through verse 11 — the new King James (as he names the version; the reading as delivered runs one verse past the announced end, through the eunuchs saying): the Pharisees also came to him — that's Jesus — testing him, and saying to him: is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife, for just any reason? And he answered and said to them: have you not read, that he who made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said: for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh — that's a quote from Genesis. So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not men separate. They said to him: why then did Moses command, to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away? He said to them: Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality — the King James says fornication; I think the new King James rightly translates the Greek word, meaning all forms of sexual immorality that's physically committed, whether it be fornication in the narrow sense, of unmarried people, or adultery in the sense of married people, or homosexual Behavior, or child molestation — physical sexual immorality, all covered here — and so I'll start the reading again: and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another ('and Mary's isn't another', as heard), commits adultery. And whoever marries her who is divorced, commits adultery. His disciples said to him: if such is the case, the man with his wife, it is better not to marry. But he said to them: all cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who are born thus, from their mother's womb. There are eunuchs who are made eunuchs, by men. And there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs, for the kingdom of Heaven's sake ('for the kingdom of Heaven's SakeSign he in who is able to accept it', as the reading stands). He who is able to accept it, let him accept it. So Jesus goes back, to God's original plan, before sin entered human race. He says: in the beginning, God made male and female. And he intended, for man and woman, to marry. That's God's plan. So: no, divorce is not God's plan. In fact, the Book of Malachi says: God hates divorce. And one reason is, because he wants Godly Offspring. So if you get a divorce, that affects children, and affects the ability to raise children, you know, to serve the Lord. Now: so divorce is never God's intention, from the beginning. However, sometimes divorce may be the lesser of two evils. So Jesus himself indicated this. Now: when he cited Moses — Moses gave regulations, for if you divorce your wife. So Moses didn't actually say: go get divorced. But he talked about: if you are going to get divorced, you need to follow a certain procedure. And it was basically designed to protect, in that case, the wife. So men were just discarding their wives. And so Moses saying: no, you can't do that. If you're going to get a divorce, you have to file the procedure. And the wife has to have some rights. So it was intended to regulate, and provide help, to people who are caught in a situation, that God never intended.

Scriptures: Matthew 19; Matthew 19:3-12; Genesis (book-only); Malachi (book-only)

The first question is saving the marriage — and the one exception

• So: even under the New Covenant — again, two people who are living for God, who are born again, living a holy life, both living for God — in principle, there should never be a reason, for them to get a divorce. And we should go back, to God's intention. And in fact, this is how Jesus answered. So the Pharisees — there was a debate, among the Pharisees, of what were the grounds for divorce. So they were assuming, divorce is okay, at least in some cases. So: can you divorce, for any reason? That's what some of the Pharisees said: if a man doesn't really like his wife, just divorce her. Others say: no, she has to have committed adultery, or committed some serious wrong. That's the only grounds. So they're asking Jesus, to choose between the two. Well: he overrode them, and said: wait a minute. You're asking: what are my grounds for divorce? That's the wrong question. You ought to be asking: how can I save this marriage? Because in the beginning, that was God's plan. So whenever we talk about this difficult subject, we should always remind ourselves — and it's important — even if we think there is justification for divorce, the main message we should be sending, to the church, to our converts, to our children, to our young people, to the newlyweds, is not: oh, let's think of all the ways of getting a divorce. Or: if it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce. That's what the world thinks: hey, I fell in love, let's get married. But if problems come up, let's get divorced. But in the church, we ought to think: no — marriage is a commitment, for life. When problems come up, let's think of: how can we save this marriage? How can we improve this marriage? And I would certainly agree: it's not God's will, for us to live in a dysfunctional, painful, horrible marriage. But the alternative is not, to jump to divorce. The alternative is, to get help, and to re-establish the basis of the marriage. So the question should always be: how can I preserve, Salvage, the marriage? However, having said all that, we still live in a sinful world. And sometimes, divorce is the lesser of two evils. Jesus indicated this, because he said: if you just divorce your wife, and then you go marry someone else, you commit adultery ('you couldn't adultery', as heard). What he's basically saying is — and he uses the case of the man, but obviously it would be true either way it goes — he's saying: look, if you divorce your wife, you break your vow ('you break your value', as heard). You've made a lifelong commitment. You break it, and then you go marry someone else. Well, in fact, you have committed adultery. That's wrong. But he says: except for the cause of fornication, or sexual immorality. So: what if your spouse has committed sexual immorality, or we would say adultery? Well then, in a very real sense, they've broken the marriage vow. So then you may be — that they've already broken it. So then, if you get a divorce, you're not the cause of the divorce. Now, I would hasten to say: Jesus doesn't say you have to get a divorce. But he just says: except — there could be an exception. So my thought would be — and as a pastor, I've worked with many situations over the years: I've seen a husband commit adultery, wife committed adultery ('wife committed a turtle tree', as heard). But they're repentant, and there's a high ability to restore, if both parties are willing to work on it. If the party who has sinned ('if the part of you ascend', as the letters stand) is truly repentant, willing to accept accountability and guidelines. And if the other person is willing to forgive. Then the marriage can be saved. And often is saved. And many times, that should be the best outcome. But there are other times, where the sinning party is persistently sinning. It's not just one act, but continuing. Or is unrepentant. Or, you know, there could be other circumstances, where the marriage is irretrievably broken. So Jesus did acknowledge: if you divorce your wife, and marry someone else, you've sinned — except if your wife has committed adultery, then you haven't sinned. So at least that indicates, that if your spouse is Unfaithful — particularly unrepentant, and persistently Unfaithful — then you would have grounds for divorce. Now some would argue: it's only grounds to divorce. I think most in the upci would acknowledge, that if you have a legitimate grounds for divorce, in that case, then you would also have a right to remarry. So the upci position is (as he states it): that for two saved persons, or someone who's saved, the only grounds for divorce — the only grounds for divorce and remarriage, I would say — is if the spouse is unfaithful to the marriage vows, committed adultery, in whatever way.

The past that cannot be undone — John 4, and keeping the vow you are in

• Now: we do treat the person, as of the time they come to the Lord. So in their past life, we don't consider their past divorce. There's nothing they can do, about that. And I would certainly say this — because sometimes the question comes up: well, I've divorced and remarried, and now I realize, what I did was wrong. I didn't have that exception. Maybe it was before I came to the Lord, or whatever. Here's the way I look at it: even though it might be wrong, to get a divorce, God recognizes the fact, that you did get a divorce. You can't undo that. So, for example, in John 4: the woman at the well — Jesus said: you've had five husbands, and the one you're living with is not yours. He didn't say: you had one husband, and then every other marriage since then was adulterous and wrong. Even though it might hurt — multiple marriages might have been wrong — she did it. And he made a distinction, between getting married, and then just living with someone. So: you know, some argue, that marriage can't be dissolved, in the sight of God. I don't believe that's the case. I believe marriage can be dissolved, even when it's wrong. So somebody could get a divorce, without proper grounds — but they still got a divorce. That's a fact. So then the question becomes: if they're still divorced, and they realize, I did wrong, getting a divorce — well, you could explore, if you could be reconciled with your former spouse. That — I think part of repentance would be, to see if that's even feasible. But if you're the one that did wrong, it may not be feasible. Or the ex-spouse may have gone on, and is not even willing. May have another partner. But certainly, in the case you've divorced and remarried — then you realize: well, I sinned. I was against God's will. Well, what's the situation? Some people say: well, break up. Well, that doesn't solve the problem. Two wrongs don't make a right. Here's how I look at it: when you've married the first time, you made a lifelong vow. When you married the second time, you made a lifelong vow ('you made a lifelong bound', as spoken). You can't keep both of them. It's impossible to keep both. So you already broke one. So logic would be: keep the one you're in, now. You can't fulfill God's will, going backward. But you can fulfill God's will, going forward. So: if you've divorced, or remarried, against God's will — that is adultery, Jesus said — once you recognize that, repent. Once you repent, God forgives you. Then it is not continuing adultery, to live with your spouse. Because you've repented. And you can't do anything, to undo that. It's like: if you kill somebody, you can't bring them back to life. All you can do is repent. So: if you've made two lifelong vows, you've broken one, Beyond repair. It's impossible to fulfill. Well, now: you're honor bound, to keep the one you're in. Otherwise, if we didn't say that, we could say: well, you know, the person could just leave the second person. Or he could go be with somebody else, and it wouldn't be adultery. But I think we say: no. At whatever time you repent, and you're determined to follow God's will, then you're accountable, from that moment on. Okay: so my basic answer is: divorce is not God's will. Divorce is allowable, in certain cases, if the spouse has been physically unfaithful, to the marriage vow, through adultery. Now: while Jesus did talk about lusting after someone, being adultery in your heart ('being adultered in your heart', as heard), that's not the same as physical adultery. So even though lust, or pornography, or other forms of misconduct, may be wrong, and need to repent, and need to be accountable to your spouse — I don't think that falls under the category here, of an automatic grounds for divorce, remarriage. I think that lust would have to be acted out, in practice, in reality, with another person.

Scriptures: John 4

1 Corinthians 7 — abandonment and abuse: separation yes, remarriage not automatic

• Now some people also look at Paul's words, in First Corinthians 7. And he's trying to apply Jesus' words. But he's applying it to a new situation, that the Lord didn't address. Which is: what if one spouse is in church, or one spouse is not? He says: well, you should still stay married, even though your spouse is not in church. That doesn't invalidate the marriage. However: what if the unbelieving spouse just refuses to live with you, now that you're a Christian? They don't want that life, and they leave you. He says: well, you're not under bondage, in such cases. Some people will then say: well, there's a second grounds, for divorce and remarriage, and that was abandonment. And then there are cases, which are very similar to that. And that is: physical abuse, of the spouse, by one spouse against the other. That, in essence, is violating the marriage vow, in a different way. It's like an abandonment. So here's my answer on that: Paul said — the believer is not under bondage ('the the believer is not under bonded', as spoken). So I don't think you have to chase the person. I think, if they get a divorce: okay, it's not your fault. In the same way, I would say: if someone is being subjected — you, or your children, are being subjected to physical abuse, in the home, you don't have to live with that. You can walk out on that. Now, I do believe — and I will also say — experience, as well as statistics, and my own personal pastoral experience, shows: an abuser is very unlikely to quit, without outside accountability. So many times, the abuser must be turned in, to the police. Must be given counseling. Must be held accountable, by an outside Party, by third party. I don't believe a spouse — and 95 percent of cases, it's women who are abused (as the proportion stands) — I don't believe a woman has to live, in a case of ongoing abuse. And when I say ongoing abuse: the person may repent, and say they're sorry. But unless there's outside intervention, and accountability, it's highly unlikely, that that will end. It will continue. So, but the way I look at it, from pastoral sense, is: that does not — I don't think Paul was trying to expand Jesus' exception. So I would not regard the cases of Abandonment, or abuse, as an automatic right to remarry. I do believe they would be a right, to not be bound by the situation. So: to go ahead, and get a divorce, to protect yourself legally, if that's what's necessary. In the case of Abandonment: your life may be hung up. Your finances hung up, by somebody you don't even know where they are. And so you might have to get a divorce, to protect yourself. And likewise, if you're being abused, you may have to get a divorce, or at least a separation, just to protect yourself, or your children. And I think that's okay. But I don't think you should jump to remarriage. I think you should look for time, to see if that separation, or that divorce, will wake up the sinning spouse, so they will come to repentance. And there could be a miracle restoration, and rebuilding, and counseling, and could restore the marriage. But if not, chances are, that sinning spouse is going to move on, to another relationship. And then there will be adultery. And then there will be a clear grounds, to remarry. So what I'm saying is: in the case of adultery, especially when it's unrepentant, persistent, I do believe there are clear grounds for divorce, and subsequently there could be a remarriage. In the case of Abandonment, or abuse, I think there are clear grounds for separation ('their clear grounds', as spoken), and if necessary, divorce. But I think you should wait, to see how it's going to play out. And presumably, the Lord's words will come into play — which would eventually result, the possibility of a remarriage. And I based that — First Corinthians 7: Paul talks about — you know, he says, you should stay together. But if you don't: remain unmarried, or be reconciled. So let's say two Christians, for some reason, they can't get along, and they separate. And it's not really a scriptural reason. Well: they should remain unmarried, then, or be reconciled. So we do recognize, that even when the grounds fall short, of what scripture describes, sometimes there are issues, where people separate, or they can't get along. But in that case: remain unmarried, or be reconciled.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 7

Hard sayings, singleness, and how the teaching is applied for credentials

• And then finally: yes, this could be a hard saying. Especially in our secular culture, which maximizes personal happiness, and do whatever you want — and if you're not happy, then go do whatever you need, to make yourself happy. But that's not the scriptural response. Jesus said: you know, marriage is not the highest goal. Your relationship with God is your highest goal. So: some people can't even physically get married, because of a birth defect. Some people can't get married, because of what has happened to them, in life. And he was living in a time, when it was sadly a common practice, to take little boys, and make eunuchs of them — so they could serve, in certain capacities. So you might have today (as he puts it): transgender people — they might have been surgically affected, so they can't fulfill what God intended. And so Jesus says: you know, there are some people, that are going to remain single, because of birth. Some because of circumstance, life. And then, in some, for the sake of the kingdom of God. And that's true of all single adults, at some point: until you find the right person to marry, in God's will, then you remain celibate. And so you remain single, by choice. Because not — because maybe you want that, but because — that, as a Christian, to obey God's will. So let's say your spouse dies: you have the potential, for remarrying. But you may never get remarried. Or maybe sometime. Or let's say there's a divorce. So there are cases, where we look at it, we say: in order to fulfill scripture, or in order to fulfill the will of God, for my life, I should be single. And Jesus said: you know what, if you think this teaching is too strict, well, maybe you're supposed to choose, the choice of the single life, in order to serve the Lord. And again, that sounds like a hard saying, for us. And it's easy to say, but harder for someone else to live. So that's why, as a pastor, I try to always be compassionate. But I always look for: is there a way to salvage the marriage? If there's not: well then, is there good reason, why they need to separate? And if there is: then — then divorce. If there is: then ultimately, is there a legitimate ground, scripturally, for remarriage? And there are — there are cases like that. And in conclusion: for United Pentecostal ministerial credentials, for example — if your divorce occurred, before you're baptized in Jesus name, and received the Holy Ghost, then we don't look at that. If your divorce occurred, after you're baptized in Jesus name, received the Holy Ghost, then we would want two witnesses, to verify that your former spouse committed adultery, at some point. And therefore, according to the words of Jesus, you're free to divorce, and remarry. So that's how we apply these teachings, in the context of upci ministry.

Scripture index: Matthew 19; Matthew 19:3-12; Genesis (book-only); Malachi (book-only); John 4; 1 Corinthians 7.