What Does the Bible Say about Forgiveness?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

The strong teaching — forgiven as we forgive

• The question posed (in the host's frame): you know, some of the Bible's most challenging teaching is on the subject of forgiveness. And Jesus said something — the frame opens by reading the Lord's saying on forgiving trespasses — that is very challenging. He said: 'if ye forgive not men their trespasses (as read: 'mend their trespasses'), neither will your father forgive your trespasses.' The problem, of course, is that sometimes people do really horrible things, to one another. And it can be really difficult, to forgive somebody who's hurt us deeply. For example: is one of us (as the question styles the wronged believer) really supposed to forgive somebody, who has maybe abused them horribly — physically, or even sexually? And what if the other person never acknowledges the wrong, or never says they're sorry? How should we respond, in this sort of situation (as the question is put)? The answer: that certainly can be a difficult issue. But let me start with a very strong teaching of scripture. As you point out: the Bible does teach forgiveness. In fact, the Lord's Prayer says: forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Or: forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Do we really understand the implication, of our prayers? 'Lord, forgive me — as much as I forgive other people.' And this was hard teaching, even for the apostles. So in Matthew 18, where you find this teaching about forgiveness: Peter thought he was going to be, you know, really Noble, really generous. And he says: how much — how many times should I forgive my brother, if he sins against me? Seven times? And seven was considered the number of perfection, or fullness. So normally, we might say: well, one or two times. So Peter was saying: you know, I'm gonna go overboard. I'm going to go to Perfection. Should I do as many as seven times? And Jesus says: no — Seventy Times Seven. Now, that does not mean 490 times, and then the 491st time you can kill him (his aside, as spoken). But I guess Jesus was using hyperbole, or deliberate exaggeration. But he was making a point: it's not about how many times. It's about your spirit, your attitude, and your heart. So we see this very strong teaching, in forgiveness. Also, I bring in Ephesians 4 31-32 (as he cites it): that we should have right attitudes. And we should put away anger, bitterness, clamor — or insistent demanding Spirit (as heard) — malice, desire to see others harmed. And then he talks about being tenderhearted. And he talks about forgiving one another, as Christ has forgiven us. So here we have this clear teaching, that we should forgive.

Scriptures: Matthew 6:15; Matthew 18; Ephesians 4:31-32

What forgiveness is not — no condoning, no cover-up, no renewed vulnerability

• But let's talk about what forgiveness is, and isn't. Forgiveness is talking about an attitude of the heart. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean — well, it doesn't mean condoning the sin. Actually, forgiveness implies: you recognize sin as Sin, but you're going to deal with it. So forgiveness is not making excuses, or accepting excuses. Forgiveness is not cover-up. Forgiveness is not evading the consequences. Forgiveness, first of all, starts with recognizing, and acknowledging, Sin is Sin. But then, how you choose to deal with it is the consideration. So forgiveness becomes an attitude, of your heart. I would also point out: in the case of abuse — you're being mistreated — forgiveness does not mean you have to make yourself vulnerable, to that person, again. You can pray, to a point of forgiveness. But that doesn't mean you have to put yourself back, in that same situation. You do not have to continue that relationship. Particularly if the person is not repentant. Or if you're not able to — they don't have full accountability, or you're not able to have full trust. Forgiveness does not imply, that you have to resume a pre-existing relationship. That you have to make yourself vulnerable, to be hurt by that person, again. So you don't have to: if an abuser says, well, you're supposed to forgive me — you can say: well, I'm going to pray, until God gives me a forgiving heart. But I'm not going to continue relation with you. And what you do has to be between you, and God. Now: for forgiveness to be effective, in the perpetrator, they have to have a heart of repentance. So actually, forgiveness does not exonerate the other person. Even if you forgive them: still, they're accountable to God, for their actions. And unless they genuinely repent, and turn away from their sins, and put their faith in Jesus Christ, and determine to have a new life — then your expression of forgiveness does not really release them, of their sin, and their guilt.

What forgiveness is — the release, prayed through

• Now, so, with all that in mind: what is forgiveness? I think it does mean: that when somebody's wronged us, we pray until we have an attitude — that we do not seek Vengeance against them. If they've done evil to us, we're not going to do evil back, to them. But we pray for God, to release the vindictiveness, the malice, the hatred, the bitterness, and release those terrible emotions. So that we treat that person with kindness, respect, and love. And again, I'm not talking about an emotion, as much as proper treatment. Now, for them to fully enjoy that, they must repent. So if they don't repent, they're limited, as to how much they can receive the benefits, of our forgiveness. But at least, from our part, we're willing to forgive. And we do forgive, on our part. If they then truly repent, then we can extend that forgiveness, to them. But we don't wait, until they repent, before we change our attitude. So: Jesus didn't wait, for us to repent, before he died for us. He died for us, while we were still sinners. So I think what forgiveness can mean, in this context — especially, let's say you have an abuser, who hasn't repented, and, if he had the chance, might perpetrate the same type of abuse: what would forgiveness mean, in that sense? I think it means praying to God. And it's not necessarily easy. It's more than just words. But praying to God, until you can release the pain, the hurt, the bitterness, the anger, The Strife. The anger itself is not wrong. But if you let fester, and become a grudge, it can become sinful. If you allow it to cause you to lash out against someone, with hateful words, or actions, it can become sinful. But you ask God, to release all these negative emotions, and feelings. So, from your part, you're at peace. And if that person would Express genuine repentance, you would accept that, from them. And your heart's desire is not to see them suffer. Or not to see them go to hell. But your heart's desire would be, for them to realize their sin, repent, make amends, and find a place of Deliverance, wholeness, and salvation. So: if you can honestly get to that point, where you say: I release those feelings. I put it in the hands of God. If that person is still in the wrong: I do want God to judge them. But I want it to be Redemptive. So in some way, they might see their sin, correct their wrong, make amends, repent. That ultimately, they would not be destroyed. But ultimately, they would be saved. So when you can come to that point, then I believe that's forgiveness. Now, for minor things, that's simple: as saying, I forgive you. And certainly, when somebody truly repents, it becomes a lot easier, to do that. But in more difficult situations, I think we can pray, until that's our attitude. I don't want to see that person destroyed. I want to see them maybe disciplined, justly. I want them to get what they deserve. But not for their ultimate destruction. For their ultimate salvation. I guess what I'm saying: I want them to suffer the consequences, in order that they might be redeemed. So you can get to the point, where: I am not going to take matters, in my own hands, as far as trying to hurt them. I may pursue Justice. I may report them. I may cooperate, with Godly leaders, or secular leaders, who impose righteous penalties. But again: my desire is not to see them destroyed, but to see them transformed.

Forgiveness benefits the forgiver — set free

• And notice: that forgiveness benefits us. Because if you hate somebody, that doesn't hurt them. If you have malice, and ill will, and bitterness, towards them: that doesn't affect them — especially if you're not in a relationship. But it affects us. It affects you. Because even physically, as well as emotionally, and spiritually: bitterness, hatred, malice — that twists our lives. That can cause physical illness. That can cause mental, and emotional, problems. And that causes a spiritual blockage. So actually, forgiveness is God's way, of releasing us, from the pain, caused by the sin of others ('repentance are excuse me forgiveness is God's way', as his self-correction stands). And it's true: it seems unfair. Others sin. We bear the consequences. Now we forgive. But isn't that what Jesus Christ did? We sinned, but he paid the price. That is forgiveness. Yes: I believe we can forgive. We can pray, until God releases us, from any bitterness, or malice. That we're at peace, with God. Our lives are now whole. And then: if that perpetrator repents, then we can express our forgiveness. If that person refuses to repent, at least we have the attitude of forgiveness, if get of an opportunity (as the letters stand). And we leave them, in the hands of God. So I do believe that we can forgive. And actually that's best, for us. It doesn't put it — us — at the mercy of a perpetrator, or an abuser. But enables us to be freed: physically, mentally, spiritually — from the abuse of the past. Or even potentially, the present. The mental, as well as physical, anguish. And it sets us free, to have a wholesome relation, with God, and with other people.

Scripture index: Matthew 6:15; Matthew 18; Ephesians 4:31-32.