What If a Parent Prohibits their Child's Baptism?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

The Short Answer: Obtain Parental Consent

• The question posed: pastors preach baptism as part of the plan of salvation, and urge people to be baptized; they minister to people of all ages, including children. So the situation arises where a child who truly wants to be baptized in Jesus' name is prevented from being baptized, because the parent will not consent — often a parent who is not in the church. The pastor wants to minister to the child, and to see that child saved. What should a pastor do in that situation?
• The short answer is: we need to obtain parental consent to baptize a minor. Now, there's a conflict of values, you might say. On the one hand, we do believe baptism is part of salvation, and so we're concerned: if somebody isn't baptized, they're not going to be saved. On the other hand, we do respect the rights of parents, and we respect the government.

Parental Rights: Scripture, the Golden Rule, and the Law of the Land

• Let's look at that point first. First of all, we do respect parental rights: that's clear in the Bible, that children should obey their parents. And there's a related principle: Jesus gave us the golden rule — do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So let's say we're a parent, and let's say our child is spending the night with a Hindu friend, or a Catholic friend, or a Mormon friend, or a pagan friend: if we found out they were secretly initiated into a Wiccan right, or taken to worship at a Hindu temple and consecrated to a Hindu deity, or baptized into the Roman Catholic Church or the Mormon church, would we say, 'You know, that's the child's choice, and they think that's what they need to be saved, so who am I?' No — we would say: that's wrong; you violated my parental rights. And we might even sue.
• But logically speaking, if we're going to insist on that, it's a little presumptuous and arrogant to say, 'But we don't want any other parent to have that right.' I guess the only justification would be: because we're right, and they're wrong. But you could see how problematic that is — that would lead to the destruction of all of our rights. And then Romans 13 does say government has a proper role in protecting society, and we should obey the government when it's fulfilling its proper role. So the laws of the land would also give parental rights — and again, if we didn't have those laws of the land, we wouldn't have rights. So I think, on balance, the idea of respecting parental rights, which are stated in scripture; respecting wanting our own rights to be recognized as equally as others; and respecting the governmental authority, the law of the land — all those should say: we need the consent of the parent.

Scriptures: Romans 13

The Other Side: The Child's Salvation, Left in God's Hands

• Now let's look at the other side: what about that child's salvation? Well, that brings up questions that ultimately we leave in the hands of God. In principle, if somebody refused to be baptized, it's easy to say, 'Well, you know, you are refusing part of salvation, so your judgment be upon your own head.' But what if somebody says, 'I really want to be baptized,' and they're prevented by things beyond their means? I don't want to make a doctrine out of it; I don't want to make a doctrine out of exceptions. But the Bible does say God counts those things that are not as though they are: in other words, God can look in the future, and see what if, and act on that basis. In fact, all the people saved in the Old Testament were saved on the basis of Calvary, even though it hadn't happened yet — God counts those things which are not yet as though they are. So could it be that God would say: the person wanted to be baptized, but they're prevented by circumstances beyond their control — account their intention as fulfilled?
• For example — this is not theoretical, it's actual: there was a couple that had received the Holy Spirit; they were being taught a Bible study by a UPCI pastor, and they called him to say, 'We're ready to be baptized.' And as they were traveling to the place of baptism, they were killed in a car wreck. Now, could God have treated their intention as fulfilled? I'll leave that in God's hands; I won't make a doctrinal exception, to say baptism isn't necessary. But I think most of us, when faced with that kind of question, would say we leave that in God's hands.
• Another actual example: a UPCI pastor had a small boy who had a degenerative disease; he was on his deathbed. They prayed with him; he received the Holy Spirit, and he died. So we would probably say, even if he hadn't received the Spirit, he's probably under the age of accountability — but since he received the Holy Spirit, we know he was capable of it. And that's another subject, but there is some age of accountability for every person: they have to be old enough to understand sin, repentance, salvation, etc. And I do believe that a child raised in a Christian environment might well receive the Holy Spirit even before that age of accountability where they would be held in judgment. So we might say that little child was accepted by God even if he hadn't received the Spirit — but by receiving the Spirit, we do recognize he had some ability to understand, in a positive sense; although I'm not saying that there would be judgment in a negative sense. So are we saying that child is going to hell, when he couldn't be baptized? Or can we leave that in the hands of God? Again, I'm not willing to make a doctrinal exception that is universal, or that would undercut our teaching on baptism — but I'm willing to say, in certain cases, we just have to leave that in God's hands.

The Practical Answer: Consent, Prayer, and Patience

• So the case we're really concerned about is a child who's truly repented of their sins, and then they truly want to be baptized, and they're prevented from being baptized. Well, in 99% of the cases, they grow to adulthood, and if they still want to be baptized, we baptize them — so that solves the problem. What we're really concerned about is the rare case, where the child dies. Well, maybe that's more like the examples I gave: I think we could trust the grace of God.
• So my practical answer is: seek parental consent. If that's absolutely not forthcoming, then you continue to work with that child until they're an adult, and you pray for a miracle: God could change the parent's heart; God could remove the obstacle. And probably you would only need one parent's consent — so if they're divorced, or whatever the case may be, you never know what's going to happen. We're going to follow the law; we're going to uphold parental rights, even as we want our rights to be upheld; but we're going to pray for God's grace and God's intervention, so that either God does a miracle to change the circumstances, so we can baptize the child legally, with proper consent — or the child grows to adulthood, and is able to do so. And then we trust God: if there's going to be the very rare case of the child suddenly dying, we just put them in God's hands, and we trust that God's grace has a plan for them.

Scripture index: Romans 13.