What Is Spiritual Abuse?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

Authority is real — and only God's is absolute; accountability is the antidote

• The question posed (in the host's frame): what is spiritual abuse, and what are the warning signs, that you — or someone you know — may be a victim? How can the church promote a culture of spiritual health? (The episode also carries an invitation, in Bernard's own voice, to the gathering it names — which stands verbatim-only, as episode furniture, not as part of the answer.) The host's question: Spiritual Abuse — it seems like this term, spiritual abuse, is something that we're hearing more frequently, than at any time in the past. And those who are listening to this: they may know somebody, or even feel like they themselves have been the victim, of what they might call spiritual abuse. I'd like to ask: what is spiritual abuse? And what are some warning signs, that that may be occurring? What guidelines can a church put in place, to prevent that from happening? And how can we — maybe the best question is: how can we create a culture of spiritual health, making sure that these types of spiritual abuse are not happening? The answer: this is an important question. Because there's so many spirits in our world today, that we need to give attention, to this concept, of spiritual abuse. However, before I deal with that, I do want to say — I don't want anyone to misunderstand me: there's real Spiritual Authority, in the body of Christ. And in another podcast, you'll see me discuss that. But I do believe in pastoral Authority. I do believe in Godly leadership. And there are numerous passages of scripture, who talk about ('which talk about', in sense) how God uses humans, in leadership, to guide his people. So we're not attacking the role of a pastor. We're not attacking someone who uses true Spiritual Authority, based on the word of God, and by the spirit of God, to encourage people ('to it encourage people', as the letters stand), to warn people, to admonish people. That's not abuse. That's fulfilling the role, of a Biblical leader, and a Biblical Pastor. However: whenever there's proper — whenever there's truth, the devil always has misuse, or abuse ('whenever there's proper abuse the devil always has misuse or abuse', as the sentence stands). And so that's what we're really talking about, right now. And so let me just say this: only God has absolute Authority. No other authority is absolute. Every other authority should be accountable. So what are the signs of spiritual abuse? It's when a leader tries to assert absolute authority, over people, and is not accountable to anyone else. One basic principle: Jesus said — the Golden Rule, Matthew 7:12 (as he cites it), is: do unto others ('is due unto others', as heard), as you would have them do unto you. So one good test, I always tell, for leaders, is: whatever you expect of people, are you willing to give that same — follow that same teaching? So: if you teach people to give, of their tithes and offerings, do you do the same? If you teach people to work for Unity, in the church, do you do the same? If you teach people to submit, to Spiritual Authority, do you submit, to Spiritual Authority? We should all follow those same principles. There's no asterisk, in the scripture, behind certain verses, saying: well, if you are a card-carrying minister of the upci, you do not have to obey this scripture. Or: if you are a leader, in a local church, this does not apply to you. No: the principles apply, to all of us. So: no Authority is absolute, except God's. All other authority must be accountable. And when you see someone, who's not accountable, or is acting without accountability, then you know there's a problem. And to address your question: what's a good way to preventative — prevent — abuse, is accountability ('what's a a good way to preventative abuse is is accountability', as the letters stand). So that's why: I don't think you have to belong to the upci, to be saved. But one of the benefits, and important reasons, for an organization such as the upci, is to provide accountability. To provide leadership in your life, that's not just of your personal choosing. But you submit to a structure. You submit to leaders, of an organization — who we hope are also spiritual ('also spiritual ears', as heard), as well. They're not absolute leaders. They're not dictators. But you owe them respect. They are able to admonish you. There are certain rules, that we agree to live by. There are certain procedures, we agree to live by — even though they may not all be our own personal preference, or choice. But that's accountability. So: belonging to an organization; submitting to the structure, and Leadership, of that organization. In the local church: having a church board. Having an annual business meeting. Having a budget. Having certain job descriptions, and roles. These are all ways, of accountability. In the upci, if there's an allegation of wrongdoing, we have a Judicial procedure, that is a procedure to follow, to investigate, and ascertain, if there has indeed been wrongdoing. So all of these are mechanisms. There's informal accountability, as well: through peers, and mentors. And I teach leaders: every one of us — we should have spiritual leaders, like pastors, and mentors, that we listen to, and heed their admonition. We should have peers, that we respect, who can speak into our lives, and we'll listen to them. And even to our followers, or those that we're leading, there's a certain amount of accountability, to them as well: that we're doing good job ('that we're doing good job', as spoken), that we're transparent, honest, and open. That we're not just doing things for them, in our opinion. But we're showing them what we're doing, so that it looks good, in their understanding, as well.

Scriptures: Matthew 7:12

1 Peter 5 — the positive pattern, and the warning signs inside it

• Scripture — and let me give you some scripture, to show you, on the positive side. In First Peter chapter 5 — reading from the new King James (as he names the version): the elders who are among you I exhort, I who am a fellow Elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that will be revealed: Shepherd the flock of God, which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly, nor as being Lords over those entrusted to you ('nor is being Lords over those in trust you', as the reading stands), but being examples of the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the Crown of Glory, that does not fade away. This gives some positive admonition. But also, it — by implication — gives you some warning signs. So let's just talk about pastors, slash Elders, slash Bishops: these three terms are all used interchangeably, in this passage. So there is real Spiritual Authority: you're to Shepherd the flock — that's a pastor. You're to serve as overseer — the term — there's the same term, for what we get Bishop. So there's a genuine spiritual leadership, of oversight, and guidance, and protection, feeding, caring. But notice: not by compulsion. So you don't do it, because you're forced to. So a warning sign might be: if someone is in a position, for wrong motives. Or even put in position, by someone else. Not truly called of God. But they think it's a family business, or a hereditary monarchy. You know: not by compulsion, but willingly ('but will me', as heard). Not for dishonest gain, but eagerly. So someone is trying to benefit, inappropriately, or unduly — whether finances, or other means. Now: Paul talks about those who live of the Gospel ('those who live of the Gospel those who Minister the gospel deserve to live of the Gospel', as he puts it — priced in the refs note: no book is designated, so no entry is made). So certainly, we should pay our leaders, and our ministers, what we can. And those that are full-time in Ministry should be supported, by their Ministry. But a warning sign would be: people using a position of authority, to cheat people, to deceive people, to take money from them, inappropriately. Dishonest gain. Nor as being Lords over those entrusted to you: so — being a dictator ('so dick being a dictator', as heard). Being authoritarian. So: it's one thing to admonish. But I tell leaders: your Authority comes — to — the word of God ('your Authority comes to the word of God', as spoken). So when you're teaching people the word, you have authority. But when it's your personal opinion, that's your personal opinion. People can have the right, to agree or disagree — even if you are the leader. They don't have to follow everything you would prefer. But you can insist, that they need to follow what the scripture teaches. And likewise, I said — I say: your power comes from the spirit. So you can't use carnal means, to try to force people — even if you're trying to get them to obey God, or the word of God, according to your understanding. If you're using carnal means, to force them, or manipulate them — psychological techniques, or coercion — and that's not right. Your Authority is the word. Your power is the spirit. So you have to teach, and preach. And you have to let the spirit lead. At the end of the day, you have to let them make a choice. Just as God allowed Adam and Eve, to make a choice. Just as Judas — God — Jesus allowed Judas, to make a choice. So: they were warned, but they weren't coerced. They weren't forced. They weren't brow beaten. They weren't manipulated. Their will was respected — even when they were making a bad choice. And then I also say: the only acceptable motive is Love: First Corinthians chapter 13. So if you're doing things, for any other reason than love ('for any other reason then love', as spoken), it's not right. You have to be motivated, by genuine love, for people.

Scriptures: 1 Peter 5; 1 Corinthians 13

2 Corinthians 11:20 — abuse named in Scripture; what to do; what abuse is not

• Now let me also give you a passage, to show you: there is a real reality, of spiritual abuse. The Apostle Paul talks about some false prophets, some false Apostles, that came to Corinth. And he described what they did, in second Corinthians chapter 11, verse 20. And he admonishes them: you Corinthians, you allow these people to come in, and take over. And you shouldn't have allowed that. He says: for you put up with it, if one brings you into bondage, if one devours you, if one takes from you, if one exalts himself, if one strikes you on the face. Pretty amazing, isn't it? And what I also think is interesting is: I'm going to read this, in another translation. Let's choose the NIV (as he names the version), because it helps the words become Vivid, and alive: in fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you, or exploits you, or takes advantage of you, or puts on airs ('or puts on heirs', as the reading stands), or slaps you in the face. So here be — are — examples, from the Bible, of spiritual abuse. Someone who enslaves you: like a dictator, a lord — coercion, manipulation, Force — whether it be psychological, or physical. Exploits you: so taking advantage — you've taken — taking your money, taking your belongings. You know: requiring you to do stuff, to benefit them personally. Number three: takes advantage of you. So maybe a similar thing: takes advantage — your time, money, your influence — for their own personal Glory. Puts on airs: so pride, and egotistical Behavior, demanding things for them. Slaps you in the face: which could be physical abuse — it could be metaphorical, or physical. And certainly, I mentioned: any form of sexual abuse — violating sexual ethics, under the guise — while I'm a spiritual leader, so I — you owe this to me. Or: I'm an exception. Or: God is letting me do this. Those kind of false rationales, to take advantage of someone, physically. So: physical abuse, or sexual abuse, or emotional abuse. So these are the things, that are warning — signs. So if you see this happening: you should look for an accountability structure, and report it, to the proper structure. And if there is no accountability, if there is no structure, you have to remove yourself, from that situation. Because God does not expect anyone, to be subject to spiritual abuse. Having said all that: we're not talking about you're getting upset, because you don't like what the preacher preaches. Or you don't want to follow the reasonable guidelines of the church, that are based on the word of God. Or you're upset with a decision. I think, when you start feeling that way, you should pray, and ask God, first of all, to give you pure motives, and give you a clear understanding. And hopefully — at least within our ranks — abuse would be very rare. But as long as we're in this life, we've got people who sin. And we can't totally eliminate Sin, from the church, or abuse from the church. But we can try to establish accountability, both locally, and nationally, generally.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 11:20

[captured text ends mid-sentence]

• 'so that we can teach people leaders' — there the words end, and we have nothing after it.

Scripture index: Matthew 7:12; 1 Peter 5; 1 Corinthians 13; 2 Corinthians 11:20.