Why Does God Care about Sex and Marriage?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

God's plan — one man, one woman, one flesh

• The question posed (in the host's frame): a recent gallup poll revealed that one in five (as the frame gives the figure) of the youngest adult generation identify as being part of the lgbtq community. And i think that reflects a current cultural trend: that, when it comes to human sexuality, our society seems to recognize pretty much no boundaries, or restrictions. And of course, we know that this prevailing attitude directly contradicts the scriptures, which very clearly teach that god put boundaries, around human sexual expression. So i'd like you to cover: what are those boundaries, that god put around biblical sexuality? Did jesus talk about sex? Or was it just the old testament, paul? Because some people like to pit one against the other. And maybe, to frame the question from an unbeliever's point of view: why does god care, what consenting adults do, behind closed doors? The answer: first of all, we must start with the fact that god created us. So he created us, for a purpose. God created us to have fellowship with him. To worship him. To love him. And to have this wonderful, reciprocal relationship. Then god did not just create one man. He created a man, and a woman. Because he said it wasn't good, for the man to be alone. He needed companionship. So he created one man, and one woman. He joined them. And in genesis (the chapter as he gives it) you can see god's plan, for marriage: that the man would leave his father and mother — which means his pre-existing family relationships — be joined to his wife. And the two would become one flesh. So this union is physical, emotional, and spiritual. They're to be treated, as one family unit. And the interest of this new unit would supersede the interest of the two individuals, separately. While they are still individuals: they're joined together. And then, from that, children would be born. And this was god's plan: to be fruitful — he said, multiply, fill the earth, replenish the earth. So god's plan for humans was to reproduce ('so god plant god's plan', as the words stumble at this point). To multiply. To have family relationships. So of course sex is a very important gift, in that process. Number one: for procreation. And number two: for companionship. For joining the husband and wife together, in this close family unit. The book of malachi (the chapter as he gives it) says that god hates divorce. And he hates it when a man puts away the wife of his youth ('puts the puts away', as the words double), and breaks covenant. And then he makes an interesting comment: because he wants godly offspring. So, in other words: for children to be nurtured, to grow up to be healthy — physically, emotionally, spiritually — to be productive members of society, church: they need, ideally, two parents. And not two identical parents. But a man and a woman. A father and a mother. Because genesis (the pinpoint as he gives it) says: god created man in his image. Male and female, he created them. So, to fully express god's image — and to fully express god's plan, for humans — it requires both male and female. Now, let me pause to say: if somebody's raised in a single parent home. Or if you are a single parent. Of course: it's not ideal. But it's not a sentence of doom. You trust god. You pray. God's grace makes up the difference. The church can step in, and offer the things that are needed. So i'm not disparaging. But i'm making a sociological observation, which is true. That: this is an interesting point. If a young person will grow up, graduate from high school, get a job, get married, and have children — in that order — 98 percent will be middle class, or higher (the figures as he gives them). Only 2 percent will live in poverty. And then — i don't have the exact statistics in front of me — but children who are raised in a single-parent home, or especially when there's no father: there's a very high correlation — multiple times, five or ten times more correlation — with juvenile delinquency, criminal activity, incarceration, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, promiscuity, children born out of wedlock. And so, poverty. So all these dysfunctional outcomes — which are the main ills of society, that we spend trillions of dollars trying to fix — really go back, because we're not following god's plan, for marriage and family.

Scriptures: Genesis 2; Malachi 3; Genesis 1

The bond — and gifts used according to God's purpose

• So sex is a very strong bond. It's strong not only physically, but emotionally, and spiritually. And what people today don't realize — they just think of it as just some kind of a casual pleasure. So maybe like taking a drink of alcohol. Or eating chocolate. Or listening to a concert. So, just having sex. But first corinthians (the chapter as he gives it) is: don't you know that when you're joined to a prostitute, you're joined in spirit? And how can you — as a christian, and you're supposed to be joined to the lord's spirit — how can you be joined to the spirit of a prostitute? So — and i've seen this, as a pastor — that when two young people — maybe they love each other, maybe they're infatuated — but when they cross the line, to a sexual relationship: it changes. And they think — and typically the girl is more oriented to this — they think: well, if i'm ready to quit, i just quit. But it's not so easy. They're emotionally bonded. They're spiritually bonded. And even if it's a dysfunctional relationship, a bad relationship, abusive relationship: somehow they can't let go. And logically speaking: hey, if it's a bad relationship, and you started it for pleasure, and it's now unpleasant ('and it's no unpleasant', as heard) — just walk away. Just like, if candy makes you sick, stop eating candy (a fused caption timestamp fragment is struck from this sentence by the recorded fix). But it's not so simple. And often, as a pastor, i could even diagnose when a relationship had gone sexual. Because i could tell the spiritual bonding, that had taken place. So what i'm saying is: there's something far deeper, than what our culture understands. And again: when we violate god's word, and we repent, god can forgive us. God can help us overcome. But the point is: there are consequences. Spiritual consequences. So god created sex, for two reasons: procreation, reproduction of the species. And companionship, and bonding of marriage, as the building block of family. Which, in turn, is the building block of church, and of society. So god's gifts — all of god's gifts — can be either used properly, or abused. So every talent, every ability — life, health, strength, intellect — can be used to further god's purpose, or can be used against god's purpose. So sexuality is one of those beautiful gifts, that needs to be used, according to god's purpose. So god is not trying to inhibit us. Or take away our joy. Or restrict us. He is trying to channel us, for what sex is intended to be. Because he knows the true purpose, and the true meaning, and the true value. And when we break those guidelines: we're hurting ourselves. We're misusing. It's like any gift: if we misuse it, it only hurts us. So god's plan is trying to help us. Our marriage, our family, our church, our society. When we break those rules: we only hurt ourselves.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 6

Worshiping the creature — the diminishing return

• Romans (the chapter as he gives it) tells us what's happened, in our society. That it says: every human being has a certain knowledge of god, through creation. We know there's a creator. And we're supposed to worship god, and glorify him. But when we don't — when we face truth, and refuse to follow it — we never stay neutral. We start going the opposite direction. So the problem with the human race is — in every culture, every society, and we see this in our own culture — when people don't worship god: what do they do? Humans are created to worship. Humans are created for fellowship, and companionship. Humans are created for the spiritual. So, refuse to worship god: we're going to find substitutes. So romans (the chapter as he gives it again) says: we worship the creature, instead of the creator ('we worship the creat the creature', as the words stumble). So people started making idols. So they're worshiping things their hands have made. And these idols are often animals, and other things. So: things god created — instead of worshiping the creator, they worship created things. Well, what happens when you start worshiping creation? Well, then you start worshipping the human body. Because the human body is one of the most amazing creations of god. And so then, when you worship the body: you focus on pleasure, of all kinds. You focus on sexual pleasure. And you stop thinking about why god gave you pleasure — what's it for — and why god gave you sex — and what's it for. And you just focus on worshiping. Instead of worshiping god — which would be, to follow his plan — you worship the creation. Which means you worship the body. Which means you worship sex. But that doesn't give you ultimate satisfaction. Because it's misusing the gift. And this is a psychological truth. It's documented. But when humans seek pleasure, in other things, there's the law of diminishing returns. So let's say you eat a piece of chocolate (a fused caption fragment inside the word is struck by the recorded fix). You love it. So you eat a second piece, and a third piece. Finally, there's a point where it's nauseating, and you hate it. Or let's say addiction: somebody gets addicted. Or somebody starts using drugs. After a while, that same amount of drugs no longer gives you the same high. So you have to take more. Or you graduate to harder and harder drugs, just to try to recapture the same initial euphoria. Pornography: same thing. You start with pornography, that excites you. But after a while, it doesn't really give the same pleasure. So you go to more explicit, and harder, stuff. Same with sex. And so, if you look for sex, for your ultimate pleasure: after a while, it no longer provides that. So you go: okay, new partners, different people, break more rules, break more conventions. And the bible talks about — and so they go against nature. So, even if you're an atheist, and just believe in evolution, in biology: well, homosexuality would be dysfunctional. It wouldn't provide the survival of the fittest. It would be, at best, an aberration, or a mistake, from a scientific point of view. But, you know, humans are seeking more, and more. And so romans (the chapter as he gives it again) says: they are not satisfied with sexual promiscuity. So they go into what's against nature: homosexual behavior. But even then, that doesn't satisfy them. So they end up — what the king james calls a reprobate mind. Or what that really means is: it's not saying they can't be saved, necessarily. It's saying: a mind that's lost the distinction, between right and wrong. And that's what happened, in our society. Look at the transgender phenomena, where they're now taking small children, and trying to give them puberty blockers, and surgery, that mutilates the body. They're going to be forever sterile. They're never going to have a normal development. Well, even from a scientific, biological, or even evolutionary point of view: that's dysfunctional. So if a person does have a dysfunctional thought: you would try to cure them. You would try to give them therapy. Cognitive therapy. Help them realign their mistaken beliefs, to the reality of their body. Not to mutilate their body, because of some idea in their mind. And now what's happening is: culture is promoting this. And the causes of homosexuality, and transgenderism, are complex. But a lot of it has to do with broken homes, dysfunctional families, absent fathers. Or overprotective mothers. Or just dysfunctional, or abusive, relationships. A lot of it has to do with early sexual experiences ('early sexual exp experiences', as the word doubles), when a person is just entering puberty. They're trying to find out: what is right? What is normal? What is to be expected? And if they're exposed to physical action, or even psychological manipulation, or indoctrination: then their thoughts can be skewed. So i do feel that a lot of young people are experimenting, or thinking, because our culture is molding them. Dysfunctional families. And aggressive culture, and ideology, is molding them. But it's all contrary to god's plan.

Scriptures: Romans 1

Victims, not enemies — and marriage honored

• Now, i will make a comment here: is that, when somebody's caught in this — i'm not saying they're a worse sinner, than anybody else. But i do believe, when you see this trend: it's showing that society is going further, and further, away from god. So the individual that's caught in it bears responsibility. But i see them as a victim. They're trapped, in a dysfunctional culture. And of course, the gospel can come, and break them free from that. And they do have a responsibility, to respond to god. But i think it's important for us: not to attack, or hate, or ridicule, or despise, people in these various sins. We despise the sin. But we've got to be careful: here is a lost soul. Here is someone created (in) the image of god. Someone for whom jesus christ died. And we have the answer, that will set them free, from habitual sin. And actually give them a healthy, whole life. And i would argue that sexuality, in god's plan, is healthy, and wholesome. And psychological studies have actually shown that married couples, in general — and christian couples, in particular — generally have a greater — not only actual sex life, but also greater fulfillment, and meaning, and purpose, and joy — than people who are promiscuous, or who are in temporary relationships. So, while from a physical standpoint it may seem they're getting more physical enjoyment: they're not getting the holistic, emotional, and spiritual, enjoyment. And truth be told: many of these people end up with a very poor sex life, even from their own standards. In other words, they're not having the kind of sexual life, or experience, that they envisioned. Because they don't have the opportunity. And they don't have their relationships. In other words, when you try to separate the physical sex, from everything else, you end up hurting even the physical side. And studies have shown: that people involved in pornography actually end up having a worse sexual relationship. And people that go through multiple affairs, and multiple marriages: it's actually harder to have a wholesome relationship, when they actually — when they really want to have a relationship. They've already built in some roadblocks. Not only for physical sex, but emotional intimacy. And also, i would say that this is one of those areas, where more experience is not better. Because two unique human beings — there's no two exactly the same. So when a young man, and a young woman, get married, and they have no prior sexual relationship: that is not a disadvantage. Because they're not learning how to have sex, in general. They're learning how to build a relation(ship), with that one person. Prior experience doesn't help you. It can actually hurt you. As you learn and explore every dimension — physically, and emotionally, spiritually — you have to learn that unique person, in that unique relationship. No two people are alike. And no two relationships are (a)like. That's why hebrews (the chapter as he gives it): marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled ('the bid undefiled', as heard). But whoremongers, or fornicators, god will judge. So, within marriage, that sexual relationship: we shouldn't tamper with it. We shouldn't delve into that. And that's why i think: yes, there are times when you might need professional counseling, medical counseling, or maybe even psychological counseling. But we should guard the sacredness of marriage, between a man and a woman. And you don't need to know everything, everybody else is doing. You need to know what you're doing. You need to please each other. You don't need to have all kinds of experience. That actually becomes hurtful, when you're trying to build this relationship. And whatever lack of experience that you have: you forge that experience, with that one person. And so what i'm trying to say is: when you do it god's way, you actually have a better relationship, at every dimension. So, going back to the premise of your question: why does god want to restrict us? Actually, he's not. He's trying to show us this wonderful gift he's given us. What its real purpose is. And how to maximize both the benefit, and enjoyment. Ironically, by trying to take it in our own — do it our own way — for what we think is our own enjoyment: we actually kill the joy (a bare caption timestamp stands in the delivered text at this point, struck from the cleaned layer by the recorded fix), and we destroy the purpose. But we do it god's way: we find the true pleasure, and the true fulfillment. The way god intended, all along.

Scriptures: Hebrews 13

Scripture index: Genesis 2; Malachi 3; Genesis 1; 1 Corinthians 6; Romans 1; Hebrews 13.