Words To Live By - Part 3 - "Sorry"

I have been working diligently and hard trying to prepare for today. We started a new series entitled words to live by. And last Sunday we started off with the word no. And learned that no is a complete sentence. And I feel like there were a few of you who were taking that to heart.

Who were allowing God to guide you to some areas in your life where you needed to say no. Did anybody Anybody practice no this past week? Yeah. Isn't it liberating? Some freedom that's there. Being able to say, "You know what? I don't have to always commit myself and overextend myself into other things that God will walk along with me."

And then Pastor Michael this past Wednesday night he talked about the word yes. And how that you can say yes to God and it can be liberating. It can be freeing in our life and it can lead us down a path that also brings with it some freedom as well. And then today we're going to go in a little bit different area and I feel like it's going to be a blessing to someone.

So, I'm going to talk about this week's word and this sometimes is a hard word. And it's the word sorry. It's the word sorry. Not like oops, my bad, but more like we're going to go under the knife and we're going to examine some areas in our life where maybe a little bit painful.

It could be a little bit humiliating, but I'm going to term it more like surgery for our soul. Sorry is a simple word. It's easy to spell, but people find amazing reasons why they avoid it. And some have said that it's impossible in some areas for them to admit that they're wrong or they need to say, "I'm sorry."

Not long ago and it's part of the season of life that I'm in, I was talking with my wife, and she's kind of staring at me, giving me this look, and I could tell that she wasn't paying attention to the what I was saying. Anybody ever have a conversation where you don't feel like the person's really buying into the words that were there?

You'll remember this moment, babe. She said to me, "You have a hair hanging out of your ear." I'm like, "Okay." She's like, "I need to pull it." And she yanked that thing like she was trying to start a go-kart. I think it was attached to some other thing on the other side of my face because I felt everything pop up there, and I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but you know, I kind of got a little offended about it, to be honest with you.

You know, and you got to be careful with those things. You don't let it go too deep deep down. And it, you know, it's like in there was another instance in my life to where I was I was having the oil changed. This was probably 10 12 years ago. I was having the oil changed in my Suburban.

And the mechanic that was in the pit yells up and says, "Hey, mister, you got a leak in your differential." I was like, "You kiss your mother with that mouth?" I mean, I don't even know you, and you're talking to me like that. And I found myself wanting to push back a little bit.

Like, "Who are you to tell me my differential was leaking?" Maybe you need to point out what the differential is. Well, I'll know what it is. I'm mad about right now. You know, things like that happen, you know? I could be mad or offended that my wife plucked a hair out of my ear.

Say, "What are you doing? Like, who are you to point that out to me? You're shaming me. That's body shaming." I could have said to the mechanic, "What are you What are you telling me my differential is leaking for? Are you Are you car shaming me?" You're giggling because that's kind of the world we're in today, isn't it?

It sounds a little bit ludicrous, yet there are so many that seem to go down this path. Being offended, being upset. We got to be careful. We can say there's no big deal, but often times those things have a way of sticking in there. So, here's the here's the here's the truth. My life is managed by me.

I'm the one who's solely responsible for it. I can try to put the blame and place it on others, but the reality is it belongs to me. My ear, my car, all the things that are there, it's not going to just go away and I can't just put my head in the sand.

I have to be sure that I'm I'm careful because what happens is I can end up being resentful. And it can lead and spill over into other areas of my life. I can end up having an uncontrolled temper, or I can have an undisciplined tongue, or I can have a habit of lust, or a bondage of gossip, or be shackled with selfishness every day, or end up with money being my god, my identity, and my security.

And what we what we often times find, and this is where I want to maybe spend my time today, and I and I hope I can make make all of the dots connect as they are in my mind, but I feel like we have to be careful because people can be guilty of this, and specially people who say and claim to be Christians.

We can end up living a double life. We can say one thing, yet act another. We can we can say we're going to do this, but we excuse away the bad behavior. We can have a what we feel like is a respectable double life. When we go to church, we pray, specially when we need something, and we believe, but honestly, we struggle with doubt, too.

And to me, sorry is a word that we use to smooth over relational unpleasantness to try to control people. We'll say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way." Is that really saying you're sorry? Is that an apology? It doesn't feel like an apology because you were actually saying you were sorry that they feel that way, not that you acted in a way that caused them to have hurt feelings.

We got to be careful with this word because it gets misused so much. Or it's it's a band-aid where we place over the real problem that is there, never having any intention of ever digging down deep to where the underlying problem is. It's something that I feel like we need to be aware of.

I feel like today, I have to do a little digging. Anybody want to do a little digging down in your heart and down in your soul because I feel like if we're going to really line ourselves up to where God wants us to be, we have to unpack this word sorry. Because if we keep our character defects hovering vaguely in the background, if we don't systematically examine ourselves for them, are they going to just go away on their own?

What's going to happen? You may be saying, "Well, who who wants to do that? That's no fun." No, it's it's not any fun. But it has to be done. We have to stop and ask ourselves the question, and be honest with ourself when we ask the question, "Is God really pleased with my life?"

Not just the good parts, not just the pretty parts, not just my Instagram posts that are there, right? And I feel like in this doubled life that sometimes we find ourselves maybe even unknowingly living, we always want to we always want to portray the picture of perfection. I've heard people say before, "I'm not going to go to church until I get myself straightened up."

That doesn't make any sense. You come to church to get straightened up. Yeah. Well, I'm not going to church. It's full of hypocrites. Well, why would you go anywhere? Because hypocrites are everywhere. Don't go to the bank. For sure don't go to your doctor. I didn't mean that Just Just think with me for just a minute.

Where can you go? So, we need to come to a place where we can be transparent and open around other people who are also hopefully honest and open to say, "You know what? I'm just broken." Really, I'm a wreck inside. I'm a mess. there's there's a lot going on inside of me that's not right.

If you could see inside my mind, if you knew sometimes the things that that crossed my mind, if you knew how I would get angry and I and I would get frustrated and what my initial thought what my initial reaction was. If you knew that, well, you might look at me differently.

You might think differently about me. See, I feel like this gets down into the deep area of grace, which is a word we often misunderstand and misapply in order to avoid pain in our life. It gets down real deep into guilt and confession and redemption and mercy and repentance and the kind of people that God wants us to be.

And in order for us to truly be the church that God desires for us to be and in order to reach Murfreesboro and the surrounding areas, we just got to start being honest. First of all, with ourselves. And with those that are around us. I want to tell you at the very beginning of this message, with as much love as I can, that you have a hair hanging out of your ear.

That your differential's leaking. And hopefully you don't get offended by it. What I'm going do is I'm going to go to a passage of scripture that in my lifetime I can never remember anybody unpacking it. Some of you are paying attention right now. I've never preached from this verse before or these verses.

I've never have because honestly it's a bizarre story. And I feel like I didn't have a full grasp of it at least to the point that I feel I could adequately talk about the reason behind it because it was something that is just so shocking and sudden that it was hard for me to wrap my mind around it, but I'm going to talk about it today.

It's a It's an interesting passage of scripture. And I feel like God has given me a little bit of insight as I was praying about these words that we're bringing to you for the next few services and what we've already started was God helped me to identify inside myself and for the rest of the church areas where we need to spend some time.

And I was brought here to this passage. And it's one of those moments if I'm going to be honest with you where I said to God really this is the one you want me to go with? And I think you'll see in just a minute. The strange story in Acts chapter 5. It's in the early days of the church and it's actually right there where the church is getting started and we see this couple, it's this husband and wife, they're there in the church named Ananias and Sapphira.

Now some of you are already like, "Oh boy, wow, you're going to talk about that story." Yeah, that's what I said to God, really this is the story? But here we are. We don't know what first drew them to the church or what attracted them to want to follow after the life of Jesus Christ, but there was something about the church that was appealing to them.

And one of the most unusual aspects about the church at that time, right at the beginning we're going to see in the story, was this overwhelming spirit of generosity that had come upon the church that was there. Well, first of all, Acts chapter 4 verse 36 and 37, I want to say this cuz sometimes maybe not everyone knows this, but when you see one chapter in a new chapter begin, that doesn't always mean that there was a long break between those times.

Often the guys who were part of translating the scriptures put chapters in there to make it easier for us to turn to and for some sometimes it was about continuity of story. But this is very much a part what we're going to read at the end of Acts chapter 4 carries on into Acts chapter 5.

the same story that's continuing on. So, I wanted to make sure I set that up for us. We're going to start with chapter 4 verse number 36. It says, "For instance, there was Joseph, the one of the apostles nicknamed Barnabas, which means son of encouragement. He was from the tribe of Levi and he came from the island of Cyprus.

He sold a field he owned and brought the money to the apostles." So, what we see here is he sold a field, he brought the money, he laid it at the apostles' feet for the church to use. People thought so highly of Joseph they started calling him Barnabas, which means son of encouragement.

He had a great nickname, right? I mean, there's all kinds of nicknames that get thrown out there and they're not always good, right? Sometimes they're derogatory. Sometimes they point out character flaws. Sometimes it's it's not the best nickname, but this is a good one, right? If you're going to have a nickname, be Hey, he always encourages you.

That That's a good nickname. So, we we're feeling pretty good about the story right now. There was a guy who had a lot of piece of land, then he sold it and he brings down and then sets it down for the church to use. But we see the story picks up in verse number one.

It says, "But a certain man named Ananias and Sapphira, his wife, sold a possession, and he kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it, and brought a certain part of it and laid it at the apostles' feet. Now, at this point, I don't really feel like we're picking up on anything wrong here.

We got a story about son of encouragement who sells his piece of property and he gives everything from that piece of property to the apostles to use at the church. And then Ananias and Sapphira, they have a possession that they sell, but instead of giving it all, they only give a part of it.

Now, for those of you who don't know this story, nobody's really bothered at this moment. For some of you that know the story, you know what's fixing to happen. It doesn't really turn out so well. So, let's let's play this out for a little bit. They see how other people are giving their resources away and they see that that accolades are going and maybe they feel a little bit of pressure to give.

But maybe they resent it a little bit. So, I'm just going to be me as I always am up here and be a little transparent that there have been situations when I've been in when when it seems like folks are giving to a certain thing and then I feel pressured that I should give, but I don't like feeling that pressure.

Now, you I'm not asking anybody to raise their hand, but I'm just going to be me and say that there have been times when someone was giving towards something, I felt like I should have to give, but I gave it resentfully. I didn't want to give. But at the same time, I didn't want to look bad or be like, well, this dude don't give anything.

Right? I know, again, maybe it's just for me. But as I'm evaluating this story and I felt like as I was trying to work out what I felt the Lord lay on my heart, as he brings me here and I and I and for me is he's revealing to me that there was a lot more underneath this verse because if you just read the verse, you can go a couple verses in and be like, wow.

That's kind of harsh. It seems like God just got up on the wrong side of the bed that morning, not that God ever sleeps, but if he did, this was the morning he got up on the wrong side of the bed. Cuz see, it seems like there's a disproportionate response to them just holding back a little bit.

But in me praying and studying this out, feel like God was showing me that there was there was a precedent that was being set that he needed to deal with. Remember I said this is early on in the church. They see Joseph, he gets a new name, he goes to Barnabas. Maybe they feel a little bit jealous because of the attention's there.

I know nobody else has ever felt this way, but there's been a time or two when I've been a little jealous when somebody else got some attention. It's just me. I know you guys are great. Y'all are perfect. Y'all never have ever felt jealous about anything. But there's been a time when I felt pressured to give, I didn't want to give, and I gave anyway, but when I gave, I gave through gritted teeth.

And there were times when other people were getting a pat on the back, and they were being lifted up, and I was thinking to myself, well, that's awful nice, but you know, hey, I've done some things, too. Just me, I know not you guys. Y'all Y'all never deal with this. This probably this whole sermon's for me.

I probably should just turn around and preach it this way. Put my face on that screen. Maybe they want to be generous, but they also want to be rich. Anybody ever battle with that? It's got I'd like to give a lot of stuff away, but I like to have a lot of stuff, too.

It's kind of a conundrum, ain't it? Like I'd give it, I feel like I should give it, but I want it. At the same time, what do I do? Maybe that's where they were. Maybe Maybe they wanted to be loved, but they also wanted to indulge indulge in their jealousy or they wanted to be celebrate, but they also found themselves being deceptive.

Maybe the better way to say this is anybody else besides me, and you don't have to raise your hand again because it's probably just for me. Has anybody else ever found yourself having a divided heart. Yeah. I dare say at some point or another we've all been there where we felt like we had a divided heart.

We can be like that. We want God, we really do, but we also want something that we know that God's opposed to. We want to be close to him, but there's this other thing that appeals to us, appeals to our flesh, appeals to this nature that is there and we want it to even though we know God doesn't want us to want that.

Maybe maybe this is what's going on and maybe as we dive into this we think the Ananias he gets this idea. He thinks, "Hey, we got some stuff we can sell too. We have a possession. We have a field. We have something that we can sell too. Let's do this. Let's let's give some stuff and we can take it and we can take some of the money we can give it and we can give it to the church, but we can keep some for ourselves."

And I don't know that there's anything wrong with this, but I feel like the indication here is they made the accusation that they're giving it all. But they weren't really giving it all. They wanted They wanted the nickname like Barnabas. They wanted to be encouraging. They wanted They wanted what he had received himself, so they tried to follow suit, yet they don't commit it all.

It's just in part. But I feel like God was showing me in this they're making the impression that, "Hey, we sold and we're giving all, too." And I say that because I'm going to unpack it with the scripture and you see if maybe it doesn't connect the dots with you as well because what I feel like happens before I get to the verse is that there's a false reputation for generosity that they're trying to embrace.

And at the same time they're trying to hold on to what they are saying they're really giving away. And we Do know people and even I've been this way myself? We see this unfolding that they they're desiring this and we see this dialogue between Ananias and Sapphira. We see that he tells his wife, "This is a key moment."

He tells her, "Hey, this is what we're going to do." And she could be like, "You know what? You know what? Hey, honey, hang on a second. You got a hair hanging out of your ear." You I think this line of thinking is flawed. I think we're being somewhat deceptive in this.

Maybe Maybe we don't need to do what it is you're saying we should do." But she doesn't. She goes right along with it. And what I see for me for lack of a better way to put this in my good southern Wilson County vernacular is this is the sin of conniving. They are conniving.

This is a really important and a really destructive thing because it goes to the heart and the character of who we are. Good connivers don't even acknowledge they're conniving. They just connive. So, I say it this way cuz look with me. Let's go back to chapter five. Look at the verses here with me.

Verse number three. So, cuz what's happened so far is they sold a possession, they held some back in agreement with each other, and they're bringing it to the apostles' feet. But look, Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where's this coming from?"

Now, remember, I need you to help me connect the dots here. Cuz all we have is that they have sold something, agreed to hold back part of it, and bring it to the apostles' feet, then why is Peter saying you're lying? God's directing something inside of We're not given the reason why. We don't know if somebody come and told him and said, "Hey, they gave you this much, but they really got that much."

We don't know. All we know is that he asked the question. So, when this question is asked, and I feel like this is what God was illuminating to me. He would not have asked the question had they fully given everything or if there was another method behind. If they would have come in and said, "Hey, we sold some stuff.

We want to give part of it." Like I don't I don't I feel like we had we we're safe to draw the conclusion that they're making the impression that they're giving everything that they sold. But yet Peter says, "Why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself?"

Listen to what he says. "While it remained, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lied to men, but to God." I don't know why I've never seen it this way. I don't know why this passage has never stood out to me with such clarity as it is when I was studying to put this together that all of a sudden something was portrayed that wasn't so.

And the reality is Peter says, "Look, it's not it's not that you lied to me, but you're lying to God." And he reminds him like, "It was your land. You made the decision to sell it. It was your profit. You made the decision to divide it up. And what I feel like's missing between the lines is it was you that makes the presentation.

Yet you're lying to God cuz you're not bringing the whole, you're bringing the part." Now, to me I feel like this speaks down into where you and I are is again, I told you this is going to be a little bit of a surgical procedure today that's going to cause hopefully you and I to dig down to where we are, down into our soul, and ask ourselves, "Are there areas in our lives where we have a double standard.

I know these kind of messages everybody's taking their toes and they're like, "Woo, I'm going to pull them in right now." Cuz pastor's going to get hard. This is tough. See, the real sin here was deceit. It was a decision to live a double life. There's something about spiritual hiddenness is that hiddenness that is for lack of a better term to use, I wrote it in my notes, it's toxic to God.

It makes it a sin not just against other people, but it was against God. Like you're trying to you're trying to paint this picture that you're doing something, but it's not who you really are. You're looking good in front of everybody because you want that same attaboy that Joseph got. You want the you want that nickname to come in say, "He's an encourager because look what he did.

He took his possession and he didn't think anything. He just GAVE IT ALL." PETER'S REMINDING HIM, "IT WAS YOURS to do with as you wanted to, but you're bringing this in and you're you're you're painting a different picture than the truth is. There's a double standard. You want everybody to think that your life is perfect.

But the reality is you got some hidden dark things down there. There's some stuff that you need to really be sorry about. Not just as a band-aid, but truly repentant that causes you to change. Here's what happens next, verse number five. Then Ananias hearing these words fell down and breathed his last. So great fear came upon those who heard these things and the young men arose and wrapped him up and carried him out and buried him.

Boom. Funeral same day. And when you when you read this, every time I've read this up until this last few weeks of study, every time I've read this I'm just like, man. God's just like, "Hey, I'm not going to deal with that. Boom. He breathed his last. And it doesn't stop there. Right, we got to keep reading the chapter.

A couple of hours later, verse number seven. Now it was about 3 hours later when his wife came in. I don't know about you, but I have to stop here for a minute. Nobody even got her in for the for the funeral. Not sure why. I know there's there's funny stuff in there when you read this if you stop for a minute you just got to go well, wow, that just didn't even ask where he ought to be buried.

They just buried him. Not knowing what had happened. And Peter answered her, tell me whether you sold the land for so much. She said, yes, for so much. Then Peter said to her, how is it that you have agreed together to test the spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door and they will carry you out.

Then immediately she fell down and then on her feet and breathed her last. Then the young men came and found her dead and carried her out and buried her by her husband. Verse number 11. So great fear came upon all the church and upon those who heard these things. Are you Yeah, I guess so.

I guess so. You know, to me, Again, I you got to put it in the setting. Are you guys okay and I'm going a little bit slower today? You all everybody okay? So in this scenario, this is early in the church. I don't think brother Spain this is a great strategy for church growth.

Come to church you may die. Again, they're they're just trying to get this going, Joey. I don't know about you, I've been like don't tell anybody what happened to Ananias and Sapphira, all right? Just kind of keep that that bury him in the backyard. Don't put a gravestone out there. Don't don't we we're still trying to get people to come in.

Why is this here? I kept asking God, why is this story here? Help me understand what's going on." He began to open my mind. He began to show me some things. Here Here's what I think's going on. The church was this was this new community of unprecedented spiritual power. Acts 2, the Holy Ghost is poured out.

He's adding to the church daily. This thing's getting some traction. It's It's taking hold. We see all this power to heal and power to break down barriers between groups and power to love and but with great power becomes great responsibility. And what I feel like's happening early on in this church is humanity got plugged into the Holy Ghost and they experienced something that they had not experienced since the Garden of Eden, something that was lost.

There was a relationship that had been reestablished all of a sudden, but it came with a with a an amazing amount of responsibility to being plugged into that kind of power. What they witnessed is spiritual power flowing when people were in one mind and one accord. And what God is trying to promote is we have to be honest and transparent in moving forward.

We have to be good stewards of what God is entrusting to us. The power of God really flows through people when they get serious about acknowledging their weakness. I think it goes back to what Paul was talking about when he's saying that he was praying to God about this thorn in the flesh that he was dealing with and his response in 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "He said to me" He's talking about God speaking to him.

"My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness." Paul, I know you have the ability you're you're you're a great orator, you're studied in the word and people are following after you and what you're asking for me to take away from you, I'm not going to take it away from you because my strength is made perfect in weakness.

So, Paul, why don't you just own up to the people around you and tell them, "Hey, I'm not perfect." Because there was only one that was perfect. And you and I have the responsibility and the job to point to him. And in me pointing to him, I have to admit I'm not perfect.

I have flaws, and there are times when I fail. There's times when I stumble. There's times that I don't get it right. But the way that we can grow in strength with each other is that I can lean on you and you can lean on me. Not that you condemn me and not that I condemn you, but we help each other out in this process and understand that we are not GOING TO BE PERFECT UNTIL WE GET OVER THERE WITH HIM.

But between here and there, I'm going to rely on HIS POWER. AND SOMETIMES I NEED SOMEBODY TO COME ALONG AND BESIDE ME AND SAY, "HEY, you got A HAIR HANGING OUT OF YOUR EAR." AND NOT BE OFFENDED by it. To own my mistakes. And to mean it when I say, "I'm sorry." We forget about We think about We have to live this perfect portrayal of life, but it ends up killing the church.

It's not permission to do wrong, right? It's not what I'm saying. That you just say, "Well, I'm never going to be perfect, so this is just the way I am." No, that's that's equally as wrong. Like, here's the deal. You did that. Ooh, I got to be careful how I say this. I don't mean I mean this with all love and sincerity.

We got to be careful about what things you grab a hold of and identify with. Well, that's just my nature. That's just my personality, and that's just my family line. We Allens have always been hard-headed and short-tempered. We can grab a hold of all these things, but the reality is this is the truth, is that I'm a new creature in Christ.

That That's That's my identity. All these other things, they don't they don't define me, all right? They shouldn't define me. I shouldn't allow them to define me. I need to be defined by him and what he says about me, and I am a child of the king. It's time that we get honest and that we learn to share our real stories and our real struggles and our character defects and our and our problems we face and when the Holy Ghost is poured out, and that's what happened at Pentecost, God started a new way of doing things with him filling us with his overcoming resurrection power.

In just a few weeks, we're going to celebrate on Easter Sunday that resurrection power, that promise kept, that word fulfilled. We're going to celebrate that, but I'm here today to tell you that we can live an overcoming life, but part of the POWER OF GOD'S SPIRIT is learning to be transparent and identify when I GET IT WRONG.

Because there are times, ladies and gentlemen, when you're just wrong. And justifying it never solves the problem. Here's the part of this lesson. And I feel like it's one of the reasons why this story made it into the Bible. You cannot You and I, we cannot make our ultimate fear the fear of dying.

We can't. Fear of living the wrong life. Fear of becoming the wrong person. The fear of hiding. The fear of losing our soul. See, when I when I read in Acts chapter 5, not once but twice, it says great fear came upon them all. And I look at that and I think that must have been unpleasant.

But the reality is, please understand, I use this word appropriately, that was sanity. Not insanity. Sanity. It was sane thinking that, "Hey, if I'm not honest, God's not pleased. If I'm trying to be something that I'm not, GOD'S NOT happy with that. I need to evaluate that and let the fear reinstate inside of me that I need to be transparent in the life I live.

Because who am I really hiding it from? Maybe maybe maybe I'm successful. Maybe I'm good enough that I can hide it from you. But there is one that I never hide it from. There's one. And I go back I go back to Peter's words when he said, "You haven't lied to man, YOU'VE LIED TO GOD."

And you've portrayed and you tried to be something you and have a title or have status or have praise or have and you didn't deserve it. You were lying to God. Got to be careful. So how do how do we deal with this? How how do we deal with sorry? In the time that I have left in this message, I want to walk us through what what does it mean to live the word sorry with deep spiritual conviction and power.

You know, it here's the here's the reality, okay? This isn't this isn't going to be mind-blowing. This isn't rocket science. But it is at times hard. Step one. It's important that you and I make sure that we are on a routine regular dare I say daily basis doing a moral inventory of where I am.

Where am I at? Cuz man, I'm really good at lying to me. I'm not I'm I'm not that bad. Or the comparison, "Well, at least I'm not like so-and-so." You know, at least I'm not like Brian McLean. I mean, that guy. We're graded on the curve. I'm ahead of him. Yeah. So, why why do why do we feel better when we know we're wrong, but yet we find someone who is more wrong than us?

Yeah. I don't I know it's just me. You guys never do that. You have never done the comparison thing. It's just It's just Pastor Kevin. It's just me. I know I'm terrible. Y'all pray for me. But I'm guilty of that. There's been times in my life when I'm like, "Man, I probably shouldn't have had that thought, but at least I'm not, you know, like that dude over there.

I mean, he can't even go three words without saying a bad word. So, between me and him, surely God will love me more than he loves him. That guy's got a potty mouth." The psalmist put it this way. Psalms 139:23, "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxieties, and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

See, here's the deal. Me adequately doing moral inventory means I don't do this by myself. I invite him to come in. I invite him to be a part of my life. I say, "God, you know me better than I know me. God, help me see. Help me identify. Help me realize the areas where I must make a change."

Now, does anybody in here ever done inventory for a job? My dad used to do inventory at his shop. He did it between Christmas and New Year's. I hated that, Mom. Every year that was terrible. We had to go over and count. Now, my dad owned a sporting goods store. Now, we sold hunting and fishing equipment and bass boats and WaveRunners and four-wheelers.

Now, the bass boats and the WaveRunners and the four-wheelers and the pontoons, those are easy to count. Do you know what's not easy to count? Fishing lures. Fishing hooks. Lead jigs. Those those things. Brother Parker, you know. You got half of Bass Pro in your boat anyway. And just think if you had a hundred of those and you had to count them.

It's terror. It's torture. So, here's here's the reality, right? You take inventory for what? Because you don't know what you have if you don't inventory it. So, it's not just looking for the big things, right? Cuz that's what we do. Like, I don't have the big thing, so. But hey, if you're really going to do this right, you got to spend some time with God.

It takes some time to do some deep inventory. To get down in the everyday of life. Those those little subtle thoughts and those little subtle actions. Those Like, you need to get down down there to where it's it's no fun, but it's necessary to have an idea of where you are. Set aside time to be alone.

I use a framework from scripture to check where I am. Galatians 5:19. When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again as I have before, anyone of these living that sort of life will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Ask, "God, help me see where I am. Let me take an inventory. Help me know me. Help me identify. Help me see what changes I need to make in my life." Step two. Once I've made my inventory, all right? I need to This is where it's going to get hard, guys. Okay? All right.

Let's look at your neighbor and say, "Brace yourself." this is this is the truth. This is not my Y'all nervous yet? All right. Here's Here's what I feel like is important. I got scripture to go along with this. This is where we go. I have to confess my defects to God God forgive me my anger, my lust, my pride, my jealousy, my coveting, the list that we went through.

To myself and to another person. Again, I go back to the early church. James is writing to the early church in James chapter 5:16, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be Now, we like James, most of us, right? Cuz he kind of gets down where you're at.

And you know James like he speaks it, Joey, doesn't he? He's like, "We know. I'll quote me some James. I'll put you in your place with James." Is that still up there? Yeah, look at that. Confess your sins to who? Hey, you got a hair hanging out of your ear, Joey. Joey's my barber, so he knows when I have hairs anyway.

He does a little good job of trimming them up for me. Is it that you may be healed. Did did did you did you sense that? There's some healing for the defect for the problem, for the issue, when I learn to confess it to each other. There's connecting power. Something happens when people get real.

Power flows. I confess to God. I confess to myself. I confess to another person. These three, God, me, and somebody else. Guess which one of those three is the hardest one? The other person, yeah. Right? I love you, Joey, but I don't always want to tell you what I like. Pretty sure you feel the same way back.

Yeah. Like we're willing to go so far and we'll say, "Yeah, I've done that before." We won't say, "Yeah, I've done that in the last minute." But I did it before. There was a time way back when. Back back in the day. Back in the day. Mistakes were made. Yeah, we do that, but we struggle with each other.

But we don't like that. And here's the reason. Let me unpack. I'm going to I'm going to read it how I put it in my notes. I know and I understand that most people will balk at this. So, I'll give you a reason to do this second step. We would all likely have fewer problems in life if I had to go and admit every time I made that problem.

Now, let me ask you the question. Who is the number one creator of problems in your life? Now, some of you may be naming somebody beside you or co-worker. Well, let's be transparent in the house of God. The number one problem in my life is right here. It's me. So, I need to make sure I am doing my best to work on the problem.

Now, here's the deal. I can't do this by myself. Never can. And here's the secret, nor can you. That's why we have to invite God into the equation. I know I know I know. A lot of people say, "I don't need to do this, Pastor Kevin. God can forgive me without me telling somebody."

Yes, he can. He's God. And when you're God, you can do what what you want. So, yeah, God can. I'm just telling you how you can get past this to a better place in your life where there can be healing. When I know I have to face the pain and humiliation of telling someone about my pride, about my lying, about my lusting, about my pouting.

Oddly enough, it makes me feel like I don't really want to be proud, lie, lust, or pout. Cuz I don't want to I don't want to say that. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating. I don't want to do that. I don't want to I don't want to invite somebody in my life and then tell them, you know, but here's the deal, okay?

Now, I'm going to I'm just going to say this. It's important who you invite into your life. Don't walk up to some random stranger. Don't don't leave here and you go to the restaurant today and the waiter comes up and says, "My pastor says I got to tell you all my dark sins."

Sit down. Please don't. Please. You're going to send somebody into therapy. Don't. That is That is That's not what I'm saying, all right? You need to hand pick the right people. Now, when I say that, I don't mean put somebody who's going to go easy on you, either. But I would pick somebody that loves you.

That wants the best for you. Somebody who you know will speak the truth to you in love. Somebody who will say, "Hey, you got a hair in your ear." For some of you, that may be You may need to seek out a counselor. We believe in counselors around here. I thank God that we have Holy Ghost filled counselors.

I think it's a wonderful gift from God. You know, it may be something you need to unpack that way. But here's here I'm going to give you a truth. I'm going to give you a truth. Listen to this. If you're a note taker, here's a note for you. I'm going to tell you something about it.

As long as you carry around a secret and you carry around that burden, you Here's the truth. You are as sick as your secret. Whatever it is. Whatever you're keeping there, whatever you refuse to bring out, whatever is packed down in the closet, like you're willing to share everything but everything but. It works like this.

When when when I when I keep a secret and I don't pull it out into the light, here's what goes on. As I come to church, I come to this I come to this beautiful community that we have, this church environment. I'm so thankful for the church. I'm so thankful that you guys are part of my life.

I need you and you need me. You may not know that, but you do. We need each other. But in this community, here's what goes on. I've I've I've already picked on my buddy or I'm going to go back to him again. I'll make up for it now. Is it when we're together and he says to me and I see I've held back.

I haven't you know, he's my friend. He's someone I could confide in. I could I could confide in Brian. He's a good man. And I could and he would he would pray with me. He would earnestly seek after God and he would speak to me, but if I hold something back and then he says this because this is important, all right?

This is important and he says to you, "Hey, man, I love you." And I need to be loved and you need to be loved. We do. But when he says, "I love you." this is what happens is I say to myself, "Thank you." But in my mind I say, "But if you really knew me."

"If you really knew me, you wouldn't say that." Because I'm holding something back. I've got this secret sin and I keep it held back, all right? Because I want to put on the good face and I want everybody to think the best about me and I want them to think that, you know, that the Kevin Allen's a great guy and he's he's he's the best husband ever and he's the best dad and he's the best pastor and he's the whatever.

That's about all I do. Like I want to be the best. When that when that's the case and I don't I don't fully find someone that I can be transparent with and they say, "Hey, I love you." in my mind I'm like but if you knew if you knew about this. And what I do is it causes there to be a moment where where that love is not being felt and I and I will I'll say thank you.

I appreciate you saying you love me but I'll go back to my place and I still drag that secret with me. And I keep it hidden and by doing that it continues to control me. When I look at Ananias and Sapphira I feel like if they would have just come in and said look I'm struggling with here.

Guys I want TO GIVE IT ALL BUT I FEEL LIKE I need to hang on to something. If they would have just been honest with they would have had a community that said hey IT'S OKAY. GIVE WHAT YOU CAN TODAY AND MAYBE TOMORROW GOD WILL HELP YOU GIVE the rest of it but instead they portrayed a different picture and they LIVED A DOUBLE LIFE AND GOD WAS MAKING A STATEMENT EARLY ON THE CHURCH I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE A DOUBLE STANDARD.

At some point we have to say I'm I'm sorry I struggle with this. And maybe this changes the way you view me. I hope it doesn't but I'm broken here and I'm struggling here and I feel like you're somebody that I can confide in and will you help me pray about this but this is just all of who I am.

This is the good the bad the ugly. This is this is me. And early on the church he was trying to set the precedent that if we could be honest and open with each other that there could be there could be healing if we could confess. If we could lean on each other.

If I could have you be someone that that I COULD BE ACCOUNTABLE TO IN MY LIFE BUT THE ONLY WAY I CAN be accountable to you is I have to be transparent with you. Otherwise there's no accountability. Remember the series I'm talking about words to live by. Learning how to fully embrace the word sorry.

Step three, I can do whatever I can to make right what I have made wrong. I hope this will make sense. You go back in the Old Testament. Go to Leviticus. Some of you are already checked out if I said that. But look, there's there's still good stuff. And we we're New Testament church, but there's still stuff in Leviticus that applies.

There's some weird stuff in Leviticus that we don't have to deal with anymore, thank God. If you if you know, you know. Chapter 6, verse 4. Then it shall be because he has sinned and is guilty that he shall restore what he has stolen or the thing which he has extorted extorted or what was delivered to him for safekeeping or the lost thing which he found or all that about which he was swore falsely.

He shall restore its full value and add 1/5 to it and give it to whomever it belongs on the day of his trespass offering. Now, we're not doing trespass offerings, right? Jesus Christ died as a sacrifice for us, it covers all those things. We ask him to forgive. He's faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness but there but still there's a principle here.

There's a principle about restoration. That if I can fix a problem, I should. I should. There there there's a there's a person that I know that he's in the same vocation as me. He pastors a church same size and man, that dude can tote the mail behind the pulpit. I mean, he can preach.

It's like I've been reading a scratch and sniff Bible. I mean, this dude just goes with it and he's growing. He puts out He He's on podcasts and this is somebody that I know, right? And I just hate him. Not really. But at times, occasionally, every now and then, like I see and I'm like, man, like come on.

I told you I was going to be transparent. I don't hate the guy, but there's moments when I'm like, you know what? You could just mispronounce something every now and then. You could You could have a just an okay sermon every now and then. But what it reveals inside of me is a flaw.

So, I've had to learn the power of writing a note of appreciation. Now, people talk about pain and you know, they say that childbirth is painful. I don't know. Perhaps. And it is. It is. It is. I don't It is. She going to yank more than a hair out the side of my head.

I won't even have the ear left when I come back again. But it's it's painful sometimes to appreciate somebody that you struggle appreciating. When there's a little jealousy there, a little little envy. And then you're like, that's such a wonderful job that you do. It's amazing how you minister in the kingdom. But it's dealing with the inventory list that's come to me.

It's asking God to help me not only identify but then working through that and making confession and saying I'm a human being too. And then trying to the best of my ability to right the wrong. Some things can't be restored. But some things can. And there's healing powers that are there. See, here's the here's the deal.

I'm getting ready to close. I really am. I'm I'm going to try my best to bring this bring this down because I I'm going to be conscious of your time. But we end up putting ourselves into this category that I titled conventionally decent people. I'm not not perfect, but I'm not a train wreck.

I'm I'm I'm conventionally decent person. And here's the deal. The sins of the conventionally decent people are particularly straightforward because we deal with pride and resentment and being judgmental and we end up often times struggle with freely giving love. The conventionally decent people are the ones who need help the most. And just by the way, it was the conventionally decent people who were those that opposed Jesus the most.

Speaking as a recovering conventionally decent person I don't need less help from other people with my sins. I need more help. Because I'm more often likely to be blind to them. Because I can convince myself I'm okay. And here's another barrier. The devil will put this thought in your mind. I know I know I know you I know you should do this.

I know you ought to do this. And I know God wants me to do this. I know I need to do this, but I don't want to do this. Cuz who wants to do this? You know, last time I was reading through the scriptures, the word doesn't say that you know, that thou shalt do what thou wantest not to do.

But I feel like it's pretty plain when you read it. Is there an easier way? Is there a softer way? No, I'm sorry. It's just like dying. So, as they get ready to close and musicians can come. I feel like it's why the Apostle Paul said to the church at Galatia when he wrote in Galatians 2 and 20, "I have been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me. And the life which I live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Paul's saying, "Hey, look, I'm not living this life for me." See, there there there it is.

There's where the rubber meets the road. It's not just saying this, but living this. I don't live for me. I live for him. So, he's going to lead me to places in my life where it's going to be uncomfortable. And I'm not going to like it. And it's going to stretch me. And it's going to make me do things I don't want to do, but I'm not living for me.

I'm living for him. I'm not living for me. But I'm living for him. Now, so that as I close in this good Look, this is just be real. It hurts. It hurts doing an honest assessment and inventory on yourself. It hurts. It hurts being transparent. It does. It hurts finding somebody else that you bring into your life and say, "Look, let me Let me just tell you about a few things that I'm struggling with."

And then you may You may think differently of me when I say what I'm about to say, but I need some accountability in my life and I'm asking for you to help me with this. Will Will you Can I Can I Can I unpack for you? It hurts. It hurts bad because seeing hurts bad and admitting my failures and my faults and my short It hurts.

It hurts. Yes, it hurts. It's like dying because that's what it is. It's dying to self. And to put the final stake in the ground in this sermon today, God poured out his grace on us and I've already said in the message earlier that this is a mis- We misuse this.

And I say it for this reason because understanding grace is understanding what is written in Titus 2: 11, "For the grace of God that brings salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us." What's teaching us, ladies and gentlemen? Grace is teaching. It's a teacher. It's not a band-aid for me to use. It's not my get-out-of-jail-free card.

But if I'm embracing grace, if I'm I'm if I'm fully grabbing a hold of grace in my life, it's not just a cover over what's there, but grace is going to teach me. What's it teaching me? That I got to deny ungodliness and worldly lust, that we should live soberly and righteously and godly in this present age, looking for the blessed hope and the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us that he redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for himself his own special people zealous for good works.

That I no longer live for Kevin Allen. But I live for Jesus Christ. That there are things in my life that I'm just sorry about. Not sorry that you know. Not sorry that I got caught. Not sorry that you feel that way. That I am remorseful. That I lived those things. That he is helping me every day when I ask him, "Lord, reveal inside of me the things that I need to change.

Let your light of your word shine inside of me so that I can see every crack and crevice so that I can identify the things that I need to deal with." And then having people that I invite into my life and say, "Hey, I need to be accountable to you. Can I tell you about my failure?

Can I tell you that I got this frustration going on that I've allowed my mind to go down this path? Help me so that I can truly become all that he wants me to be. As I end today, one of the greatest words we can learn to live by is the word sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. God, I love you. I'm so thankful that your presence is here. It's it's such a sweet drawing presence that I feel in this room right now. Lord, it isn't easy to identify the faults and the failures inside our lives. It isn't easy to admit that we're not strong, that we're weak.

But Father, it is necessary. God, I pray that there would be a boldness set upon us today to admit we need help. God, I pray in this room that you would help us to identify and help us to start writing the wrongs that are there. Lord, in this place today, I pray that there would be a restoration and a reconciliation of what we need to deal with.

God, let your spirit move. Let your spirit be poured out. Have your way in Jesus' name. I think it'd be real good. I think it'd be real good if we took a moment at the end of this message today to do a little inventory. So, that's what I'm asking. If anybody wants to take a little personal inventory, will you won't you come to the altar?

Let's do this together. We need each other. I need you, you need me, and that's the longest time just to get get down, get honest with God. Lord, help me see inside myself the things I need to change and the things I need to fix and what I need to work on. Won't you come?

It's prayer time, church. Let's find a place.