The Table

Talking a few months ago about our lives, and our family, and our church. And it seems to be, there's so many things that not only have been coming against the family unit, but seemingly they're turning up the temperature, trying to affect what God had instituted from the very beginning. See, the family — marriage — that's God's institution. It's his creation. He said it, put it in motion. He defined the parameters. It's his. It's not open for interpretation from anybody else. But the enemy knew that if he's ever going to come against what God has in mind — if he wants to try to cause there to be a — a stumbling block, so to speak — he knew he needed to attack the family. We see that in the scriptures, for the very first thing he did is, he tried to cause division in the family. And from that day to this, there's been a constant attack. There's been a constant bombardment, trying to tear apart, breakdown, in any way possible, what God had started in the beginning.

In the beginning, God created male and female, and he put them together. It was his decision to make it that way. He knew what he wanted. He didn't have to ask anybody. He didn't have to get an opinion. He didn't send out a market survey. He simply said, I know what I want to do. And he created it the way he wanted to. And as we were talking about this, one of the things that we are constantly trying to do is to create and have a healthy church. It's important to us that we — that we have a healthy church. Now, when I say healthy, I'm not talking about diabetes. I'm not talking about those who struggle with disease. I'm — I'm not talking about that — that physical health, even though I may touch on that in just a minute. But what I'm talking about is having spiritually and emotionally healthy church. And then this is a truth: we know this — you don't have a healthy church starting in the church, but healthy churches are started at home. And it's in the home where things are to be talked about, where things are to be dealt with, where issues are settled. And it's from that environment, that healthy home environment, that we have healthy churches.

So because of that — and obviously, as — as pastoring this church is something that we talk about, having a healthy church — we knew that we probably needed to address the issue of how to have a healthy family. Now, I feel it's important, as we start this out, to maybe throw out a few disclaimers from the beginning. Because I know, when we talk about sensitive subject matter, the — the opportunity for offense to be there is high. And what we want you to know from the very beginning of this is, there's no offense atten intended by what we do today. Because we know, in a room this size, with a diverse mix here, that there are all types of families represented. We have what used to be referred to as a traditional family model. Then we have blended families. We have single parent families. We have just a singleness, as a whole. And we have a lot of brokenness. And all those things are represented in this room today.

We have families where there are small children present there with you in the home. If you — if you need to know who that is, if you look around, the people who are really tired right now, chances are they have small kids. And we know, that represented in this room, there are those who are dealing with teenagers. And — and if you need to know what that is, that's those of us who have hardly any hair left. And then there are empty nesters. In other words, they're — they're not there. And then they have re-nesters — that means they came back home. And then we have parents, grandparents, and all those situations. Everything's represented in this room. We know that, okay? We know, guys, it would be hard to come in here —

And to — to put together a model that would fit everyone. So what we decided to do was to go to the word of God. Let's talk about what the Bible has to say concerning healthy families. And we wanted to talk about our life, because our goal is to encourage you to have conversations in your home. Because if your home is healthy, then our church will be healthy.

Now, having said all that, I want to make this opening statement that's true: no one ever builds a house, builds a home, without creating space for a kitchen table. Every house, every home, every apartment that you go into, that was built intentionally to be a house and to be home, there's going to be a space for a kitchen table. So we're going to talk about building and creating a table and home. So we're going to read of opening versus scripture. Chassis is going to read that for us. Chassis, would you read Proverbs 9 for us?

"Wisdom have fielded her house. She had unit hewn out her seven pillars. She had killed her beast. She had mingled her wine. She had also furnished her —"

So if I'm looking at this verse, I ask the question: who — who built the house? Wisdom. Wisdom is building a house. And — and what was the first piece of furniture that wisdom furnished the house with? It was a table. Now, you guys that have been around here long, any length of time, know that I've told you over and over again: there's nothing that was accidentally put in the Bible. Everything that is there has a reason, and has a purpose, for why it's in the scripture. So when I go to Proverbs, we're reading the words of the wise man. And he's talking specifically here about wisdom. And he's saying that wisdom has built a house. And one of the first things that wisdom did, she furnish that house with the table. Now, what you see represented on this stage, ladies and gentlemen, this is our table, out of our kitchen. It caused a little confusion to our dollars when they came home, and they're like, "Mom, where's the kitchen table?" Because it's been up here since Friday. Yeah, it's been here since Friday. And you know, we told them, well, it's at the church. It's on stage. And then they begin to remember that we talked to him about that. We have this table here for a reason, and that is to represent our house. And we're going to talk about some things that we do at our home.

Now, I'm not going to blow your mind with this next statement, okay? But this table has legs. I know, that's deep in it. Yeah, I know. We probably could take up an offer right now and just go home. Pastor was profound today. The table has legs. It has legs for a reason, because the legs hold up the table. Otherwise it would be on the floor, and then that just makes for really awkward eating. We have to have legs to support the tables in our life, the spiritual tables in our house, in our — in our lives.

Now, I'm going to say — I'm going to talk about three things here briefly, that are important. They're important legs to the table that are there. You need to have spiritual health in your life. You need to have physical health in your life. And you need to have emotional health in your life. Now, just briefly: spiritual health — I think we understand that. That's — that's why the majority of us are in this room today, is we're here, and we're working on our spiritual health. And it's important to have your finger on the pulse of your spiritual health, and to know where you are. You need to have a prayer life. Amen. Amen. Yeah. I think you've ramen in that. You need to have a prayer life. You need to be reading the word of God on a daily basis. You need those things. What — what is really unfortunate is, there are some even in this room —

Today, that you know how to feel the role of the spiritual look, but you're really anemic. You're spiritually anemic, because you don't do your due diligence and making sure your prayer life and your reading of scripture is the — where it needs to be, on a daily basis. I cannot underscore that enough, how important it is that you pray and you read the word of God every day. Amen. If you are going to be a spiritually sound person, you have to pray. I'm going to take it even a step further: if you're going to go to heaven, you're going to have a prayer life. If you don't have a prayer life, I don't put a lot of hope in what's going on in your life. I'd be really, really nervous if I were you. You need to — don't walk around spiritually anemic in your life. You need to have your spiritual health where it needs to be.

But let's move on, because I think that one's an understood for today. I don't have to unpack that one a lot. And then — then there's the physical health. And you don't hear a lot about this. And for some reason, you almost never, ever, ever — never, ever, ever hear about this in Apostolic Pentecostal church. I mean, we're of the opinion — we started in the feast, and we've been eating ever since. And we look at it, we're like, we don't drink, we don't smoke, we don't dance, we don't run around in pants that runs. We do all these things, but man, we'll eat. You're on a roll today. We'll look down our spiritual superior nose, at our exceptional comprehension of the mighty God in Christ, and we'll stare down you in judgment, while we pop Little Debbie snacks in our mouth like Tic Tacs. Christmas tree cakes. Christmas tree cakes. Disney season. Yes, yes.

The Bible says that your body is a temple of God. Your body's a temple, the Holy Spirit. Matter of fact, Paul said this in First Corinthians chapter 6, verse 19: "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." Your body is the temple, is where his spirit lives, right? Therefore, you need to take care of your body, your physical body. You need to exercise. You need to eat correctly. You need to have proper nutrition. And there's some times that you need to just push away. You need to have some concern over this in your life. And I'll be honest with you, sometimes we do a very poor job at this. And sometimes you need sleep, too. Yes. Sometimes you just need rest. Yeah, just need another. You know, a lot of times I feel like we end up blaming the devil — yes — for stuff that he hadn't even thought about doing. Yeah. But man, we dump it on him. And when — and the truth of the matter is, we did it to ourselves. Sometimes we're what? Overly caffeinated. And we are not getting enough sleep at night. And our minds are not sharp, because they are not rested. And we don't have the proper nutrition. No, you think you're under a spiritual attack. It's not a spiritual tack. It's that venti pumpkin spice latte. You drink three of them every day. Or that Sun Drop, if you're not a Starbucks person, or whatever. That's the problem. It's not the devil.

Yeah, yeah. Let's start — let's start there first, and then let's — let's just take care of what we can take care of, and then we'll move into the spiritual realm. Exactly. Sometimes I feel like we pray, God, please help me with this. And he said, well, just stop doing it. Yeah, yeah. What do you — you're the one going and doing it. You're the one eating it. You're the one buying it. You're the one consuming it. Yeah. And we're giving — we — we don't take those things into —

Consideration. Like I said, you know, sometimes we do poor at this. But after the physical and after the spiritual comes to where we want to spend a little time today. We want to talk about having good, healthy emotions, right? Our emotional health. Our emotional well-being. And we're going to talk about what the standards should be. Now, I'm going to say — I say — say this from the very beginning: we are not claiming to have this perfected. No. Okay. We are — we are not perfect people. In fact, one of us is even less perfect than the other one standing up here today. Should we take a vote? No. We can't. No, I can't. My ego can't handle that blow.

We're trying to be better. We are trying to be better every day. We don't always get it right, but we are intentional. We are about it. Yeah. We — we set out every day to be the very best that we can be. My prayer every morning, in my prayer time, one of my prayers I say is: God, please help me to be the best husband, and the best father, the best son, and the best brother, that I can be. Because those are roles. Those are offices that I hold. And I need his help. Yeah. And I would love to tell you that I always, always get it right, but that would be a lie, because I don't. I fall short a lot. And it's frustrating. But I don't give up, because I have hope that he is still there, right? And that he will help me, as long as I'm actively seeking after him.

So we come today to say this: that we're trying to be the best that we can be. But there are some statements it's important to make. And — and sometimes these things can be a little bit uncomfortable. All right, even when we're — when we're taking the word of God, and I'm reading it, and I'm pointing out scriptural truths. In our world today, in the society in which we live, it is — is — it is going so contrary to the word of God, that even when I bring you the word of God, it's — it's — it's uncomfortable to hear. But it doesn't take away the truth of the word of God. It doesn't negate it. And just because someone may be uncomfortable — just because someone, someone may even feel a little offended today — I — I want you know from the beginning, that's not our goal. Our goal is to try to create healthy homes, because healthy homes make healthy churches possible. Right, right.

We believe the Bible. We believe what the Bible has to say for our lives. We believe in applying it to our lives. We believe that the Bible says that sex outside of marriage is a sin, because the Bible calls it fornication. We believe that people who are married should not have intimate relationships, emotionally or sexually, with someone who is not their spouse. That's called adultery. I didn't make that up, guys. That's in the Bible. That's what the word of God says. And if — if it's upsetting to you, then I would just simply ask: take it to God. Right? It's his words. It's what he put there. And — and it's forever settled. He's not changing his mind about it. That's — that's what the word of God says.

Somehow, for some reason, it seems to — to not get talked about anymore, because somebody might get offended. But here's what I've discovered from reading the scripture: that Jesus himself offended people. There were instances in the Gospel where people were offended and walked away. In fact, there was even one instance when his disciples go to him and say, "Master, don't you know you've offended them by saying this?" But Jesus didn't back away from the truth. Right? I feel like sometimes we're almost afraid to offend, and in doing so, we endanger someone's eternal soul, because no one's willing to simply say, this is what God's word declares. Right? And if we're going to have emotionally strong homes, we have —

To know what the word of God says. And we have to do our part to make sure, in the home setting, we're talking about it. And that's our desire today, I think, is to just be real with you. Speaking the truth, always in love, but just being real. Just inviting you to our table. And let's just talk about some things today. Let's see what the word of God says. Not — not so much in a preaching way, but in a — in a join us. I feel like right now, all of you just have a seat at our kitchen table. And it's a lovely — it isn't.

We intend no offense today. We want to speak the truth in love. And we hope you feel that today. Because if you've done something wrong, I invite you: just simply repent. Because his word says he's faithful and just to forgive and to cleanse you from — make it right. And then let's move forward. Let's do this.

So let's talk for a minute. I'm going to shift gears, if it's okay. Okay. Let's talk about the evolution of this table. It's not been a whole lot of evolution with this table, but not a lot of change. When she and I first got married — um, we didn't have much, probably not unlike most of you in the room. Um, I was living in an apartment, and she was living with my mom, and I came from my bedroom. Um, and then we got married. Like, I had never lived on my own. I was 19. Yeah. From Perry's house to Kevin's. Yes. So we had a lot of hand-me-down stuff. Yes. Um, in fact, we had mostly charity hand-me-down stuff. We had this beautiful mauve Lazy Boy recliner that was my granddad's. And we had this beautiful — how do you describe that couch? It had a lot of flowers on it. Yeah. My mom and dad — it was — yeah. And it was appropriate, during whatever time period they bought it. It was — it was beautiful then. Then, yeah. We got it. We're thankful for it. And — and we can sit on it. So it was better than the car. It worked. It was — we were there. Um, a few mismatched furniture. But our table — which is what I'm talking about, my table, that we had — our table was my dad's break room table from his office. Yeah. And it was a unique table, in the fact that if you spilled anything on it, everything ran to the middle, because it was bowed. Which was kind of nice, because you didn't have to worry about stuff going on the floor. If he knocked the cup over, it — it just went right to the middle, where it was.

But I set that table, and I made a pretty table. My flowers might have been a little off-center, but I don't think anybody's here surprised that she had a flower arrangement. Did the best we could. We did. And then we — that was — we had at about a year and a half. And when we moved in our first little house, right over here, off of — off of the Jarnet, we went to the furniture store. And this is when — the first pieces of furniture we bought was — was this table. It didn't always look quite this way. Well, it used to be this color — this — this pine color. All the legs, everything, was this like yellowish color here. Yeah. We hadn't played a few years ago. We kept the top. We didn't finish the top. Because if you — if you — if you come up here later, you can look at the top of this table, and there's — there's — there's writing in here. And the — because it's soft, where the girls have done their homework, and you'll see Kaylee's name. And you'll see like, three plus seven is this. And it's — it's all on this table. This — this is the story. Don't look too closely, because you'll see where slime was made, and it's in the cracks of the tape, and there is devil dust in the crack. There's glitter everywhere —

Tells our story. It tells our story. This — this table tells our story. Um, and the memories that are there. And it's important, because this table has been at the center of our lives, as our family has developed. There's been a lot of tears shed at this time. There's been a lot of difficult decisions that had to be made, and they were made at this table. Yeah. A lot of joy at this table. And there's been sorrow. And it's been here at this table that we've — we've weathered those things. We've endured those things here. So we're coming to tell you about our time.

We've considered getting rid of this table a time or two, but then we just can't seem to pull the trigger, because of the memories. And I — the older I get — I don't know if you feel this way — we get a little attached. Yeah. And so every time I think about selling this table, I think, well, they're gonna have part of what Kaylee and Avery and Emory have — have done, all the memories. So here we are. This is our table.

I would like to say that I — I feel strongly — we — we feel strongly — that it has been at this table that our family has established the emotional health, yeah, that is our home. Yeah. It's here at this table. Yeah. And it — and — and if you want to have a strong, emotionally healthy family, you're going to have to have a table in your home. You're going to have to have a place where things are centered out of. And to me, the secret to — to — to doing this is repeated disciplines, over and over and over again. It's continuity. Disciplines are not created in a sporadic lifestyle. And — and I feel like our world, our society, is — is all about so much individuality, and personalizing everything, that it's — it's pulled the family apart. Right? What used to be here — I — I know for my — my growing up years — my mom, we — we didn't — we didn't have a tremendous amount of money. In fact, we — I remember, if we add out once a week, that was a big deal. Um, but we — Mom cooked at home. You know, we had a lot of cornbread, a lot of beans. A lot of cornbread. A lot of cornbread. A lot of it. But we all — we were always fit. And I remember, as — as me, a young boy, learning things at the table. I remember sassing my dad one time, and I got a spoonful right in the crack of my head, right there. And he was getting my attention. I don't recommend that — I was good in the climate we live in — but he got my attention. Yeah.

But disciplines are not created in a sporadic lifestyle. This is important, because they're not created in a drive-through window. Right? They're not created in a restaurant. Right? Okay. And — and the abandonment of this table has — has caused a lot of problems in the spiritual life of people. Yes. I'm going to say this — and I don't mean it to be harsh, but it probably is going to hit somebody a little hard — okay, but if — if you tell your — your family, hey, it's dinner time, and they go get in the car — that — that's — that's a bother to me. If they're used to dinner being anywhere but at home, that something's a little skew. That's not how God intended. Wisdom built a house, and she furnished it with a table.

Tables — there's — there's tables throughout scripture. There's tables in the Bible. And you see some amazing things that happen at tables in the Bible. We can see where there's a lot of interactions around the table. Jesus sat at table with people, and he had meals. And some — some amazing things happen during those times. And I feel like that when you're in a table, it's not so much just about eating the meal, but at the table, around food, it has the ability for walls to go down and dissolve, and pretenses just to seem to come down —

And people communicate around the table better, with a little bit of food. Right? I don't know if we've experienced that. Oftentimes, if you have company over, you — you tend to — well, we got to have something to nibble on, some food. Some of the best business deals in history have been conducted at a table, in the presence of food. When Jesus — when he was there, and meals were being served, he broke bread at a table. And there's a powerful lesson to be learned about that breaking of the bread. I — I preached a sermon several years ago, about giving bread when you've been offended, and how powerful that is. Something about that breaking their bread. People are restored at a table. The prodigal son was restored at a table. At a table. He comes home, and what do they do? We're going to prepare a meal, because we have to reconnect. Where was the reconnection? What — older brother didn't want to come in. And Dad goes out and says, hey, you got to come in the house, because there's a reconnection. Where was it going to be? At the table. Right? I think about Mary Magdalene. She goes to the table where Jesus is, and she anoints his head and his feet. Anointing happens at a table. Right? Powerful, powerful things happen. The Pharisees were — we're mad at Jesus. In the majority of the time, the accusation that came against him was: he eats with the publicans in the centers. Where was that? At a table. They couldn't see — he understood the principle that if I can get you to my table — yeah — walls come down. Yes. I have the opportunity at a table to connect to you, that I wouldn't be able to connect with you in any other way. But it happens at a table.

I'm convinced that one of the most important spiritual disciplines for our lives is to establish the discipline of gathering around a literal table. Moms and dads, you need this in your life. Ladies and gentlemen, you need this into your life. It doesn't matter your family dynamic. We — we have girls living at home. We have teenagers, and one is turning 10 in just a couple of days. That's — that's where we are. We're — we're in the throes of it. Some of you with young kids, I know it's hard. There's stuff everywhere. And just the fact, if you can get them there and seated for three minutes — hey, it's a victory. But you got them there. You may not feel like there's a lot of connecting going on, when the high chair is full and there's food all over the floor. And we — we understand that. We live through that. But there's still some important things. It's — there's — there's something about setting the precedent early, that we're going to gather, and we're going to gather at the table together, mess or no mess. We're going to gather. Yeah. And — and maybe — maybe your kids have moved on already. And maybe your table seems a little empty. Okay, that — I know that's a reality for some in this room. But I want to say this: open your table back up. Yeah. If for some reason your family can't come — okay, I know you don't want it that way — but open your table to someone. To someone. Because impact in life happens at a table, around the table.

I would say the table time is a transformation time in our home. I — I — I'm firmly believing that food is our love language. I know Gary Chapman wrote that book, the five level languages. It should have been six, because I feel strong by the span: food should be a live language. We like food. Amen. We like food. We like food three times a day. Now, I gotta go back up to that physical. We got to have a balance. Yeah. But we like the food. The table is a perfect time for communication. The table is a perfect time for reconnecting and setting order. My time at our table with Chassis and the girls is very important to me —

We are very protective of our time. We're busy. But who's not busy, right? Don't raise your hand if you're not busy, because we'll all hate on you. We're all busy. It's our world. We — we're in one great big hurry. And I feel like hurry is — is robbing our joy. Yeah, I do. And that's not my sermon today. It may come up in the future. But we have learned that we try our best, two — two times a week, sometimes three, to have a meal at home. Yeah. Is it hard? Yes, it's hard. It's hard to juggle schedules, because we — girls are having jobs, and they're working in school schedules, and after school activity, and then the — the church things that we're involved in. And oftentimes we — we divide and conquer in our lives. But we come together here. Sometimes I cook. He does. It's better when she cooks. You make really good breakfast. I do good breakfast. I like breakfast. Yeah. But we sometimes we have breakfast for supper. That's okay. All right. Yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah, we — we do that. But the point is to get here, though, whatever it is. And we — we establish some things.

You know, uh, I — I oftentimes will go towards the practical, almost to a fault. And — and God bless me with a wife who will pull me out of that sometimes. I — I was big into buying Sam's Club's big, big stack of paper plates. And then about two, maybe three years ago, she stopped me from that. Do you want to maybe explain the why?

Sure, I would be happy to. So I — I, a few years ago, I started noticing that convenience had become a priority for us. We are very efficient people. We both like to work smarter, not harder. We say that a lot around our house. We don't believe in — in taking the long way. Let's figure out the smartest way. And so one of those ways that I think your super efficient brain was working is, he's like, well, we're wasting so much time washing dishes. And now, I mean, we — why wouldn't we just buy the paper, and then, you know, supper's over, and we'll just trash them, and we're all done, you know? And — and — and there's — there's a time and a place for that. Um, but on the regular, I found that I was missing the connection that it brought, when we took the time to prepare food — that meant that we dirtied the dishes — and then we used the plates that were in the cabinet. We actually pulled them out. And not only did I ask him to stop buying the paper plates — you might have complained just a little bit. But a little bit. Yeah. But I also asked if he would — and now, this is not something I'm saying everybody has to do. It's just what I enjoy doing. We stopped using paper towels as our napkins, and we actually use linen or cotton napkins. I wash them. We reuse them. We actually take them off the table, and we put them on our lap, like we would if we were at a restaurant. Because what I was recognizing is, I needed my children to know how to behave, and how to use a plate that would break, and how to be careful with it, when we are using a fork and a knife that wasn't plastic. And I needed them to know what proper etiquette was, when it comes to wiping your mouth with a napkin, or if you need to spit out a piece of food in a gracious way that isn't going to be just caveman-like. No pointing fingers. No. But there were some — some things that — that we needed to learn. And then two, just the presentation of things, the enjoyment of the time together. I think the message that it sends — and again, if you are a — a paper plate person, don't hate me. I'm just gonna share with you what — what I was thinking during this time. But to me, it gives a feeling of, okay —

We gotta — we're gonna sit here quick, and we're gonna scarf this down, and then we're gonna all throw it away, and then we're gonna all go back our separate ways. And I wanted to eliminate some hurry, because we are always in a hurry. And she showed me — always, she showed me that there was the actual — the value in the preparation and the cleanup. And — and please don't have in your mind that the girls were just like, "Yay, Mom, Dad, this is awesome. You mean I get to help set the table, and I get to help clean those dishes up, and I get to —" because that was just not — they weren't happy. No, that was nothing we were happy — but we — we seen the value, when it was, in that preparation, for them to understand that it takes time to put it together. And you can easily overlook that, if you just simply sit down and scarf it down, and get up and walk away. You — you have no commitment involved.

So we have brought them in. And it teaches gratitude, I think, as well. Because there are times when Mama will fix something, and — and we're still working on this, girls — um, but they — they'll say, ah, I don't like that. Oh, that again. We're gonna learn to be grateful. You don't always get what you want. We're not going to complain. We're going to learn how to be thankful in all things. And they have to try it. And you have to — if you've tried it before, you have to try it again. Every time. You got to try it. Yeah, that's the rule. Yeah.

And what we're seeing here — and — and I feel very confident in saying this — that — that one of the signs of a dysfunctional home is where no one communicates. Right? Is when the husband and the wives, they don't talk. They don't know how to treat each other. Children don't know how to respect each other. We're seeing such an — such a society of disrespect. No one — no one — everybody talks over everybody. Everybody's own point of view is the only point of view that matters. And — and what we feel like has been missing, and while we're dealing with a lot of the things we're dealing with today, is not just a complete absence of morals, but we're seeing a breakdown, from the home standpoint, that nobody's taking the time to teach you how you actually interact. How do you converse with one another? Attention. How do you hold their attention? Yeah. And — and, you know, conversation doesn't always come easy for some people. We — we feel like we do, and — and pretty good. Yeah, we all talk a lot. Yeah, we're talking. We don't have a problem with that. But some of you are not talkers. And that's okay, too. But there are some things that, you know, I think that you could do to help that. Um, depending on the season that you're in — you know, if you have children, one of the things that we love to do, and we do this on the regular, almost every time we sit down — we go around the table. And some of you may have heard this, but we share the rose and the thorn of the day. What was your rose, being your best thing? And what was your thorn, being the worst thing? And then we talk about that. It — guys, it gives you a lot of opportunity to get to know your kids, to get to know where they're at. They'll tell you the worst thing that happened. Before you know it, you're talking about some situation at school that would have never come up, had you not given them the opportunity. Another way: what's something you learned today? Even he and I will share that, because we want to learn always. So, what did we learn today? What are you reading right now? We also have this — and I have to share this: the — the Newmans gave us this for Christmas last year, and we have loved this. So, if you like really struggle —

With conversation, they actually make conversation cards. Did you know that? So, yeah, you can just pull these out, and you just select a card. Now, Emery wants to go through like all of these in one meal. Yeah, one meal. And we have to — we have to pull her back, and say, baby, we're not going to talk about all these. Let's pick one or two. But, you know, you put — select one, and it says, what's your favorite — favorite family tradition? There you go. You've got something you can talk about for the entirety of the meal. One card. And you might learn something about your family you didn't already know. Yeah. It's keeping that going.

You know, when I — when I look back to the scriptures, and I think about Jesus, he was constantly at a table. And he was ministering while he was at that table. I feel like we more often than not misunderstand that word "ministry." We think ministry is just something that's done here, or it's on a mission field, or it's in a classroom setting. But we feel very passionate that what we do at this table, day in and day out, is ministry. It's ministry. It's — it's — it's our most important ministry, is what we do here in our home. Right? And I — I want you to think about that, and — and see if that isn't important to you.

I — I look at Jesus, when he was feeding people. His lessons went so much better. And he did it around food. In fact, even at the end of his life, when — when, uh, the resurrection had taken place, and the disciples seemed to be disbanded and dispersed, we see him on the scene, and he's cooking them a meal. And it was there, at that meal, that he is talking to Peter, and he's trying to pull Peter back in, because he's drifted a little bit. But he's doing it over a dinner. In fact, some very hard conversations being had. And you see, it's there, over the food, where he's talking and asking, and: Peter, do you still love me? It's there, during that — that meal time, when he — he tells Peter by which manner he's going to die. You know, sometimes there's conversation that needs to be had, that — that — and this — spiritually, it's not palatable just on the surface. But because food gets involved, walls can come down, and give you an opportunity to bring up a conversation that, on its own, would have been very difficult to have. I feel like Jesus exemplified that there, in that very example, when he's having a very difficult conversation with Peter, but he's able to do it with — with food, at a table. Right?

I feel like it's important to know that there are — sometimes walls are going to be up, but walls can come down. And — and in doing this, too — you know, I'm — you know, we want you guys to — to reach out in the community. We feel like we all have an obligation and responsibility to talk about God, to our neighbors and our friends. But let's be honest: sometimes it can almost come across as if I'm just asking you to go over here to Kroger's, and just grab somebody, say, hey, come to church with me. But reality is that that's more of a cold call kind of situation. Because let's be honest, if you walk into an Apostolic church for the first time, you've never been exposed to this — yeah — it can be a little much. Yeah. I mean, yeah. If you're not used to how we worship. If you're not used to — or even if you have been to church, not all churches are like our church. So they can't — they come in here, and they'll see that we have an order, but yet it seems to be disorder. We were ordered when we started and prayed. But then songs start, and people either see — they come to the altar area. And if they've never experienced this, they're going to be looking around like, am I supposed to — am I supposed to —

Go up there, or what? We don't want is, they may say, I can't do this. Yeah. That this isn't for me. We don't want that. Now, we — we've been immersed in this, so we don't think anything about it. Yeah. He said, well, where are you going, pastor? Well, see, I feel like that's why we don't really realize how important it is to establish a relationship with someone first. Yes. Have them come over your home, and sit at a table. Yes. Where they can see that we're just normal people, and that our kids are half heathen too. And that where it doesn't always work out right. And we talk about the things that we struggle with.

Then when I — when I think about this, I think about Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. Beautiful example. What a beautiful example, to where Ruth fell in love with Naomi. She fell in love with — with her. And then she fell in love with knowing Naomi's God, even though Naomi wasn't where she was supposed to be. But it was that relationship and that connection that caused her to say: wherever you go, I go. Whoever's your God is my God. Yes. And I feel like, if we were consciously working at establishing relationships around the table, that we too could have those moments, to where people say, I don't even fully understand, but I — I love and I respect you, and I'll go with you. Yeah. I feel like that's scriptural. It's biblical in that approach. Invite people, but make sure you don't do the cold call.

You know, having God's presence in your home is so very important. When I think about the presence of God, I immediately go to the tabernacle of Moses, and what the scripture has to say about that. It's a beautiful picture. I'm not going to break that down. I did — I did an entire series on it. I don't even know if I fully covered it, because there's so much there. The Bible has so much to say about that tabernacle. But one of the things I feel like is important, in understanding our home, is understanding the tabernacle plan that was there. For — for those who have been around the church a little bit, you probably remember: there was the outer court, where there was a brazen altar, and it was a big piece of furniture. And it was — it was pretty in its own right. But at the same time, it had mystery around it, because that's where the sacrifice was burnt. And the right — past the brazen altar was — was a labor of water, where they would wash themselves before they went into the holy place of the tent. But if you got into the holy place of the tent, you'd see a couple of things. And one of the things you would see inside the holy place is that you see the table of shewbread. The table of showbread is interesting, because it's made with the same acacia wood that the ark of the covenant and the whole least of holies was made with. It's covered with the same gold. But it was different there in the table. The show bread — fresh bread was put there daily. Yeah, daily. There was fresh bread put on that table. And that table represented the presence of God. Right?

So I'm curious — and this is not meant to be offensive at all — but is the presence of God welcome in your home, at your table? Is the presence of God welcome in your home, at your table? Does he ever get talked about, right, at your table? So important. It's very important. If it's just two of you, if it's 12 of you, that the presence of God feels welcome at your table. Because when we come and gather around the table, the most important thing we can have is his presence. Right? Because we're going to deal with difficult things, as families. But I've — we have discovered that when his presence is a part of that, it goes so much better. I want to make a big statement, and —

I pray that you — you know my heart when I say this. But the Bible says that we are known by the fruits we bear. Yeah. We can recognize those things. Uh, the — uh, our — our children are our closest fruit. Our kids, they're our closest living fruit. It's — it's how we can look and see: are we — are we doing anything right? Yeah. And there's some days we ask that question: are we — are we doing anything right? Because it's — it's our closest fruit, to see and hear and reflect. Now, they're still their own individuals. They are. They — they may be underage, but that doesn't mean they're any less who they are. Right? Their own personalities come through. There should be, in your home, around your table, both physical and spiritual knowledge being manifest out to them. Yeah. How else are you going to know if you're doing your job correctly, if you don't see some of those things?

Because here's the — here's what I know. Here's what Chastity — now we know we don't have them forever, right? In fact, this year has really been an eye-opening year for us, because our oldest daughter, Kaylee — this is her senior year in high school. We've had senior pictures. We're talking about graduation. We're filling out college applications. We're doing — doing all those things. And — and I'll be honest with you, it's — I'm not doing well. I'm not — I'm not doing good with this. It's not because I'm getting older. I'm okay with getting older. I don't mind that. I — I want to keep having birthdays. If you miss them, it's really bad. But — but what I'm dealing with now is: 17 years just went by in a blip. Yeah, yeah. And I'm asking myself, have I done all that I should have done? All that I could have done? All that I could have done? Have I have put into her everything she needs? And there's moments when she makes me so proud. And there's moments — there's moments. My children are not perfect. No, they're not perfect. Because we're not perfect. No, far. So they're not — they're not perfect.

My children — I need you to know this, okay? My children are not inherently spiritual. They're not. Just because I happen to be the pastor of this church, they're not destined to be pastors or pastors' wives. They may be destined to be stubborn. They are. They're no better than your kids. When you make statements — "Well, I'm surprised you're — you're a pastor's kid" — what does that even mean? What — what does that even mean to them, when you say that? We're — we're just human beings. Yeah. We happen to be in an office of a pastor. But I'm not perfect. Chastity's not perfect. My kids, they're — they're — they're susceptible to the same things your kids are. Don't — don't put my kids in a place they don't belong. You be patient with my kids, and I'll be patient with yours. If you don't believe everything they say and do, I won't believe everything your kids say and do. Deal? Pray for my kids, please, and we'll pray for yours. Yes, we will.

But the end of the day, they're just teenagers. They're going to make mistakes, just like their parents did. Our children, they're our immediate fruit. Kaylee, Avery, and Emory — they're our immediate fruit. They are the people that — that we have the responsibility and the obligation to spend the most time investing in. Right? We made our mind up a long time ago, as we — we were heading towards full-time ministry. We made — we made this agreement: we would not sacrifice our kids on the altar of ministry. They did. And that if it came to that — we did — I'd walk away. I can't — the only thing I'd take with me — I don't take you guys. I take them. And I stand before God, and I give an account: did I do what I was supposed to do in my home? Like, the word of God is pretty plain about me being the best steward in my home, for what I did. So I — I —

Work hard. Chassis, we work really hard to do — we want to — we want to model in front of them what it — what it means to — to — to be a good family. I need all of my girls to know how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Yeah. I want to exemplify that in front of them, so they don't get some jack leg out there, idiot, it may father my kids' grandkids one day. I meant what I just said. So I love on their mama. I kiss on her in front of them. And they're like, "You guys are right here in the room with you." And like, "I know. Leave. There are other rooms. Go." I want them to see how — how love is supposed to look. Yeah, yeah. Because love is misrepresented in our world, in so many ways. It's skewed, and it's perverted, and it's something it's not supposed to be. So I want them to see that this is how it's supposed to go. This is affection. This is what it looks like. Yeah. Hey, they — they get it. It's just funny. They, like little — little groundhogs, their heads popping out of the hole. Because, you know, we — we like to pick and play fight. And it's not uncommon for us to run around the living room, running around — around, chasing one another. Not in a crazy way. Just — you're making us sound crazy. We're not crazy. But the girls will look, and they'll stop, and they're laughing. It's just — I want them to know that — that love is fun. It's okay to have fun. But it's okay. Yeah. Silliness is okay. It's all right. The — the feel and experience — music is in our home. Laughter. We — we want to cultivate those things. They're not just gonna happen on their own. The world's never going to show them that. Right? The world's never going to show them that. Right? It's going to show them all the bad, and all the ugly, and all the wrong, and all the perverted. We — we have to show them what's right, here. The only importance is — going to happen in a bar, or at a social thing. And I don't — I don't want that — that image. I want their best — their best memories, and their best, uh — uh, feelings of nostalgia, or whatever comes, the older they get, as being around our table, and just having Mom and Dad's undivided attention.

And we're actually a little off. I normally sit where he's sitting. Emory sits here. Avery. Kaylee. And Dad. And then this one is for usually an American Girl doll that joins us for meals on the regular. And — and, but, we — when we're here, you know, we're — we're looking at each other, and we're — we're communicating. They see how our relationship works. They see how their relationship should work. And sometimes we talk about how it should not work. There's — there's a certain way we expect them to come to the table. There's certain things you're going to wear. Um, you got to put clothes on. Hello. I mean, are you going to be in your pajamas all day? We — we — but there's an expectation there, that — that's teaching them that — that there's — there's a respect, when we come here. This is a special place, and a special time. And it's a time for teaching and demonstration. It is important. An example.

And — and in — in — Chastity establish this rule, and I completely backed her up on it: no — no — no cell phones at the table. I mean, what — why — why is it there? Who's going to call you? Who's more important then who's at the table? That's why we set up voicemail. Yeah. You know what, that thing's buzzing on — like, you know, I was looking at some stuff statistically. But I'm looking at the clock: by as much time as we've been doing this right now, there's a good number of you that have already checked your social pages over five times since we started teaching. And I hope that stung, whoever you are. We're living in a world that's so —

Distracted. We have adults with — with attention deficit. There's adults, they can't focus, because everything's been so skewed. But what seemingly is important, that it's actually meaningless.

And I'll just interject, if you don't mind. You know, I know — and I'm not going to pick on — on the teenagers. But I'm just — from — from my — my vantage point at home, because we're raising teenage girls. And then also, I do a lot of work in the high schools. And — and I — I know that this right here is — is — it's just where we are. And we're all learning how to deal with it. But there's — there's something to be said about putting this away. If you need to get a basket, or — or a cabinet drawer, and say that's where they go until dinner is done, then that's what you do. Um, but this is — this is a constant for them. And I know we've mentioned this before, but there have been times when even my girls have been texting each other in the house. We're all in the house, and they're texting one another. Now, this isn't new, because when you were a teenager, your mom would call from the downstairs phone — yes — to the upstairs. It started with that. Yes. Because I had my own phone line. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Is this too hard to go up the steps? Yes, it was really difficult. Yeah, yeah. You got me off track. I'm sorry. You're talking about being distracted. I'm not — this isn't — I'm not usually up here. I get distracted. This is gonna get distracted. This is how it — I see every Sunday.

No, but I think it's important that — that with — with teenagers, too, teach them how to sit around another table that's not at your home without this. Because it's just as easy for them to go to a restaurant, and sit in a booth with their friends, and we're all like this. It's — it's important. I know you — you — you might not even understand the importance of it right now. But it's important. It's important to be able to look another person in the eye. It's important to be able to — to gauge the expression that's on their face, when you're in conversation. It's important to see if — if their eyes start to well up with tears, and you think, oh, I realize there's something wrong. Maybe we should talk about this. It's important. It's important, because we're teaching them. And they begin to — to hopefully realize and understand, when they're at a table that's dysfunctional — right — if they see — they need to — they see right exemplified in front of them. When they get to a dysfunctional table, they'll know something's not right with that table. Because there's a lot — and please, this is — I feel very important to say this: there's a lot of dysfunctional tables in our world today. Yes. There's a lot of dysfunctional tables that will be set at today, in this room, when it's — when you leave. You got to be — you got to be careful. Because a dysfunctional table, it — it's important to know you're there. You got to keep away from where the bread of bitterness is being dealt out. Yes. From being served, where — where the poison cup of complaint lives. Yes. You got to be careful with those things, because it can happen so suddenly, and so — so — it's so discreet, you don't even realize what's going on.

That's why we're trying to show our family, our girls, that this is right. And there's a right way to do it. If you have a frustration, you work it this way. But you don't gossip. Right? No. You don't — you don't tear down. You don't destroy. No. Those things are wrong. And you have to be careful. And if — and some of you need to understand that you're setting at some tables that I would love to spare you from. Their dysfunctional tables. And you need to realize, when something's being served, whether or not you need to ingest it. Right, right. Whether or not it is going to be beneficial for you, and make you —

Healthy, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Yes. And the only way we know to do that with our children is to show that and exemplify that in front of them, here in our home, at our table. So that when they are at another table, not only do they know how to act and behave, but they also know when they need to get up and walk away. Yes. Yeah, that's pretty good.

At our table — we're going to get ready to close this. I'm going to start winding this down just a little bit. But it's important for you to know who sits at your table. Yes. My pastor sits at our table. Bishop — I know he's here somewhere. Where's Bishop? Oh, there's Bishop. Bishop, Sister — Sister Mumsy, Carla — they've said at our table many times. But they sit there almost all the time, because we quote them. We talk about them. We relate the principles, in a good way. Yes. We relay the principles that they have instilled in our lives, since we were children. We talk about our parents. We talk about our grandparents. We talk about people who have lived an example that we look to. We talk about them. They sit at our table. They may not physically sit at our table, but they sit at our table. Their godly character is discussed on the regular. And it's important that our kids know those voices, even though some of them may be gone. They may have passed on. But I need them to know what they stood for, what they would have done in this situation, where we came from, how life hasn't always been this grand for our families, how our heritage is important to protect, and remember, and celebrate. And that we honor when honor is due.

These are important things that are very — it's hard to — to discuss anything like that, unless you're seated at a table. Who do you quote at your table? Who do you — who do you quote at your table? Is it just movie quotes? Is it just worldly sayings? YouTube videos. YouTube videos. Who do you — just Facebook post? Who do you quote? It's important. You're — you're — you're teaching constantly. Yes. What are you teaching? What are you teaching? It matters who sits at your table, more than you can imagine. It matters who sits at your table, both — both there in person, and there in spirit.

The holidays begin this week. Hey, yeah. Pastor Stretchy Pants was talking about that while ago. We love the holidays. We love our families. We love — we — we — we have good memories. Yeah, we — we — we enjoy it. We — we make an effort to get together. It's — it's harder, as the families have expanded and gotten bigger. It is. But we — we all try our best to do — to do what we can, to make it happen. But where I'm going with that is — here's the great thing, is if — if — if you have lived in dysfunction your entire life, nothing that we've talked about, you can even identify with today. My heart hurts, if that's the case, if that's the truth. But there's a real possibility that's — that's the very case, to someone in this room. Here's — here's the great thing about that, though, is: you can start today. Yes. You can start now. Here's the deal: if you're starting, it won't be easy. Right? It won't. If you've never, ever had them set down — they're — they're going to kick and scream, if they're used to grabbing and going, and sitting in front of a TV or a phone, and everybody divides and conquers. It's going to be tough. They're going — but — but you have a chance every day to set a table. Yeah. To set a table. Intentionally set a table.

The holidays are a good time to start. Sometimes it's easier, when you have the ability to say: hey, it's — it's Thanksgiving. It's — it's Christmas. Let's come in. But we want every relationship — whether that's a single relationship, or a married relationship, or divorced relationship, or a widowed relation, whatever — wherever you are, whatever you're going through, our —

Desire is that you become emotionally healthy. Yeah. And what we feel strongly, and we feel like the Bible points to, is that emotional strength comes at a table in your house. Wisdom built a house, and she furnished it with a table first. Yeah. Sit at your table. Invite your family to be there. Because when you become emotionally healthy, and you combine that with the spiritual food that's offered, something transforms in you. And what we've talked about today is just a glimpse of what you can become, of where your family can be. And we know this table will change, too. We — we understand and recognize the principle of seasons. And so right now — and — and what we've probably talked to you about the most today is — is how we interact with our children at this table, because that's the season that we are in. But no matter what the season, you have a powerful table that you can open up and begin to gather. Gather.

There are so many examples in here — I'm not going to start calling out names, because I know I would miss someone. But you are so hospitable, and you are so conscious of looking at folks who don't have homes, or don't have families nearby, or — or don't have — I shouldn't have said homes, but families of their own. Maybe they don't have anyone to gather at their table. And you're always just bringing them in, and saying: let's pull up a chair, let's pull up a stool, we've got room, join us at our holiday meal, join us for this. You have — there's power. For some, you're showing them what a functional table looks like. They've never seen it. Let them in. They've never experienced it. Let them over. Allow God to use you.

You know, if your table's dysfunctional, then clean it up. Clean it up. If your table is empty, then open it up. Yeah. Invite somebody to come and be there. If your table is full, then direct the conversation, in a way that produces what you know God desires for them and your family. Absolutely. You can do that. You can welcome your family, your friends, to your table. And if you have done your part, God is drawn to that. Yeah. And his presence will be there. And where his presence is, there's fullness of joy. And haven't you walked into those homes before? Bishop and I were talking about this before service. And you just feel the presence of the Lord. You just feel a peace.

I — I want every home that's represented here today — I think, if that were the one takeaway I could say, is: I want you to understand how powerful, and — and what a safe haven your home is. And how so many are hurting for that, and so many are longing for that. And we want to empower, and equip you, and challenge you, and say: go, go, go. Open your doors. Let them see how it's supposed to be.

When I was a young boy, my grandmother — my mom's mom, my grandma — she was a precious, precious soul. I used to ride my bike from elementary school to her house every day after school. And I was a little spoiled, that she would always make me whatever I could dream up in my head. She would do her best to make it. But when I walked in the back door — she had a screen door on the back door — to open that door up there, even as a young man, I could feel the presence of God in her house. And there was just something so special in my mind, even still today, as I would come up those little steps. And then, in the little kitchen area — little bitty kitchen, this table wouldn't even hardly fit in there — and I would sit at that little bar top, and she would fix me something to eat, or she'd have it there. And I just sat and talked to my grandma. But I could feel God, and what was going on. You can create that environment. Yeah. You can —

Have this in your home. Yeah.

As we bring this to a close today, I want to say this: we're not perfect people. We — we don't have this all figured out. We are striving every day, and working hard. And you can — you can interview our kids, and they'll tell you we're not perfect. And this is not a competition, either. I mean, some of you may have it way more together than we do. No doubt you do. Yeah. But we know it's important. Yeah.

So as I bring this to a close today: it's important that you establish a table in your family. It's important that you have this here, that you allow God to be here, and that you work through the good, and the bad, the ugly, all of it. Let's work through it here, and invite him to be a part, to help you make yourself and your family the very best that they can be. Yeah.

So as we close today, I want to — I want to close with a prayer. And I'm on — I'm going to invite anybody that wants to come down to this altar area, for a little time of prayer. Maybe there's a lot of dysfunction in your home. Maybe — maybe you're hearing what we've talked about up here, but you — you can't really process that in your mind, how that would ever work. You know, it's great, Pastor Kevin. It's — it's — it's great. It's great chance to hear you say those things. But that — that day will never be in my family. Don't ever — don't ever put God in a box. Don't ever declare what you think will happen, when we serve a God with unlimited power and potential. So if your home's not ideal — if your home — if your home isn't — is it functioning well — then we have today to start. And the first place we can start is with me. It's with me. It's making sure I'm right, that my mindset's right, that my heart's right, that I'm able to allow God to work in me. Yeah. And only when I'm where I'm supposed to be, to have the chance to allow God to continue to work in my family as well.

So as I pray — I want you know, this altar is open. They're going to — they're going to play a little music here now. This is in our traditional Sunday service, how we do it. But it does not mean God doesn't want to do something special today. Right? So I want to ask you, in just — just a second, to close your eyes, if you're comfortable, and — and pray with me. And this altar is open. Don't miss a chance for God to do something special in your life today. Will you pray with me?

Heavenly Father, I sit here at my table today. God, we have delivered our heart to your church. We've talked about the importance of establishing a good table in our home, a place where you are always welcome, where your presence is longed for, and invited to be. Lord, I know there's brokenness in this place. I know there's dysfunction inside of families. I know there's hurt, and there's pain, and there's brokenness. But you are a healer. You are a restorer. That is what you do. You do it best. So God, I pray that we would be mindful, and that we would make the changes we need to make in our own lives, and that we would allow you to use us to help unite our family. God, I pray for peace. Your peace. Your peace that passes human understanding and logic. That your peace would be in every home represented in this place. God, during these holiday times, I pray that there will be joy and happiness that would be experienced around every home, around every table that is there. God, that we would start new traditions. That we would see you do great things at work inside our families. We trust you'll do these things. We ask this in Jesus' name. And amen. Amen.

It's — it's prayer time. We're going to spend just a few moments in prayer. I invite you to come, if you would like, if you feel comfortable. If not, you can pray wherever you are. But let's just spend a few minutes asking God to be a part of our lives —