Healing from Hurt

I have a handout if I if I got the printer to work we'll see uh Connor is supposed to be helping me with that uh we started the printing process but that just means you're going to get like blue blotches all over you tonight so uh printers are notoriously finicky right everyone has those uh things so last week we talked about uh healing and I I was I was privileged to be able to give you guys uh my testimony and I appreciate your tenative knew that and your sensitivity to that and I really appreciate that uh was not an easy thing for me to do I don't know anytime that's an easy thing for someone to do um but as we were ending up and we were finishing up uh I I kind of I started into the analogy of going to the doctor with a deep just just a deep cut in your leg all right and you go to the doctor and he and I don't know you you you just you gashed your leg really deeply so he's got to sew it closed now if it's deep enough and if if if there's uh enough damage he has to do layers of stitches can't just seal up the entrance got to do multiple layers of stitches you got to um got to have a surgical approach to it it's got to be on purpose uh and when you go he's like all right you're going to have to dress it a certain way and he's going to say come back come back take these medicines do these things now if we were uneducated in the Middle Ages uh we would probably um die yeah they died a lot uh because I don't and I'm gonna I'm going to be picky here I don't I don't know I'm going to pick this is this is at pointed at no one in particular okay but like when you get shot in the leg you're not going to go and get your homeopathic oils essential oils and pour on it you're going to go to a doctor you're going to go you know like I'm not I'm not just like being hateful here I'm just I'm just picking poking and prodding uh you're going to take it very serious you're going to take uh and you're going to if you want to live you're going to listen to the things this doctor is telling you to do you're going to you're going to keep it clean you're going to wrap it you're going to keep it elevated or you you're going to do it you're going to do as best you can to keep that in the proper places at the proper times you're going to you're going to take your antibiotic I don't know and and then after it's healed you're probably going to rub uh vitamin oil on it like your your what is it vitamin E is that supposed to help scars yeah uh to to make it not look like you've been through a war zone to try and help heal that scar up and if you did not follow the instructions you're you're your your thing's going to it's going to be complicated it's just going to get worse everybody I think we understand that so when we're dealing with emotional hurt we're dealing with with pain that goes deeper than the eye can see deeper than the soul can tell we we have to take that same approach okay I I uh my my wife she's going to college right now she's working on a ma Masters for marriage and family therapy for helping people work through their problems in a in a systematic approach all right it I believe in working through counseling all right I believe that is that is that is going through and it it's not all the answers I don't believe you should be drugged out of your head to just take ju to just numb the pain away I believe you have to just like right you could take pain pills if you wanted to to work through your leg being Shaw or being cut and it wouldn't help it it would help you but it would not heal the source so

so getting to the source of the hurt the healing part of that involves education that's just understanding what we're dealing with understanding that if we are going to once again we trust the doctor but we don't trust him completely what do we do we go and Google it we research it we lbmd it and we find out that we're we've got cancer and going to die and you're like wait I just got a cut what happened there anybody ever web Ed your symptoms and you you just like nah I a I ain't doing that again uh so you you you you go through and you educate yourself on okay is this doctor know what he's talking about and that's fair we've got that at our fingertips and that's a good thing to just just educate ourselves so with Hur one of the best things that that I know to do is to dig through it is to examine it all right uh

Tristan do you have you have that graph I I gave you um yeah I used this last last month in a class I was teaching and I believe Lauren's even using this tonight in a different vein but it it is a it's a it's a really cool little little graph that psychologists use to to show what happened so all right if you start up here in the blue uh up here in the top left corner that's called a stimulus so a stimulus is something that happens so like if I go and like thump you on the shoulder that's the stimulus then your brain you're you perceive what happens to you about 500,000 bits per bits per second is what your conscious brain perceives of information all right 10.5 million is what your unconscious brain perceives all right that's that's a lot more information received unconsciously than what you have consciously now I took this from some from some psychologist okay they're not great at graphic design that's all right but I think they got their facts in here all right so then it goes to your emotions your emotions then inform your options assessing your options on how to then respond or react and then at the end of that you have your summary of did this decision work does that does everybody kind of follow me along in that in that manner there so I want to I want to I want to make sure I preface this our emotions there is nothing wrong with emotions ions God gave us emotions to work through a lens through be able to process through life there is not a thing in the world wrong with that in fact they're beautiful and amazing and awful and scary and all the things all right but the moment that we allow emotions to rule our life is the moment that we are continually just on a roller coaster I I mean just because emotions are not founded in anything except emotion they stimulus response the and and so what we have to do is we have to understand especially when there has been something that has really hurt us that when something like that it's AKA a trigger is is a term for that when that happens to us or when something similar triggers those emotions all logic and thought just goes out the window and no one can look no one looks at us and and and can reason with us because we've already got that that pathway built in our mind all right um how many is how many are computer programmers anybody a computer programmer in here computer computer program I know it's a I know it's a very exciting industry anybody computer programmers all right nobody's computer programmer all right I didn't think there would be but I I need I need Ethan to come and help me for just a minute yeah if you don't mind we're gonna we're gonna we're GNA this is how a computer makes a decision it's how your brain makes a decision all right yeah it's we're gonna have you do the robot all right yeah uh all right never mind new person all right so I need you to I need you to let's see I need you to make it to that door over there all right one step at a time we might we might not do the whole thing because at each step you've got to make a decision left right or straight and yeah and you kind of have to change every other decision okay so one oh there you go all right so all right now your path's all crooked now you're just walking crooked we gonna have to do a have to do a test on him all right so basically all right so stop right there all right now you're all turned around all right you're nowhere near your door you're in the general direction but that's it right uh I need you to I need you to take one step forward just no well you can't that was a turnaround you got to take one step this way yeah this way one step forward one step forward one step forward one step forward okay all right so that the path you took there now we had no restrictions there but in your brain if you if you start back over all right and you and you do that path as best you can again all right yeah that's a decision path all right yeah keep going as best you can so as convolute as that looks your brain once you make a decision path the synapses in your brain follow that path until you retrain them does that make is everybody kind of follow along can you kind of as we're good we're good we got that we got that path in there yeah thank you oh he's still got to get to the door all right there we go so the the paths that we of decisions we make okay those are the strongest once we make those it's it's it's like trying to trying to learn something a different way you know how hard that is once You' if you've done a job for like a year 10 years and somebody's like well change this step you're like no why would I do that I've been doing this and then they and maybe maybe after for a little bit and you're like oh wait that is an easier step but you know how hard it was to get yourself to do that and then you even find yourself redoing that step you know even even after you've learned maybe a better way that's because your brain's got those Pathways in there those are really strong when when we when we when we go through this and and we just unconsciously let our let our emotions and the things that have happened to us dictate what we do we are on a wildly crooked path and we don't even realize it we we ha I mean seriously we do we have to rework that scenario we have to rework but in order to do that I'm going to break it down I'm a I I I like to break it down except when dancing I can't dance so sorry that one's for free I'll leave after that so we we have to break it down a little further in knowing that of of of the scenario of what happened to us okay now Tristan there was and and we the printer didn't work so I'm going to try and show this to you uh the the thing that I sent to you for printing if you can in just a minute if you can display yet instead of this that would be great if not just let me know okay I'm talking to the door for those that are not in yeah uh

so we we there are stages to this all right uh stage one is prehard it's before it's before something hurt us honestly really and truly we probably knew something was up is that fair we probably knew something wasn't right we probably understood that this situation is not where it's supposed to be but we're sometimes like ostrich ostriches I don't know why that's a fact that it seemingly everyone knows that ostriches used to stick their heads in holes I don't even know if that's true but that's what they taught us in school at least so y'all may or may not have been taught that I went to a little country school I don't know why that's a fact right uh but we we could just kind of stick our head in a hole and we're like maybe it'll go away I'm but then something happens that's when we realize this this this happened to us this happened many okay like and we've probably been on both sides of this we've probably been the hter and we've been the hurti is that so no one's no one is blameless in life Jesus is the only one all right so we got to keep that in mind got to keep that centered yeah they may have hurt us but how many times have we had to apologize to someone when we had hurt them all right so that's just but here's that some someone hurt us something terrible happened to us it broke it broke us down it broke our mind our body our soul down it it decimated our world and we had nowhere to turn to that decimation man can really mess us up that that decimation of I have nothing left to hang on to that's where we start grabbing at something and that's where those bad habits start coming into play because we're just we're trying to fight our way out of a paper sack and we we're just failing at it uh we we get to that point BEC I'll just say this hurt never comes from a stranger strangers can't hurt us honestly that's not the way that that's not how that works hurt comes from somebody we try trusted I I I saw a gentleman do this and guys I want to I'm not going to do I'm not going to do what he did because God didn't God didn't impress upon me to do that uh he was he was a preacher and he said uh and and I'm going to I'm going to use use what he mentioned in this he said it's almost hard for me to mention to people that I'm a preacher that I'm an evangelist because of all the hurt and the perception that the world has of preachers or evangelists he said it's a shame he said and and he wasn't he wasn't blaming people for this okay he he was it's a shame that that t evangelists or or just just reg regular people of the hurt and the falsities and the falsehoods that people that are pushed and propagated in the name of religion and the hurt that our society has from that he said and in fact this gentleman he to the audience he was addressing he repented for that he said I want as a preacher I want to repent for that and I looked at that and I was like man in the spirit and the attitude that he done that in so and honestly I want you to understand that when that hurt happens we then start to generalize hurt okay if if a man hurt a woman women women then have a have a have a have a scared look in their eyes whenever a man comes around if it's physical abuse uh if have you guys ever been uh been around a dog that had been beat and if somebody raised their hand and the dog hunkers down and it tears your heart out and you're like oh my Lord that's that's the same way I know that's how hurt feels that's that's how we all react to hurt in whatever nature that it's come at us uh and and not to this is just examining that okay you're not the only one it happens to every one of us okay this is not parading it this is not this is just examining uh as we we then try to avoid this so we it's if it's an it's called experiential avoidance when in individual is unwilling to experience private events such as thoughts memories emotions and take actions that change the experience or frequ of these events the context in which these events arise are put more simply we are not facing our pain because it is too painful did y'all get that first part I kind of read through that a little quick I didn't know I could talk that quickly it we we become numb to social anxiety uh and have social anxiety and panic and and and even at the highest levels there's depression uh post-traumatic stress anxiety and even hallucinations when when it is so intense and that hurt it can drive us to to that to that avoiding of that pain and who can blame you who can blame you no one wants to be hurt no one wants to go through that uh it it becomes almost a learned helplessness if it's bad enough they done uh psychologists might be terrible people I don't know but they they done some experiments and they they would shock uh animals like like a shock I I don't know the intensity of it but it was enough to hurt the animal and it would train them to do certain things you know to avoid the pain but then they they just shocked one at random intervals no matter what the animal did after a little while that animal just laid down and just wouldn't respond to anything it was learned helplessness that might be be the most pitiful awful State we can become and we get caught in that and it's it's and it's like it's not our fault but if we're if if if we are going to get out of it we have to get ourselves out of it is that okay it it it and and then it's not fun uh all the things that happen to a person can happen to a person uh when we get to that that second stage of that breakdown we have physiological emotional all those different types of responses and then we're like okay we've still got to eat we've still got to drink we've still got to sometimes we uh even in this chaos we've still got to operate as a shell of a human being and so we do somehow some way we operate and that's okay because that's that means we're moving all right it's it's stagnant water you guys ever been around stagnant water it just it stinks it just it's just not good a lot of things set up in stagnant water sorry that's a real sorry guys I'm from I'm from the country all right that's about all the analogies I got is just like nature analogies all right so or or stubborn as a mule that that type of stuff I don't really or is there anything you can have as an analogy in a city like do they even have good analogies in city in the C like like your is boring as a stop sign I don't know like I I don't know what what works in the city you're as dumb as a skyscraper see I don't I don't know if that one works or not so we get there and and and we we're in that chaotic self and it's we keep moving hopefully we keep moving and we tread water and our survival instincts keep in Kick in sometimes it becomes protecting the betrayer um Stockholm syndrome anyone ever heard of Stockholm syndrome raise your hand if you have anyone not okay so if you haven't guys you got to do some research on some Stockholm syndrome it is wild there was a bank robbery in Stockholm in I want to say in 1987 uh 88 maybe and the they held these people hostage for so long that the hostages became dependent upon the the bank robbers when the police came in to liberate them they finally broke in they the hostages were fighting on the side of the bank robbers the people that had hurt them the people that had captured them that was Stockholm syndrome that's a scary but it that pressure that pressurized situation and dependency switched it if you're stuck in Stockholm syndrome you got to talk to somebody I ain't coming in there cuz I don't want you shooting me but like you got to talk I I just want to put that plug in there you need to examine your situation if you're stuck in stock if you find yourself defending and and the the the the people that have hurt you or the person that have hurt you to the point of your own at at at the cost of your own well-being you you you really need to examine that and look at that okay that's that's some serious some serious things to work through um

then there is you you need to at this stage okay if you can if you if you're not in that stage and stuck in that that weird little quasi part of Stockholm syndrome of and you can and you're you're seeing past it now you've got to figure out what to do for for food what to do for living what to do for uh just just where to stay okay if this is an abusive area if it was something whatever it was okay if it was church hurt if it wasn't if it was home hurt if it was life hurt if it was job hurt whatever the the scenario was this is something these are practical steps okay that you've got to figure out how to get yourself into a safe place to where you can think all right now I want to be very mindful here I said safe place this is not the pop culture term of safe place oh I need a safe place you know you can't say anything negative to me right that's not that's not what we're it's not what we're talking about I hope that is not the spirit that this is being taken in uh then there becomes a self-care strategy after this after the event you've got to figure out a way all right to establish some sort of of of self-care physical exercise because what happens when depression sets in uh anxiety overtakes what happens is it it it it locks down everything it's like you atrophy I can't even I don't even have the the the energy to do that atrophy after a while that will truly atrophy like the muscles you will not be able to without serious help okay so if you find yourself this is this is hopefully prescriptive but hopefully preventative okay because it's if you haven't been hurt you will be hurt like that's just and and hopefully not bad but hopefully you know how to handle that when it happens so take take take them do do exercise of some sort uh do do whatever that looks like for you make sure you're you're physically active because that releases endorphins that counteract that that that uh depression and that anxiety it it actually helps helps if if your number one go-to is to just close off and just cocoon yourself that is that is your that's a that's a protective mechanism that is going to hurt you all right it is it is a protective mechanism that that you are using in and you're justifying it emotionally but it is not going to help you it is going to hurt you

uh beware of emotional fixation uh that is the the one is is in those decisions we in in that decision tree of of of walking all right we will we will fixate upon either staying far away from certain things okay for for longer than necessary I I will add like like there's a point of getting to actual safety and understanding that my generalization of my fear all right for example all right um I don't want to all right if if I'm I'm going to pick on my occupation so I'm not like just picking on anybody else here I picked on the Amish the other week Lauren was like what are you doing that was so mean I was like they didn't know is all right see she would also get mad because I made that joke here again tonight so yeah don't tell her I'm going to get in trouble oh me uh so so if if uh if a minister hurts you generalizing that hurt all ministers okay while while is emotionally is is emotionally Justified it's probably not justifiable does that make sense that that overgeneralization is very it's not just and I'm I'm not saying this I'm picking on ministers okay uh but it's not just to say that for ministers it's for you overgeneralization you have to understand that that that someone did something and it was not right that is not everyone else's fault now it may take a little time to work through that that's okay there's there's there's time in all of this okay but understanding that and knowing and and working through that and that is important it's hard it's not easy it's it's not our brains are wired that way okay uh if if if a certain if a certain type person attacks us in a parking lot and robs us whatever that is we're going to now be more wary of all parking lots right our brain is hardwired that way our brain just because our brain is hard wi hardwired away doesn't mean that it's right all right it means we need to be aware we need to have proper boundaries and we need to have proper things in place but it does not mean that we give into that overwhelming fear because that would that would do destroy us then and that goes into setting our mindset when we set our mindset to routing those thoughts okay that is a I don't know that is a literal a literal physical process in our mind of Step here step there Step here step there now that's that unconscious part drives a lot of that but what we have to do is make ourself dig in and and I I want to say this very cautiously here we we have to be reflective enough what are my actions doing here there are certain things that set off all of us okay there are like you give me about 10 minutes I'll find them I'm really good at it it's my it's my one superpower I know how to find people's triggers and I love it probably not good but I love it I had sisters okay what do you think an older brother's supposed to do yeah aggravate the mess now over time I just got better at it and now I can do that I mean with with anybody I'm not going to start if I start picking on people now I'm get in real trouble any Christian used to hate my guts see see she's working through trauma right now I I'm I I just that is just that just it was my favorite pastime guys and I have to pray about it yeah I have to really try but I to me everybody needs some rough edges rubbed off any NE was whatever sorry if God called me to do that I'm just kidding I ain't blaming that on God just a joke guys it but we have to be aware of that when if if we find ourselves being set off by things being triggered by things all right this is I I will say I'll say this there's there's pros and cons to our society now okay we're we're we're seeing a breakdown of what I would I I view as tribalism in Southern Culture right now and that's large large family units no one uh a generation ago everyone would go to like family reunions of like 50 to 100 people all right now it's like 20 Max all right that's that's a breakdown in tribalism um for various reasons I don't know I'm I'm working on a study on it just just for my own that's that's my own fun Pastime there I don't know why anyway why y'all smirking everybody I looked around everybody was smirking but those what that that breakdown does but what tribalism did was if someone let's just say uh if someone in the family was the I don't know was the Troublemaker the family would rub the rough edges off is you see what I'm saying like if you had a bunch of cousins and one was just that weird kid uh then the other cousins might beat him up just make him act right you know you're embarrassing us dude quit doing that I'm not saying I would do that or did it I don't know I'm just saying like that's those that's what siblings do that's what school does what peer groups do that's what families do is they they shape Conformity to society all right that's on a on a uh anthropological level is that is that the way you would look at that is that the right word for for that uh it it shapes Behavior so what we're seeing in that breakdown in that degradation of that tribal that tribalization is we don't have people to rub the rough edes off of us and so we get offended by everything if someone says hey that's a really dumb action you just did well I'm never talking to that person again who are they if someone says Hey in all love you probably need to stop that behavior because it's detrimental it's a blind spot of yours it's detrimental to you we say who are you to talk to me like that that breakdown of that of that structure now we're we're seeing so many so many issues or adjustments maybe I say uh adjust in how we act and interact making sure that we if we are not careful our untethered actions will rule our life and it will be completely justified by ourselves and our emotions and our hurt but if we will justify them or if we will hold ourselves accountable and to an accountability system

now God gave this system right he he gave he gave an accountability structure in life God first all right husband and wife now a lot of times that that there was abuse in a relationship and so now we have a complete distrust of relationships and that gets flipped around but that doesn't make just because we got hurt does not justify switching up God's order is you see you see why I gave my testimony last week I I had I had some strong things I felt like I needed to say here guys in this lesson but I want you to understand where my heart was making sure we are in the order that God gave us and I don't just mean that in in a in a marital relationship if if it's a mother if it's a father and son relationship you still need as a son you still need a a father figure to speak into your life and say that was a dumb decision and you have to measure your reaction to that appropriately self-control works wonders in a lot of situations making sure that that I am in subjugation I'll say this to my pastor making sure I'm in subjugation in that proper order of life will save me a lot of these Loops that we get called in only when we remove ourselves from accountability and someone cannot speak into our life and say you are making a really dumb decision right now and maybe they say it nicer and maybe they don't okay but they've you've allowed your life to be invested in and someone to love you and to invest in you love them back enough to listen you are making big mistakes that are going to hurt you but justified in my hurt I am justified in my emotion I am justified no you are not you just think you are you see that's that is a conversation we have to have with ourselves that is a conversation we have to continually have it is a reminder and if we get out of that order guess what we have to do we have to put ourselves back in in our place or God will put us in place and we don't want that okay like there is such a thing as our proper place such a thing making sure that we we are in subjugation and I do mean that if it's if it's a if it's a familiar structure you need those you need those inputs we all need those inputs it may have been family that hurt us we've got to figure out how to substitute that okay if that if that if those relationships were broken Beyond repair and those were things that that couldn't that couldn't be overcome we've got to there's got to be a substitute put there and then that has to be consciously okay so many I I will say this so many relationships are taken for granted that we then don't develop new ones because we have to consciously develop them to consciously develop that we have to step by step break it down and say I am putting myself in this situation that person may never know you may never have that direct conversation with them you probably need to but they may you may not but making sure that you are holding yourself accountable to to in in in in whatever those situations and if it's a if it's a husband and wife it's like if you're if you're if you're without a husband and you need accountability of some sort make sure you find a way to to at least substitute that a little bit okay there's not a replacement that's why there's not a replacement for that unless you decide to get married again or and things like that okay but there has to be an order or you will be floating out here in the chaos stuck in a loop if it's a if it's a church hurt situation all churches didn't hurt you that overgeneral ization there okay that will you and I am sorry if that was it and if it was my humblest of apologies and and sincerest of repentances for for those things but you can't generalize that put yourself into a into a situation to where you are getting the word of God from a reliable source with proper bounds in place so that those hurts do not happen again it is so it it it it it's so if one guys medical malpractice is one of the leading causes of death in the US all right I'm serious I'm dare say spiritual malpractice is one of the leading causes of deaths of Souls and it doesn't make it right but we still go to a doctor maybe with a help the boundary of researching what they tell us now okay maybe spiritual I'm I'm going to medal here maybe spiritual boundaries look like we we study the word of God for ourselves and we know what lines up with the word of God and what doesn't it's a wild concept I'm a little sarcastic but it's a needed concept maybe that's what we do in those situations if it's familiar then we we put those proper boundaries we don't allow ourselves we're not going to if someone stabs Us in the leg we're not going to allow them to continue stabbing Us in the leg I don't know why I'm using stab in the leg as an analogy but we're just we're Stone it now right it we so we have to put boundaries all right you can't come around me with a knif dude you stabed four times already we're we're going to have to have something here okay and then we have to be out of that that cycle out of that Loop enough for us to be able to be consistent in those boundaries it is not an easy call I had a conversation with uh with a cousin of mine here a few weeks ago and she was her un her her father uh was not a he was not a good man I don't I don't know any I don't know how how else to say that okay and the the chaos that ensued in their household as she was growing up it really scarred her it really hurt her I don't you know there's there's nothing I can do about that and when she had kids she she she still kept a Rel relationship and tried to have a relationship with her father but she set up boundaries and in and things and said okay if you do this okay if you don't if if you you know she set up boundaries and said this is the only way you can have a relationship with your grandkids and and he didn't keep those he he just that was was he was just not a good person just not like honestly I I don't know I don't I want to be careful of saying this but he just and and I want to paint the picture for you like you ever you ever come across somebody that was just a net loss on societ like there's just no net positive there like it's just like man you know why there was no rhyma reason it just was so when she had kids she she set some boundaries in and he died a few weeks ago and I was talking to her you know making sure she's okay uh all those things and and she was her daughter probably 10 11 12 something like that she was like well you know she was trying to console her and she said Mama just just think on the good times you guys had together and my cousin was like there were no good times I said hang on he like but she doesn't know that you did something right she doesn't know the hell you had to live through she put some healthy boundaries in place to Shield the Next Generation now I would propose in that situation it shouldn't just be because of the Next Generation I know that's when we start taking it more serious we have to take ourselves serious too our health is important it's super it's super important to make sure that we are structuring our lives because until we deal with those I'll just those demons in us until we deal with those scenarios that we're struggling with we will recreate those in the Next Generation if we are not careful that's a cycle guys that's that's what they like to call a generational curse and that is what we do not want that we want to stop it we want to nip it in the bud God help me get out of this cycle God heal me of this hurt

now this last step of adjusting or well finding healing rebirth and a new worldview we have to rebuild our life when we rebuild our life we've we can't and I I'll just I'm going to I'm get on my soap box here for a second good thing I'm not a m can't can't do that super well uh when we to rebuild our life and to build something new we cannot and I I we cannot keep removing the bandage and just opening it up and looking at it and just everyone around us would you look what they did to me just wallowing in it all right do y'all know what wallowing is we're going have to find a video of wallowing I don't even know like Hogs wallow in mud all right what is it wallering wallering I'm I'm with you Tiffany wallering yeah it's yeah yeah yeah yeah we we don't none of that takes us in here uhuh if we we just Waller around in our hurt and we Waller around in our mess and we just and it gets all over us and then we just want to show that to everybody and we a't we we're we cannot build a new life we cannot build something new if we're doing that that is pardon me but identifying by the things that that happened to me or identifying by the things that happened to you that is not that's not right we identify in Christ all right New Birth covers a lot of things all right that's Paul said I I didn't come to you as Greek or Roman or as bonder servant none of those things I came to you and we're brothers in Christ and I I know I butchered that that paraphrase there we our our unification point is in Christ everything all old things are passed away behold all things are new that's not just sin those are when we choose to build a new life and you guys you guys can come on to the music as you already we choose to build a new life and a and a new to build past what happened to us then we we are now now not defined by it okay that's that's that's important so I'm going to end tonight next week we'll talk about we'll talk about some things about what the Bible says and I I stepped through this and I took I took a lot of this from and I was I had a handout for you for this there's there's a b there's a book called trust Again by Debbie Silber and if you haven't if if you're dealing with this if you're trying to figure out how to to learn past okay now her her book specifically deals with those of divorce uh in those types of situations but it's it's applicable to all types of hurt honestly she should probably make it marketed a little more or maybe not and I'll rewrite it later and I'm just kidding now now I'm going to get in trouble for copyri writing shouldn't have said it on recording man you're going to get me but she will that book will help you it it covers those are steps from her from her study on these things okay and she she wasn't a Christian writer she's just a psychologist okay so so please understand uh understand the the the view in which she's writing um but in that Jesus Jesus talks a lot about those things he talks in depth or an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth no that's he's like no that we have a bunch of Toothless rednecks running around maybe that's why rednecks don't have teeth maybe that's why yeah yeah maybe that's why pirates only have one eye I don't know right see I picked on Pirates nobody was no was offended for pirates everyone was just offended for rednecks okay now I know where the line's at it there's also he talks about if someone sins against you if a brother sins against you all right we'll we'll we'll dig into the into that piece next week but I want you to know there is in a breakdown of your hurt of your struggles there there are steps you may not you may not be that type of person but I'm that type of person I need to understand where I'm at so I can get out of there all right

if you don't mind would you stand with me and the other classes are going to come in the other classes are going to come in and let's pray real quick Jesus I love you God I thank you so much for your kindness for your goodness for your mercy Lord God I praise you and I thank you Lord so much for your word God lord I want to thank you Lord for your healing mercy your healing Grace God I Want to Thank You Lord so much for your love and your kindness into us your sweet and gentle love God that just that just saturates our soul God I pray Lord that you would let the Holy Ghost to settle in upon us God to heal our hearts to heal our minds to heal our souls God to help us Lord to lean not into our own understanding but God but in every way to acknowledge you God and so that you will direct our paths God to rewire our mind rewire our thinking to make us new in your image in your likeness God healing our hurts covering our scars washing us in your blood god making us new men and new women God help us Lord I pray Lord a special healing upon us tonight God that a sweet presence of the Lord would just soothe our souls soothe our hearts and our minds God to heal the hurt and the pain but God to Lord to pull us out of it and help us to walk in you a new creature in your image in your likeness Jesus I thank you God I Praise You In Jesus name we pray amen