Trust

i'm so glad to see you tonight we're going to continue talking about trust uh and and part of the course we've got a really cool object lesson i can't wait for this one this is going to be really awesome you are never going to trust anything ever again okay yo you guys can be seated don't worry i'm not going to make you move this time all right just like i did last week on your hand everyone hold up your hand everyone has five fingers five toes hold up your hand just one that's all right all right so on your hand i want you to show me on a scale of one to five one being today was the worst day ever five being the best day ever how was your day one two three four or five i get some twos some threes four that's pretty high conor the best day ever okay cool the best day ever close oh you're in the middle hey we are improved awesome i put mine at a three so wow five best day ever wow herb what about you one to five how was your day one being the worst five being the best give me three all right so everyone's kind of in the middle there's some best day evers we didn't have any ones i think we had a two all right for this i need a helper connor will you help me i just need you to hold the mic can you hold the mic for me all right so i'm going to be using my hand so i need you to hold the mic okay can you do that hold it right there all right there we go okay so i need a volume don't let the mat on the floor like keep you from volunteering okay um i need a volunteer will you raise your hand if you want to volunteer nobody really no one trusts me does anyone trust me raise your hand if you trust me that's a different question no do i just have to choose somebody come on robbie come on take a seat everyone give her a round of applause all right connor yeah you can sit right there all right connor wait come back come back i still need you stand behind the chair all right and hold this well just a second i'll have you okay don't be don't be afraid of what's happening okay do you want the towel over your shoulders and no it's up to you do you trust me how much do you trust me oh not really she said not really okay so here's what i'm going to do robbie i have a pencil you want to choose white or yellow i would choose the white one if i were you white okay awesome connor i need your help bud wow i'm just going to keep dropping everything this is just going to be a show of me dropping everything all right hold this for me up to my mouth can you do it thank you you do everyone give connor a round of applause all right we're gonna pray i don't drop this that would be the whole thing all right ravi do you trust me not really why you look terrified okay um while i'm doing this samuel will you fill this back up please with water okay so you chose your pencil okay connor we're gonna back up here we go we hold it keep holding it keep holding it maybe i don't know we'll see you chose the right pencil so maybe not okay here's what i'm gonna do robbie how much do you trust me not very much why what and i just kind of know me a little while that's come on connor all right hold it for me all right so what i'm going to do is i'm going to hold this bag over robbie's head and i'm going to take this pencil and i'm going to stab the bag all the way through okay you know on those like shows game shows where they're like oh this you know those people that are like this is my first time doing this like a dad joke this is like legitimately my first time so i'm really sorry no okay so everybody drum roll please can you give me a drum roll do you trust me all right that's it see that was painless all right everybody give robby a round of applause do you trust me now thank you all right dylan come on thank you wow this is a very involved object lesson alright so robbie trust me now come on dylan connor he went to children's church didn't he am i keeping you from children's church keep holding it yeah you trust me it happened probably probably after what just happened did i prove myself a little bit okay you don't trust me that much why are your leg shaking all right so just like huh don't worry about it that's right just focus on focus on you here connor you ready all right oh there's a towel you can put it on okay so after what just happened what just happened dylan whatever that thing is through the bag yeah did it work so yes okay does anyone think i can do it twice all right come on hold it what i have the wrong pencil he took the other one okay are you ready are you ready okay i can do it twice i'm going to choose oh no i can't do it twice oh no i really can't listen i really was the first time i did it last time i'm really sorry all right even though i soaked you will you take this hold it just like that take it to the bathroom and throw it away you got it you can do that all right you don't i forget you're new all right go down the hallway all the way to the right all right connor you're back up here all right can i get a one more volunteer one more volunteer no why why you don't trust me why connor do you want to sit no are you sure look i can i have so many more ziplock bags i can keep going and going and going all right so why does anyone want to volunteer for me i mean you didn't want you to begin with but now why sam he has to teach and he's wearing like equipment and stuff you don't trust me why because i failed what would make you trust me again if i did it twice in a row come on christian come on will you fill this up again no i don't trust you connor i'm just kidding connor you got to be my mic holder are you gonna do it all right sit down bud the faith of a child everybody come on you're gonna do it everybody cheer for sam yeah okay all right this is gonna be anticlimactic because he went to fill the picture can you wave her and say hi do you want to swallow the food in your mouth all right chew it up chew it up hey connor you're almost done hey samuel do you like the beach do you like to go to the pool you like to go swimming i'm gonna put a swimming towel on you okay you're gonna act like you just got out of the swimming pool okay all right okay if you trust me i need you to give me a drum roll hey samuel do you trust me look at that he trusts me everybody give me a drum roll are you ready look what i'm gonna do i'm gonna push this through here okay over your head can i do that do you think water is going to get on you no look at that faith already okay on the count of one everybody two three ah ha ha you did it he has not all right good job bud you're done do you want to take this as a student go give this to your mom no i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i'm just kidding thank you bud thank you all right thank you for participating in this object lesson will you guys help her clean up real quick if it's all right i want to sit down here i'm telling y'all like for like wednesday night that's so far away from y'all it really is like i yeah yeah they they got me over here but like it's so far away i felt like i was in another wonder winter wonderland or something over there the other day except it wasn't winter because it was it was super hot in here uh so glad to see you guys tonight but on this this object lesson we had what would it take for you to do that let her do that to you a different person but you would let someone like put water a bag of water over your head and poke a hole in it though like uh you know what if you should have just took the you would not anyone i got you oh you trust warren would you you wouldn't do it you said you wouldn't do it that's that's our lesson it's our lesson is going to be about trust again tonight because anyone ever broken a bone yeah you go to the doctor your doctor is like all right let's put you in a cast especially it's an arm it's kind of kind of straightforward you'd help me pass those out thank you it's kind of straightforward in in how it's approached and how it's looked at uh it's i don't know it's you go to the doctor and they put a cast on it and they're what six weeks six to eight weeks roughly for like just a a standard break in your in your arm and you go through and you're good you know as long as you don't get the cast wet when you take a shower hopefully you're taking showers but as long as you it's it's gonna it'll stink or but you'll heal up your your bone will heal it'll mend and you'll go about your merry way uh really no no real complications to it but when you have internal hurt internal trust broken and when you face betrayal so if instead of you know the water not coming out if she would take the took the picture and just dumped it on top of you robbie which honestly i tried to get her to do but it would have been nice right but you would have definitely not have done any you would had nothing to do with any of the rest of that you probably would have left tonight because you would have been soaking wet yeah that betrayal betrayal is a rough rough thing it usually comes from uh not somebody close to us it comes from someone far far or not from someone far away but someone close to us it's usually the last place we expect it from and after that we're left with issues of trust trust issues everyone's like oh i have trust issues i have this issue if you're ever in a in a car accident with someone it may take you a minute to or if you're ever in a car accident and you're driving it may take a minute to trust yourself again it may take a minute to trust whoever else was driving but that process of that betrayal okay it's a little deeper than just a car wreck it's a little deeper than just just a a a knock on the eye socket there and you got a black eye it's it's pretty deep in matthew 5 and 38 through 40 it says jesus is talking said you've heard that it was an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth he said but i say to you do not resist the evil one who is evil is this the one who is evil but if anyone slaps you on the right cheek turn to him the other also turn the other cheek and if anyone would sue you take your tunic and let him have your cloak as well so jesus is i don't know how you feel all right let me just can i just be samuel for just a minute but if someone hurts me i'm gonna do everything i can and everything i know to do to make them regret it right i'm going my if if i just take it back to a minute on the playground at school you know before jesus and all that good stuff that way we're not getting heretical or becoming a heretic tonight but if if someone punched me on on the playground i'm going to put everything i have into making sure they regretted that decision that day that's my nature right that's human nature that's an eye for an eye i'm going to make you regret this if someone hurts you our automatic response our natural response is to lash out and to hurt them back what can we do to hurt them jesus he had some strong medicine right he said turn the other cheek what do you mean turn the other cheek well there's a natural there's a natural occurrence that happens in our body we turn the other cheek and and then we get that one bruised we get both of them bruised and then we'll go about a physical healing our body starts a process of healing but when it becomes an emotional scar when it becomes an emotional betrayal which is in trust being broken that's where that that really that comes into play again in matthew jesus said he said if a brother sins against you go and tell him his fault between you and him alone if he listens to you you've gained your brother and then if not he goes on down to to say that if he if he doesn't listen you know get two or three and y'all go and then if he doesn't bring it before the church and if he still doesn't then you're absolved that's telling jesus was instructing on how to deal with that in a public format to not to not cause hurt to someone else but something that that we we read there and and we know as christians right we know we're supposed to be forgiving of someone that breaks our trust that's that's just that's part of it we we have the parable of the unforgiving servant uh that's in matthew uh he said peter peter said to jesus he said how many times uh lord how often will my brother sin against me and i forgive him as many as seven times seven and jesus said to him i do not say to you seven times but seventy times seventy seven times he goes on more than you can count right he was he was being uh i don't exaggerate i don't i can't remember the word for it he was exaggerating there but he might as well said a million times of this you you need to forgive your brother a million times if they hurt you a million times but how how do i trust that brother again how do i forgive them again after they've the 500 000 times that they've hurt me how do i give them 500 000 times more that's not easy i mean jesus is he's he's right in what he's saying he's writing what he's doing but the practicality of it in how we get it to work is hard how do we trust again what is that process i know i know that almost every one of us has been hurt at some point in time deeply and if you hadn't you just watch out it'll probably happen to you i'm not not wishing that it's just that's the course of life we we see that trust broken it can be through through a divorce through a lying through cheating through stealing through a betrayal of someone we have been trusting i mean our world is full of it our church churches are full of it's not just the world but if we you know you trust a doctor when you go to the doctor but if there's malpractice then well i don't trust doctors anymore it once again it generalizes out sometimes about how we talked about last week if we if we're church hurt it's a real thing someone in a church hurts us it's hard i can't go back there it's full of hypocrites and it is the church is yeah i if it wasn't then it would be heaven uh that's i mean that's the simple fact of it but how do i deal with that how do i walk through those doors again how do i look that person in the eye how do i pray for them how do i hug their neck tell them i love them and really mean it that's hard it's so hard it's i don't know about you but i've hurt people not intentionally i hope at least but i do know that when it was brought to my attention it was a hard thing to go and apologize but it was so much easier for me to do that than it was for me to get over when i've been hurt is that i don't know if you've experienced that that may just be my own personal experience in that but the the person that has been betrayed that that trust has been broken deals with some scars and some deep issues that you don't see it's not like a broken arm it's not it doesn't heal in a set amount of time there are so many issues to it and i wasn't i'm not just trying to to depress all of us make us all go home and cry ourselves to sleep tonight but i do want to set the setting of proverbs 18 and 14 said a man's spirit will endure sickness but a crushed spirit who can bear you can be sick and have broken bones and you can still be happy and cheerful and and see the other side of it and and have some positivity about you but when you get your heart broken you get crushed you get trust betrayed man you feel like you got run over by a semi but your body is still working it's just something's not right it actually it can uh betrayal it can make your body shut down you'll have health issues out of that and because of this it leaves us it leaves us with a sense of loss of control fear helplessness agitation the desire to numb social anxiety and panic it can leave us with varying degrees of ptsd i mean that's not just i'm not i'm not trying to elevate this above other things or make it lower i'm just matter of fact it can leave us with trust issues that's post-traumatic stress disorder right that's it's a very uh a stressful thing in fact the stress hormones in our body will actually cause us to not be able to create melatonin which allows us to sleep so then we're exhausted this this stressful because of broken promises because of of these things that are dear near to us that were broken that were portrayed so it's kind of like if if you've ever lost someone and please there is light at the end of the tunnel i'm not just i'm not handing out antidepressants afterwards all right guys all right but if you go through the five stages of grief i remember i remember when i lost my grandmother at 16 i felt myself it was the weirdest thing ever as soon as i mean she'd been sick for a while and when when the call came and i i remember feeling myself go through all five stages of grief and just like it was like that i don't i don't know why but it was like an outer body experience almost i watched myself i went through denial anger bargaining depression and then acceptance and i remember exactly where i was at i remember the day the time and all those things that that was because of the way that came about it wasn't such a major blow to my life but at different different losses people handle differently it's very easy to be caught in one of those that's that's emotional pain that's the that's the example of emotional pain that i think most of us can relate to in seeing that it's not always simple and straightforward sometimes we don't even realize what we're facing what we're going through until maybe it's over in hindsight we're like oh that's what that was yeah it can do that and so this example i want i've given you a handout and in this i want to i want to preface this i am in no way like i've read through this this this book was a very good a very good resource this lady is dr delby silber silber and she has uh i would if you if you go through some very you know betrayal loss betrayal things this this would be a great resource for you she's not apostolic i do want to make that disclaimer but she has studied the human body the human psychology of what happens when we go through stress through more than stress when we go through betrayal and and she's done her own her she's been through it herself she's studied in others and her peers have reviewed this so it's not just someone out in left field it is it has been studied through and documented in a way that we can look at it hopefully we can look at it in a clinical view that way we're not all crying at this all right i was in there i was like all right all right all right right i mean i was i was struggling with this one i was like why do i not want to get this lesson together and i was like oh i'm having to deal with a bunch of negative emotions because of this and so i'm trying i'm going to do my best to present this in a in a clinical way that we can take as a resource to help us maybe it's to help us in the future or something that's happened in the past or something that's happening now i don't know but on your handout you'll have there there's across the top there's the the five circles and you have the five stages and then down below it i have kind of listed them out a little bit the first stage is uh it's physical and mental versus emotional and spiritual so this stage happens it's generally right before you find out about betrayal it's a point in in your life where you're either something's out of whack uh in your in your own personal life i'm not i'm not saying talking about a relationship i'm not talking about this is a very one-sided conversation okay this is not this is not taking into account well they did this this is all about the person that's been betrayed all right because that's the that the other side is for a different time for a different but this is about the side that's been betrayed the side that's been hurt who may may be very innocent in it or may not be but this betrayal side so generally this before the betrayal it's like a table if you if you can't imagine we'll go back to this table analogy but it's like a table that one legs not there or it's shorter than the others and it's kind of wobbly and that's the physical mental versus emotional and spiritual so what what is in this what's happening in our bodies are what we're doing at this time we're very task-oriented we're very focused on what we're doing what we're thinking and going we're not doing a lot of self-care a lot of maintenance it's more of i have this goal in mind and i'm just getting there and maybe it was a shared goal but somewhere along the way that shared goal got distracted and it causes us to have you ever seen blinders on a mule anyone know what that is blinders on a mule it's it's keeping them like on a mule or a draft animal to keep them focused on where they're going instead of getting scared at everything you put blinders on them and they can just see straight ahead can't see anything to their side well we do that to ourselves we get blinders on us and we just get focused and we forget about the emotional or spiritual side of life we'll we'll either just turn our emotions off and go on autopilot we'll turn our spiritual life off we won't pray and seek god read like we are like we're supposed to now this doesn't bring this is this is not laying blame all right i want to i want to make sure of that i'm not this is not laying blame in that area this is just common uh common experiences that people have had then there is the event all right so that's before but then there's the event the betrayal event whatever that event is okay it can be it can be anything i mean as as many different needs as we have there's that many different events that you can have it can be a million things but it basically the event is something that affects you so deeply that you do not know what to do it's something that will break down your body mind and world view especially if this event comes from a spouse if it comes from from a trusted advisor if it comes from a spiritual leader if it comes from a a parent or a child or a brother or sister something the closer that individual is the more impactful that event is going to be that betrayal with it lying stealing drugs abuse cheating there's there are is a world of things that can cause this but the end results is hurt brokenness betrayal this event it'll afterwards your your body your mind feel like you're in a cloud you're in a fog can't see you you couldn't fight your way out of a paper sack you couldn't uh the mental and emotional salt shock the thoughts emotions are suspended suspended in a weird space uh there's i don't i mean i don't know else to describe it other than it's just you're just existing your body uh physical illness can be directly linked to this to these stressors uh the immune system that the digestive system uh they're they're both very extremely vulnerable to these uh energy levels plummet exhaustion sets in uh and as i mentioned before the stress hormones increase the sleep hormone melatonin it decreases so that just insult injury just piles on top of itself actually there's a high level of repo of people reporting and not just reporting of it being diagnosable digestive issues acid reflux stomach issues uh you can go on from from the from the least to the greatest of those things and it's it's affected because the whole body is affected uh mental the the mental part of this in the mind then you you have the acuity affected the mind's not able to work the way you want it to you can't you you you know you want to do something and you think you got it but you don't have it your retention goes down uh the i don't the comprehension it goes down the tension spans you become like adhd but it's not like you're hyper you just can't pay attention you can't retain all these are symptoms leading back to this emotional pain this breaking the in the world view the shock and the pain they cause a breakdown in how we view the world the old rules no longer apply and there are no there's not been time to form new rules so what we thought in that we were investing in in a relationship or in a in whatever form of that relationship whatever that form that relationship is in all that goes out the window no longer those goals those plans to get there all of a sudden they're shattered the the world view it just goes out the window everything that mattered suddenly doesn't matter you can't you can't find can't see you can't can't see what tomorrow holds you can't you can't even think about next week much less than six months six months there's the long-term planning all of a sudden goes away one day but one day a decision is made after you've been there for a little bit one day you decide enough is enough and it's kind of like uh i don't are y'all procrastinators yeah no yeah ah yeah yeah same way i will procrastinate everything i mean absolutely everything don't know why i just do anyway it is what it is right it's so like if i'm planning to clean my room i feel like ah i gotta do this oh i gotta do that i gotta i gotta do this and then eventually one day i'm like all right it's usually like you know 12 o'clock at night i'm about to go to bed i'm all right now no i got to do it now and i'll light into it and it gets worse before it gets better all the clothes that i've just not hung up i have to actually like dump them out of the basket and then hang them up and and just it's just it's a process it gets worse before it gets better but at 1201 when i've made that decision that i'm going to clean my room that's when the change starts now the room it's still got a lot of work to be done but it starts and that's the important part right because i've been putting it off i've been not i've been avoiding it i've been distracting myself i've been focusing on other things until i made up my mind and that is where stage two comes in that's where stage three comes in where we where we transition from stage two to stage three when we make up our mind it doesn't mean that it's done but we've made up our mind to come out of the fog to fight our way out of the paper sack we've made up our mind to all right i'm going to get through this i'm going to be able to survive the night i'm going to be able to survive tomorrow but our survival instincts kick in because when when we have no will to live when we have no emotional reason to live we have nothing else to push us forward our body is still very determined to live uh just you know ask as someone that almost commits suicide and how somehow their bodies still hung on and then later they'll find their way to live again that their body our physiological body will it'll kick us into gear but this is just survival mode that's stage three survival instincts emerge uh however this can this can look in different ways sometimes it can look at it can come out as betray protecting the betrayer at your own expense uh if if if it's in a family it it may be protecting that that issue may not touching it not broaching that in order to preserve the status quo as painful as that status quo is it it may be seen or felt that well if i ignore it it'll go away and it's about like cleaning your room it ain't gonna happen right just just really really speaking about it now that's not talking about god that's that's not praying about it and stuff that's that's a little different all right but we're gonna look at this from what can we do uh sometimes we protect that individual sometimes we protect that just because of the fear of the unknown what can i do what do i know what can i so stage three involves how do i identify the support i need it can be money guidance place to live a job skills new things to acquire some shifting of our world view that's a hard thing and in this we're not living we're just surviving day to day day to day day to day it's it's survival instinct it's survival mode there's no long-term thoughts it's just survival day to day but in this it is it's important this self-care is still important here because in order to get out of survival mode your body has to make it through breathing just breathing something we all take for granted but taking a few minutes when you're in this to consciously sit back and just breathe deep breaths meditate pray set some habits of in the morning i'm going to set this aside i'm just going to say in the steel of things i'm going to try and get my bearings today that's some people they'll go the movement's super important walking weight lifting running stretching kickboxing some people need to take out their frustration on an inanimate object an inanimate object all right we got to be careful though these are meant to channel the emotions out in a productive not destructive manner but if they become the fixation they can then we'll we'll ignore those things right if if all of a sudden life becomes about that about kickboxing instead of dealing with our issues we've missed it somewhere and we're going to be caught in a cycle it's super easy to do because it's way easier than dealing with painful emotions nutrition very important here it's probably not the best time to start like an a new diet but being aware starting to be conscious of what you're because your body is dealing with stress at least being aware of what you're putting in your body is super important supplements uh that's that can go into that and i know this is this is not the emotional side of it i'm trying to trying to look at this how can we get through betrayal how can we learn to trust again these are just day-to-day tools to look at uh our mindset now you got those got those rubber bands you care to pass them out i am wearing a rubber band i'm not just being a heathen tonight uh but something that's easy to do in in this stage is to be called up in a negative mindset how many know how many has ever been around somebody i'm not gonna i'm not gonna ask you to call somebody out been around someone that is just negative yeah hey you raised your hand was that you oh okay i thought you said you were all right no i hope not sometimes i'll find myself i'll just be negative nelly for i don't know how long i'm like wait a minute what am i doing that's not cool like uh but sometimes people really get caught up in that that negativeness and and if you've i've worked with people like that and everything that can go wrong happens to them and they were just expecting it that's what they were they were already thinking the negative so they weren't surprised by it but i can be in the same situation or you can be someone that's positive in the same situation have a completely different perspective on it so there is something to be said about positive thinking all right there is something to be said about not being negative nelly all the time man please forgive me if your name's nelly that's where the rubber bands come into play all right this is it's conditioning it's behavioral conditioning uh when you spat your child's hand or you spat someone's head don't touch that that's conditioning their behavior leave that on oh wow sister maybe about shot me with it conditioning behavior you can start out when you find yourself going down this path no and pop yourself if you want to now don't take it too far it could lead into self-harm but it has shown all right believe it or not it has shown to create that association i'm you start i mean i don't know if you've ever got caught in a negative mindset but it spirals real quick all of a sudden you can go from having a good day to it's the worst day ever i'm ready to die ain't nobody any good it's we're done yeah well before you get there pop yourself no no that's first step there just no no i'm not doing that today it's not going to be me today i'm not doing that but then it'd be really good to take it in and say jesus you got to introduce some positives in there somewhere don't pop yourself when you say jesus you don't you want that negative association there but after that jesus thank you jesus i i have to tell you like there there's i had a i had a i was going through really bad negative time i was negative nelly and i was i was on the road almost every day going to and from school and there was a i don't know i found it didn't have phone service in this on this road for a good 30 minutes and i found myself i was just called up in negativity and i found this one tree i decided it was just it was a peculiar tree that every time i drove by it didn't matter what i was thinking didn't matter what i was feeling i would stop everything i was thinking about everything i was rolling over in my head and i just say thank you i and and that i named it my thank you tree because it was something i drove by almost every day and it was something that i needed to snap myself out of it and that's kind of snap yourself out of it it's a tool to get yourself out of that mode to get yourself into a place to where you can say thank you jesus i and if you ain't got nothing else you're still breathing so i thank you for the air that i breathe i thank you for allowing me to drive i thank you for the close on my back just the smallest thing in order to build to those big things that that right there will bring you so far it'll bring you further than you can imagine i know this i know how far thankfulness will bring you uh it'll help you come out of that negative mindset um so at this point we're almost to stage four where first there was a shock of betrayal followed by the physical mental emotional repercussions and then there was the drive to survive the experience and that comes with the practical solutions in stage three of trying to get day to day of of trying to outline some sort of plan of saying i'm going to make it i'm not going to be negative so in stage four it's finding and adjusting to a new normal and i want i want to i have i have quite a bit more to go on this and i won't get to it all tonight i'll continue it next week okay but i don't want to just leave on a super negative note i don't want us to just end here and and be like well let's all go home and cry seeing kumbaya i'm just negative nelly and there's nothing i can do about it there is a way out and and it starts in in stage three and four it's finding and adjusting to a new normal so this is this is when and i'll leave us i'll end with this this is when we've we've come out of that just merely surviving and we go into actually a grieving it's important to grieve those broken relationships those broken promises that to allow ourselves to acknowledge that this happened because up until this point we can we could be in self-denial we could and we could be suffering from this and not ever admitting it to ourself that that can really that can hinder us as a as a human being as an individual this is this is about us trusting again this is about us overcoming the hurt that's been to us of no fault of our own of no of no reason why we have to do why right that's the question why do i have to deal with this i didn't do anything here why do i have to deal with this there's we'll get to forgiveness we'll get to overcoming but these are all the steps that we we go through emotionally this is like our body healing a broken arm this is like our body healing getting hit by a semi truck it takes time it's a process bandages have to be changed infections could set in those have to be taken care of this whole process it's not it's not a straightforward it's not a it's not happening in a single week it's not happening in a month this is this is a process everyone's process is different everyone's takes a little time everyone takes who knows how long it depends on where we go and how we progress on how we're able to mentally step through these things and i say this because in stepping through these we may not have consciously stepped through them we know we may not have said stage one stage two stage three stage four and and before uh before i got a hold of this this book and before i come across this lady's research i didn't i didn't realize this existed but when i'm reading through and when i'm studying it and understanding what she's looking at then i realized wait a minute that that's real that fits i remember doing that i remember feeling that i remember seeing that and in this and we'll we'll finish this next week of being able to trust again of we've established what what it's like to not trust but how do we build that all the way back i've survived more than a day i've survived more than a week but how do i thrive how do i get out of this it's called prose betrayal syndrome i don't get out of this post betrayal syndrome if you would would you stand with me i'm gonna end i'm gonna end here tonight because i want to i want us to if you will take these take these home with you uh if you get a chance look at them do some do some reflection on have i been through this in my life am i in one of these stages uh have i am i looking at this you know just purely as something that may happen to me i i hope that we all can can look at it and relate to a certain level because i think we all can uh if you're i mean maybe maybe not conor maybe conor's pretty good tonight but yeah i know i'm saying pretty good man that's great but when when we get a little life about ourself right when we walk the walk talk the talk we get to the point we realize hey i need to come through this i need to get over this i need to trust again i wonder if we can let's pray jesus we love you we thank you so much for your goodness for your mercy and your grace lord you've been so kind to us you've been so merciful to us god you've given us grace and forgiveness and mercy when we didn't when we didn't deserve it god i'm gonna ask you lord that as we go this week god i ask you lord to help us lord to to think on on you to think on the good things you've done help us god that wherever we're at in this uh wherever we're at in this process whether we've we've been over it for years or we're we're somewhere in the middle or we haven't even started god i ask you lord to help us lord to take this as a tool to help us to better serve you to better forgive others god to better be a christian god and help us lord that we can get to the point where we can forgive and love others with a pure heart with a pure mind and a pure soul god help us lord we'll be sure to give you all the praise the glory and the honor in jesus name we pray amen