Answers · Marriage & Family
How do a husband and wife get through conflict without tearing the home apart?
The apostolic answer to conflict in the home begins with God's forgiveness of us, because that is the measure laid on ours. Paul tells the church — and the church's households — to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving at that measure. A quarrel weighed against the cross shrinks to a size two people can carry together.
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you."
— Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)
To the Colossians he writes the practice out: forbearing one another — bearing with the habits and sharp edges that do not change overnight — and forgiving one another where there is a quarrel. Over all of it, charity: the bond that holds the rest together when feelings run thin.
"Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness."
— Colossians 3:13–14 (KJV)
James gives the manner of it, and the order matters: swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Most home quarrels are lost in their first minutes — in the answer given before the hearing is finished. Hearing first is not surrender; it is the discipline that keeps a difference from becoming a wound.
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:"
— James 1:19 (KJV)
None of these texts promises a home without conflict. They promise a way through it that does not tear the house: hear fully, speak slowly, forgive at God's measure, and put on charity above all.