Should Christians Date Non-Christians?

Summary

Summary prepared by Acts 2:38 Life from the transcript below — the preacher’s words follow in full.

The key verse: yoked together

• The question posed (in the host's frame): the key verse about being yolked together with unbelievers (as the word is heard) has been read to mean a Christian should not date someone who is not a Christian. But what is the problem with dating someone from outside — especially if they're a good person? And what if the person is a Christian, but of another church? His answer: certainly, you pointed to a key verse. I do believe it covers marriage. Perhaps it's not limited to marriage. But being yolked together: the image is of two oxen, who are joined — the same yoke — so they work together; they work in tandem; and their strength is not merely doubled, but it's multiplied — as they both pull a load, or they both pull a plow, or something like that. And so, while you might be able to think of other relationships — certainly marriage would be the strongest example of two human beings being yolked together. So definitely I think this passage applies to marriage: that a Christian should not deliberately marry an unbeliever.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 6:14

Already married — and the purpose of marriage from Genesis

• Now, if they're already married, the Bible does give instruction there. If someone's — two unbelievers are married, one comes into the church — 1 Corinthians chapter 7 says: if the unbeliever is willing to maintain the marriage, don't divorce, but maintain that marriage — because you have the chance to influence your children, and your unsaved spouse. 1 Peter 3 also talks about that — that you have a chance to influence your unsaved spouse. So God honors marriage so much, that he says: maintain it, even if there is an unbeliever in the marriage. So coming into church does not cancel your contracts, and it doesn't cancel a lawful marriage. However — when you have a choice, up front: if you think of the purpose for marriage, go back to the Genesis account — Genesis 2:24: before there was sin, when God instituted marriage, he said: a man will leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife — the King James has 'cleave' to his wife — and they'll become one flesh. When you study that 'one flesh', it speaks of physical, but also emotional, and spiritual, union. So that indicates that marriage is supposed to be a complimentary relationship (complementary, as the word stands) of two equal partners, who work together. And we're to respect one another; we're to work together, to help one another, together fulfill God's plan. So if one person is a believer, and another is an unbeliever, then you're not going to be able to fulfill God's original plan. It will be flawed. And in fact, in the Old Testament, God had strict prohibitions against marrying — the Israelites marrying people of other nations. It wasn't based on race. It was based on: they were idolators, and they were not worshiping the one true God. If they did convert to the worship of the one true God, they were incorporated into Israel. You could marry them — such as Ruth the moabit (as the name is heard), and Rahab the Canaanite. So, contrary to some people's teaching, it wasn't based on race, or ethnicity. It was based on their adherence to the worship of the one true God. So that's actually a principle throughout the Bible.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 7; 1 Peter 3; Genesis 2:24

Dating: make the choice before the feelings

• Now, when we talk about dating: if we're using that to mean a serious interaction, for the purpose of finding a spouse — then obviously, if it's a violation of Scripture to marry an unbeliever, it would be wrong to seriously pursue those kind of relationships. And even if the dating has seemed to be somewhat casual, it's in the context of exploring the possibility of a romantic relationship. You don't always control your feelings. And so, if you make choices to put yourself in a position where you're deliberately exploring the possibility of romantic feelings, then you can't necessarily control exactly how that's going to happen. So you're jeopardizing yourself — to where there is a high likelihood that you will capitulate, and proceed to marry, contrary to God's plan. So, to prevent that, we have choices to make. So just like: let's say you don't want to get drunk — so should you go to the bar, and just order a Coke, and then keep participating in all the activities? Or maybe just take one sip of alcoholic beverage? Obviously, you make a choice before you get there. So if you really are serious about keeping that commitment, you just don't go to those places, and you don't get involved in those activities — and then you will not violate God's command. So I look at it: marrying an unbeliever will be wrong. So dating an unbeliever is jeopardizing God's plan, and it would likewise be contrary to God's purpose. God would not want you to date an unbeliever — if dating has the possibility, the likelihood, of resulting in a serious relationship.

Denominations, compatibility — and marry only in the Lord

• Now, when it comes to denominations and so on: obviously, we don't believe someone has to belong to the United Pentecostal Church, to be saved, or have a valid ministry. And therefore, we would not prohibit people dating from outside our church, specifically. However, we want to look at the purpose of marriage. So we want compatibility, in the important things of life: your goals, your values, your beliefs. And so, if there's a fundamental incompatibility — where you disagree on who God is, the nature of God; or you disagree on salvation, what it means to be saved; or you disagree on some basic choices of Christian life, the pursuit of holiness — which will in turn affect the choices you make for your home; it will affect the choices you make for your children; it will affect your choice of where you're going to go to church. So if we're dealing with fundamental beliefs — like who Jesus is, and is he the savior of the world; is his atonement necessary; the new birth experience; the pursuit of holiness — if, while two people may have some differences of theology, of course — but when it comes to your fundamental doctrines, that are going to affect how you raise your children, and where you go to church — then I would say: you should choose someone who shares your beliefs, who shares your values, and who shares your goals. And it would be better to be single, in the will of God, than to be married outside the will of God. Now, for people who've made wrong choices, or have gotten themselves into situations: God does value marriage. If there's any way to preserve that marriage, you should. We do not believe you should break up a marriage, because of incompatible beliefs. We believe you should strive — even if you have to not compromise your salvation, but make compromises in your personal life — to salvage, or preserve, or strengthen that marriage. Because, as I alluded to earlier, God can use those circumstances to lead your unsaved spouse, or to lead your children, into a godly relationship. So: if you have a choice, upfront — if you're a single adult — you should marry only in the church. And in fact, 1 Corinthians 7 (cited earlier), towards the end, when it talks about a spouse passing away, it says: yes, you can remarry — but only in the Lord. So that's the general principle: if you're single, you should marry only in the Lord.

Scripture index: 2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7; 1 Peter 3; Genesis 2:24.