The Building Blocks Of Relationships

if you don't mind standing I'll read a couple of verses here in a moment I will take just a quick moment to say that we're missing brother Williford who he and his wife are in North Carolina they were helping her mother sister Barnhill with some doctor's appointments Etc so they'll be winding their way back home and then brother Brad Delong is at the Missouri District hyphen retreat in his role as Missouri District secretary so I looked around the room and realized it was my turn to teach so here I am and what I've done is elicited some practical teaching from one of the letters from the Apostle Paul to the church and I think in light of our Fall Fest a couple of Sundays ago and our connect Sunday last week that perhaps this can be helpful it certainly complements the theme that we are under this particular year that of others so from First Peter chapter 3 just want to read a couple of verses 8 and 9. verse 8 starts finally all of you and I guess I can pause to point out there that none of us are excluded from this message tonight the Apostle Peter makes it clear all of you live in harmony with one another be sympathetic love as brothers be compassionate and humble do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing and I just want if you want to keep those couple verses open in your Bible throughout this session you're welcome to do that I'm just going to take these things that the Apostle Peter has pointed out one by one and examine them and if you need a little title we'll call it building blocks of relationships building blocks of relationships and you can be seated in Jesus name one of the things that you see in creation is that God loves diversity if you just give that a little bit of thought you can think of flowers and plants trees shrubs and how diverse they are same is true with animals Birds even insects some of us say wonder why God created insects but regardless he did and there are a wild variety of them I know Liam and I many times have been to the zoo and gone to the Insectarium if I'm saying that correctly and they are there believe me believe me Aquatic Life all of that there's such variety and then when it comes to the human race we're very much aware that no two humans are exactly alike we may have similarities but we're unique one and only we're all different I think it was either this morning or yesterday morning I forget which but my wife addressed me by the name Clement because apparently I was exuding characteristics of my father but even though I maybe like him I'm not him and the same is true for all of us we're Unique Individuals and even our personalities we may be in groups some of us more extroverted some of us more introverted and that kind of thing but we're all distinct in our personality but despite our diversity God wants us even directs us to get along as we read here in verse 8 through the Apostle Peter's pen live in harmony with each other and the word harmony if you want to do a little research even just simply Look up the definition that may help you but let me just offer this that it's the idea of agreement or Accord agreement or a court and maybe a good illustration can come from the music world if there's a Accord that is struck there are essentially three notes to that and they they harmonize and I don't want sister Christy Scott to think that her job as music director is in jeopardy but uh if this is this thing still on we'll find out in a minute won't we it's not what do I do what Sister Mariah is telling me oh thank you what do I do how come this isn't working in the old days a piano when you just hit the key it worked amen I heard an amen now we got all this electronic Gizmo blah blah blah oh sorry there you go so that that's the C note but all there's 80 is there 88 keys on this Christy is there any it's a full keyboard 88 keys all of them are different you got foreign the keys thank you Black Keys white keys they all uh have a different note different sound and a core like the C chords c e g those sound so wonderful don't they and d d as in David that's a perfectly good note but if you put it together with ah that doesn't go so well or if you add it to the e oh that sounds really bad and so the harmony comes with the notes rest so if I'm with a group of C's and G's I want to be in this little illustration the E right and you can all right that concludes our concert I do have CDs available out in the lobby after service but God wants us to live in harmony as it plainly states here in the Apostle Peter's writing and as the piano keys all 80 of them 88 of them have a distinct sound so we as humans were all distinct but yet we can and should live in harmony according to the scripture unfortunately the Apostle Peter offers us some insight on how we can do that and so switching analogies let's examine what I'm calling tonight building blocks of relationships if we will build these or include them into our lives uh the so-called clashes in our relationships can be greatly reduced I don't suggest that they'll go away entirely or completely but they can be reduced and you're going to find remarkable Improvement in your relationships I think with a spouse parents other family members co-workers even a boss friends Etc if we have these building blocks in our lives so let's look at them one by one from scripture here and as you noted I did read from The New International Version if you have a different version of the Bible it might have different wording here but I like this one because it gave clear English words that we could hang on to I think more easily so be sympathetic is the first thing that the Apostle Peter instructs us to live in harmony and so you could think of this in terms of well how do I go about doing that and here is what the scripture says one be sympathetic and what that means if you look at the Greek word it simply means a fellow feeling and so to sympathize with someone means that you understand their feelings you could suffer with someone be affected in a similar way that's what it means to sympathize be touched or moved especially within your feelings or emotions towards someone and oftentimes we think in terms of sympathy as being towards someone's plight I guess for obvious reasons but it's the harmony of agreement in feeling it can be between persons or one person could have it for another and vice versa but to Simply empathize simply means to understand and to affirm someone's feelings it's the idea that you're sensitive to others you don't belittle them you don't put them down you don't say that you shouldn't feel that way but you sympathize with them and validate or recognize their feelings I had this happen to me I guess confession is good for the soul just it was either this week or last week somebody was expressing some feelings about a certain situation and I didn't with my words explicitly downplay but uh I guess an effect I did because I started adding all kinds of ways to look at it in a different light from a different perspective and even offer some suggestions on how to handle it but I just kind of jumped over the fact that they truly felt that way this individual that was feeling it and I I wasn't necessarily feeling and I was looking for the solution and probably downplaying a little bit by implication at the very least and so we we do want to be careful about that sympathizing basically meets two human needs one two different degrees out throw that in different levels but all of us I think to some extent want to be understood and then we also want to know that our feelings are normal at least to some extent that we're not the only person that feels this way I remember years ago when Melody and I were first married we've been married I don't know a year or two perhaps we went to our very first Missouri District marriage retreat they just started them so I guess we have been married longer than a couple years if that was it but so maybe gracious maybe 10 years close to it we finally got counseling no I'm kidding but uh we went to it and and what was very this is kind of silly I guess looking back but it was a sincere thing for us it was very eye-opening to us to realize that the little irritations and disagreements just you know that come along in a marriage uh that we were normal that by hearing the teaching of of those that were brought in and by listening to the stories of others we found out while the details might be different that basically you know we all all kind of go through the same thing and it was kind of a relief to us to realize that that I guess we were so naive we thought we were the only ones in the world to experience any of those kinds of things but it was a helpful to us to they validated our feelings in the matter in certain situations and so we might have thoughts about our own feelings am I weird am I crazy uh am I losing it and all of that does anybody else feel this way and when you find someone who is sympathetic and can feel the way you feel it lets you know that you're understood and that your feelings are at least reasonable or are to put it this way you're not the only one to ever feel that way so what I'm pointing out here is not necessarily a matter of right or wrong it's just the idea or the recognition that feelings exist in certain situations and understandably so and uh by our sympathizing we're recognizing that in another person and even validating them and the Apostle Peter says that sympathy then is the first building block for us to live in harmony you understand where people are coming from as best you can their background their temperament their circumstances that have shaped them all of those things and clearly you don't learn that when you're first introduced to someone it takes time to build a relationship and that's uh the key to this that word relationship we're talking about knowing people over time and as you do that by showing sympathy it helps and so to ask the question how can we become sympathetic or even more sympathetic I would suggest right off from the writings of James that we use our ears more than our mouth James says in chapter 1 verse 19 be quick to listen slow to speak and so listening to someone is a great way to become more sympathetic to the feelings of another person because when you're listening what are you saying I care I'm interested I I think that you matter to me you're valuable and what you're saying is of worth and the opposite is also true if I won't even listen to you what am I saying at least implying I don't care I'm not interested go bother someone else I I just don't think what you have to say is worthwhile so when you listen to someone it speaks volumes to that individual in terms of your sympathy Stephen Covey it's been out years and years now wrote a book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and one of those seven habits that he offers is seek to understand before seeking to be understood and so you can clearly get the idea in listening to someone you're trying to understand their point of view or where they're coming from in a matter before you try to get across your point of view or what you have to think or say about something so if I understand why you do what you do uh ideally I'm probably going to cut you some more a little bit more slack than I might because I don't understand why you do what you do so it's very easy to be more accepting more accommodating when we know why others do what they do where they're coming from and so forth and you may not feel that way as the other person does but when you're sympathetic you don't belittle them you don't downgrade them you don't make fun of them ridicule their feelings their grief their emotions their doubts and so forth are their fears but sympathy is simply saying I understand that you genuinely feel this way and you're acknowledging that and so this is the first building block in harmonious relationships according to the word of God that we live in harmony and we be sympathetic with one another and throughout this I didn't provide any notes but if you are listing these on your own or just looking at the Bible and seeing it there after each one of these I'll ask you to in your own mind if you want to literally write it down you can but just grade yourself for a moment one through ten ten being the best one being the worst where would you rate yourself on sympathy or being sympathetic toward others or you attend a one somewhere in between and uh as again just in your own mind at the very least but if you're listing these you might even want to write that number out to the side for your own benefit then the the second building block is the scripture says love as brothers and I'll just generalize that and put it this way let's be loyal in living in harmony we want to be loyal with one another we get the word uh Philadelphia from the Greek word that means brotherly love and ironically over the years that particular City hasn't always been known for brotherly love but that's the Greek word that it comes from brotherly love and generally the concept of Brotherhood speaks of loyalty just the whole idea of of being in a group and obviously we're using the term brother But it includes all of humanity males and females so we do acknowledge that of course but it's that idea of being devoted to a relationship with someone else the attitude that we're all on the same team and I'm very thankful that here at APC I sense that more so than I don't since it that we're all on the same team same family we're in this together to do the work of the Lord not wanting to compete but we want to complement one another and you can use both words there the the complement with an i where we're sharing positive encouraging words complementing one another or complement with the E where we are completing and helping others in what they do so we complement each other we cooperate with each other and loyalty as we're calling it here loving the brothers Brotherhood is certainly uh important and another word for it probably is commitment if you're familiar in the Old Testament with the story of Ruth and Naomi you know that Naomi and her husband due to a famine left Israel to go to Moab to find I guess we could say employment we'll look at it that way the economy took a downturn in Israel so they moved found jobs Etc their two sons married moabite women and in the course of time Naomi's husband passed away and then both of her daughters-in-law lost their husbands and so Naomi was by herself essentially heard that things that improved in Israel decided she'd go back and Ruth and orpha the two daughters-in-law said they'd go with her but she stopped them and said look I'm going back as a widow I don't have anything in terms of inheritance to offer you I I can't speak for you vouch for you I I can't guarantee you a living there and it would just be best if you'd stay with your own people here in Moab and let me go back to my homeland well orpha the one daughter-in-law immediately accepted that went back to her Homeland but if you know the story I think it's in the first chapter of the book named Ruth it says that Ruth had a completely different reaction she said no I I'm going to remain loyal or committed to you Naoma and there's a beautiful passage of scripture there where she says your people will become my people your God will become my God I'm not going anywhere I'm staying with you and what a graphic illustration literal illustration of loyalty or commitment and we know that God honored Ruth for that as you read through that book so loyalty is very important in the building block of relationship those women two women maintained a extremely close relationship because of loyalty because of commitment obviously Naomi and orfa I presume didn't have anything to do with each other from that point on and lost contact altogether but the relationship between Naomi and Ruth was very strong because of loyalty so you see how important it is and in times of conflict it's very easy to focus on the problem and forget the value of a relationship whether that's a spouse or a parent or a child or friend or whomever and soon you can start seeing yourselves as enemies but loyalty says let's let's together focus on this problem and not attack each other or not destroy one another as it were so it's maybe a subtle shift in our thinking but it's one that can help balance a teetering relationship First Corinthians 13 7 and I I don't have any other scriptures on the screen but I've uh I think I confessed you that one time I got chastised by Audrey Bachmann for not giving references so I'm trying to do that first Corinthians 13 7 says that love or charity Bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things and the living Bible paraphrases that in part to say if you love someone you will be loyal to them no matter what the cost if you love someone you'll be loyal to them no matter what the cost so clearly loyalty is a very very important part of us living in harmony so again at the end of that I'll ask you in your own mind just rate yourself one through ten ten being the best one being the worst where would you put yourself on a scale for loyalty the next thing that the Apostle Peter says is to be compassionate you might think of this as good-heartedness or tenderheartedness and compassion I've heard it defined as this way I I wouldn't argue with you if you see it differently but compassion I've heard defined as Love In Action Love In Action sympathy understands someone's feelings and you often feel that as I noted earlier over someone's Misfortune but compassion is feeling sorrow for someone and is typically joined with a strong desire to help out to do something to change persons circumstances or to alleviate them in some degree and a couple of ways primarily that we show compassion in relationships the first is by what we say to other people our words and they do mean things don't they Ephesians 4 29 says speak what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen and so we could ask ourselves from that verse of scripture speak what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen we could ask ourselves does that verse characterize my speech does it characterize the words that I use do they build up do they make the other person feel good does it do they meet someone's needs and I'm not talking about just telling people what they want to hear but I hope you understand my spirit that we're not trying to destroy or tear down but build up or is our talk toxic does it uh you know drop verbal bombs that destroy people and so something for us to consider we can show compassion by the words that we say to each other and part of that is choosing I think the right time in the right place to say things you know there is a time there is a place to say things and typically that's if it's a private matter one-on-one and not in a public Arena but the other is in what we say and how we say it so when we say it where we say it how we say it and so forth is all very very important then the other way that we show compassion uh you looked ahead or thought ahead I'm sure and you're ahead of me and realize that that's the things that we do so things that we say can show compassion and then things that we do can show compassion here's what John wrote first John 3 18 First John 3 18 my little children let us not love in word or in tongue but in deed and in truth so yes say it but don't just say it demonstrate it by your Deeds is what the Apostle John is saying so compassion at least for the sake of this lesson is saying with our actions how can I make life easier for you or how can I help you how can I assist you and actually going to do something about that the parable of the Good Samaritan and I'm not going to relate that or go into it in fact that's your homework Amber you're always giving out homework you go read the parable of the Good Samaritan and before Sunday right okay and just study it out but it is all about relationships if you think of it that way it's specifically telling us about relationships and to love your neighbor and that's what that Parable is all about and it's compassion that the Samaritan had for the wounded man who had been attacked by thieves and so compassion is very vital as a building block in our relationships and to live in harmony so one more time I'll ask you to rate yourself one through ten where would you fall on that scale for compassion one through ten the other thing that the Apostle Peter mentions is that we should be humble be humble some measure of pride is usually involved in the weakening or destruction of a relationship that's kind of a blanket statement but I think if you think about it for a while it's borne out there's usually some measure of Pride when a relationship weakens or is actually destroyed that's involved Proverbs 13 10 says Pride only leads to Strife contention and quarrels so that's what Pride does the opposite of that is humility and what that is how it manifests itself in relationships there are different ways that we could describe it I'll say it this way for our sakes tonight that humility is being honest about our weaknesses our needs and our failures that's humility it's not assuming that I know it all not assuming that I understand everything it's being willing to admit a mistake I thought of the young son who this is from Luke's gospel that got his inheritance from his dad early and and went to a foreign country and spent all the money and there was a again a downturn in the economy if I could say it that way and he was broke he was slopping pigs for a living and realized there that servants back in Dad's house were better off than him but in order for him to go back to his dad it took some humility he had to Humble himself and go back to his father and admit I made a great error in judgment horrible mistake should have never left should have never squandered my inheritance and here I am having to come back and face this you know there are some people that because of Pride never would have gone home some people would not have gone back there and admitted to their dad that that I messed up but obviously he was so destitute I'm sure that drove it into a great degree but even in that great destitution I I don't doubt for a moment that there's at least someone out there that would have said no way in the world am I going back to admit to Dad that I made a mistake and didn't do what I could have done or should have done so humility enables us to say some humbling things I need your help that's not always the easiest thing to say because it makes us vulnerable when you say I I need help I'm struggling I'm weak here and I really need your help when when you say I'm wrong and difficult I'm wrong but that's what humility involves saying something like forgive me I mentioned earlier that I downplayed someone's legitimate feelings this week or last I forget and I apologize I ask please forgive me I realize I I didn't treat that right or com as I should have and so it's not easy to do but humility is a primary building block in our relationships and goes a long long way to helping us live in harmony which God wants us to do so one more time rate yourself there with humility one through ten and give yourself a number on where you think you would rate and then the last one that is here in these verses is to do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult is the way the scripture reads I'm going to generalize that one too and say be merciful don't repay evil with evil or insult with insult but be merciful and this is kind of a a turn of a coin from uh humility humility is typically shown by the offender someone that's done wrong at least one that's sorry and mercy is the response of the offended person if you're offended you typically are the one that is going to be showing mercy and it means to give more kindness than Justice demands you might be within your right to demand punishment or or something to that effect but Mercy says even though you deserve it I'm going to forgive you I'm going to show compassion and not repay evil with evil or insult with insult so when I'm hurt or ill-treated I have a choice as to how I react and we all do when we're hurt or offended we have that choice and in simple terms I can either seek retribution I am going to get even and we do that sometimes playfully but on a serious note that's something we could do or we could seek resolution and figure this out I'm offended or I've offended you and we're going to try to figure this out so that's in simplest terms that I know the choices that we have when we're offended we either seek retribution to to pay evil for evil or insult for insult or we can seek resolution and show mercy and move on with the relationship to live in harmony calls for showing Mercy to those that wronged me in First Peter 3 9 which I've read to you let me read it to you in another translation it says never pay back one wrong with another or pay an angry word with another one instead pay back with a blessing so that you inherit a blessing yourself and maybe if I can use the word classic the classic example of that is Joseph in Egypt uh just briefly his story involved mistreatment by his brothers he ended up a slave in Egypt and then falsely accused and imprisoned but at the end of it all he was in a position of authority in Egypt and when his brothers not knowing it was him came before him he had the right and the authority to punish them to take it out on them but if you read that story in Genesis you know that Joseph chose to show Mercy to his brothers in Egypt and rather than get even or pay them back he said I'm going to show mercy and of course he had the big picture of God's will in mind as to say saving the nation of Israel as it was at that time but even there had to be some personal aspect something within that man he was human he had to think I remember being lowered in that pit I remember being abandoned I remember screaming and hollering and asking my brothers why are you doing this to me I remember being sold they got money for me as they sold me to some Merchants I remember being falsely accused and while that might have been directly connected to my brothers it was indirectly because they got me here falsely accused in a prison and all those kinds of you know he was human that had to be roiling in his Spirit as they were there before him having come looking for food during the famine and it must have taken everything within his power to show in fact if I remember reading correctly he even left the room for a little bit and I think he cried but who knows what else he did might have kicked some walls too or something but he decided made the choice the conscious choice to show mercy and what a difference that made in their relationship so living in Harmony and certainly having Mercy is a big part of that merciful being merciful I guess to some extent is the opposite of the way we think uh we we kind of think get even don't we we kind of think let's uh get back at somebody but remember God's ways are not our ways right God's ways are not our ways Colossians 3 13 tells us to forgive each other when there is a grievance or a quarrel specifically it says to forgive as the Lord forgave you so they'll actually find that word I know it's in the King James uh the word quarrel is there anytime there's a quarrel it specifically directs us to forgive one another and to do so in the same manner that the Lord has forgiven us so all the little things all the big things everything we're being called on by God to forgive one another and it's a little easy to forgive I think when I remember how much God's forgiven me uh I won't go into details but suffice it to say in my having been brought up in the church in my early teens I made some choices that took me far far away from God and a rather spiritually destitute situation and when I just think a little bit just just on the surface of of what he showed me in terms of Mercy not just once but again and again and again when I put that in my mind or keep that in my mind if someone crosses my path or offends me in light of that I don't have a choice but to forgive when I think about what he's done for me I mean again like Joseph as I was trying to illustrate it might be in my spirit to say I'm going to get you you know and hate it and be kicking walls and everything else in private but uh if I'm gonna accept God's Great forgiveness how can I do otherwise when it comes to forgiving and so it's very very important First Corinthians 13 5 says that love and we know God is love love keeps no record of wrongs no record of wrongs now we do about the opposite right we keep records we categorize we catalog we date them and we have them on file where we can pull them out when something triggers it but every wrong named and cataloged and ready to pull out at the right moment is not God's way the scripture says in Isaiah he cast all of our sins behind his back in Psalms it says as far as the East is from the West that's how far he removes our transgressions from us Micah says that he cast all our sins into the depths of the sea and every one of those illustrations has given you an idea that you're forgiven and is forgotten out of view out of sight no longer held against you and that's love God is love it keeps no record of wrongs and so it's not God's way to do that Christians as Christians we have to learn forgiveness we have to learn to offer Mercy as God has forgiven each of us and I think it's worth noting that forgiveness is not a one-time lesson is it but we have to learn it over and over and over again that's why Jesus told the Apostle Peter when he said Lord how often should I forgive seven times that's pretty good no 70 times seven God knowing that we as humans have to learn that process go through it again and again and again and it's something that we keep learning and keep offering so Mercy is essential it's an essential com component to building relationships and for this final one I'll ask you one more time just in your mind your spirit where would you rate yourself one through ten when it comes to being merciful toward others and I guess that's specifically referencing when you are offended by someone else where would you rate yourself in closing these building blocks that the Apostle Peter has offered they do stack up to what I'll call greater or growing maturity when you you know seek to live in harmony and use these qualities or characteristics specifically and I'm sure there's other things that we could throw in the mix but I was just limiting myself to these two verses all of that adds to a greater or a growing maturity in our lives and one mark of emotional and spiritual maturity is when you're concerned for others is greater than your concern for yourself and we're by Nature we look out for number one don't we that's just how we're wired humanly but when we can find ourselves being more concerned about others than we are ourselves that's a pretty good indication that we're maturing that we're growing up emotionally and that the less selfish you are the more mature you are and I wanted to reiterate the verses that we've heard so many times Philippians 2 verses 3 and 4. it's our theme others and it's uh the one the two verses that Pastor Brad has chosen to epitomize this theme and uh verse that I save verse 3 says let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit this is the new King James let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit but in lowliness of Mind Let each esteem others better than himself and that's not always the natural thing to do let each of you look not only for his own interest which comes naturally but also for the interest of others and I like the way that's worded it's not saying forget about your own interests But be sure that it's not only your interests that you're concerned about be interested or concerned about the things of others and so when we can say and I would offer that maybe that whole process is three steps forward two steps back it's a learning process all through our lives of trying to get there but the good news is that when you find yourself being more interested or concerned about others and yourself that that's a little Mark you can say hey I'm improving I'm getting better I'm maturing I'm growing and it's an indication and so putting these building blocks that the Apostle Peter has given us in place will lead to maturity in our relationships God has made all of us differently and guess what he did that on purpose he made each of us unique each of us one and only he's done that on purpose and he's designed things so that we need each other we need one another certainly and he wants us to use our differences to enrich one another not divide us to enrich us not divide us and so think of it that way living in harmony like those that ceg that I just hit earlier uh three different notes but they blend they harmonize and we have uh difference in personalities temperaments talents skills all that business but uh we can harmonize we can blend we can work together and God wants that he's made us different but wants us to live in harmony and the book of Ephesians says that his design for us to use this knowledge of a building is that we be fitly framed together and how valuable I'm not a builder but I know enough to know that it's important for a building to be fitly framed together if it's going to hold all the trusses and walls and everything else that goes to it it has to be fitly framed together to stand and that's what the book of Ephesians uses as an analogy for us that we be fitly framed together in Christ Living In Harmony as the Apostle Peter put it so in summary here are these building blocks sympathy loyalty compassion humility and mercy and maybe you could revisit these verses on your own in prayer or at least reflection and look at those grades that you gave yourself even if it's just in your mind and see what you can do toward helping yourself and thereby helping all of us to live in harmony one with another if you would uh stand and once you've done that I'm going to ask you to conclude this message McGuire is going to come back with a few more things but would you just conclude this session with prayer and open your heart to the Lord and ask his guidance Lord we appreciate so much your closeness to us your love for us thank you for the word of God that talks to us about these important matters of our relationships and we thank you for what the Apostle Peter was inspired to write and leave for us and these are things that we want to Aspire to we ask that you would help us as individuals and that will of course will help us collectively as a local church in our families as well and co-workers in every aspect of life so help us Lord none of us is perfect none of us would claim that tonight but we're just humbly looking to you asking for anointing and strength and blessing empowerment and that you would do these things for us that we might glorify you and do your will we ask these things in Jesus name and everyone said amen amen God bless you