Connections Series: Barriers

it was a couple of weeks ago on the 5th that we launched into a series to explore one of our five core values and that of connection if you've been here the last couple Wednesdays you're up to date but on that first Wednesday brother Williford got us going and uh tonight I have been assigned a topic by Pastor dong and by the way he and his family are enjoying some RNR on spring break with the kids being out of school but he will will be back with us and preaching this Sunday so keep him and his family in your prayer

while they're away and then as he prepares to preach for us on Sunday but he assigned me uh this topic uh barriers to connection barriers to connection and I got to think and I hope that doesn't indicate that I can teach from experience because I am a barrier to communication or connection I should say uh but this is what he gave me so I'm going to give it the old College try tonight and if you'll recall a couple weeks ago brother willford introduced this series by reading to us from Ephesians chapter 4 and I wanted

to revisit those verses uh the first three for tonight Ephesians chapter 4 and verse one Paul is writing to the church uh Believers and he says as a prisoner for the Lord then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received live a life worthy of the calling you have received verse two be completely humble and gentle be patient bearing with one another in love and then verse three make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace and as brother wiford pointed out a couple of

weeks ago and as you can tell from my reading this these are characteristics that we are called upon as followers of Christ to possess and exhibit IIT as we live a life worthy of the calling that we have received and there are a few specifically listed here uh that were examined and sometimes it does help us to look at the negative side of a subject in order to better appreciate the positive aspect of it and that's essentially what we're going to do tonight in talking about barriers to connection I don't want this to

strike a negative tone but again sometimes it helps us to flip to the other side and and see it from that standpoint and so clearly the opposite of connection or core value is disconnection that's something we don't want but by giving a little bit of thought tonight perhaps it will help us to be better connected and to uphold this core value of the church I think you could agree that a primary cause of disconnection in relationships is offenses I offend you you offend me we all know what it's like to have our feelings

hurt we all know what it's like to be wronged in some way and wouldn't it be nice if we could just become offense proof I wish it were true um but I if you found the formula please share it with me but I I don't know of one it's just a fact of life and a fundamental principle in living for God this is what's crucial for us to catch a fundamental principle and living for God is how do we deal with offenses they're going to come so what do you do when the actions of others wreck your plans what do you do when the actions

of others upset you or offend you in some way thankfully the Bible teaches us how to deal with offenses and how to survive the many disappointments in life and the painful experiences that come our way so to begin that's the foundation I want to lay and just point out the obvious that offenses are inevitable offenses are going to happen uh they are just unavoidable Jesus said in Luke 171 he was talking to his disciples so we can take it to heart tonight he said it is impossible that no offenses should come so there

are the words of Jesus he said it's going to happen there are going to be sins committed things are going to be done wrong you're going to be offended and then he adds in that same verse and this is kind of uh eye openening to me it says but woe to him through whom they do come woe to him through whom they do come and that to me is a motivation to do everything within my power to avoid being offensive now I know I've offended people in my lifetime and if God lets me live a while I'll probably do it again hopefully it's

unintentionally versus intentionally but it really motivates me to avoid being offensive because woe to him through him they do come and a couple of things that I believe would help us uh to avoid being a offenses or offensive or at least to help motivate us one is in Proverbs 18:19 the scripture says a brother offended a brother offended is harder to win than a strong City and contentions are like the bars of a castle and so if we can bear in mind that when someone is offended or when there are contentions uh that

it's really difficult to get past that and to repair things and it's really a tough situation if we can bear that in mind it can be a cause for us to do everything in our power to avoid being an offense in the first place because once a person is offended according to this proverb uh it it's harder to win somebody back than to overtake a strong City and contentions are like the bars of a castle so just keeping that proverb alone in mind can be a motivation for us and then there's a directive in Romans 1419 that says

therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another so there God is directing us do what you can do to make peace and to edify and that too can be a motivation for us to avoid being offensive and of course many offenses stem from relationships with people maybe I wouldn't say all but I guess majority I would think just off top of my head uh they stem from relationship with people and situations involving them and it comes from all aspects of Life there can be offenses

with people at home on the job uh at school if you are in school and certainly there can be offenses within the church I wish that that wasn't so but uh it's a reality people let us down uh people prove unreliable and it can be offensive uh there are times when people don't appreciate when you have done something for them and that can bother you people can tell you one thing and then do another that can really get you can it they can hurt you uh intentionally or unintentionally they can break a promise uh there can

be a misunderstanding that brings disappointment and offense and these are just examples that potentially bring offense in relationships and some are major some are minor I recognize that uh but their disappointments and offenses potentially all the same and so as a result of that being possible offenses coming in relationships and situations with people uh we've got to carefully Monitor and guard against uh our or guard ourselves I should say concerning the handling of offenses against us and I I I'll repeat that we've

got to carefully Monitor and guard ourselves concerning the handling of offenses against us if someone trespasses against us uh does something to offend us then we are to address it according to the words of Jesus Luke chap 17 and I'm 99% sure that this was referenced last Wednesday but Luke chapter 17 uh Jesus says in verses 3 and four take heed to yourselves if your brother sins against you rebuke him that might excite some of you right oh I get to rebuke uh I'll just say talk to them how's that uh if your brother

sins against you rebuke him and if he repents forgive him and verse four and if he sins against you seven times in a day I now you're thinking what's wrong with these people right seven times in a day and seven times in a day he returns to you saying I Repent you shall forgive him those are the words of Jesus Christ so if we are offended uh we are told by if we're offended by a brother or sister we are to uh talk to that person because sometimes they don't even know they offend you especially if it's unintentionally

right they don't even have a clue so we're to talk to them and if they repent if they apologize if they're sorry you forgive them and that should be the end of it in the words of Jesus and he goes on to say that this isn't just a one-time deal but in his example if it happens seven times in a day and each of the seven times the person says I Repent I'm sorry I apologize you forgive them each time and so always you do that and that is the Crux of course of last week's lesson if you didn't get to hear it it should be

archived for you from Pastor dong he talked explicitly about forgiveness but if we're going to comply with what I just read from Jesus I think you'll agree that takes some spiritual maturity if we if we pull that off uh you know we we've grown some we're down the road in our walk with God some ways if we can do that it calls for us to lay aside human rivalries and strivings it calls for us to let go of a a selfish Focus or a self-centeredness and to rather Center on the will of God or I'll even say the kingdom of God

and its principles and even the pressing needs of others it really does take uh a maturity on our part uh to do those things when we are offended and in last week's lesson we talked about forgiveness and how it's uh our part to be involved in that it's our place to be involved in that and so the opposite in in our lesson tonight I'm just flipping these around the opposite of course of forgiveness is unforgiveness unforgiveness and that is a barrier to connection if I won't forgive you we've got a barrier between us

in our relationship and anytime we're offended it has to be processed okay we're not robots uh it's only natural to react it's only natural to feel and to do something with an offense when it it comes but uh we're going to recognize that and the length of time that we process varies I I'd say it this way if you are a person who could be called an overthinker or if you're a person who doesn't give something much of a second thought uh in those two broad categories I think you can see who's going to take a little longer

to process an offense right the overthinker and I won't ask you to raise your hand but uh that's just you know we're we're different personalities and so forth and backgrounds and experience es and so we're going to process that uh and I would say this that we've got to be considerate of the different ways of processing if if you're one that really takes a while to think it through and consider and talk it out and and Wade through it and I'm one of these guys that just says Ah we're done let's go I've got to be considerate

of your processing and then on the flip side you can't get mad at me for forgetting it so easily because uh I'm just that way and so we you got to be considered of me too so it goes both ways I had a this was a a little humorous example I won't call her name but I've got a former Bible quizzer that uh calls me her adopted grandfather and it's been I don't know two years ago or so uh there I think it was a photograph or something I made some little comment to her about it and in my teasing way and she knows I'm that

way but uh it didn't set well with her she she shot back with a comment that you know my eyes kind of went opened up and my eyebrows and so whoa just a minute here you know so but I I you know I AP oliz and we we got talked it out through and then uh because I I'm in that category of being a little bit of an overthinker if if you don't know that um I I was a little bit sensitive about it because number one I hate to offend anybody I really don't want to and uh also I I didn't want to do something similar or the same

with her again so I was a little sensitive and I don't know it was months to a year I made some kind of passing reference to it and she said you're still thinking about that she text she was in a text and she said that was l n g g g g g long forgotten she she's one of those people that I mean it's just it's over it's done she never gave it a second thought and I'm oh god what have I done you know but and it wasn't anything it was minor but uh just an example that we have different ways of processing these things and

we need to be considerate of them and here's the key to the process is it out of control or in control if you're processing by screaming and kicking and yelling and throwing tables over and plotting revenge and uh trying to slander people and sew Discord even if it's in a passive aggressive way I would say that's an out- of Control process but in control means that you you take the offense you pray about it you look for appropriate scriptures to to read and process in your mind you you exhibit some self-control if you

need to counsel with a third party you do that as an Arbiter uh and that to me is processing it under control so you're going to process an offense but it's got to be under control versus out of control and uh thankfully we've got more than psychology or willpower when it comes to offenses we do have something called the Holy Ghost which is power from on high and if we'll rely on the spirit we can be helped in these matters uh to come to the correct conclusion and realization in our relationship so thank God there's

more to it than psychology and willpower there's holy ghost power that we have available to us now holding a grudge and talking about unforgiveness uh really is just a refusal to forgive if I'm holding a grudge it means I haven't forgiven you for something you've done and that obviously is going to hinder connection it's going to hinder unity and when you're offended and again this varies from person to person but there's kind of a tendency to go over and over and over it in your mind isn't there seemingly uh every

time you rehearse the herd it gets bigger I hate that but it seems to be the case and it gets blown out of portion and uh the effects of it on you it taints your Viewpoint colors your outlook and it's really dangerous because if you're not careful your whole life can be consumed with an offense if if it's not dealt with if it's not handled your whole life can be consumed with it and this is where uh what Pastor dong talked about last week bitterness sets in if you're holding a grudge and just won't uh reconcile at all

bitterness can set in and when you nurse The Grudge and harbor hurt uh it becomes bitter it's like a poison really that makes you ill it can do it physically emotionally and certainly spiritually if if you're Haring hurt within and not letting it go and you can be resistant to reconciliation and connection but here's the Bible's message in Ephesians 4:31 and again I emphasize we've got the power of the Holy Ghost even because this is easier said than done for us in our Humanity but we've got the power of the Holy Ghost

Paul says Ephesians 4:31 let all bitterness and you might say here's his it's cohorts bitterness wrath anger clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice Paul is saying I I'll give you the reav version get rid of it uproot it and the sooner the better and again don't discount the power of the Holy Ghost in that it's not just willpower but there's power from on high that can help us put away all those things as the scripture directs us to do Leviticus 19 and verse 18 from the Old Testament obviously

sayso not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people but love your neighbor as yourself that's worth repeating do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people and obviously the implication is because you've been offended but love your neighbor as yourself I am the Lord holding a grudge if you think about it it kind of sets us up as judge and jury doesn't it uh it allows us to be the one who determines whether a person's wrong uh should be forgiven or not when we uh do that but that last

sentence of the verse I don't know if it was uh put in there as a subtle message or a direct message but it says I am the Lord It's almost like God's reminding us that's my job you don't hold a grudge you don't seek revenge you just leave it in my hands and let me take care of it I am the Lord and forgiveness really you could look at it this way it's a choice to trust God rather than ourselves with the outcome of an offense forgiveness is a choice to trust God with the outcome of an offense uh rather than ourselves

if there's going to be punishment if there's going to be restitution if there's going to be forgiveness leave all that in the hands of God you just do your part love your neighbor as yourself and a classic example of is found in the Old Testament with Joseph and his brothers I'm going to take advantage I think of your Bible knowledge and not go over it in detail but suffice it to say Joseph one of the sons of Jacob was mistreated betrayed by his Brethren uh they made their father Jacob think that Joseph was dead uh

when they had actually sold him into slavery and through a series of circumstances uh Joseph ends up second in command in Egypt he's over all of the distribution of food uh during a famine so Jacob sends his sons there to to get food and they end up standing before Joseph not knowing that's him their brother whom they had mistreated so much and betrayed and Joseph A little later in the uh exchange they went back and forth some but a little later when Joseph's identity was revealed it was a crucial moment Joseph if he

had been unforgiving it would have been a barrier to connection if he had taken it out on his brothers if he had said this is my chance to get even you deserve this and they probably did had that been his Outlook uh it would have been a barrier to connection but instead he forgave them and look what happened if you read the quote unquote rest of the story if you note that uh his family was reunited on the basis of forgiveness so it was a barrier to connection to be unforgiving but when he chose to forgive it opened

the door and the family was reunited Jacob and the household ended up in Egypt they were spared through the famine and and on and on it goes if you read the Old Testament so it was very very important that he forgive uh how linday Dr how linday made this statement for me to fail to forgive myself or anyone else who has offended me is to imply that I have a higher standard of forgiveness than God because whatever it is that has so hurt me that I can't forgive it God already has and I found that to be a very insightful

state statement from Dr Hal Lindsay then looking at the rest of these verses from Ephesians 4 that were addressed a couple of weeks ago uh we're told to be humble so again I'm just flipping these around uh the opposite of humility is pride so pride is a barrier to connection Pride puts us at the center of the universe if you will It's All About Me Myself and I right if I'm proud uh it can ruin relationships Pride can ruin relationships and isolate us from people which is the opposite of what God wants for his body he

want that's why we have the core value of connection he wants us to be together but Pride can separate it can make us less apt to listen to people if we're proud or be open to advice uh it can also make us less apt to help others through service and volunteering I was thinking of the parable of the Good Samaritan the levite and priest that wouldn't give the man who had been attacked by thieves a time of day basically it was because of their pride they thought well I'm too good for you I don't have time for you and they

wouldn't serve or volunteer to help because of their pride and it can do that so in short Pride does disconnect us as a body versus connecting us in the church and perhaps the greatest example of this is seen uh in the Tower of Babel if you know that story in Genesis uh they unified and they were going to build this tower out of Pride and self-interest and basically say we're better better or greater than God but God did what he disconnected them if you will by giving them different languages that they couldn't understand

and I know that an analogy breaks down at at some point but I I think I can at least make the point uh from that experience that Pride causes us to scatter we end up going different ways uh because of Pride Philippians 2 verse3 says do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but humility consider others better than yourselves each of you should look not only to your own interest but also to the interests of others I remember reading that as a teenager and it blew my mind because it sounded like I was supposed

to be a busy body sticking my nose in everybody's business but that's not of course what it means just don't think about yourself as what Paul's saying but think of others and what their needs are and so recognize that pride is a barrier to connection and then also in Ephesians 4 we're told to be gentle so flip that around and we have harshness as a barrier to connection or Unity Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stir up anger and this proverb is highlighting the relational consequences

of harshness and suggesting that it could escalate conflict and even create Discord if I give you a gentle response a gentle answer that has one effect on you but if I do so harshly that has another effect which is negative and we're called to be gentle compassionate and I know for the men in the room that might not sound so manly but uh this is what God wants out of us and I I think there can be I'll say a a masculine gentleness and compassion as God has created us but uh we are called to be that and so harshness is

contrary to these qualities and and they disunite us if that's right is that a word disunite anyway we're not together how's that but uh it's certainly something that will hinder Harmony and if I stay with that analogy it'll get us off key and out of sink right everything will be wrong then Ephesians 4 tells us that we are to be patient turn that around and you have impatience that's a barrier to our connection or Unity Jesus told this Parable in Luke 13 He said a man had a fig tree planted in a Vineyard and he went

to look for fruit on it but didn't find any so he said to the man who took care of the vineyard for three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any cut it down why should it use up the soil so the man replied leave it alone for one more year I'll dig around it I'll fertilize it if it bears fruit next year fine if not then cut it down and in this Parable uh giving up on the tree through impatience uh would have destroyed it and I I realize I might be taking a little bit Liberty

with this Parable I don't mean to to torture it but I I think I can make a little point from here that uh when we are impatient with each other our faults and our failings it disconnects us instead of unifying us when that tree wasn't giving the fruit that the owner wanted he was done with it and he said let's te it down let's get rid of it and through that impatience and unwilling to keep try unwillingness to keep trying uh he wasn't going to have a tree at all it be destroyed and likewise uh through our impatience

uh we can disconnect we can find ourselves not in unity because impatience can cause us to give up on each other sooner than we need to it can cause us to walk away from one another just because we're impatient and maybe someone's not doing something quickly enough or uh fast enough for our desires and so we certainly want to keep in mind that impatience is a barrier to connection and then also in Ephesians 4 We're told to bear with one another in love and I guess there's different words that we could use there I I

chose the word intolerance to be the barrier to communication uh if we're intolerant with each other when we do not in love put up with each other's sins and I I'll inject here I'm not saying that that sin should be be overlooked or that sin should be excused it it does need to be judged but thanks be to God it's judged right there on the cross amen so I'm not saying that and I'm not saying there aren't consequences to sin and I'm not saying we can't uh judge in certain situations but if we don't in love put up with

the fact that we're all Sinners and come short of the glory of God that that's going to disconnect us rather than connect us if we don't in love put up with each other's faults uh oh with each other's weaknesses uh shall I say with each other's annoying habits uh even minor acts of rudeness if we don't put up with some of that we can find all kinds of reasons to walk away I I didn't forewarn my wife of this but I thought earlier tonight in 40 plus years of marriage if melody was looking for a reason to leave me she

could find it but I'm convinced she loves me she puts up with some stuff because she loves me I'm not perfect you aren't either so quit smirking out there but you know what I'm saying you know we we put up with in love that's what the Apostle Paul is saying bearing one another in love none of us is perfect and you just got to put up with some things that doesn't mean the other person shouldn't try to improve and get better and if you talk about it and say oh I didn't realize I was doing that or not doing this and all

that you know there's ways to improve and get better but in the end of the day you kind of just have to put up with some things in love and that's what the Apostle Paul is saying we here in the church none of us is perfect we're never going to be a perfect Church church what do they say if you find a perfect Church don't join it because all of a sudden it's not perfect right so you know we're not going to be a perfect Church you're not going to find one and so we we learn in love and I keep emphasizing because that's

the basis for it all the foundation in love uh we forbear we bear with one another when we don't accept that we're at different stages in our spiritual journey that can drive us apart uh we could even run the risk of having little factions like they did in the days of Christ Pharisees and Sadducees thinking we're better than you and we know more than you and all that kind of thing so we need to accept that we're on different stages of our spiritual journey and when we're unreceptive to each other it naturally uh repels

or pushes away instead of draws us together or or uh brings us together when we disapprove of each other's Heritage and background that detaches us from each other right when we disapprove of each other's Heritage and background so what connects us is acceptance approval and agreement those are the things that will connect us so these are barriers to connection and as I say I didn't want this to strike a negative tone but uh hopefully this is uh the approach I was asked to take hopefully looking at the negative side

of these issues can help us be more alert so in closing let me go back to Ephesians 4 uh verse three this time it says make every effort make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace and in the context of tonight's lesson on barriers to connection or Unity make every effort means that we must be on guard against these barriers uh it was the Apostle Peter who wrote to the church be sober be vigilant because your adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring Lon seeking whom he may devour

and uh without doing Injustice to the scripture I think we could uh say it in this way for tonight's lesson be sober be dilligent because there are barriers to connection we're saying as a church that we value connection and so we need to be alert to the fact that there are barriers to connection we need to be alert to unforgiveness within ourselves alert to Pride when it tries to rise up we need to be alert to harshness we need to be alert to impatience patience and alert to intolerance and those are just some of the

barriers not an exhaustive list by any means but they are barriers and we need to be sober Vigilant on guard alert uh to the fact that they exist and anytime we start to see them we want to address them and make sure that we're knocking down the barriers and getting them out of the way so we can have the connection that God wants us to have first and foremost but the connection that I believe we want too we want to have that connection so if we're going to see our core value of connection on display in here at APC uh

note this it's not going to happen automatically because we're human all right it's not going to just you know oh yeah that's the way we are we're human and so it's going to take work if we're connected if we're United we're going to have to work at it and that's what the Apostle Paul was saying make every effort you didn't know you were getting a homework assignment did you but you are make every effort a keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace and in closing in Ephesians chapter 4 verse two says always

be humble and gentle be patient with each other making allowance for each other's faults because of your love in verse three make every effort to keep yourselves United in the spirit binding yourselves together with peace that's the New Living Translation if you like to read it on your own later but always be humble and gentle be patient with each other making allowance for each other's faults because of your love make every effort to keep yourselves United in the spirit binding yourselves together with peace and then

Ephesians 4:4 and uh this is from The Message Bible it says you were all called to travel on the same road we're all on the straight and narrow away right that leadth to life he says you're all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction so stay together both outwardly and inwardly we're called to travel on the same road in the same direction so stay together both outwardly and inwardly and may God let it be so here at APC and may He help us to both cherish and facilitate this core value of connection

stand with me if you would and I'm so thankful for the body of Christ as I'm sure you are too and I'm thankful for my Heritage here at this local church I I don't deserve it but I am very very grateful deeply appreciative to have been a part of this church all my life and I I I thank God I'm here on a pass I know that and I thank God for you and I realize that leaders come and go in the course of Life saints come and go but I'm so thankful that there is a church and that we're a part of it tonight and that we value

this connection and I know God's going to help us as we put forth the effort in his grace and in his power so if you would uh lift your hands Heaven one and let's just thank him for the body of Christ and ask him humbly to help us be what he wants us to be Lord I Thank you so much for your Supernatural power that has redeemed us brought us from all walk of Life called from Darkness into Marvelous Light I celebrate that tonight and I thank you for the body of Christ the members that are here this evening and and all

the ones connected to this local church thank you that we have it thank you for the directive that we would be United thank you for the core value of connection we do cherish and treasure it and help us Lord to live it out by your power and Grace give us your anointing give us your strength give us your Insight give us your word Lord and the leadership that we need to be able to please you in this regard I ask that you would do these things in the precious name of Jesus Christ and everyone said amen amen